This is How a Heart Breaks

Author: Mel

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own nada.

Summary: She'd been through this before but this time was different, it hurt more.

Pairing: Lita/Randy

Notes: This just came upon me. I haven't written in a long time, I might be a little rusty at it.

-x-x-x-

Hazel eyes watched as he threw clothing into bags, not paying much attention to the haphazard way it fell into the bags, ignoring the wrinkling.

"I can't believe I thought this would last." He was saying to himself.

Amy pulled her arms tighter around herself. She withdrew to a corner of the queen sized bed retreating from his frantic motions and haste.

She'd been through this several times before with previous boyfriends. Matt, Chris, Adam and nameless others. It had hurt then, she'd loved each and every one of them, some more than others, but this time was different.

This time he was the ONE. And the one was leaving her.

It had all started out so innocently. They were having dinner and he asked her the question she'd been dreading her whole life.

Amy was seated across from him in their dinning room. The candle light flickering off her face and his. His blue eyes shining with the love he felt for her.

She gulped air in in an effort to stifle the butterflies in her stomach. She tried to hold the bile in as he rose and came down on one knee in front of her.

"Amy, I love you and want to spend the rest of our earthly and heavenly lives together. You are the sunshine, you are the rain, you are the reason I breathe and the reason I live and the only one I would die for, Amy Christine will you marry me?"

Amy was speechless. She'd never known Randy Orton to be so eloquent. But she also froze. Everything in her wanted to say yes, everything in her wanted to say no. The only things she could think of was how much it hurt to watch her mother deal with life after her father left them. She thought of all the broken relationships she'd seen and all the hell divorce brought and she for the life of her could not say yes.

She scooted out of her chair coming down on her knees in front of him, cringing at the fear in his eyes.

"Randy..."

0x0x0x

And now hours later she was watching as her life was shattering. She'd told him of her fears asked why could they not go on as they had. He'd argued with her for over three hours before doing this.

Randy turned to look at her. His blue eyes filled with his anguish and heart break.

"I will send John to get the rest of my things. You know I love you and always will, but I want it all. I want the wife and the kids. I want it all with you."

"No you don't," she interrupted. "it hurts now but eventually..."

"NO." His forceful reply stopped her. "no I won't. I may yes find someone new someday, but I will never want all with her I wanted with you. I wanted to watch you walk down the aisle or down the beach h to me. I wanted to tattoo our first child's name on my arm, next to yours. I wanted to watch you grow as a woman with our child in your belly. I wanted to watch you give birth, holding your hand as you broke mine. I wanted to watch our children see how much their parents loved one another by how we acted. I wanted to play with our grandchildren in our yard as you watched from the porch and smiled. I wanted to hold your hand as we died. I wanted it all with you. And to know that you don't want it to hurts more than I can say."

With those words Randy turned around and practically ran for the door slamming it behind him. She sat in silence and listened as he revved his car out of the driveway. She sat there for so long she lost all concept of time.

"no randy it's not that I don't want those things," she said out loud to the silent room and house. "I want those things more than I want my next breathe. I just can't do it. I can't live with knowing that I'll break your heart someday very soon when I die."

With that Amy finally rose from the bed and made her way to the bathroom opening the drawer on her side of the cabinet. She took out two prescription bottles, opened them up and popped out the required number of pain meds then took them.

"No Randy, I didn't want you to watch me waste away with the cancer eating up my body." She said to her mirrored reflection. "I can't give you what you want."

She turned once more turning the light off as she left the room going to the bed to cry herself to sleep wishing for death to come sooner rather than later.