I have a big problem. That problem is called a crush. Normally, people like it when they have a crush on someone, but for me it's torture. Because my crush is the handsome captain of my football team, Endou Mamoru.
Normally, there wouldn't be a problem with that, but he's a guy, and I'm a guy. Most people think I am a girl, though, due to my long, teal hair and soft eyelashes. That can be annoying sometimes. I fought with myself many times about this. It isn't right. It isn't logical.
My crush on Endou Mamoru is so painful, because I know he'll never love me back. Just about all the managers, except maybe Otonashi, are madly in love with him. In fact, I think some of the team loves him too. Tachimukai, Kidou, maybe even Gouenji… Oh, wait, I actually think Gouenji likes Fubuki… I remember, though, that one day on the riverbank… Miyasaka had just confronted me about leaving the athletics club, and I was confused about which club to stay with. Then Endou found me on the riverbank and began talking to me.
"At first I did only mean to help out for a short while… but before I knew it, I found myself thinking about soccer all the time. This feeling is the same one I had when I started athletics." I confessed, "I don't know how else to say it, but I'm enjoying myself!"
Especially since I can play soccer with you… I thought to myself.
"Will you be going back?" Endou asked.
"I don't know… Both you guys and the guys in the Athletics club are important to me. If I choose one, I feel like I'd be betraying the other."
"I believe that whatever answer you come up with, it'll be the best one." Endou said, looking at me with his big, brown eyes. "Just keep thinking about it until you're satisfied."
Then, Endou put his hand on my shoulder, which was risky, since he was sitting on a soccer ball. It almost looked as if he was leaning in, like he was about to, dare I say, kiss me. But then, the soccer ball rolled out from Endou, and he collapsed on the grass next to me. We both watched as the soccer ball plummeted into the river.
After we won the soccer tournament, we were challenged by Aliea Academy. We defeated the first two teams, but with a lot of hard work. Then, however, we were challenged by Genesis. Fubuki, who was struggling with his multiple personalities at the time, intercepted a ball with his head, and got a bad concussion. A member of the team, who I can't remember right now, insulted us, calling us weak and saying we weren't even enough for a warm-up. The situation was hopeless for us to defeat the Aliea Academy. I was so frustrated with myself that I couldn't take on these stupid aliens. As the best youth soccer team in all of Japan, we should have been able to do better. Back then, I thought that I should have stuck with athletics club. Seeing my teammates falling around me like dominos was just too hard for me to bear anymore. When we were in Fubuki's room at the hospital, I made up my mind. I decided… I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't like Endou or Kidou or Ichinose. I couldn't just keep fight for a hopeless cause and watch as one by one, my teammates collapsed around me. I abandoned soccer. No, soccer abandoned me.
Nobody noticed me when I left Fubuki's room at the hospital. Nobody cared. I walked with my head down, thinking about what I was leaving behind. Thinking about my experiences, my triumphs, and my failures. I did not know where my feet where carrying me. Coming out of my stupor, I sat down the edge of a deserted dock and buried my face in my knees. I was so engrossed in thought that I didn't notice Endou until he shouted my name.
"Kazemaru! There you are!" He shouted happily. Endou always gets excited over the stupidest things…
"Endou…" I mumbled, ashamed he was seeing me in such a state. I hid behind my bangs, hoping he would leave and go back to the hospital room. Hoping he would leave me and go back to the other teammates, who were so much more important than me.
"We were wiped to the ground in today's match…" Endou said, sitting next to me. "They were beyond our powers… Those guys must be a higher-level team than Epsilon. But now we've got ourselves a new goal. Starting tomorrow, we're back to training again!"
"Endou…" I whispered his name again. "I can't do this anymore." I choked out the words, trying to hold back the flow of tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"Can't? What do you mean can't?" I'm not looking at him, but I can tell that he's staring at me, unsure if I'm kidding or not. "Kazemaru?"
"I can't fight anymore. I don't believe we can win." I quietly whisper, tears attempting to shove their way out of my eyes. I blink rapidly, trying to prevent them from falling. Luckily, he can't see my eyes through my hair.
"Why? What made you think this way? We've fought for so long… We've trained like mad and beaten Gemini Storm… We can now even fight on even ground with Epsilon!" Endou grabbed my shoulder and shook it. I sat in silence, silently willing him to stop shaking me. My head was pounding. "As long as we beat Aliea Academy, we can go back to enjoying soccer like we always did! We're almost there! It's true that we lost today… But if we get stronger, we can do something about Genesis! If we train more and get stronger, we'll definitely win! We'll win, so… Kazemaru…" He trailed off sadly, seeming to be at a loss for words.
"I'm sorry, Endou… I'm not as strong as you are." My hands balled into fists as I stood up and ran, ran from the horrible soccer that brought me to this state. Ran from the boy I loved. Ran from the teammates who had always encouraged me to do better. Ran away from everything I loved.
"Kazemaru? Kazemaru!" Endou called after me. I ran blindly, tears streaming freely down my face. Finally, I collapsed into a doorway and sobbed into my hands. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I left. What have I done? Have I really made the right choice?
"Kazemaru?" I heard a soft voice say. It was Miyasaka, his blond hair flattened to his head by the rain. He was still wearing his Raimon uniform, with a bright green umbrella in hand. Even I have a hard time believing he's a boy. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, ignoring his outstretched hand and standing on my own.
"Do you need a ride?" Miyasaka's green eyes were filled with concern and something else… He grabbed my shoulder gently.
"I'll be fine… Can you just tell me how to get to school from here?" I shrugged off his shoulder and turned my back to him.
"Of course." Miyasaka sounded hurt, but he proceeded to give me directions. "You will be fine, right? It's kind of late…"
"Of course I will!" I snapped. "I'm not a child!" And, for the second time that night, I ran away from a person who cared about me.
When Kenzaki Ryuuichi came to me about the Dark Emperors, I was unsure at first. I wasn't sure about the idea, because I knew if I did, Endou would hate me forever. But then, I thought about Zeus Junior High. How strong they were, how powerful they looked. I thought about Gemini Storm and Epislon and how they were able to easily defeat us. Then, I thought about Genesis. I remembered their speed, their power, their grace. I wanted to be like that. I wanted that power. I wanted to make Endou notice me. The way he followed Aki and Natsumi around like a puppy… I needed him to notice me, want me, and care about me. I knew that once he saw how powerful I was, how strong I was, he would want me. He would need me. So, on that misty day when the team returned from defeating the Aliea Academy, the Dark Emperors were waiting for them with our special necklaces made of crystals from the Aliea meteorite.
"You still have one last battle to fight," said Kenzaki Ryuuichi. He gestured to the Dark Emperors, all of us in cloaks with the hoods over our heads. I walked forward, Endou's face shielded from me by my thick hood. I stopped directly in front of him and pulled back my hood with one white-gloved hand. My eyes were closed as I felt my hood land on my shoulders. My hair, out of its usual ponytail, floated free around my shoulders in long chunks. Then… I opened my eyes. For the first time in months, I looked into the face of the one who I loved. Endou was staring at me with an expression of shock, anger, and something a little deeper… It was the same look I noticed in Miyasaka's eyes the night I ran from soccer. I wondered what it was. My face felt like a stone-hard mask as mixed feelings coursed through my body: rage, joy, sadness, betrayal, regret, relief… Endou and I stared at each other for a moment, which felt like an eternity, but it was broken when the rest of the team took off their hoods. Max, Someoka, Shourin, Handa, Kageno, Kurimatsu, Nishigaki, Sugimori, Yamino,
My eyes narrowed, and I heard myself say, "It's been a while, Endou." What I really wanted to do was embrace him and never let him go. But then, I remembered. I remembered what soccer had done to me, and rage filled me from head to toe. I pulled a glowing purple soccer ball out from under my cape and held it aloft. The Raimon Eleven gasped in shock at my betrayal. Oh, Endou was definitely noticing me now. One way or another.
"As a greeting for our reunion…" I said, my voice nearly cracking, and kicked the soccer ball at Endou. This time, the voice coming out of my mouth was my own. He caught it in his hands, but the immense power behind the shot was too much for him to handle, and the ball flew out of his hands.
"Kazemaru…" Endou whispered, his face full of sadness.
"Fight against us." It wasn't a question, but an order. I was past questions.
Endou and Natasumi noticed the light glowing from underneath my collar.
"Is that light the Aliea meteorite?" Natsumi gasped. Oh, bright little Natsumi.
Kenzaki revealed to the Raimon Eleven that he had caused the explosion in the Aliea Academy that nearly killed the Raimon Eleven. It was so the Aliea meteorite could finally belong to him, and him alone.
"I came here today to show you the true power of the Dark Emperors. They will thoroughly beat down all of you Raimon Eleven." Kenzaki declared. I smirked at the shocked look on Endou's face.
"This has to be a lie!" Endou yelled! He ran up to me and grabbed my shoulders and shook me. Again. "You guys were tricked into this, weren't you? Right? Kazemaru?"
I held out my hand, as if to shake his. Endou stared at it in shock for a second, then reached out to shake my hand. I slapped his hand away. Endou didn't yell at me, or cry, or gasp in astonishment. Instead, he looked at me with sadness and terror in his brown eyes. Sadness for what I had become. Terror for what I had become.
"Kazemaru…" He whispered.
"We're here on our own will." I declared, pulling the meteorite out from under my shirt. "The moment I touched this meteorite, I felt immersed in power. The power I was seeking. I wanted to become strong. No matter how much I wanted that, I felt a limit to how much I could do on my own. But the Aliea meteorite has bestowed me with an unbelievable amount of power." I pulled off my cloak, revealing a sexy black, blue, and white uniform. It was sexy because it hugged all my curves, but didn't show too much skin… Just right for me. "My speed and power have increased more than you can imagine. I want to use this power to its full extent."
The rest of the Dark Emperors told the Raimon Eleven how much strength they had, how it benefited them, how they would never lose anymore. I don't remember what they said. That day was blurry. The only reason I am writing so much is because Endou and Someoka are helping me.
I pointed at Endou, "The Dark Emperors have chosen the Raimon Eleven as their commemorative first opponent." I rotated my hand and extended my fingers so my hand was facing open-palmed up towards the sky. "Let's play soccer, Endou."
This time, it was his turn to slap my hand away. I looked at him, surprised. Well, I can confirm that I was not expecting that one.
"No way. I won't play when you guys are like this!" Endou's eyes were closed, and he refused to look at me. I had taken it much too far, but there was no going back. I can never go back…
Kenzaki finally blackmailed the Raimon Eleven into playing, with threats of destroying the school. Finally, Endou decided to play against us to protect our school.
The game was easy. I stole the ball, passed, and dodged with grace I've never felt before. The Dark Emperors seemed invincible, practically waltzing around the court. However, something felt wrong. These were the comrades I had been playing soccer with for months. These were my friends. Not my enemies. But I reminded myself I had to stay strong. For the sake of my team members who were never able to play in the games. For the sakes of those who felt abandoned and unwanted by soccer. For those who were pushed far beyond their human limits. But then I kicked the ball straight into Endou's stomach. I hurt him on purpose. Here I was, hurting the people I loved… The boy I loved…
But I had lost control. Literally. I couldn't control my actions anymore. It was much too late for me. It felt like I was watching the match on a first-person video that was projected onto a screen. I watched as I became furious and struck down Tsunami. But I couldn't do anything. I was trapped, surrounded by darkness, the only light reflecting on my face from the screen. But then, as Fubuki and the others confronted me, it felt like a small window opened. Not enough to escape through, but enough to let in some more light. Then, it slammed shut. And I was completely lost again.
I screamed into the darkness, tearing out my hair, but no one responded. No one came to save me. I couldn't see anything anymore. The screen showing me the outside world was gone. I was on my own. I sat what I assumed to be the floor, since it was under my feet, with my knees hugged to my chest and cried. This strange spirit possessing me would ruin everything I had worked for my entire life. No friends left for me to go back to, no more soccer. My life would be ruined. I sat alone on the floor, in the dark, tears pouring down my face as I sobbed at my fate, my choices, what I had done. After what felt like a lifetime of pain, the screen was back. I could see the outside again. I saw myself kicking the ball mercilessly at Endou. And I stood up and watched as he attempted to remind me of back when we were comrades. I wanted to scream. I needed control! I needed to stop this before it went to far! I needed this to end… I wanted to be friends with Endou again, not enemies. I wanted to be more than friends.
"Endou!" My inner consciousness, the part of me that was still sane, screamed. "Why did it come to this? Why did you push me so hard?" I stood frozen, watching as my world collapsed around me. I watched as we tried to destroy Endou. But then, I watched as Endou stood up again and again, even though we constantly hammered him with attacks, and yelled towards the sky, "Remember our soccer!" Out of the darkness, a door seemed to open up, a door that sent a light back into my world. And I was running. Running towards that open door, that portal of light. And then… I was free. Free! I felt the Aliea meteorite shatter into tiny fragments, and dissipate, never to torture anyone again. The clouds cleared from the sun, and I felt peaceful for the first time in weeks. I was finally back in control. It was as if Endou's words were magic, freeing everyone from pain. I'd always admired that about him, how he could charm anyone with just his words.
I gazed at Endou, and he looked back at me with a happy smile on his face. Then, he collapsed. I ran over to him, but he was out cold. I held him in my arms and watched as his dark, brown eyes open again. My hair was completely smooth again, and Endou looked shocked at my long, teal hair flowing smoothly down my back, which was usually tied up in a ponytail. But the shock on his face then was nothing compared to his face when he looked around and saw all of us. The former Dark Emperors. Endou began tearing up, and I started crying too. The mental challenges of the past few months were torture, but now… I felt light. Free. Even more graceful than I ever had with the meteorite. The two friend teams continued the match and finished with a tied score of 3-3. And I felt happy. Well, almost. There was something I had to do first… Especially after Touko kissed Endou on the cheek. Then I knew I had to get this over with.
"Endou? Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, blushing shyly.
"Of course, Kazemaru. Let's go over here…" Endou led me behind the main school building. I took a deep breath and began.
"Look, Endou, you'll probably hate me for this, but I really need to get this off my chest. First off, I kinda lost control during the match. Literally. It felt like I was watching a first-person view of the match and had no control… That must have been the power of the meteorite. I feel awful for what I did… I'm so sorry!" I sobbed, flinging myself into his arms.
"Kazemaru?"
I stepped away from Endou, "Yeah?"
"I… don't see how I could hate you for saying that."
I stared at him for a second and burst into tears again. The stress of the past few months had finally gotten to me. Endou stepped forward and wrapped his strong arms around my body, pulling me close. "Are you okay, Kazemaru?" Endou asked, concern etched upon his face.
Pulling myself out of his embrace, I took a deep breath. "No, I'm not. Look, Endou, this is really, really weird… I know you will hate me for the rest of your life, but please, please just listen to me for this moment. Ok… How do I say this… I… I'm…. I'm in love with you, Endou Mamoru, and I'm sorry, so sorry!" I rambled and turned, not wanting to see his disgusted face and ran as fast as I could. Tears poured from my eyes as I heard Endou calling for me, but I didn't stop until I couldn't run anymore and fell to my knees on the concrete. I looked up in front of me, realizing I was on the same pier where I left Endou months ago. I looked behind me, figuring Endou wouldn't be there. However, I was mistaken.
"How could you chase me so long?" I asked, blubbering through my tears.
"Oh, the running? It was easy! Especially…" At this, he blushed and looked away. When he looked back, however, I saw that same look in his eyes that I saw earlier. "Especially when you are chasing someone you love."
"Endou?" I asked. Endou put his finger on my lips. "Shhh, Kazemaru. It's over now." Then, he cupped my face with one hand, his callused, strong hands, and held my waist with the other and leaned in.
"I've been waiting so long to do this, Kazemaru," Endou said, then he kissed me. The kiss was nothing like I had ever experienced. His lips tasted faintly of strawberries. It was my first kiss, since I had never had a girlfriend… Or a boyfriend. The kiss lasted for a long time, longer than I would have expected. Then Endou pulled away.
"We should probably head back… They'll be looking for us," I smiled shyly at Endou. I was in partial shock and nearly tripped over my words. I couldn't believe what was happening!
Endou ran one hand through my loose, teal-gray tresses, the other lingering on my cheek. "Why, do you not want to spend time with me?" Endou started pouting.
"No, I didn't mean it like that, Endou!" I said hurriedly, "I just didn't want the team to worry!"
"Kazemaru, it's okay! Jeez, I was just messing with you!" Endou exclaimed, then he kissed me again, this time with one hand running through my hair and the other on my back.
To this day, we're still in love. And it's been five years since that kiss. After we won the FFI, we revealed to everyone that we were a couple. Kidou and Gouenji weren't surprised at all. The entire world seemed to be fine with us being in a relationship. After all, we are international stars. No one will mock us to our face or anywhere else. Besides, I look enough like a girl for it to slide. While Natsumi and Aki weren't happy at first, they decided to be my friend again. It's amazing how that dark, dark day could turn my life into something so wonderful.