"Can I buy you a drink?"

I thank the hand full of them who come up to me only to be shot down bitterly because they break my mind away from going over the horrors that putting behind me is simply impossible to do.

(there just is too much goddamn blood to wash away)

"I'd rather you didn't."

Not once did I look up and look at who ever was trying to ooze charm in my direction instead I kept both eyes on the drink that seemed to be my only companion for these last few months.

(never truly hurting me as much as he did)

Each night played out the very same, mind fuzzy and belly warm from the scotch that helps numb me (and keep away the monsters), when I finally sobered up my sleep and dreamland was filled with nothing but Henry Dunn.

Those eyes looking through me like they did from day one, back when I loved him more than anyone (even Jimmy couldn't outdo him in my book), but this time a new smile lines his face, one that is covered in blood.

Now every memory with him, before he decided it was time to rip out my heart and watch me bleed, good and bad brought nothing but pain my own and those he took with his own hands.

(all in my name)

'I did it all for you, Abby, they all are rotting because of you'

Always ending with a scream, so many now that my throats raw and I couldn't speak when it truly mattered, and Henry's face fading from my eyes when I wake and realize that it is over.

(and now know that it will never be really over, he'll always be there waiting for me in my nightmares)

"How are you doing?"

(those words were starting to blur together into millions of voices)

Once a month we took one day to meet, the only two people that left the island with their lives intact, and it always started the same.

"As well as I can be, Shea. Enough about me, how are you guys doing?"

And each time it was the same answer, one that wasn't said out loud but didn't need to be, that we're never going to fine from now until the day we die.

(and it didn't help that I already died back on the island with everyone I claimed to love)

"We're coping, it's hard but we have each other to make it through the rough parts. You really should come stay with us, it doesn't have be for long, Abby, please?"

I flinched when she grabbed my hands, seeing so much love for a stranger in her eyes, it had been so long since another person had touched me since all the people I had in the world had burned away.

(ripped away by the hands of a friend, of a brother)

"Shea, I'm fine by myself, but thank you for caring."

It was just another lie to make it through the day, 'I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm not losing it', so I wouldn't have to look at the pair of them and feel responsible for their loss.

(when I knew it was my fault for each drop of spilled blood)

"May I buy you a drink, Abby? We really should catch up."

(that voice, one from both my childhood and my nightmares, was haunting me)

The first time I looked up, expecting another guy with charm oozing from his pores, a scream catch in my throat when I saw that smile staring down at me.

"H-Henry, you can't be here, it's not possible."

My drink came shattering to the ground, everyone else was gone and it was just me and my boogeyman, and I was up backing away from him praying to god that I could just wake the fuck up.

"Yet here I am, Abs, and I came just for you so how about a hug for your best friend in the whole world?"

It was like my whole body was frozen in place so running was out of the question, my dreams were taking control of me and they wanted me to stay around and suffer.

(sit and watch as he smiled at me as a friend then slowly turned into a monster)

"Stay the hell away from me. I killed you, stabbed you, you're dead."

Even now I could feel his warm blood on my hands, flashing back to the girl going to her best friend's wedding innocent, unknowing, as she hugged him tight with a wide smile, and see the light going out of his eyes.

(knowing that those last words 'I love you' were felt back no matter how much I tried to stop them)

"Now, Abby, that's no way to talk to your brother, we're blood and since we are going to spend all our years together we shouldn't talk to each other like that, now how about a kiss?"

I woke, scream barely escaping and eyes shooting open, but instead of being alone (my nightmare finally leaving me be) I felt a pair of familiar hands clamping down on me.

(hands that I once took hold of with shining teeth and so much goddamn love)

"Abby, my Abby, you were dreaming of me weren't you and screaming like I was burning you alive, why? Do you hate me so much?"

This time I wasn't waking up, those eyes locked on me in the darkness were the real thing (no blood dripping from every part of him), and my screams could no longer help me.

(only prove that all the pinching in the world couldn't save me now)

"You can't me here, you're dead and buried, six feet in the fucking ground, and you're not real!"

I tried to escape but already he had me in his grasp, the tight grip making it all the more real, and fighting it wasn't going do me any good.

"I didn't die, it wasn't my time to go, and I'm so damn real it hurts. I said we were going to have each other for the rest of our lives and I always keep my word, Abs."

That darkness, which was brought to life by a father and son and still runs wild, after waiting in the background it finally took hold of me and this time it was real.

(and that smile was forever captured on his face as he gave his sister a kiss)