A/N: Spoilers – Set at the end of Swan Song. Inspired by a beautiful pic over on dA. Had to write it, didn't have a choice. As always, Reviews =Love! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still don't own 'em, no matter how many coins I've thrown in the fountain…
He sat numbly on the ground waiting for something that he knew would never happen. He was aware of how badly he was injured but didn't have the energy to care, let alone acknowledge the pain right now. Everything had changed. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He was never supposed to be the one left standing. It was all wrong.
In his mind he replayed their last minutes together. He would never forget the moment when the ground closed up…forever sealing him off from everything he had ever lived for. For awhile he entertained thoughts of just sitting there, on the ground, by that poor excuse for a grave, until time passed him by. It would be so much easier to just lie down and wait to die. His life had already effectively ended the second that his brother had left him.
It would be easier…but it wouldn't be right. He knew that. He hated it but that didn't change the fact that he had made a promise. Keeping that promise was the least he could do to honor the sacrifice that Sam had made…that they all had made… Sam, Bobby…Cas… The amount of loss he had suffered today was too much to process…he'd think about that tomorrow.
He leaned his head back, resting it on the body of the only piece of his family he had left, and closed the one eye that was not already swollen shut. When had things taken a turn for the worst? When did he lose control of everything? They had had a plan, they were not going to play this game, but somewhere along the way all of their plans had gone to pieces.
He sat up abruptly, his one good eye snapping open, as he heard a sound that was so familiar it made his heart ache. He knew he would never hear the distinct flutter of wings again. He had to be dreaming. He must have fallen asleep, or passed out…that was more likely. He had seen what had happened to his friend and there was no coming back from it. And yet, that familiar face was looking down at him, a mixture of sadness and guilt flowing behind those bright blue eyes.
As he watched, his angel came to him. Leaning down, he placed two fingers to his forehead and he felt the energy that swept through his body at the touch. That quickly his injuries were gone. He could see perfectly once again and the first thing his eyes came to rest upon was the spot where they had fallen into the cage. It was enough to make him wish he still couldn't see.
"Cas…You're alive?" He couldn't keep the relief he was feeling out of his voice.
"I'm better than that." There was something about the angel's tone… something was different but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"Cas…Are you…God?" It was the only answer that made any sense and at this point he wouldn't, or couldn't, be surprised by anything.
A quiet smile played over the angel's lips before he shook his head slowly. "That's a nice compliment, but no."
"Then how…what…" His mind was so tired it was having trouble even forming questions at this point. He was thrilled that his friend was alive but there was still something about the way he was looking at him that made him edgy.
"Michael is gone. They need someone to put order to the chaos he left behind. I guess I must have earned the right. I suppose you would say I have been given a promotion. I am needed in Heaven." There was a slight shyness in the shrug that accompanied the response. It was as if Castiel was just a bit embarrassed at his current situation.
"So what…you got your angel mojo back? Lucifer's back in his cage and Daddy decided that it was ok to come out from hiding now? After everything we've done, everything we've been put through… everything He put YOU through you're just going to put the wings back on and go back to being Daddy's good little soldier?"
He hadn't thought he had the energy left to be this angry but he had been wrong. It wasn't enough that he'd lost the two most important people in his life…now they gave him back his angel only to dangle him in front of his face and then snatch him away again. This was too much. Now he understood what he was sensing from Castiel…he was distancing himself. Trying to find the detachment he had when they had first been thrown together.
"Dean…He needs me. I have to go. His will be done."
"His will….I don't give a damn about his will. Listen, if he can bring you back and amp up your angel mojo than he can sure as Hell pull Sammy out of that prison cell and bring him back. You tell him that's MY will and after everything we've done it sure as Hell should be done."
The angel patiently stood by and waited while he burned through the adrenaline rush that had produced the rant. He knew he shouldn't be taking it out on Cas but he was the only one there and he just couldn't hold it in. He was crushed at the thought that Cas, the angel who had pulled him from Hell itself, was now willing to go crawling back with his tail between his legs… was willing to leave him… like everyone else had.
"I'm sorry Dean. I wish I could bring Sam back to you but you know I cannot. The only way for me to get him out would be to open the cage and we just cannot risk that."
He was so angry that he felt the need to hit something…anything…but looking into the angel's eyes he could see that, not only were his words true, he really was sorry. He could tell that it hurt Cas deeply to be unable to give him this one request. He turned away from the angel, unable to keep looking into those sympathetic eyes, wanting to look anywhere but there. It was then that his eyes fell upon Bobby's broken body.
The sight was the last straw…it was the final push and he felt himself break. He couldn't stop the sob that broke free from somewhere deep inside. He didn't even try to hold back the tears that now flowed freely down his face. Alone. Everywhere he looked he saw loss. Each glance a reminder of how alone he was now.
"Damn it Cas. We had a plan. We were going to stop this. I don't get it…how did this happen? God…where did we go wrong?" He heard his voice breaking but didn't care anymore if he looked weak. He couldn't have Sam back… Bobby was gone… he had nothing left… the least they could do is give him answers.
"I wish I could make this easier for you Dean. I know that you cannot see it now but everything happened the way it was supposed to. Our attempts to stop this were never meant to succeed. I know you miss Sam but you must believe that he did what he was meant to do, what he was born to do. No one else could have found the strength to do what he did. I once thought he was an abomination but now I understand. My Father doesn't create abominations. Every creature has a purpose and Sam served his…he saved the world Dean. There is no greater purpose."
With those words the angel walked slowly over to Bobby's prone form. He looked down upon him for a long moment before reaching down, as he had earlier, and touched two fingers gently to the fallen hunter's forehead. As Bobby took a gasping breath, he was overwhelmed by the knowledge that his friend…his angel…had just brought someone back from the dead. He really was "more than" ok.
He watched Bobby slowly sit up and shake off the memory of what had happened. He could see the look of shock and surprise that washed over him when he realized what Castiel had just done. He could see the uncommon look of wonder and awe that spread slowly over the older man's face. He was beyond happy that Bobby was back but the hole in his heart was still raw and aching.
"Cas…I don't know how you did that but… well…thank you."
"I cannot give you back Sam but I was allowed to give you this gift. It is a small thing for all you have done but it is all I can give. I'm sorry… I wish I could stay. I wish I could explain, make you understand, make you see the gift that Sam gave to all of us but I have to go…"
"Cas…wait! Please…I…God… I can't do this alone. I need you. I need your help. Will you be back? Will I see you again? What the Hell am I supposed to do now?" He was panicked at the thought of his angel leaving him alone to find his way. He wanted nothing more than to grab onto him and force him to stay but he knew, in his heart, that their time had passed…Cas had more important things to do now and in order to do them he had to leave.
The angel took a moment to look into his eyes. He could feel the weight of the stare; feel the bond that had been built between them. He was slightly surprised when Castiel came to him and wrapped him in his arms. There was comfort in that embrace and he accepted it willingly. The last thing he heard before his angel disappeared was the soft whisper in his ear, "You keep your promise Dean. You go on…"