What Dreams May Come
John wanted to cry out, but he bit back, stifling the yell of frustration in the fear it would open a floodgate and he would do something stupid. Something he would regret. That's what he kept telling himself, "it's a mistake," "you'll regret it." And then there was the doubt. What if he didn't regret it? What if he fell further in, only to get hurt worse later? To a lesser degree, there was a niggling doubt that she did not feel the same way, that she would reject his offer. That doubt was quickly banished by the memory of his-their-latest dream. In his desperation, he forgot for a moment that he was not allowed to act, even if he chose to.
She had barely been a member of his team for a year. He had known his other team members, McKay, Teyla and Ronon, for much longer and they had faced more together. But she knew him the best. He bit back a bitter laugh. He knew her just as well. Every look, every movement, tone of voice, expression, touch... he knew. Just when he thought they could not know each other better, she would surprise him, revealing yet another side of herself. He would marvel in it, and each time, he felt a moment of shock, both at the revelation she would share and with the fact that he would return the revelation with one of his own.
He knew what rumors were going around the city. He knew they were similar to the rumors that had been around for years regarding himself and Teyla. But the rumor mill could never guess what was really going on and this was not Teyla. No, Teyla he had initially been attracted to but grown to love as a friend and sister. Miranda was different. And though they had never discussed it, not in real life anyway, he knew she felt the same way for him. God, it was so much easier two months ago. Two months ago they had not realized they were sharing dreams. Sure, there had been the odd statements she had made, letting him know that she knew little things about him that he couldn't recall telling her. Except in a dream. Those instances had been brushed off as flukes.
Chapter 1
When she first arrived in Atlantis, he almost shot her. Probably not the best way to greet someone who traveled across two galaxies to save one of your best friends, but then John was never known for going by the rules. He had heard a lot about her in the last two weeks, mostly from McKay and Woolsey. Woolsey seemed a bit nervous about her visit to Atlantis. McKay was irritated that "someone like that" was ever made a member of SG1. "Someone like that" being a social worker from Denver with no scientific or military background. Both were nervous that a Go'uld would be in Atlantis, and John certainly shared that sentiment, though he felt a little relieved that Teal'c was coming along to babysit her.
The entire scene occured quickly. The Daedalus beamed Teal'c and Miranda Baxter into the gateroom. She no more than turned to smile at the small group gathered to greet her, John, Teyla, Rodney and Woolsey, when the control console burst up from the floor directly in front of her. The last time that happened, Helia had used it to lock them out of Atlantis' systems and force them from the city. Now, a Go'uld was about to take control. "Fuck, that's not happening," John thought. The console had barely stopped moving and his 9mm was aimed at her heart. In his peripheral vision, he could see that Teyla and both the gateroom guards also had their weapons pointed at her. It took McKay a few seconds to catch up with the situation, but eventually he raised his weapon and began chanting "this is bad, this is so very bad, this is-" Teyla shushed him, which John was grateful for. What amazed the staff in the gateroom was the look of amusement that was on her face. The smile she had given in greeting had not reached her eyes and had obviously been forced. But point a gun and threaten to shoot her, and she finds it amusing. "Huh," John thought, "must be the snake." He snuck a look at Teal'c, who had one eyebrow raised and looked faintly annoyed. Or constipated, it was hard to tell.
"I take it this doesn't happen for everyone who shows up in Atlantis?" Baxter broke the silence.
Teal'c replied "indeed, it did not when I last visited" at the same time McKay recovered his voice and began his nervous ranting "Of course it doesn't! Why else would we respond like that? Even a social worker should be able to figure that out! And don't think we're not on to you. I know you have to intentionally raise the control console. What are you planning? I bet-oh God, it's the Go'uld isn't it? It is! You've fooled everyone into thinking it was dead and the whole time it's been an act to get to Atlantis and get your snaky little hands on Ancient technology! You probably want to take over Pegasus since you all got your asses kicked in the Mil-"
Teyla put a hand on Rodney's shoulder and said "I think it is time to be silent Rodney and let her explain." John thought that was a great idea, especially since the Go'uld, or Baxter, or whoever the fuck it was, started looking pissed about the time McKay accused her of still being under the control of the Go'uld.
Woolsey finally decided he should speak up, what with being the leader and everything. "Miss Baxter, would you please explain why you raised the console?"
Baxter glanced at Woolsey but looked at John while she answered. "I didn't raise it, not intentionally anyway. It just popped up. And what is with the singing?"
"Singing?" Woolsey and Teyla asked while Rodney mumbled "great, a Go'uld with auditory hallucinations."
At this, Baxter tensed and moved to go for McKay, but Teal'c grabbed her arms. Her eyes flashed gold for a moment. She spoke quietly but, even if you had been too far away to hear her words, her intent was written on her face. "McKay, you can think whatever you want about me, and I don't give a flying fuck what you say behind my back. But don't you ever let me hear you call me a Go'uld again. I may be stuck with the snake in my head but I am not Go'uld." Rodney paled considerably but kept his mouth shut for once.
She wrenched her arms from Teal'c and stepped up to the console and slammed her right hand onto it. John stepped closer and tightened his finger on the trigger. "Stop!" he yelled.
"I am simply instructing Atlantis to leave herself in yours and Woolsey's capable hands. Here, verify it." Knowing his marines and Teyla would fire if needed, he lowered his weapon just enough to be out of her grabbing range and stepped up and put his hand onto the console. Atlantis seemed chaotic for a moment and then he realized he was listening to an argument. Atlantis was trying to give complete control of the city to Baxter. And Baxter, well, she was telling Atlantis that she did not want control. "Please," he heard say in his mind, "This is not why I am here." John joined in then, addressing Atlantis "please stay in our control, stay with me," not above begging if needed. A second later the noise in his head quieted and the console lowered. He opened his eyes and Baxter was staring at him with curiosity. Whispering, she asked "The singing... that was her?" John never heard singing, just humming, but he nodded yes, as they were similar. Baxter blinked, said "she talks to you..." in awe. "Nice."
Baxter's face became hard again and she turned to the group that still had their weapons pointed at her. "Where's my patient?" Woolsey looked to John, who nodded his confirmation that Baxter had left the city in their control. Weapons were slowly lowered.
"Right this way, Miss Baxter." Woolsey turned to lead her to the infirmary, as she was obviously not interested in introductions.
"I thought we moved beyond titles the last time we met. Call me Baxter, Randi or Miranda, Dick."
Woolsey grimaced at that, and opened his mouth to speak but decided against it and kept quiet. John and Teyla exchanged a look and John wondered if he could get away with calling Richard Woolsey Dick.
The walk to the infirmary was short, made more so because both Teal'c and Baxter seemed to have a quick gait. The infirmary staff stepped aside to let their group walk to the isolation area that Ronon was being held in. Not that he was contagious, but Keller had placed him on a suicide watch after a scalpel had gone missing and been found under his sheet. Miranda Baxter walked into the infirmary like she knew exactly where she was going. However, when she reached the door to Ronon's room, she politely knocked before opening the door with a thought and asking if she could come in. There was no answer and John wasn't expecting one. Ronon had taken to staring at the ceiling, which seemed to provide him with more comfort than his friends were able to.
Baxter walked to Ronon's bedside. "Hey. My name's Miranda Baxter. Most people call me Randi." She didn't smile or try to sound encouraging, just factual. John wasn't surprised when Ronon didn't respond. He only heard Miranda because he had come to stand opposite her at Ronon's side. She told him "I'll stay or I'll go, it's up to you, but you have to actually make a decision here. If you keep your trap shut, I am stubborn enough to just sit here till you make up your mind." Ronon's jaw tightened a bit, and eventually he bit out "stay."
John held back a small sigh of relief in hearing Ronon make that decision-it showed he still had hope. Baxter-Randi-looked at John and motioned with her head toward the door, indicating he should leave. His reaction was immediate, "I'm staying."
"Everyone out. Ronon and I need to have a talk. You can make sure I'm not trying to kill him from the observation lounge. I'm sure that glass isn't bulletproof. Feel free to shoot me if I do something that looks suspiciously evil." The last part she said in a bored tone, as if having said it a hundred times before. John narrowed his eyes and leaned towards her over Ronon's bed, intending to tell her off but Ronon's voice cut through his anger. "Sheppard, go. I got this." When he saw John once again open his mouth, he grabbed his arm and shot him a look that might have sent Sheppard running in other circumstances. Instead, he tried to catch Baxter's eye, but she was just staring at the wall, ignoring him. He took the rest of their group, minus Keller, with him to the observation room overlooking the isolation room. Teyla and Rodney stood next to him, the three of them grounding each other. Here they had front row seats to what would either be their friend's best moment, or his most devastating. Please, he thought to no one in particular, let this work. He's been through too much shit in his life to have to go through this too. He leaned against the wall, facing the scene below and settled in to await the fate of his friend.