And… Action!
What happens when the cameras stop rolling?
Sometimes the best action occurs off the set…
This is my first fanfic! It describes life both on and off the set of the hit Disney show, Kim Possible. It is inspired by a great video on youtube showing Drakken flubbing a line ("I'm improvising! I'm an artist, you know!"), only to have Shego argue that the new line is lame. Kim tries to break it up ("Guys, we've got a scene to shoot") with little success.
Disclaimers: Yadda yadda yadda
CHAPTER ONE
Shego hurled a ball of hot plasma towards Kim, who deftly jumped over it as easily as if she had been skipping rope. As Kim was in the air, she gracefully twirled her left leg in order to kick Shego in the jaw. Using the momentum gained from the force of the blow, Shego leapt towards the nearest wall and bounced right off, catching Kim neatly in the stomach. Kim doubled over as though in pain; while in this position, she rammed her head into Shego's chest. Shego, who had been caught off-guard, flew backwards, but managed to perform a quick back-flip in the air that enabled her to land on her feet.
"What the HELL was that!" Shego demanded.
"Cut!" shouted a voice in the background.
"What the hell is your problem this time?" Shego barked again, but this time her anger was not directed at Kim. Her blazing green eyes were instead focused on the man approaching the two women. He was wearing a headset and carrying several wires, and appeared very tired and very annoyed.
"Gomez, how many times to have to remind you – no profanity!" snapped David.
"She used the wrong move!" spat Sheba Gomez-Goldstein, who, unsurprisingly, preferred to be called by her nickname of Shego. "Don't blame me if Princess here keeps fouling up the choreography."
"I'm not fouling anything!" Kim Reilly retorted hotly. In true Disney fashion, the actors on "Kim Possible" all used their real first names for their characters. "If you had kicked me at the right angle, I would have been better positioned to get you where I was sup – "
"That is not the point, ladies!" David interrupted. "Shego, we've gone over the profanity rules a million times! This is a kid show, for crying out loud!"
Shego glowered. Everyone knew that she resented hearing the show being referred to as a children's show. "Oh, sure," she told David. "Physical combat and doomsday devices are just fine, but the word 'hell' will just leave the little brats traumatized for life."
"This is not the time to debate company policy," David replied crossly. "Get yourself cast in 'Pirates of the Caribbean' and you can have all the damns, hells, and physical combat you want. But not on this set."
"Maybe we should take a breather, ladies," suggested Mark in a placating tone, removing his headset. "Back in five."
"Kim, that was so cool!" shouted Ron Perlman, who was only slightly more coordinated than his on-screen counterpart. He and Andrew "Drakken" Drakinger emerged from behind mounds of debris, having decided that the scene was now safe.
"The two of you make it all look so real," agreed Drakken.
Kim shrugged modestly while Shego smiled triumphantly. Kim couldn't help agreeing with Drakken. With Shego, everything was real. She took the show's combat and martial arts training seriously. Too seriously.
"So, Kim, are we on for Taco Bell tonight?" asked Ron. Ron and Kim had recently begun dating, a development that was whole-heartedly supported by the show's producers and public relations committee.
"No, I don't think I can make it, too much homework," sighed Kim. "Sorry, Ron."
"Taco Bell?" Drakken asked excitedly. "Oh, goody! They have this wonderful new quesadilla that I'm dying to try!"
"You hang out with the clown?" demanded Shego.
"Shego, just because we play enemies doesn't mean that we can't be friends off the set."
"It totally ruins the authentic feel to the show!" Shego disagreed. "You won't project the same kind of animosity if you guys start bonding!"
"Well, that explains some things," Kim muttered.
"It's called acting, Shego!" Drakken said irritably.
"Not something you ought to rely on, Dr. D.," replied Shego.
"Are you questioning my acting skills?"
"Yeah, well if you had a day job, I would tell you not to quit it."
"Gah!" shouted Drakken, pulling at his hair. "I get no respect from anyone anymore!"
"Did you ever?"
"Don't character actors get any respect in the industry anymore?"
"Shego," Kim stepped in, "are you acting like a jerk for the sake of the show's authenticity, or is this part of your real personality?"
Shego responded by lunging at Kim and tossing a green ball of plasma towards her, which Kim easily avoided.
"Okay, real personality," Kim back-flipped away from Shego, twirled, and kicked her neatly in the chest.
"You know, someone has got to take that flame-thrower thing away from her between takes," Ron said thoughtfully as the fight continued.
"The props people tried it last time," Drakken answered. "It didn't work very well."
"Hey, Mark!" David, who had been watching the actors' interaction slightly removed from the soundstage, suddenly turned to his co-director. "Look at them go! Boys, get this on tape! Come on! Roll 'em!"
"I don't know, David," Mark said uncertainly. "Shouldn't we try and stop them?"
"What for?"
"I don't know – they don't even realize we're shooting."
"You told them we'd continue shooting in five."
"I don't like the idea of shooting real fights for the show, David," Mark said uncomfortably. "It feels too exploitative, like we're taking advantage of their relationship."
"That's the biz, Mark. Come on, this routine is much better than the one they were doing before."
Mark sighed. "Sometimes you approach life with all the integrity of a game-show host."
"Why, thank you, Mark," David said proudly.
On the soundstage, Shego and Kim continued exchanging and dodging punches and kicks. Neither noticed the cameramen capturing their every move.
"You ought to keep your nose out of people's business, Kimmie," Shego said. She aimed a kick at Kim, who dodged it. "Sometimes you think you're a real superhero."
Kim jumped over Shego and aimed a punch. She missed. "Yeah, well, you seem to be the one who believes in typecasting." She lunged again.
Shego dodged. "I'll take that as a compliment."
After a few more moments of fighting, Kim said, "Shego, don't you think we're taking this a bit too far?"
"If you're tired, I can get your stunt double." Shego smiled.
Kim bristled. "The stunt double was only when I was a minor!" she shouted, kicking Shego hard in the stomach. Before Kim turned eighteen, she had only been allowed – by law – to perform moves that were approved by her parents. Her parents were very permissive and only insisted on a stunt double for about three different moves during the first two years of the show's filming. Naturally Shego never let Kim live the shame down.
"One word for you, Shego," Kim sneered. "CGI."
Kim gloated when Shego colored fiercely. Shego had been furious during the filming of So the Drama when she found out that the studio was planning on using CGI for one scene.
"Kim can't actually drive you into an electrical tower, Shego!" David had said at the time.
"So get her stunt double."
"It's not Kim's abilities that we're doubting, Shego."
"So you're questioning my abilities?" This was dangerous territory.
"No, just your immortality," David had said wryly. "Really, Shego, if you got injured it would hold up production for weeks." So Kim had tossed Shego into a blue screen instead, and the editing crew digitally inserted a lighthouse in the background. Shego had fumed during that entire scene during the premier.
"And – cut!" David suddenly shouted. "Brilliant, ladies, brilliant! Well, that's all for today."
"Huh?" asked Kim. She and Shego suddenly stopped fighting when they heard David end the scene that they did not even realize was taking place. Drakken and Ron happily jumped out of their hiding spot, eagerly discussing Taco Bello.
"Hey, Stoppable!" Steve Atkins barked from offstage. Aside from playing Mr. Barkin, he also acted as Rufus' animal trainer. He was also was the only one to refer to the actors' by their characters' last names. "Nice try." With a groan, Ron reluctantly removed Rufus from his pocket and lay him down gently. The naked mole rat inched towards Steve, clearly preferring to remain with Ron.
"Bye, little buddy," Ron called out tearily. Rufus waved good-bye sadly and wiped away a tear, although no one but Ron or Kim would have seen it. "One day they'll realize that rodents are people too. After that fateful day, the cage and the trainer will be no more."
Steve glared at Ron. "I've got my eyes on you, mole rat boy."
"Okay, someone tell me what's going on," said Shego, dropping her fists in confusion.
"I think that they've been filming us fighting."
"And it was just stunning," said Joe, the nearest cameraman. "Shego, you are one hot chick when you kick some serious ass."
"I'll make sure yours is next," Shego gritted between her teeth. She knew better than to attack a crew member. The directors only looked away during her altercations with Kim.
Joe laughed in delight. "I love when you threaten me."
"Are threats supposed to be romantic or something?" Kim asked Shego perplexedly.
"Don't ask," Shego replied.
"Oh, I see that I've stumped the two hottest girls on the set," Joe said happily. "I always wanted to be the guy who had the ladies guessing."
"Allow me to congratulate you on your success." Shego's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"You know, Shego, if you don't watch out you might actually develop a thing for me."
"Uh… riiiiight. Like, that's going to happen. As soon as Drakken takes over the world."
Joe shrugged. "I'll just have to keep trying my luck." With one last saucy wink at Shego, he got up and walked away – to the break room, Kim knew from experience.
"Do you like that guy?" Kim asked curiously.
"Ew – no," Shego answered. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "And why are you asking me that? Why do you even care?"
"I don't think I've heard you say that much to a man before blasting him with plasma."
"No, probably not," Shego smirked. "Not my style."
Kim shrugged. "Well, later."
"Later. I'll finish kicking your ass next time, Cupcake."
Kim smirked. "Not unless I kick yours first."