A/N: This is based on the scene in Secretary after Lee has listened to tapes about being submissive and much after Edward's ejaculation scene.
Lee sat idle as her cassette tape stopped rolling. Various images of the past couple of weeks fluttered in her mind as she soaked up the information she had just received. She couldn't decide whether she was shocked about what she'd just heard or how Edward had been acting. One thing she took away from having researched this was: she was definitely submissive. But not in a way that Edward wanted or in a way she could provide for Edward..
She took the remainder of her lunch with her back to the office and grabbed the one she ordered for her. Her mind was still foggy from before lunch. She couldn't wrap her mind around what was different about this time. Normally after the spankings, he would send her away to do tasks while her body was still sore and she was so wet. She felt the moment cheapened after masturbating in the bathroom stall soon after and that made her even more uneasy with walking back into work. She opened the door and noticed a few things out of place as she stepped in. A pang of horror struck through her with ideas of what could have happened while she was gone. The frames with hers spelling errors were strewn about, glass crackled under her feet as she walked towards the back office.
"Mr. Grey?" her tiny voice echoed off the walls eerily as no one responded back. "Mr. Grey?" she tried again, but drummed it from the pit of her stomach to gain momentum with sound.
"In here." he responded briefly.
She knew that sound in his voice. His tone had changed from that after he started spanking her. He was stressed or distressed. Something was wrong and she could feel it.
Still holding his lunch, she toed carefully over the glass and broken wood in his office to find him facing his flower garden silently on his office sofa.
The room seemed to grow larger as they continued to not speak. Lee swallowed trying to think of a way to respond to him. But given recent events, she wasn't sure if she should speak her mind or ask what happened.
"Lee?" he finally spoke.
Her throat tightened as she croaked out "yes?"
He stood to face her but immediately looked passed her and walked over to his desk. He sat down and tried to gain his composure, combing his hair and fixing his tie. Lee took note of the worm she sent him in the trash next to his desk.
"I think we need to discuss a few things."
Lee watched him as he tried to be emotionless. She nodded her head a little taking the seat in front of the desk and slid the food over to him.
"I agree. I have a few things I would like to get off of my chest as well."
He looked at the sandwich and rolled his eyes slightly before moving them out of his view. "Lee," he started pensive, "when I first hired you, I was under the impression that you liked dull work. I think it would be in our best interest to…" he struggled with his thoughts before proceeding, "discuss" he landed on the word and lingered, "what's been happening between us." he folded his hands over the desk anticipating Lee's response.
"Yes?" she answered unsure. He raised an eyebrow confused by her reaction. "Yes." she said trying to gauge his face. He relaxed his shoulders and looked down at his thumbs in search of the next thing to say. He was conflicted. While these last few weeks Lee had worked for him he knew tha6 his behavior was the least bit acceptable. But he was grateful for her. Grateful that she obliged him. Grateful that she matched him in way he had never experienced with others who engaged with him.
"I'm...sorry." he stated. Lee was shocked by the apology. She didn't think there was much to be sorry for.
'Don't be." she squeaked. The corner of her mouth twitched with the slightest smile. She knew he owed her an apology. But it didn't mean he needed to deliver it. Not yet anyway.
"I realize that my...problem" he said as if the words hurt his teeth, "has taken over me in a much more dangerous way that before."
"What way is that?" Lee asked.
He looked up at her confused. Genuinely sincere and trying to excuse his actions. One more thing to be grateful about.
"I've taken advantage of you Lee. I need to own up to that."
She could feel herself holding her breath. After having acquired the knowledge she received, she knew he was right and she agreed that he had played on her fears. Her weaknesses. It was self centered and self serving. But after being with him and seeing it manifest on his fingers, the words birthed from his mouth, she knew it wasn't out of malice towards her. It was in him and not he himself.
"I understand." she simply replied. "But I don't think you should punish yourself."
Edward furrowed his brows in disbelief, "How can you say that? You don't know how I've struggled with this. You don't know the things I've done."
"That's all behind you. All I know is what we've shared."
"And you're okay with that?" his anger was apparent.
"No." she said looking him in the eye.
The shock spread on his face in waves starting with his eyes. He leaned back on his chair not having prepared for that response.
"No?" he recanted gripping the arms of his seat.
"Our practices have been unethical to say the least. We haven't established any boundaries thus far and if it weren't for me working here or provoking you, I fear that my punishments could be a lot worse."
His eyes only grew wider, "I.. I don't..."
"I looked into it. You have a dominant personality and I'm submissive. Which explains so much…"
He blinked out his confusion as she continued.
"I'm not really sure what any of that means really" she felt a wave of relief wash over her, 'I just know it describes us directly. I don't know what to make of it or take from it. But I know that it makes me not okay with what has been going on."
Edward could feel his power over her slightly slip through his sweaty fingers. He was put off, intrigued, turned on, angry and frustrated. This was coming in so suddenly especially since he knew how he wanted the rest of the evening to go. But he fell down the rabbit hole that were the words falling from Lee's lips. He wanted to know more of her curiosities and research. Instead of asking, he leaned forward and let her finish,
"What happened today… I was certain you were going to try to have sex with me. But when you didn't I realized that maybe there's something more. Something outside of immediate punishment after whiteout stains. I've been turned on by you and sex wouldn't have been a bad way to end things. But that lack of interest. It sparked a thought in me."
"What thought?"
"That maybe we could take this out of the office."
It was as if the statement was battery acid and it had just been pulled all over him. He shot out of his seat and began pacing in the spot he normally does workouts in. Lee sat still waiting for him to hold of himself. Once he was settled and standing in one spot her turned to her.
"What makes you think we could do this 24/7?"
She smiled, "We haven't tried."
He turned away again. This time he got lost in the idea that maybe they could. He weighed the options in his mind thinking on the one hand, he was already familiar with her. She never questioned anything he said just followed exactly to the letter of what he told her to do. Then on the other hand...that was another person's emotions he would have to be responsible for. Memories of his wife invaded his mind quickly, blacking out the light purple and blue images of Lee bent over his desk jolting forward from the impacts of his open palms. He tried to rid his head of the idea of his wife arguing with him. He was wrapped in the feeling of isolation which caused him to throw his arms around himself.
Lee got up and stood behind him. She wondered the internal battle he was having. But she was having one of her own. She could go forward with him and be submissive. But how much would he be willing to negotiate with her? Would he allow her as much freedom as he does when she's in the office? Granted he moved her desk back into the main lobby, but how much of his control was he willing to share at the expense of her pleasure. It was worth a shot of trying afterall. He meant a great deal to her at this juncture in her life. She wasn't quite sure what he meant, but she knew he had substance.
"We wouldn't have to completely commit." she cut the silence, yanking him from his own thought process.
He turned to her slowly.
She smiled and fiddled with her fingers nervously. "I figure since you were the one to initiate it, this isn't so new for you."
He shook his head and joined her on the other side of the room, "I regret to say that it isn't. There have been others before you."
She nodded, but she wasn't hurt or upset to find out that she hadn't been the first. "This is all new territory for me. The feelings. The engagement. I wouldn't place it on you to be responsible for me in that way."
His face changed. He seemed to be delighted. "How do you mean Ms. Holloway?"
His formality let her know that her decision to try and be casual was going in the right direction. She walked over to the sofa and held out her hand for him to join her. They at and pointed their knees towards one another before Lee spoke, "When I came here in search for a job, I was trying to find out who I was outside of my family. There were so many questions I avoided asking myself but having been here as ease some of the tension. I'm not afraid anymore."
Edward let out a breath that seemed like he was relieved or he wasn't buying what she was selling.
"I've enjoyed my time working here for you. And I appreciate you opening up my world for me. But I realize now that...we went about it very wrong. There's so much about myself I need to learn before I give myself to you in that way."
He was back to his face on total confusion, "In what way?"
"In order to make this work fully between us, I would need to give myself to you fully. I'm not sure I'm capable of doing that. There's Peter and the wedding. I can't commit the way you need in order to be the best sub for you."
He nodded understanding. A bit confused as up until this point, she had given herself to him and she was perfect. He was in disbelief that an inevitable 'breakup' was following.
"What do you propose we do?"
Lee shrugged shaking her head. "Sometimes it's nice not knowing. Sometimes you have to just let go." she smiled at him.
He received it and returned a smile back. "It seems we've come full circle." he responded recalling the very moment he told her to be free. On that very sofa. She shared the memory of it with him and rejoiced in his gentle tone.
"Yes sir. We have."
They stared at one another, comfortable with the idea of a new start.
Lee looked around and realized the dismantle and mangled items scattered around the room.
"What did happen while I was at lunch?"
Embarrassed, he got up and began to try and clean the room. Lee stooped down and helped by picking up the letters.
"I'm still so very sorry for what happened between us Ms. Holloway." was all he said while gathering the mess. "I should try to be better about my urges." he dropped the letters off into the trash and sat behind his desk. Lee followed and stood in front of his desk, "I think this display here is the exact reason why you shouldn't ignore your feelings. I won't ignore mine anymore."
He looked at her in total shock. HE had no idea who this person was standing before him today.
"Would you like to join me for dinner later tonight to discuss further terms of our arrangement?" he bluntly said.
It took her by surprise in that he was always so reserved and closed off to most kinds of interactions with her.
"I don't think I can do that Mr. Grey."
He sat back, jarred by her decline, "May I ask why not?"
"I still work here and I'm engaged." not that her engagement to Peter mattered. She was planning to have a long talk with him after this conversation. She had only said yes because it was a safe thing to do. But now that she was aware of her options, she for sure knew she didn't want to end up married with this world of possibilities ahead of her.
So the next best thing for Edward to do was fire her. But she said she quit. Edward reveled in the fact that she would be willing to continue seeing him. He also liked the idea of not knowing where the relationship would end up. Lee was confident that whether she take or leave what was established between her and Edward that she would still find herself on the other end. That journey started with seeing her therapist again and more often. She wanted to start with herself first.
She collected her things from her desk in a box as well as helped Edward clean up the mess he made prior to. She thought to herself if these walls could talk, they would be absolutely speechless. Edward had a check for her waiting as she readied herself to leave. She took it and shook his hand goodbye.
"Until this evening." he said with a grin.
"Until this evening." she said back and began walking home.
The open air and sun on her face in the cool day was reassurance that this was what she needed. She was happy that he respected her wishes to quit and stand up for herself. Though dinner with Edward would start a new chapter in her life, leaving this office was the beginning of a beautiful relationship with the one person that mattered the most: Lee.