I was always so close. So close to telling her everything. Like it was possible, we were. We were possible but at the same time we weren't. We probably never were, and never would be. I promised myself long ago I wouldn't succumb to something so degrading, something so vicious. I promised myself I wouldn't let this consume me. But that was before her. There was no going back from the second I met her.
It was venomous, whatever this was. I wanted to be free from these thoughts, but they wouldn't ever let me go. I didn't believe that I would fall apart for something so unreal, something that probably never existed. I was better than that.
I tried to convince myself that it was nothing, but nothing was ever that simple. There was something else behind my racing heart. There was something else that made me feel on fire around her. There must have been something else that was there. I couldn't focus on anything else. I was up for nights on end and I couldn't sleep. I would normally skip hours of sleep, but whole nights, that was new. When I did fall asleep it was to dreams, to fantasies of her. I would wake up in a cold sweat, alone and missing the warmth of her hand on me, and those lips that peppered my skin.
In a way they were nightmares, and they taunted me almost every night. It was so out of reach, and it should have made me stop wanting her. But it didn't. It only made me need her. I never felt so vulnerable, so helpless. Every nerve of my body was screaming to be with her.
The first moment I set eyes on her, I knew. Our first night together, I didn't sleep. I watched her. The way her words slid from her lips the moment her eyes shut, the long lashes lying safely on her cheeks, the steady rise of her chest, her hair splayed on the pillow. I watched mesmerized, and I never stopped watching, never stopped wishing I could just reach out and touch her without fear of her rejecting it.
One time she caught me when I was staring at her face and every detail on it, it was an impulse I couldn't bear to keep to myself. She thought there was something on her face, but there wasn't. I was only admiring her beauty and trying not to get caught in doing so. When she looked at me, I felt bare before her. I knew that if she looked hard enough she could read all the thoughts I had - all those earing torment-ridden thoughts. But she never gave me any indication that she understood.
I ached to touch her, feel her all over me. But if she knew, she wouldn't let my filthy hands near her, so every time I reached out to comfort her and bring her in an embrace, just to ensure that she wasn't the illusion I taunt myself with at night, I let my hands drop. If she knew all the things I thought about doing to her, she wouldn't want me touching her.
It was better if she didn't know. I was only safe in my dreams. I was only happy in my dreams. It was there where she touched me and told me that she was mine, it was there where she begged in need for me. In my dreams, she crawled over into my bed, brushing her lips against mine, and whispered a secret to me. Sometimes, when I woke up, I expected to see her lying there beside me, her supple leg wrapped around mine to assure me that she was with me.
But I'm foolish. Those things would never happen. Sometimes she would smile at me a certain way, and I thought maybe there was a chance, but no, I always concluded that it was just my imagination because she wouldn't want me. Any brush of her fingers against my skin was enough to drive me crazy, and it made me want to grip her wrist so hard so that she would stop taunting me. If only she knew what that single touch could do to me.
I needed her to look at me like she needed me. And to my delight, it came sooner than I thought possible.
She called me one night and woke me when I was dreaming about her. I didn't hesitate to answer, "Hello?"
"Jerome..." she stuttered a little before she finished, "can you come over? I would kind of like some company right now," she asked softly, voice shaking in some parts.
"Of course, gorgeous, I'll be right over," I answered, and she heaved a sigh of relief before I hung up.
I came over at a moment's notice, and I unlocked her door with my key to it. When I entered her room, her knees were bunched up to her chest and she hugged them close to her body. I dropped the keys down on her desk and I eased myself onto her bed, bringing her body to mine so we could share her warmth.
"Hey, why the long face?" I asked, following her eyes as they turned to the wall in front of her.
"I had a bad dream," she mumbled, "I don't really like being alone when I have them, so thanks for coming over," she turned to look at me with a weak smile before facing the wall again.
"What was the dream about?" I questioned, genuinely curious.
She took a slow breath before she told me, "It was about some guy chasing me, he was really fast, there was no way I was going to escape him," she trembled a little as she recalled the nightmare, "he had this sharp knife and I got so scared that I tripped on something," she continued, "it was so scary, when I was on my knees he told me that he was going to curve a smile on my face," she shivered at the thought and I reached forward to hold her closer to me.
"That's pretty scary," I nearly chuckled as I imagined the dream but I didn't let it slip out, "it's a good thing you called, I can't imagine what that must have been like," I said, feigning surprise. "But don't think about it too much, I'm not going to let that happen to you."
"Yeah, I can't get it out of my head, it felt so real and I'm thankful I woke up before he was able to do anything," she whispered. "So I really appreciate that you're here now," she giggled nervously, "I know I already said that."
"Well that's why I'm here, to make you feel better," I smiled, brushing my fingers against her soft hair as I looked at her.
"You're such a good friend," she said with a small laugh, and she didn't notice but I was glaring daggers at the back of her head with the mere mention of that word. "I don't know if Gotham is the place for me anymore, there's too much crime here," she added
"There's not enough crime here," I thought but I couldn't say that out loud
"Don't blame Gotham for why you're such a baby," I teased.
"I'm not a baby!" she whined, "I just don't wanna get killed by some maniac, you know? There's tons of them here."
Little did she know that she was cuddling up to one.
"Well I'd like it if you stayed," I admitted.
"Really?" she asked, "That's sweet," she said before closing her eyes. I pressed up against her more, where her pajamas had ridden up. She shuddered against my body suddenly, and I looked over her shoulder.
"What's the matter?" I asked as I brought my hand over to her shoulder, caressing it with my fingers.
"I can't stop thinking about it," she confessed, heaving a long sigh. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."
She responded pleasantly to my touch, inching closer to the warmth of my palm and smiling weakly to herself. Then my brain hatched an idea.
"It's going to be okay, I'm here," I told her before adding, "you know, I know just the thing that might help." I lowered my hand down her shoulder to her arm, then at her waist to see how she reacted. She leaned in and emitted a quiet gasp that she let slip out.
"Okay, what is it?" she asked, sounding interested.
"I'm not sure if you want to hear it though," I said, acting as if I wasn't going to tell her when I had every intention of doing so anyway.
"Jerome! Please tell me," she begged. She needed to stop doing that unless I was fucking her.
"Alright," I chuckled, "promise me you're not going to freak out?"
"I won't, you can tell me anything, you know that," she said, and that was all I needed to hear.
I took a deep breath and settled my hands on her thighs carefully. My eyes focused on her body to make sure she wouldn't move away.
"I know something that can take your mind off it," I pressed my mouth against her ear when I whispered. I would make it all better.
"And that would be... oh," she gasped when I spun her around and made her face me, leaving a gentle kiss against the lower portion of her throat. My hands moved up her thighs until they reached the hem of her shorts.
"I want to make you feel better, so let me," I breathed huskily against her neck.
"And you want to... Oh shit, that feels so good," she moaned quietly when I started to suck on the skin of her collarbone.
"This is just about you gorgeous," I murmured, "I'll make you forget all about it."
Her skin was covered in goosebumps and a shiver ran down her spine, and I could feel her lower parts responding to my touch. I needed to kiss her, at least just once.
I lifted her chin and slowly, as though giving her every opportunity to turn away, I brought my lips just an inch over her own, hovering. I nearly trembled with the effort and I felt my pulse jump, my body on edge. For a moment, I couldn't move. Her skin was so soft against mine, it was more distracting than I thought it would be.
I shuffled slightly and stared into her eyes before catching her lips into a deep kiss. Our eyes fluttered close, tongues meeting through parted lips. She remained cautious, at first only touching the tip of my tongue to mine. I thrust mine into her mouth suddenly, slowly licking the roof of it just so I could taste her everywhere. She took the chance to taste the underside of my tongue, sucking on it lightly before batting it back into my mouth. With a smile, she thrust her own tongue in my mouth and ran it across mine.
Her mind fogged from passion, she started rocking her hips against mine. Realization of her movements suddenly hit as she broke away from the kiss with a gasp and her face now flushed, "I..."
I quickly cut her off, breathing heavily against her face, "Oh we'll get to that."
"Okay," she said with a nod of her head before she added, "Jerome, are friends supposed to do this?" she asked, the look of innocence on her face enthralled me.
"Well, friends are supposed to help each other through the hard times right?" I raised an eyebrow and she nodded her head, "That's exactly why I'm here," I whispered, hoping that she wasn't having any second thoughts. This was the perfect opportunity to fuck her when she was vulnerable, but I knew she wanted it just as much as me with the way she looked at me and how her heart beat hard in anticipation.
I suddenly crawled atop of her body without wasting another second, I didn't want her to think about it more, I just wanted to fuck her. Her cheeks were rosy, hips shifting forward to press against mine. My eyes glazed over her body before sliding my hands down to her ass and lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. I started grinding my hips slowly into her as I slipped my hands up her camisole and over her breasts, keeping her pinned to the bed with my circling hips.
I cupped her ample breasts and groaned from deep within my chest at the perfect weight of them in my hands. I roughly tugged the bottom of her bra and camisole, exposing her breasts to the cool air, her nipples already hard and aching for me. I lowered my head from her mouth and began to plant wet, open-mouthed kisses everywhere, enveloping her nipples in my warm, inviting mouth, teasing them with my tongue, gently nipping and sucking at them. Her back arched as she let out little needy whimpers at my ministrations.
She let out a surprised gasp when I abandoned her nipples and suddenly grabbed her hands, pinning them above her head against the pillow. I held both of her wrists there with one hand as I returned to my licking, kissing, and biting, this time much slower and more teasing. Her arms strained against my tight hold so that she could watch me. I was driving her crazy.
"Jerome... fuck," she ground out. She managed to slip a hand out of my grasp and immediately brought it down to my head, scratching at my scalp and pulling my hair desperately. To her disappointment, I forcibly unwrapped her legs from my waist and set them down on the bed. I began to leave a trail of hot, wet kisses down her stomach to the top of her shorts. I knelt down and ran my hands down her hips until I reached the hem of her shorts, it had ridden up when her legs were wrapped around me, so it barely covered the tiny pair of light pink lacy underwear she was wearing underneath. They looked so fucking good on her, I had to take a second to just stare.
She started to shake underneath me as I began to plant kisses against her inner thighs before I spread her legs apart. I brought her shorts down until they reached her ankles, letting them drop to the floor. When she felt my nose nudge through the thin layer of lace of her panties, her hips unconsciously bucked toward me.
She looked down to find me looking straight into her eyes as I hooked my pointer finger under her panties and tugged them gently to the side. There was that look of need on her face that I had longed to see for real. Her mouth fell open as she simultaneously watched and felt my tongue flatten and press up against her throbbing, sensitive clit. At the contact, her knees buckled and I easily caught them, lifting her thighs up so they rested on my shoulders. And then I buried my face into her sweet pussy.
She abandoned all attempts to stay quiet, moan after moan spilling from her soft lips. Her hands found my hair and gripped on for dear life as her hips instinctively swiveled and ground into my face, wetting my mouth and chin with her arousal. She felt the hum of my groaning into her when she thrust against my face so I quickened my pace, alternating between teasing her entrance and flicking my tongue relentlessly over her clit.
One of her hands left my head to find its way up to her breast, cupping it and tweaking the nipple forcefully as her orgasm built up inside her. As the movements of her hips became more jerky against my face and I felt her legs start to quiver, I dug my fingers into her thighs and held her in place so I could push her over the edge.
It wasn't long after that she came down from her orgasm, her legs twitching and chest heaving. Her eyes were closed and she had an easy, satisfied smile on her face as I stared up at her from between her legs.
"Fuck, doll," I murmured, "you're so beautiful."
She opened her eyes to see me gazing up at her, my chin glistening with her come as I smiled at her.
"C'mere," she said, giving my hair a little tug. I set her weak legs down gently, my face hovering in front of hers. Our eye contact continued, much more intense now.
"You... you've never called me that before," she murmured. My eyebrows furrowed in question. "Beautiful," she clarified in a whisper.
"Well there's a first for everything," I said with a laugh, "but you really are... beautiful."
I gazed into her self-conscious eyes and brought my lips down to cover hers gently as I stroked her jaw with a hand, fingers lingering around the soft skin there. She gasped quietly in the kiss as she felt my erection through my pants press into her lower half.
"Jerome," she whispered my name quietly into my mouth. I hummed in response. She ran her hands down my chest and stomach, skimming her fingers gently over the contours of my body. Fuck, she knew exactly what to do to make me lose it. I sighed into her mouth and she breathed it in, sharing my breath.
As my hips began to move just slightly into hers, she slid her hands down to my pants and hooked her fingers into the tops of them. I gasped and she took the opportunity to take my exposed bottom lip in between her teeth, nibbling gently before running her tongue over it and sucking lightly. She popped the button open and unzipped my pants before dragging them down.
She slipped one of her hands into my underwear, grasping my cock suddenly, stroking me a few times, painstakingly slow.
She smiled into my mouth before she said, "I want you. Now."
I smirked as I pushed my pants and underwear down to free my cock before I lifted her by the ass once again. She slipped her hand down in between us to wrap her fingers around me, teasing me and spreading the pre-cum over the sensitive tip.
I returned the favor by sliding my fingers into her panties and pulling them to the side again, spreading the copious amount of arousal over her, making her nice and slick for me. The heel of my palm teased her clit as I slipped a finger inside her, and then a second one, testing her readiness.
She let out a particularly wanton moan at the feeling and my hips jumped against her. I pulled my fingers out and she sighed at the lack of contact, before she felt me press the tip of my cock against her.
"Tell me, doll. Tell me what you want." I demanded, teasing her was just too much fun.
"Fuck me. I want you to fuck me," she uttered breathlessly, her body trembling involuntarily beneath me.
"Fuck you with what?" I asked with a tilt of my head, acting like I didn't understand what it was she wanted. I just wanted to hear her beg like a little bitch. I slid the tip of my cock up and down against her entrance, slicking it with her wetness.
"Your... oh god," she gasped, "Your cock. Your very hard cock. Please, Jerome," she begged.
"Didn't know you had such a filthy mouth," I chuckled, loving the sight of her writhing beneath me. I lined myself up and pressed my forehead against hers, my eyes rolling back as I buried my cock into her. I stayed inside her for a moment, eyes closed, just taking it all in but then she began to wiggle her hips impatiently, desperate for friction so I finally started to move.
Once I started thrusting and grinding, there was no controlling the noises we both made. We were desperately moving our hips, building up higher and higher together. I was quick to set a pace, my grip tightening on her ass as I rocked into her.
I growled her name out as our bodies moved in unison. I wasn't going to last long, it wasn't possible when she felt so fucking perfect and tight around my cock.
"Fuck," I growled, "I can't... oh fuck."
She caught what I meant and slid her hand in between us where our bodies were joined and spread her slickness over her clit, rubbing it in tight, small circles to hurry herself along. She moaned loudly into my mouth as she built herself up quickly to the edge and when she reached it, launched herself over it, falling and falling.
Her back arched and her hips undulated into me, her fingers abandoned her clit and she rode out her orgasm on the friction of my hips as I reached my own release with her pussy clutching me so desperately. Our mouths remained pressed together throughout both of our releases, gasping and panting into each other's mouth.
She felt my head droop against her shoulder, leaning down to press her lips upon my neck. Her body was still trembling with the aftershocks of her orgasm but I held her close to try and steady her in my grasp. I lifted my head up to look up at her and she smiled weakly at me. I started stroking her hair with my hand gently as I kept my eyes focused on hers.
"Did that help keep your mind off of it?" I asked, and she nodded her head in answer.
"Yeah," she whispered, "thank you."
"Of course, what do you think I'm here for?" I said before rolling over to the other side of the bed and bringing her with me so her face was against my chest.
She eased up to me and I could feel her chest heaving upon mine and the warmth radiating off her body and it made me want to fuck her again but by the time I opened my mouth to say something, she had already fallen asleep. Dammit. She somehow always knew how to make me come back for more. I found myself whispering sweet nothings to her as I cradled her close, and I hoped that she heard how much she meant to me, how she belonged to me, and how I could give her anything she wanted and more. Fuck. I just needed her to see that.
But I was closer. Closer to telling her everything. Like it was somewhat possible. Maybe we were possible and maybe we weren't but regardless, I was going to make her see that we were something more than this, no matter how long it took. But for now, one step at a time.