It only happened in times of tragedy and loss. They were more than brothers in these times. Twincest. M for reasons that should by now be obvious.

I took some artistic liberty with some pre-movie events here. I also realize that this particular kind of story isn't appreciated by all, nor is it seen as something that could "actually happen" in the movie. That's why we write fanfiction, because if it isn't going to happen in the movie, someone else has to write it.

For a fortune he'd quit
But it's hard to admit
How it ends and begins

30 seconds to Mars – From Yesterday

It only happened in times of heightened emotional stress, times of tragedy and loss, times where they needed each other to lean on. They were more than brothers in these times, because every once in a great while, they just needed more than a brotherly embrace. They needed a release. They found that in each other.

The first time it happened was after their Uncle Pat died. He was the closest thing to a father figure they had ever had. Even at the young age of fourteen, they knew what it was to be a man because of him. Being thrown from a horse and breaking his neck was the stupidest way for a great man like him to die.

Puberty was a confusing time for the boys as it was. Everything just built up to what had happened in a way that was impossible even for them to explain. Conner had started it, and Murphy had been terrified. It started as an embrace, just like what brothers do. But it escalated with a tender kiss on the forehead, then on the corner of the eye salty from tears, then ever so gently on the lips. Bare skin burned beneath the touch of hands so familiar, yet unknown in this context.

They didn't go all the way, they never would. It was only meant as a caress, a closeness that was probably too close. They stroked each other slowly, their hot breath on each others shoulders as they leaned against one another. They held their breath as they came together, knowing they had to be silent or their mother would hear.

Their mother. That was the second time it happened, when she died. Murphy held her right hand, Conner her left as she lay sick on her death bed. They took to heart her final words. "The truth will set you free, and justice never fails."

"Yes, Ma," they said in unison, choking back the tears that threatened to escape their innocent eyes.

After the funeral, they argued about what to do. Conner convinced Murphy that with just three months until graduation, they had to finish high school. Ma would have wanted them to keep going and to help each other, although she probably would not have approved of them helping each other the way they did.

"We can't stop. We can't give up, Murphy!"

"Fine!"

"Fine what?"

"Fine, I'll go to fucking school!"

"Damn fucking right you'll go to fucking school!"

"I said fine!"

"Fine!" Conner threw himself at Murphy, slamming him into the wall. Lips, tongue and teeth forced his brothers mouth open violently. Murphy struggled against Conner, but Conner did not let up, grabbing Murphy's wrists and pinning them above his head against the wall.

When Conner finally pulled away so they both could breath, Murphy gasped, "Conner, we promised we wouldn't do this again!"

Conner caught his breath before releasing his grip on Murphy. He stepped back and nodded.

A moment of silence passed while they just stared at each other.

"What the fuck are you looking at, Murph?"

"Oh, fuck it, Conner!"

They crashed into each other, and they fell to the floor in a tangled mess.

It played out like a fight. Each one wanted it but did not want it. There was struggling, pushing, pulling, kicking, gouging, biting, clawing and swearing. They both gave in when their hands finally found each others erections. They were free to scream out in painful ecstasy as they once again came together. They didn't, they couldn't, speak to each other for the rest of the night.

Many, many years passed without a mention or thought of any such things. Ups and downs came and went, and their lives changed drastically. They were killers now. They had a mission from God and nothing could ever get in the way of that. Nothing could ever stop them.

Nothing but being chained like animals in a concrete room covered in the blood of their best friend as they watched him die.

The two ended up in a dingy motel room. They smoked cigaret after cigaret and took shot after shot. Da was somewhere else, out with Smecker planning the hit on Papa Joe. He knew his boys needed some time alone. But what that time would be used for would forever remain a secret.

Conner was sprawled out on the bed about to fall asleep; Murphy was sitting in the chair with his feet up on the table. His cigaret was almost finished. He stared at the burning end, at the ashes, the smoke rising , snaking around his fingers before dissipating into the air. He felt that's how life was, slowly burning out, all remnants blown away. That's why he knew heaven had to exist, because he couldn't imagine Rocco as just dust in the wind like the ashes he flicked from his cigaret.

Imagining. It was powerful and often involuntary. Like the way he now imagined himself and Conner stroking each other's pain away the way they had before. He turned his bloodshot eyes to his brother, motionless if not for the rise and fall of his chest ans he breathed steadily.

Murphy never took his eyes off Conner as he reached down to touch the swelling, throbbing organ beneath his jeans. He sucked in a sharp breath as if his own touch had hurt him, releasing it in a shaky sigh. He was startled when his brother spoke.

"Just come over here and let me hold you, Murph."

Nervously, Murphy crushed out his cigaret in the overflowing ashtray and crawled into bed beside Conner. He stroked Conner's face with his broken, bandaged hand, the hand that Conner had kicked and broken to free him and now held and kissed gently.

Murphy hesitantly pulled his hand away. "We're going to Hell for this."

"We'd be in Hell already without this."

Nothing else needed to be said. They had both officially accepted this...whatever it was that was happening between them.

Conner pulled Murphy closer so that their lips could finally, after all these years, meet again. It was a long, deep kiss, and an eternity before Murphy pulled his lips away from Conner's, only to continue kissing along the edge of his jaw and down his neck.

"I need you," Conner moaned.

After that it was a blur how shirts ended up across the room, how shoes, jeans and boxers ended up at the foot of the bed. They disparately clung to each other, nothing between them but an unbreakable bond. They each kissed over every scar that marked the pages of their long, hard journey together, including some that were so new that they still hurt. But there would be no pain tonight.

Conner was on top of Murphy now, and the brothers eyes were locked together as each ran his hand along each other's lengths. They thrust into each other's grip as they came closer to their release.

"Oh, God, Murphy!"

"Mm. Oh, Conner!"

Their mouths crashed together in one more deep kiss as they came together for the third time in their lives.

They came down from their rush and got dressed quickly. It would be a bit difficult explaining a situation like that to their father should he happen to walk in. Afterward they sat across from each other with a rare yet familiar look in their eyes. It was the same look they'd given each other sitting across from each other that morning in the holding cell. It was pure brotherly love spiked with determination. They were determined not to stop until they were finished. They were determined to stick together. They would always need each other, sometimes in different ways, but yet always the same.

Murphy said they were going to hell. Well, wherever they were going, they would need each other there.

Being there fore each other. Each living for the other. Whatever they needed, they would find it together.