AN: First up, just a note to allay any fears from the get go that I am NOT, nor will I abandon "Negotiating" for this story. "Negotiating Her Life" is my main story and trust me when I say the chapter I'm working on right now (#28) is THE chapter readers have been waiting for. I posted the most recent chapter (#27) just a couple of days ago, so check that out if you haven't already ;-).
This story, I'll Stand By You, is vaguely based on 2 different people from my life and things that happened to them. I'm combining their stories to make this story. It's set in current time, season 15, but the Delia Wilson scandal never happened. So: no Elliott (he didn't shoot Jenna Fox, he just retired from SVU on his terms) and no Brian. Alex and Casey are still the assigned ADA's as they were in season 13 (and that's how they look in appearance). Lewis Williams certainly never happened in this story timeline, Olivia just decided it was time to cut her hair. It will start off as T rated, but it may eventually become M later on (haven't decided yet, but eventual Cabenson? Of course!) I think that's all that needs to be known. I don't know how often I'll update this story, because as I said "Negotiating Her Life" is my main priority for writing. Just sometimes while working on that story I get the inspiration to write something else, and I know this won't be too difficult for me to write. As always: feedback is loved, and constructive criticism is preferred :-). Hope readers enjoy :-)
Numb.
That was the best description ADA Alex Cabot could come up with as to what she was feeling right now. Her day had gone from great, to hover around terrible, then to come crashing down in an overwhelming landslide as the worst day in her life in the space of 6 hours. How could this have happened? Things like this only ever happens on television shows or movies, never in real life. But today proved to Alex that it did happen in real life.
Right now, she was running on auto pilot while she listened to Detective Olivia Benson's explanation for requiring a search warrant on a suspected rapist inside her office at 1 Hogan.
Olivia had held a torch for Alex since the blonde ADA was assigned after the Morris Commission, but had never acted upon it. Truth be told, she still held a torch deep within her heart to this very day. She had been close to finally revealing her feelings, but Abigail Carmichael had beaten her to the punch 2 years ago, when both Olivia introduced them at Elliott Stabler's retirement party, where SVU members past and present gathered to farewell the ex-Marine from the NYPD. Abbie was a Federal Prosecutor in Washington DC for several years, but had been transferred back to New York on her request, with short trips back to DC every month, around the same time Elliott retired. Alex and Abbie began dating shortly after and Olivia Benson, the honourable woman that she is, was happy for her friends to have found each other, even though it broke her heart. It was her own fault, perhaps if she hadn't kept putting it off, and instead put her heart on the line, things would have been different. But that was all past tense, ancient history now.
"So do we have enough for a warrant, Alex?"
"Yes, I believe so. I'll get you the warrant within an hour, Detective Benson." Alex lowered her head and resumed her paperwork, effectively dismissing Olivia.
In the last 6 months Alex had been more withdrawn from any interactions with Olivia than was truly necessary. No drinks after work, no dinner out with friends, maybe another time for this, a raincheck for that. Everything was strictly work related now. Olivia had started casually dating Serena Southerlyn a little over 6 months ago after being introduced by their mutual friend, Casey Novak, at a dinner the red haired ADA had organised just after Serena had returned to New York after living and working in Nation's Capital with the ACLU. Casey had become acquainted with Serena while she was censured for violating the Brady Rules. If Olivia had to pinpoint Alex's change, it was right after that very dinner. The SVU detective had gone over and over it in her mind, but couldn't put her finger on anything specifically. Everyone had gotten on quite well at the dinner, talking, laughing, light hearted banter, but after that night, Alex changed. She may have lost her opportunity to be with Alex romantically, but she didn't want to lose her friend either, and right now, that's exactly what it was starting to feel like for Olivia Benson.
"Is there something else you need, Detective?" Alex inquired, her head still buried in paperwork.
"I was wondering if you'd like to grab drink with me later on at the Shamrock, but I know for certain you're answer will be no. Just like it always is now," Olivia lamented, her hand slipping in to her jeans pocket.
"That's not true." The blonde's head still down.
"Cut the crap, Alex! It's like you don't want me in your life any more. If I've done something to hurt our friendship, I'd like to know what it was. I think I at least deserve that courtesy."
"Nothing, Liv. It's not you." Alex continued to study her summation notes, striking a line through a sentence of text and rewriting the few words on the paper.
"Then why have you been avoiding me like the plague outside of work? We both know you have, don't deny it."
Alex placed her pen down. Slowly, she raised her head, her blue eyes hiding behind the black framed glasses eventually finding the brown ones looking at her with a hint of sadness. Alex was on the verge of tears as she stood up, but she was valiantly fighting a losing battle. "I know, and I'm sorry. I hope I haven't lost you as a friend, because I'm really going to need some now."
One one words sprang to mind for Olivia to describe Alex's demeanour.
Broken.
Olivia pulled Alex into a caring hug, "Alex, what's wrong? What's happened?"
Allowing herself to be guided by Olivia from her desk to the leather lounge in Alex's office, they sat down next to each other. "Today is officially the worst day of my life. I think it even supersedes being shot and entering WPP."
Olivia waited patiently for Alex to continue when the ADA fell silent.
"Liv, for the last 6 months, Abbie's been constantly accusing me of having an affair... with you."
"That's absurd! You and I both know that!"
"I know. I've been doing everything I possibly can to quell any fears she has of me cheating and it still didn't matter. She kept throwing my cheating on Robert with Jim in my face, I did it once and said she was sure I'd do it again. I'm truly sorry if I've ruined our friendship by doing what I did to you, so now you know that's why I've been avoiding you like I have. But that changes from now on."
"You've not ruined our friendship, believe me. But I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean by it didn't matter any more, Alex?"
"Abbie broke up with me this morning... because she's the one that's been having an affair behind my back."
"She accused you, and she's the one having the affair?!"
"Yeah. Diverting her own guilt on me, I guess. And it's not just a recent thing either. She's been having an affair for the last year she's been with me! She used the excuse that me not wanting children had something to do with it. I'd told her when we got together it wasn't a priority at the moment, because I'd just come back from the Congo and started back at SVU, but maybe later on we'd look into fertility treatment or adoption."
"Do you know who Abbie cheated with?"
"No. She said I didn't need to know... not my concern!" Alex shook her head sadly, "I can't believe how blind I've been to it, but I guess love does that to people. At least now I know why we haven't had much sex in the last 6 months, but her constant accusations didn't help. I loved her so much, Olivia... I was actually going to propose to her to show her how much. I picked a ring and started paying it off." Alex gave a halfhearted laugh, "I was going to make another payment on it today! Glad the lawyer in me took out the insurance... just in case."
A fresh wave of tears took hold of Alex as she continued her explanation, "Then when I thought my day couldn't get any worse than it was... it did."
Olivia looked at the blonde questioningly as she passed Alex a couple of tissues from the box on the coffee table. Alex took a deep steadying breath, she was still processing it herself. "I have breast cancer."