A/N~ Sorry I haven't posted in quite a while, but I became rather upset by
the "no actor fic allowed" rule. After a few days I got over it, however. I
had left my fic up (Tattoos really DO hurt) thinking they would just delete
all the actor based fics and that would be that. Little did I know that
they would piss me off about it, because a few days ago I received an e-
mail from them saying I had broken the rules by having my fic up and they
deleted it. Oh they deleted it alright, and gave me a warning saying if I
ever did something against the rules again my IP address would be banned
from ff.net. Subsequently they suspended my account by not allowing me to
upload stories for a certain time. This REALLY PISSED ME OFF considering
how I had posted the story BEFORE the damn rule and when the rule came out
they did not give one fuck of a statement saying that people need to delete
the stories themselves or face suspension. So I kinda lost faith for a
while. Then I decided that my readers would cheer me up so I wrote this
story and I hope you like it.
Warnings~ Corporal Punishment, A/U in a way… since Bilbo is still at Bag End and Pippin is over 11, I am pretending that the ring never really happened. Just go with me here people, I like the hobbits being older. Plus it technically isn't illegal since everyone in the story is over 18. So ha. Eat that mother fuckers. Try and find something to ban in this one. Maybe I should write a very risqué musician fic and see what they have to say about it. Ok, I am now officially pissed off. Anyway…
It was just after elevenses when Pippin and Merry were messing about in the gardens of Bilbo Baggins. They were hidden behind a maze of sunflowers, which was good, for if the Gaffer had seen them they would be in a large amount of trouble. Pippin wasn't much older than 20, which made Merry about 28, and both had been visiting their uncle and cousin for a few days. Their parents, and, in Pippin's case, sisters, were staying at the Inn in Hobbiton and had allowed the boys to stay with Bilbo.
So far the visit had been going well, except for being brushed off by Frodo who had preferred Sam Gamgee's company to theirs. But Pippin and Merry were undaunted, and had taken off into the gardens.
"Wanna pretend we're moles?" Pippin suggested to his cousin. Merry shook his head silently. "Uhm, how 'bout rabbits?" Merry rolled his eyes.
"Pippin, don't you ever get tired of pretending?" Merry asked a little frustrated. If Pip had noticed he chose to ignore it. Instead he put on his best grin and shook his head. Merry sighed.
This time Pippin did notice something was wrong. "What?" he asked, curiously. Merry shook his head. "C'mon, Mer, tell me what's botherin' you," Pippin badgered. "Please?"
"Nothing, okay? Just drop it," Merry said curtly before starting to walk away. Pippin caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder.
"Merry, what's wrong?" He asked sincerely. Merry knew he shouldn't take out his frustrations on the younger hobbit, but it was hard not to when you have an irrepressible bundle of energy hopping next to you the whole time. Merry sighed and turned away quickly, but Pippin was undaunted. "Merry, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what's bothering you. I mean it," Pippin said, not letting the 8 year age difference interfere with the threat. Pippin was a great deal smaller than Merry, but that didn't seem to stop the bold Took from looking Merry straight in the eye, dead serious.
"I'm not, am I? And who's gonna make me? You?" Merry sneered. He really was getting sick of Pippin. Pippin furrowed his brow in determination and nodded. Merry laughed. "Surely you're not serious, I could crush you Pippin. You wouldn't have a chance."
"There's only one way to find out, cousin," Pippin replied in a low tone. Before Merry could react Pippin had balled up his fist and hit Merry square across the jaw. Merry's jaw exploded in pain and he completely lost his temper. Growling, he launched himself at Pippin, catching the younger hobbit around the middle and shoved them both down into a few sunflowers. Needless to say, the flowers were destroyed under the combined weight of two hobbits.
Pippin and Merry were now rolling around on the ground. Occasionally one would get on top and punch the other in the face, but the fight mostly consisted of wrestling for control in the dirt.
While they were fighting, the Gaffer had noticed a few of his prized sunflowers disappear. Curious, he wandered outside and made his way toward the flower patch. He heard the sounds of the fight before he saw it, and hurried over to the two hobbit-lads wrestling on the ground. What he saw did not impress him at all.
Hamfast Gamgee was met with the site of two boys trying to kill each other, one with a black eye, one with a bloody nose, and both on top of 3 or 4 crushed sunflowers. Setting his jaw, he stepped in between the boys, grabbed each one by the scruff of the neck, and shook them until he had their attention. "What's all this?! Explain yourselves, NOW," he commanded in a firm voice. Pippin recovered from the initial shock first.
"Merry started it! He dared me to punch him, so I did. Then he got upset and tackled me! I fought back in self-defense," Pippin stated before being interrupted by Merry.
"You did not! You hit me first, without cause! I didn't dare you, you liar!"
"Yes you did!"
"Boys!" Hamfast barked out. The lads stopped bickering and looked at him. "First off, can either one of you tell me what happened to my sunflowers?"
The boys looked at said sunflowers and Merry grimaced. Pippin looked speechless.
"Uhh… I guess they sorta got in the way…" Merry explained. Hamfast grunted and started pulling them along with him. "Wha- where are you taking us?" Merry asked.
"Back to my home. You lads have an appointment with a strap that cannot be delayed," Hamfast replied, soberly. Pippin's eyes grew wide.
"No! No, sir, please, we didn't mean it, really! Please don't strap us, sir… please…" Pippin started begging. Hamfast gave him one look and Pippin effectively shut up. Merry was starting to sniffle in anticipation. He hadn't been punished in a while, and really didn't want to be again. He had thought he was past that stage of his childhood, but apparently to the Gaffer one was never too old for a whipping.
After a few minutes walk, the Gaffer led the boys inside his home. His wife took one look at the lads and immediately placed a wet rag over Merry's black eye. She wet another rag and cleaned up Pippin's face where the blood had solidified. Once they were cleaned up, Hamfast was waiting for them holding a leather strap that looked as though it had seen a good amount of use. He led the boys out the back door and sat down on a bench that was placed out there. From there he pointed to Pippin. "Take off those trousers, lad, and get yourself over my knee quick-like."
Pippin complied, feeling a little embarrassed at having to remove his trousers out in the open, but did it anyway. Now starting to tear up, he draped himself over Ham's knee, and held on to the armrest of the bench.
"Now, tell me why you're about to be punished, Peregrin Took," the Gaffer asked. Pippin cringed at the use of his full name, but started speaking.
"Be- because we killed a few of your sunflowers, sir…" Pippin said hoping he was right. Ham nodded and started bringing down the leather strap on the small bare behind.
"Very good, lad. Now, can you tell me why else?" The strap kept falling and Pippin started kicking.
"'Cause… 'cause Merry an' I were fightin'… and we shouldn't'a been…" Pippin continued between sobs. Finally the strap fell for the last time, but not until there was one very sore and sorry hobbit-lad crying over his knee. He let Pippin up, hugged him, and sent him over to watch as Merry had watched his. He then called Merry over to him and had the boy go through the same procedure. Once Merry was over his knee, Hamfast asked the same question.
"Well, Meriadoc Brandybuck, tell me why you are about to be punished, please," Ham said.
"Cause I lost my temper and hit my baby cousin…" Merry whispered before starting to cry. Ham had to try to keep himself from comforting the grieving lad, he had to be spanked before he could be comforted. Gently, Ham prodded Merry on. "What else, Merry?"
"I, I broke your flowers and ruined them completely. Oh, I'm so sorry, please…" Merry cried. Ham allowed himself to pat Merry's head before he started spanking the lad's bottom. This caused Merry to start sobbing and kicking, most unlike the 28 year old hobbit he was. After Merry's bottom looked like Pippin's, Ham stopped and brought the crying hobbit into a fatherly hug. Ham whispered sweet nothings into Merry's ear to help calm him down, and stroked the back of his head. When Merry finally quieted, Ham stood him up and spoke to them both.
"Well, I will be informing Master Bilbo about this, but I will also inform him that you both have been properly punished and require no more. Hopefully he will pass that last bit on to your parents. Now come along, you're nearly late for luncheon, so lets go drop you off. And don't worry about the flowers, Merry, I had been thinking I had one too many anyway. Let's go, now," He said as he helped Merry up and caught them both by their hands. Allowing them time to become adjusted to walking, he led them carefully back to Bag-End.
When they arrived, Frodo and Sam were already back, after a day in the Marketplace. The Gaffer knocked on the door and Frodo answered. When Frodo saw the puffy eyes and stiff walking, he smiled.
"What is so funny, Master Frodo? A boy's punishment is no laughing matter, and if you will remember correctly Master Bilbo had no complaints to me taking you over my knee if you need it," Hamfast snorted. Frodo looked rightfully frightened and lost the smile immediately. Lucky it was that the Gaffer didn't notice Merry and Pippin's own smirks when their "high and mighty" cousin was put in his place.
"N-no sir, that won't be necessary…" Frodo replied quickly.
"Speaking of Master Bilbo, is he in?" Ham asked. Frodo shook his head. "Sorry, he said he'd be out for a while this morning, I could deliver a message if you'd like…"
"No, I need to speak to him personally. Right, as soon as he gets back, send Samwise over to tell me. Good day, Mister Frodo," Hamfast replied and left. Frodo looked at the two contrite hobbit-lads standing in front of him.
"Well, what'd you two do now?" Frodo asked, the smirk returning to his face. Pippin furrowed his brow.
"Nothin', what makes you think we did something?" the youngest hobbit asked. Sam walked into the room.
"Well, Mr. Pippin, 't'seems you both'r havin' a hard time walkin' is all," Sam said. "'Sides, I'd know that threat anywhere, Da's very protective when it comes to whippin's. How many he give ya?"
"A lot, thank you very much. And we didn't do much, just accidentally break a few sunflowers. He over-reacted and thought we'd killed his dog or something," Merry explained and sighed. Sam looked amused.
"No wonder he whipped you! He's been spending all his time nurturing those flowers to win in the county fair. He threatened to whip everyone of us if he found us near 'um, but I never thought he'd whip someone other than close family!" Sam said and Frodo looked surprised. So that's what those red marks were on Sam's bottom. Frodo wondered if Merry and Pippin had the same ones.
"Well, don't keep us waiting, you two! Let's see the damage…" Frodo said and coaxed the younger lads to take off their trousers again. They complied, and soon two red striped bottoms were on proud display in Frodo's bedroom mirror.
"Mmm, very nice, very nice… yes, how much do you think those are worth Mr. Gamgee?" Frodo said in a lower register, pretending to be a salesman of tomatoes. Frodo moved over behind Pippin. He took a close look at Pippin's bottom and traced the lines before planting a stinging swat with his hand. Pippin yelped and slapped Frodo's hand. Frodo giggled while Pippin fumed.
"You think this is so funny, don't you?" He asked with the distinct sound of an oncoming pout. When Frodo nodded, his eyes laughing, it was Pippin's turn to lose his temper. He did the only thing he knew how to do, and tackled Frodo's legs, pulling the older hobbit to the ground. Merry and Sam stood on, shocked at the little one's temper. Pippin rarely lost it, but when he did he made sure everyone knew about it.
Frodo was on the ground being pummeled by a half-naked cousin, and the other hobbits in the room were doing nothing. When Pippin latched onto Frodo's hair, trying to force Frodo into knocking his head on the ground, Frodo called out.
"Ahh, don't just stand there… aahouch Pippin!! Get him off me!!" Frodo yelled while Pippin checked his head onto the floor. Merry looked at Sam and they launched themselves at Pippin, gathering the bundle of kicking, screaming hobbit and pulling him off his older cousin. Merry let Sam deal with Pippin while he went to hold back Frodo.
"Let me at him! Merry, he deserves this, look at what he did to you! I'll knock some sense into him!" Frodo yelled. Everyone was interrupted when another voice over came Pippin's screams and Frodo's shouts. The loud, firm voice was directed at Frodo.
"You most certainly will not, my lad!!" All movement stopped and the four boys looked up at the old hobbit in terror. Frodo gulped. He had never seen Bilbo so upset in his life. His normal smile was twisted into a frown, and his eyes looked menacing.
Bilbo surveyed the scene. His charge was being held back by Merry, who was semi-naked and sporting a red bottom. His gardener's son was holding back a distraught, upset, and also semi-nude, red bottomed hobbit named Pippin. 'These boys will be the death of me,' Bilbo thought to himself. He sighed and began dishing out orders.
"First of all, put your clothes on! What would happen if your mothers saw you like that?! They'd never trust me to look after you again. Sam, Merry, let the other two go," Bilbo waited until the boys had done as he asked. Once they had obeyed he put his hands on his hips. "Now, tell me what this is all about."
"Pippin and I had just come back from…" "You see, sir, it was like this…" "Uncle, Pippin attacked me! He…" "I did not, you liar! You hit me first!"
Bilbo realized his mistake as soon as he said it and was assaulted with four different versions at once. He held up his hand for silence.
"Samwise, explain, if you would."
"Yes, Master Bilbo. This all started when my Gaffer arrived at the door with Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin in tow. It was obvious they'd been crying, and were having a hard time walking. The Gaffer said he wanted to talk to you, sir, but Mr. Frodo, here, said you was at the marketplace. The Gaffer said for me to get him when you arrived… shall I do that now, sir?"
Bilbo couldn't help but smile at Sam. "No, Samwise, finish your tale first, then we all shall find the Gaffer." Merry and Pippin visibly paled and Frodo started to tremble. Samwise continued.
"Yes, sir. Anyway, so once the Gaffer had left, I reckon Mr. Frodo was thinking the same thing as I and he asked to see Misters Merry and Pippin's bottoms. I was rightly shocked at the boldness, but Mr. Merry complied, and Mr. Pippin agreed as well. Then, uhm, then Mr. Frodo said a few things which Mr. Pippin didn't like one bit, and Mr. Pippin tackled Mr. Frodo. Mr. Merry and myself managed to get Mr. Pippin off of Mr. Frodo, and Mr. Merry had gone to hold Mr. Frodo back when you arrived, sir," Sam finished. The other three were looking at the floor.
"Do you lot agree with Samwise's version of events?" Bilbo asked the contrite bunch. 3 "yes sir"s were barely recognizable. "Now, what to do with you? If I am correct, Meriadoc and Peregrin have already been to see the Gaffer once today, and no doubt will he have something to say if they appear in need of yet another lesson. Frodo hasn't been in need of a lesson on behaviour in a few years, and I suppose he could use one, yes, yes indeed. And Samwise was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. What to do…" Bilbo thought out loud. He gauged the reactions of each boy, Pippin and Merry were terrified that they would receive another whipping in one day, with another to follow when their parents were told. Frodo was looking down at the floor in sadness, since his fate seemed to have been sealed. Samwise looked as though he didn't know what to think, everyone around him was about to receive a whipping and he was about to get out Scot-free. The mixed feelings in his heart were confusing him, and Bilbo decided one thing couldn't be avoided any longer.
"Samwise, go find your Gaffer and bring him here. I will speak with him first before anything is decided," Sam nodded and left. Bilbo turned to the remaining boys. "I suggest you three make up and think about what you did and what's to come. Into the parlour with you, and if I see so much as a pout I'll take all of you over my knee right here and now, with plenty to follow later tonight."
The three made their way into the parlour and sat down on a couch together. After a few minutes of sulking Frodo turned to Pippin.
"Look, Pip, I, uh… I just wanted to say I'm sorry I teased you… I really shouldn't have, and I didn't really mean it, even if there was no way you could have known that."
Pippin looked at his older cousin and sighed. "Yeah, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have blown my top like that… are you alright? I remember pulling really hard on your hair…"
Frodo let a smile show through and pulled his own hair. "Well, it hasn't come out yet, so you must not have pulled that hard. Come here, you naughty boy!" The two boys giggled and hugged. Then Pippin turned to Merry.
"Mer… you're not too mad, are you?" He asked, unsure of how Merry would react. Merry shrugged.
"I dunno, Pip. You really have been getting on my nerves recently…" he admitted. Pippin looked downcast.
"Oh."
"Oh, come on Merry. If Pippin and I made up you have to too, this isn't a choice. Either you make up now and tell us what's wrong, or I take you over my knee right now, no matter what Bilbo says. You're being unreasonable keeping your feelings locked up from us. We're your friends, Merry, we're family. We don't keep secrets," Frodo said becoming more and more frustrated. Merry just looked at his feet. "Merry, tell us what's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. What happened to the daring, charming, mischievous Merry Brandybuck, hmm? What happened to 'before I become the Master of Buckland I'm going to play in the town of Luckland'?"
Merry smiled a little when Frodo mentioned the rhyme he used to shout when he was younger. Those had been the good days… nothing to worry about. Merry sighed and decided to tell the truth.
"Well, my father's been going on again about how I'm to follow in his footsteps and all that. He's really begun to crack down on me and now I find myself questioning everything that I used to do. I do need to become more serious if I'm to make a good Master, you know…"
"Pony-shit Merry!! You've been listening too hard! How do you picture your father, eh? Because if I remember right you hate him! You hate how he handles things! Meriadoc Brandybuck, listen to me. Do you want your children thinking the same thing about you? Do you want to become that strict unrelenting persona that your father is? No! You don't! You will make a fine master, Merry, a better one than your father ever will be because you will have character!! Not many hobbits do Merry, but you will! You don't need to change!" Pippin yelled. Merry looked quite taken aback. Everyone stood still thinking about Pippin's outburst. In the other room Bilbo smiled. He knew Pippin could say something when he put his mind to it.
"You're right Pip…" Merry whispered slowly. The tears were welling up in his eyes, and Pippin couldn't stand still any longer. The younger hobbit latched onto his cousin, and let the older lad cry out his frustrations. Frodo couldn't help smiling, and joined the hug as well. Soon Merry stopped and wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve while smiling. "Thanks, cousins."
When Bilbo went to check on them he had to really try to make his face stern. He was happy for the lads, but he couldn't let fighting go unpunished. With a grim determination, he opened the door.
"As much as I am happy you all are friends again, I cannot let the fight go unpunished. Merry-lad, why don't you go over to the Gamgees? I have talked with Samwise's father and he should have a nice cup of tea waiting for you," Bilbo said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Merry nodded and left the room. Bilbo turned to Pippin and Frodo who were both looking at their curly-haired feet. He sighed.
"You both know what you did to earn this, don't you?" He asked. Both lads nodded. "Then follow me."
Bilbo led the group through Bag End to a room where Pippin had only been once. It was Bilbo's study, where he kept his personal items and writing material. Frodo had been here many times, usually to read bits of the Red Book that Bilbo had finished, but also on other business. Bilbo pulled out a chair and sat on it. Then he called Pippin over to him. Gently he undid the lad's braces and let the trousers fall on their own. Then he pulled Pippin over his lap and started to hand spank the little lad. It didn't take much for Pippin to start howling since his behind was already quite sore.
"Oowww!! Please Bilbo it hurts! I'm sorryyyy!" Pippin begged after the seventh hard spank. Bilbo ignored the pleas and continued until the little bottom was bright red for the second time that day. Then he let the sobbing little hobbit off his lap and hugged him close. Once Pippin was done crying, he was sent to the corner and Frodo was called over.
It took much more for Frodo to really start crying, mostly because he hadn't been spanked earlier that day, but also because he was much older. However, once he started he was lost in a world of stinging pain. He started kicking and howling as Bilbo continued and the spanking didn't stop until Frodo's bottom was a dark red. Frodo got up sniffling and was immediately hugged by his uncle.
When they were finally released by Bilbo, Pippin went straight over to the Gamgees and Frodo decided to take a nap. Merry and Pippin's day became much better and after a few hours they both were back to normal.
Warnings~ Corporal Punishment, A/U in a way… since Bilbo is still at Bag End and Pippin is over 11, I am pretending that the ring never really happened. Just go with me here people, I like the hobbits being older. Plus it technically isn't illegal since everyone in the story is over 18. So ha. Eat that mother fuckers. Try and find something to ban in this one. Maybe I should write a very risqué musician fic and see what they have to say about it. Ok, I am now officially pissed off. Anyway…
It was just after elevenses when Pippin and Merry were messing about in the gardens of Bilbo Baggins. They were hidden behind a maze of sunflowers, which was good, for if the Gaffer had seen them they would be in a large amount of trouble. Pippin wasn't much older than 20, which made Merry about 28, and both had been visiting their uncle and cousin for a few days. Their parents, and, in Pippin's case, sisters, were staying at the Inn in Hobbiton and had allowed the boys to stay with Bilbo.
So far the visit had been going well, except for being brushed off by Frodo who had preferred Sam Gamgee's company to theirs. But Pippin and Merry were undaunted, and had taken off into the gardens.
"Wanna pretend we're moles?" Pippin suggested to his cousin. Merry shook his head silently. "Uhm, how 'bout rabbits?" Merry rolled his eyes.
"Pippin, don't you ever get tired of pretending?" Merry asked a little frustrated. If Pip had noticed he chose to ignore it. Instead he put on his best grin and shook his head. Merry sighed.
This time Pippin did notice something was wrong. "What?" he asked, curiously. Merry shook his head. "C'mon, Mer, tell me what's botherin' you," Pippin badgered. "Please?"
"Nothing, okay? Just drop it," Merry said curtly before starting to walk away. Pippin caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder.
"Merry, what's wrong?" He asked sincerely. Merry knew he shouldn't take out his frustrations on the younger hobbit, but it was hard not to when you have an irrepressible bundle of energy hopping next to you the whole time. Merry sighed and turned away quickly, but Pippin was undaunted. "Merry, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what's bothering you. I mean it," Pippin said, not letting the 8 year age difference interfere with the threat. Pippin was a great deal smaller than Merry, but that didn't seem to stop the bold Took from looking Merry straight in the eye, dead serious.
"I'm not, am I? And who's gonna make me? You?" Merry sneered. He really was getting sick of Pippin. Pippin furrowed his brow in determination and nodded. Merry laughed. "Surely you're not serious, I could crush you Pippin. You wouldn't have a chance."
"There's only one way to find out, cousin," Pippin replied in a low tone. Before Merry could react Pippin had balled up his fist and hit Merry square across the jaw. Merry's jaw exploded in pain and he completely lost his temper. Growling, he launched himself at Pippin, catching the younger hobbit around the middle and shoved them both down into a few sunflowers. Needless to say, the flowers were destroyed under the combined weight of two hobbits.
Pippin and Merry were now rolling around on the ground. Occasionally one would get on top and punch the other in the face, but the fight mostly consisted of wrestling for control in the dirt.
While they were fighting, the Gaffer had noticed a few of his prized sunflowers disappear. Curious, he wandered outside and made his way toward the flower patch. He heard the sounds of the fight before he saw it, and hurried over to the two hobbit-lads wrestling on the ground. What he saw did not impress him at all.
Hamfast Gamgee was met with the site of two boys trying to kill each other, one with a black eye, one with a bloody nose, and both on top of 3 or 4 crushed sunflowers. Setting his jaw, he stepped in between the boys, grabbed each one by the scruff of the neck, and shook them until he had their attention. "What's all this?! Explain yourselves, NOW," he commanded in a firm voice. Pippin recovered from the initial shock first.
"Merry started it! He dared me to punch him, so I did. Then he got upset and tackled me! I fought back in self-defense," Pippin stated before being interrupted by Merry.
"You did not! You hit me first, without cause! I didn't dare you, you liar!"
"Yes you did!"
"Boys!" Hamfast barked out. The lads stopped bickering and looked at him. "First off, can either one of you tell me what happened to my sunflowers?"
The boys looked at said sunflowers and Merry grimaced. Pippin looked speechless.
"Uhh… I guess they sorta got in the way…" Merry explained. Hamfast grunted and started pulling them along with him. "Wha- where are you taking us?" Merry asked.
"Back to my home. You lads have an appointment with a strap that cannot be delayed," Hamfast replied, soberly. Pippin's eyes grew wide.
"No! No, sir, please, we didn't mean it, really! Please don't strap us, sir… please…" Pippin started begging. Hamfast gave him one look and Pippin effectively shut up. Merry was starting to sniffle in anticipation. He hadn't been punished in a while, and really didn't want to be again. He had thought he was past that stage of his childhood, but apparently to the Gaffer one was never too old for a whipping.
After a few minutes walk, the Gaffer led the boys inside his home. His wife took one look at the lads and immediately placed a wet rag over Merry's black eye. She wet another rag and cleaned up Pippin's face where the blood had solidified. Once they were cleaned up, Hamfast was waiting for them holding a leather strap that looked as though it had seen a good amount of use. He led the boys out the back door and sat down on a bench that was placed out there. From there he pointed to Pippin. "Take off those trousers, lad, and get yourself over my knee quick-like."
Pippin complied, feeling a little embarrassed at having to remove his trousers out in the open, but did it anyway. Now starting to tear up, he draped himself over Ham's knee, and held on to the armrest of the bench.
"Now, tell me why you're about to be punished, Peregrin Took," the Gaffer asked. Pippin cringed at the use of his full name, but started speaking.
"Be- because we killed a few of your sunflowers, sir…" Pippin said hoping he was right. Ham nodded and started bringing down the leather strap on the small bare behind.
"Very good, lad. Now, can you tell me why else?" The strap kept falling and Pippin started kicking.
"'Cause… 'cause Merry an' I were fightin'… and we shouldn't'a been…" Pippin continued between sobs. Finally the strap fell for the last time, but not until there was one very sore and sorry hobbit-lad crying over his knee. He let Pippin up, hugged him, and sent him over to watch as Merry had watched his. He then called Merry over to him and had the boy go through the same procedure. Once Merry was over his knee, Hamfast asked the same question.
"Well, Meriadoc Brandybuck, tell me why you are about to be punished, please," Ham said.
"Cause I lost my temper and hit my baby cousin…" Merry whispered before starting to cry. Ham had to try to keep himself from comforting the grieving lad, he had to be spanked before he could be comforted. Gently, Ham prodded Merry on. "What else, Merry?"
"I, I broke your flowers and ruined them completely. Oh, I'm so sorry, please…" Merry cried. Ham allowed himself to pat Merry's head before he started spanking the lad's bottom. This caused Merry to start sobbing and kicking, most unlike the 28 year old hobbit he was. After Merry's bottom looked like Pippin's, Ham stopped and brought the crying hobbit into a fatherly hug. Ham whispered sweet nothings into Merry's ear to help calm him down, and stroked the back of his head. When Merry finally quieted, Ham stood him up and spoke to them both.
"Well, I will be informing Master Bilbo about this, but I will also inform him that you both have been properly punished and require no more. Hopefully he will pass that last bit on to your parents. Now come along, you're nearly late for luncheon, so lets go drop you off. And don't worry about the flowers, Merry, I had been thinking I had one too many anyway. Let's go, now," He said as he helped Merry up and caught them both by their hands. Allowing them time to become adjusted to walking, he led them carefully back to Bag-End.
When they arrived, Frodo and Sam were already back, after a day in the Marketplace. The Gaffer knocked on the door and Frodo answered. When Frodo saw the puffy eyes and stiff walking, he smiled.
"What is so funny, Master Frodo? A boy's punishment is no laughing matter, and if you will remember correctly Master Bilbo had no complaints to me taking you over my knee if you need it," Hamfast snorted. Frodo looked rightfully frightened and lost the smile immediately. Lucky it was that the Gaffer didn't notice Merry and Pippin's own smirks when their "high and mighty" cousin was put in his place.
"N-no sir, that won't be necessary…" Frodo replied quickly.
"Speaking of Master Bilbo, is he in?" Ham asked. Frodo shook his head. "Sorry, he said he'd be out for a while this morning, I could deliver a message if you'd like…"
"No, I need to speak to him personally. Right, as soon as he gets back, send Samwise over to tell me. Good day, Mister Frodo," Hamfast replied and left. Frodo looked at the two contrite hobbit-lads standing in front of him.
"Well, what'd you two do now?" Frodo asked, the smirk returning to his face. Pippin furrowed his brow.
"Nothin', what makes you think we did something?" the youngest hobbit asked. Sam walked into the room.
"Well, Mr. Pippin, 't'seems you both'r havin' a hard time walkin' is all," Sam said. "'Sides, I'd know that threat anywhere, Da's very protective when it comes to whippin's. How many he give ya?"
"A lot, thank you very much. And we didn't do much, just accidentally break a few sunflowers. He over-reacted and thought we'd killed his dog or something," Merry explained and sighed. Sam looked amused.
"No wonder he whipped you! He's been spending all his time nurturing those flowers to win in the county fair. He threatened to whip everyone of us if he found us near 'um, but I never thought he'd whip someone other than close family!" Sam said and Frodo looked surprised. So that's what those red marks were on Sam's bottom. Frodo wondered if Merry and Pippin had the same ones.
"Well, don't keep us waiting, you two! Let's see the damage…" Frodo said and coaxed the younger lads to take off their trousers again. They complied, and soon two red striped bottoms were on proud display in Frodo's bedroom mirror.
"Mmm, very nice, very nice… yes, how much do you think those are worth Mr. Gamgee?" Frodo said in a lower register, pretending to be a salesman of tomatoes. Frodo moved over behind Pippin. He took a close look at Pippin's bottom and traced the lines before planting a stinging swat with his hand. Pippin yelped and slapped Frodo's hand. Frodo giggled while Pippin fumed.
"You think this is so funny, don't you?" He asked with the distinct sound of an oncoming pout. When Frodo nodded, his eyes laughing, it was Pippin's turn to lose his temper. He did the only thing he knew how to do, and tackled Frodo's legs, pulling the older hobbit to the ground. Merry and Sam stood on, shocked at the little one's temper. Pippin rarely lost it, but when he did he made sure everyone knew about it.
Frodo was on the ground being pummeled by a half-naked cousin, and the other hobbits in the room were doing nothing. When Pippin latched onto Frodo's hair, trying to force Frodo into knocking his head on the ground, Frodo called out.
"Ahh, don't just stand there… aahouch Pippin!! Get him off me!!" Frodo yelled while Pippin checked his head onto the floor. Merry looked at Sam and they launched themselves at Pippin, gathering the bundle of kicking, screaming hobbit and pulling him off his older cousin. Merry let Sam deal with Pippin while he went to hold back Frodo.
"Let me at him! Merry, he deserves this, look at what he did to you! I'll knock some sense into him!" Frodo yelled. Everyone was interrupted when another voice over came Pippin's screams and Frodo's shouts. The loud, firm voice was directed at Frodo.
"You most certainly will not, my lad!!" All movement stopped and the four boys looked up at the old hobbit in terror. Frodo gulped. He had never seen Bilbo so upset in his life. His normal smile was twisted into a frown, and his eyes looked menacing.
Bilbo surveyed the scene. His charge was being held back by Merry, who was semi-naked and sporting a red bottom. His gardener's son was holding back a distraught, upset, and also semi-nude, red bottomed hobbit named Pippin. 'These boys will be the death of me,' Bilbo thought to himself. He sighed and began dishing out orders.
"First of all, put your clothes on! What would happen if your mothers saw you like that?! They'd never trust me to look after you again. Sam, Merry, let the other two go," Bilbo waited until the boys had done as he asked. Once they had obeyed he put his hands on his hips. "Now, tell me what this is all about."
"Pippin and I had just come back from…" "You see, sir, it was like this…" "Uncle, Pippin attacked me! He…" "I did not, you liar! You hit me first!"
Bilbo realized his mistake as soon as he said it and was assaulted with four different versions at once. He held up his hand for silence.
"Samwise, explain, if you would."
"Yes, Master Bilbo. This all started when my Gaffer arrived at the door with Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin in tow. It was obvious they'd been crying, and were having a hard time walking. The Gaffer said he wanted to talk to you, sir, but Mr. Frodo, here, said you was at the marketplace. The Gaffer said for me to get him when you arrived… shall I do that now, sir?"
Bilbo couldn't help but smile at Sam. "No, Samwise, finish your tale first, then we all shall find the Gaffer." Merry and Pippin visibly paled and Frodo started to tremble. Samwise continued.
"Yes, sir. Anyway, so once the Gaffer had left, I reckon Mr. Frodo was thinking the same thing as I and he asked to see Misters Merry and Pippin's bottoms. I was rightly shocked at the boldness, but Mr. Merry complied, and Mr. Pippin agreed as well. Then, uhm, then Mr. Frodo said a few things which Mr. Pippin didn't like one bit, and Mr. Pippin tackled Mr. Frodo. Mr. Merry and myself managed to get Mr. Pippin off of Mr. Frodo, and Mr. Merry had gone to hold Mr. Frodo back when you arrived, sir," Sam finished. The other three were looking at the floor.
"Do you lot agree with Samwise's version of events?" Bilbo asked the contrite bunch. 3 "yes sir"s were barely recognizable. "Now, what to do with you? If I am correct, Meriadoc and Peregrin have already been to see the Gaffer once today, and no doubt will he have something to say if they appear in need of yet another lesson. Frodo hasn't been in need of a lesson on behaviour in a few years, and I suppose he could use one, yes, yes indeed. And Samwise was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. What to do…" Bilbo thought out loud. He gauged the reactions of each boy, Pippin and Merry were terrified that they would receive another whipping in one day, with another to follow when their parents were told. Frodo was looking down at the floor in sadness, since his fate seemed to have been sealed. Samwise looked as though he didn't know what to think, everyone around him was about to receive a whipping and he was about to get out Scot-free. The mixed feelings in his heart were confusing him, and Bilbo decided one thing couldn't be avoided any longer.
"Samwise, go find your Gaffer and bring him here. I will speak with him first before anything is decided," Sam nodded and left. Bilbo turned to the remaining boys. "I suggest you three make up and think about what you did and what's to come. Into the parlour with you, and if I see so much as a pout I'll take all of you over my knee right here and now, with plenty to follow later tonight."
The three made their way into the parlour and sat down on a couch together. After a few minutes of sulking Frodo turned to Pippin.
"Look, Pip, I, uh… I just wanted to say I'm sorry I teased you… I really shouldn't have, and I didn't really mean it, even if there was no way you could have known that."
Pippin looked at his older cousin and sighed. "Yeah, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have blown my top like that… are you alright? I remember pulling really hard on your hair…"
Frodo let a smile show through and pulled his own hair. "Well, it hasn't come out yet, so you must not have pulled that hard. Come here, you naughty boy!" The two boys giggled and hugged. Then Pippin turned to Merry.
"Mer… you're not too mad, are you?" He asked, unsure of how Merry would react. Merry shrugged.
"I dunno, Pip. You really have been getting on my nerves recently…" he admitted. Pippin looked downcast.
"Oh."
"Oh, come on Merry. If Pippin and I made up you have to too, this isn't a choice. Either you make up now and tell us what's wrong, or I take you over my knee right now, no matter what Bilbo says. You're being unreasonable keeping your feelings locked up from us. We're your friends, Merry, we're family. We don't keep secrets," Frodo said becoming more and more frustrated. Merry just looked at his feet. "Merry, tell us what's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. What happened to the daring, charming, mischievous Merry Brandybuck, hmm? What happened to 'before I become the Master of Buckland I'm going to play in the town of Luckland'?"
Merry smiled a little when Frodo mentioned the rhyme he used to shout when he was younger. Those had been the good days… nothing to worry about. Merry sighed and decided to tell the truth.
"Well, my father's been going on again about how I'm to follow in his footsteps and all that. He's really begun to crack down on me and now I find myself questioning everything that I used to do. I do need to become more serious if I'm to make a good Master, you know…"
"Pony-shit Merry!! You've been listening too hard! How do you picture your father, eh? Because if I remember right you hate him! You hate how he handles things! Meriadoc Brandybuck, listen to me. Do you want your children thinking the same thing about you? Do you want to become that strict unrelenting persona that your father is? No! You don't! You will make a fine master, Merry, a better one than your father ever will be because you will have character!! Not many hobbits do Merry, but you will! You don't need to change!" Pippin yelled. Merry looked quite taken aback. Everyone stood still thinking about Pippin's outburst. In the other room Bilbo smiled. He knew Pippin could say something when he put his mind to it.
"You're right Pip…" Merry whispered slowly. The tears were welling up in his eyes, and Pippin couldn't stand still any longer. The younger hobbit latched onto his cousin, and let the older lad cry out his frustrations. Frodo couldn't help smiling, and joined the hug as well. Soon Merry stopped and wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve while smiling. "Thanks, cousins."
When Bilbo went to check on them he had to really try to make his face stern. He was happy for the lads, but he couldn't let fighting go unpunished. With a grim determination, he opened the door.
"As much as I am happy you all are friends again, I cannot let the fight go unpunished. Merry-lad, why don't you go over to the Gamgees? I have talked with Samwise's father and he should have a nice cup of tea waiting for you," Bilbo said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Merry nodded and left the room. Bilbo turned to Pippin and Frodo who were both looking at their curly-haired feet. He sighed.
"You both know what you did to earn this, don't you?" He asked. Both lads nodded. "Then follow me."
Bilbo led the group through Bag End to a room where Pippin had only been once. It was Bilbo's study, where he kept his personal items and writing material. Frodo had been here many times, usually to read bits of the Red Book that Bilbo had finished, but also on other business. Bilbo pulled out a chair and sat on it. Then he called Pippin over to him. Gently he undid the lad's braces and let the trousers fall on their own. Then he pulled Pippin over his lap and started to hand spank the little lad. It didn't take much for Pippin to start howling since his behind was already quite sore.
"Oowww!! Please Bilbo it hurts! I'm sorryyyy!" Pippin begged after the seventh hard spank. Bilbo ignored the pleas and continued until the little bottom was bright red for the second time that day. Then he let the sobbing little hobbit off his lap and hugged him close. Once Pippin was done crying, he was sent to the corner and Frodo was called over.
It took much more for Frodo to really start crying, mostly because he hadn't been spanked earlier that day, but also because he was much older. However, once he started he was lost in a world of stinging pain. He started kicking and howling as Bilbo continued and the spanking didn't stop until Frodo's bottom was a dark red. Frodo got up sniffling and was immediately hugged by his uncle.
When they were finally released by Bilbo, Pippin went straight over to the Gamgees and Frodo decided to take a nap. Merry and Pippin's day became much better and after a few hours they both were back to normal.