There is a llama in the hallway. It smells like a mix of orange slices and shaving cream. Do not ask me how it got there, for I believe there is no answer that wouldn't upset the balance of the universe and all it holds dear.
The llama bumps me with its sombrero and then meows. I hold tighter on Caleb's leash so he doesn't go chasing after it. He'll probably think it's a new pokemon or something. Sometimes all I want is to have a normal brother, one that doesn't try to scan everyone with his smartphone with the belief it is a pokedex.
We move quickly, but not too quickly, because getting vertigo at this moment in time would suck. The more llamas I see, the more pressure I feel building up inside me. Of course, that could just be the burrito I had for lunch. I love Mexican food, but unfortunately, it doesn't love me.
Caleb's backpack, filled with nothing but spray cheese, flies above his head eerily. I make a mental note to return it. I specifically asked for a hovering backpack, not a flying one.
Llamas are walking in all different directions, including backwards and upwards. I pay no mind to their shenanigans. Soon, we will reach a hallway that doesn't exist. Then, with the power of friendship, we will make it exist.
''I think something horrible happened to that blonde chick Cara.'' Matthew suddenly says.
I give a start, accidently punching him in the face from surprise. ''Oh, sorry Matthew.'' I say seductively. ''I forgot you had a purpose apart from making Tobias jealous.''
''I don't.'' He says. ''I'm just here for kicks.''
''Cool beans.'' I reply, feeling the desire to eat another burrito. ''Anyway, why were you worried about whatsherface?''
''I saw a llama violently rip her throat out.''
''Cool beans.'' I hitch up my backpack, feeling my marshmallow gun dig into my skull. It reminds me that if I keep eating the marshmallows at this rate, I'll be out of ammo in just a few years.
I facepalm Caleb, and then Matthew, in a dramatic gesture to get us to stop.
''I have an idea.'' I say. ''We ditch the compound, and go rent a movie. Caleb and I will run to the local Redbox, and Matthew, go buy some popcorn. And a burrito. With tartar sauce.''
''Where am I supposed to get a burrito? You ransacked the food store last night and consumed all of them!'' Matthew derps.
''That sounds like a personal problem.'' I flip back my hair beautifully. ''When you find a burrito, shoot it. That way, you'll know you found a burrito.''
''Hmmm...that makes a great deal of sense. I can't believe I didn't think of that!'' He shakes his head sadly at his stupidity, then takes off down the hallway, jumping over llamas like a badass.
I yank Caleb's leash roughly and guide him to the nonexistent hallway. I'm sure they have a Redbox there.
I hear a gunshot, and turn around to see Matthew being eaten by llamas while screaming for his life.
''You idiot!'' I shout. ''I told you only to shoot if you found a burrito!'' I turn on my heel indignantly, teleporting Caleb and myself into the nonexistent hallway so I don't have to deal with this crap.
With a pop, we find ourselves in an empty hallway with shiny tinfoil wallpaper. Turns out, the hallway existed the entire time. I take a moment to process this. This is likely the biggest plot twist I've ever experienced.
I laugh maniacally. At this rate, we're sure to find a movie rental place!
''BAGELS! I MEAN, STOP!'' A voice shouts from above me.
''God? Is that you?'' I shout back.
''No, uh, this is Tim. From sewage. You're not allowed to go any farther.''
'Why not?'' I ask, slapping Caleb when he takes out his smartphone and aims it at the ceiling.
''Because I said so.'' The voice says reasonably.
''Seems legit.'' I reply, collapsing to the floor in a sign of defeat.
Caleb stares at me sadly. In this moment, in this amazing moment, I realize something. Something about my life, my family, my feelings. Something that will likely lead to a dramatic life changing decision. Something that could shatter my world, and all preconceived notions I possessed.
''Caleb.'' I start.
''Random girl I met two hours ago.'' He finishes.
I burst into tears, throwing my arms around his neck. I couldn't have said it better myself. I grab his flying backpack and let his leash drop to the floor.
''Wait! You can't! My allowance for the new Pokemon game was in there!'' He wails desperately.
''Too bad.'' I say, slapping him. Tim from sewage shouts something in Latin at us, but I ignore him.
''Caleb, you and I both know that this money will pay for several days worth of movie rentals. Think about it- we could rent a movie for a year for only three hundred sixty five dollars!'' I plead. ''Plus, if you don't let me have it, I will shoot you in the face.'' I shoot him in the face anyway for emphasis, but he just eats the bullet.
I scream loudly to check out the acoustics, then run as fast as I can to a mysterious door at the end of the hall. It reads: ''Death Room. You Will Die. It Will Be Fatal.'' I take a deep breath. No one can fool me. I know they have movies for rent in there. I just know.
I ninja kick the door open, ready to face the competition over new releases.
