The sunlight soon found its way through the cracks in the window blinds, illuminating the room and stirring the sleeping brunette from her deep sleep.
THUMP THUMP THUMP
'Oh Dear Lord.' She thought as the headache quickly rushed into her brain.
Laying on her stomach and facing the windows, she slowly and with some pain from the light, opened her eyes. Confusion almost immediately settled in.
'Okay, this is not my bedroom. Last thing I remember? Drinking, lots of drinking. Party. Drinking. Party. More drinking. More drinking. Okay, even more drinking. Then, nothing.'
Slowly she lifted her head to look around the room and realized that she was definitely not in her room, and she was lacking in the clothing department. With much hesitation she turned her head to her other side to see the man sleeping next to her.
'OH MY GOD.' She thought as her mind began to race. 'This is so not happening. What am I going to do?!'
Without a moments notice she was quickly and quietly sliding out of the room and out of his grasp, in the endless search for her clothing.
Pants next to the bedroom door.
Shirt in the hallway.
Underwear somewhere in between.
Socks by the couch.
Shoes on either side of the living room.
Bra? Shit! Where's my bra? Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. FUCK.
He's starting to stir. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He can't know I'm here.
I sure as hell have no idea what happened, and even if he does, he would never admit it.
Just another moment to add to my list of stupid, drunken moments.
Okay, focus.
Headache! Damn it!
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Fuck.
Okay. FOCUS!
Purse.
Keys.
Great! Where are my keys?!
Sofa?
Table?
Counter?
JACKET!
Yes!
Keys!
Okay, leaving now.
Don't look back.
I said, DON'T look back!
He looks so beautiful.
Damn it.
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
Why did I have to be drunk?
FUCK.
FOCUS!
Leaving. Right. Okay. Left, right, left, right.
Open the door Sara.
But, it's…
No. Open the door and leave.
But…
No. He won't even remember. You don't. LEAVE.
Okay. Okay. I'm leaving.
That's it. Door knob. Turn it and leave.
And that was that. She finally opened the door and walked out. Slowly and reluctantly she walked out to her car and got in.
Just then he awoke inside. Only, unlike her, he awoke with a smile and full recollection of the night before. Yes, he too had been drinking, and well, a lot. But he was a lot bigger than her and apparently able to hold his liquor better. He reached over for her, expecting her to still be sleeping next to him, but his hand only rubbed against a cold mattress and a crumpled sheet. He shot up faster than he thought possible. However, he had better luck finding his clothes. Quickly throwing on his pants, he got up in search of her.
Walking down the hall he couldn't help but laugh at the sight before him. A display case with different types of butterflies in it, only there was an added decoration that didn't quite fit.
'Hmm. Well that's new.' He thought as he approached the case and removed the black silk and lace bra hanging from it.
Clinging to it, he continued down the hall.
Not in the bedroom.
Not in the bathroom.
Not in the office.
Not in the living room.
Not in the kitchen.
Coffee…ooh, coffee.
FOCUS DAMN IT!
Right. Sara. Oh Sara.
Stop that.
But…
No. Focus. Find her.
Her. Right. Sara. Sara. Sara. God, I love her. Sara.
You're doing it again.
Shut up.
Well, did you find her?
You know I didn't. You're me.
Exactly, so find her.
Stepping out the front door, he caught a glimpse of her just as she was pulling out the drive way. Suddenly his heart caught in chest.
She is so beautiful, even when she looks hung-over, confused and is fleeing from me.
You really can't blame her, you know.
What are you talking about?
For leaving. You've been pushing her away for years and now.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Talk to her.
What? No. She obviously doesn't want to.
No. She left. She's confused, and hung over. Talk to her.
And say what? 'Oh hey Sara, by the way I love you and last night was the best night of my life?'
Well that's a start.
Shut up.
That's no way to talk to yourself.
Shut up.
88888888888
Sitting in her car, alone, staring at the entrance to the lab she was having a very hard time working up the courage to go in.
He's already here. Typical him, being here early.
Typical you. You're here two hours early too.
Shut up.
Hostile.
Shut up.
Are you going to go in there, or are you just going to sit out here all night?
I'm going.
Yeah, sure you are.
I'm am. I'm just thinking.
No. You're arguing with yourself. Now, suck it up and get your ass in there.
Alright. Alright.
And with that, she hesitantly opened the car door, took a very deep breath and proceeded to the entrance.
Trying, at all costs to avoid everyone she quickly ducked into the locker room and put her things away to get to work.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
What now?
I forgot that the case I'm working is with HIM.
Haha.
Shut up.
Well, did you really think that you were never going to have to face him again?
I could hope.
You're hopeless.
Shut up.
Just talk to him.
I can't talk to him.
Why not?
What am I suppose to say? 'Oh by the way I'm in love with you, and I'm pretty sure that we had sex last night, but I don't remember. Do you?'
It's a start.
Shut up.
Lost in her own thoughts she didn't notice anyone enter the room until they placed their hand on her shoulder causing her to jump and shriek.
"JESUS CHRIST" she cried out and then turned around and jumped again at seeing who the presence is. "Grissom!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in." He said as he tried to focus anywhere but her face.
"Umm…No…sorry…I didn't…" She replied, suddenly finding the floor tiles very interesting.
"Ah…Sara…?" he asked, very hesitantly.
"Hmm...Yeah?" she replied, equally hesitant and very uncomfortable.
Do it. Talk to her.
I can't do this.
"Have you checked with trace on Hargitay case?" he asked, and instantly regretting it.
I knew he wouldn't remember. I knew it. I'm never drinking again.
After a few moments and realizing that she had spaced out in thought, she noticed that he was staring at her. She assumed because he was waiting for an answer.
You're staring.
No I'm not.
Yes you are. How does she look?
Shut up.
You know it's not very nice to be undressing people with your mind.
I'm not. Shut up.
Don't lie to me. I'm you. I know exactly what you're doing.
"Grissom? Did you hear me?" She asked, realizing that he hadn't stopped string at her, and hadn't responded to her question.
Giving his head a light shake he returned to reality, and returned his eyes to above her chest.
"Hmm?"
"Grissom? Are you okay?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah. Sorry, just have a lot on my mind is all." He replied, again avoiding her eyes.
"Tell me about it." She muttered under her breath.
"What?" he asked, hearing the muttering, but unable to make out the words.
"Oh nothing."
"Oh."
Could this be any more awkward. He doesn't remember anything. I at least know SOMETHING happened.
DAMN IT
DAMN IT
DAMN IT
Talk to him.
No.
After several minutes of standing there in, to say the least, and awkward silence, finally the tension got to be too much.
"Okay. Umm. I'm just gonna go now and do…something. Trace. Yeah, I'm going…to yeah. Okay. I'll see you…later…yeah. Okay." She stammered out shifting her eyes throughout the room and slowly stepping past him.
Unfortunately he smooth escape was interrupted when she accidentally brushed against him when trying to step past. The touch ignited a memory from the night before. Skin on skin. Tongues and hands in an endless exploration. Moans of pleasure. Beads of sweat. Racing hearts. Shaky breaths.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wow.
Is that all you have to say is 'wow.'
Well, come on, I'm remembering the same thing, and well, wow.
Shut up.
Talk to him.
Shut up.
"Sara?"
He's talking to you. Answer him.
Shut up!
"Sara? Are you okay?" He asked, his voice reeling with concern and worry.
Snap out of it Sara.
Shut up.
"Sara! Sara? Sit down. Just sit down honey."
He had taken hold of her when she brushed against him, he too felt the impulses of the night before, but he wasn't stuck in a state of shock. She stopped moving. Her breathing shallow. He was worried. He took her waist and backed her to the bench when she didn't answer him.
Honey? He called you honey?
Shut up.
Just stating the facts.
Yeah thanks, now shut up.
You might want to answer him before he has a heart attack.
What?
Look at him.
Shaking her head a little, she finally escaped from her thoughts and memories and saw the worry in his eyes. It was heartbreaking.
"Sara? Sara? Can you hear me?" He said, placing his hands on either side of her face.
"What? Yeah…I'm sorry. I'm sorry…for everything." She said as a tear stung her eye.
"What? Honey? What do you have to be sorry for?" He asked looking directly into her eyes.
"Hmm? Never mind. I'm just going to go. I'm sorry Grissom." She said avoiding his eyes again and jumping up from her seat on the bench and storming out of the locker room.
Grissom was left there, staring at the vacated spot on the bench, wondering how he was going to fix this one.
88888888888
Several hours later and only about an hour left of shift, Grissom sat in his office contemplating what to do next. Sara had been avoiding him and the rest of the team all night. Something that did not go unnoticed by all, especially Catherine, the observer.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
He turned to see Catherine standing in his doorway with that 'You are going to tell me what you did this time' look. He knew that look all to well. Maybe that was the problem. Did he really screw up that much?
"What's up Cath?" he asked, trying not to display his obvious turmoil.
"I should be asking you that." She replied as she moved into the room and sat in the chair across him.
"What are you talking about?" He said with a little bit of annoyance. He knew exactly what she was talking about, but wasn't about to spill his beans to her just yet.
"Gil Grissom, you are by far the densest, stupidest man I have ever met in my life, and well, quite frankly, if I didn't value our very dysfunctional friendship, I would have killed you by now. Now you can either keep pretending that you have no idea what's going on, or you can tell me and maybe I can help. But either way, you have screwed up somehow, I know that, hell, everyone knows that. And know because of whatever you did, which I'll take a guess and say it had something to do with the party last night, you know have caused one of our best CSI's to lock herself away from everyone, especially you. So, now. Talk."
To say the least, he was shocked. Catherine has called him out several occasions but never like this. His jaw was practically on the floor.
"Gil? Talk. And remember, I'm a good CSI, I know how to kill you and cover it up. Now, talk." She said calmly as she got herself comfortable in the chair.
"Okay. You're scary."
"Thank you. Now, what happened, from the beginning please. And not weird metaphors or quotes by people I've never heard of."
"I don't know Cath. Obviously we all got a little drunk last night."
Catherine could only smile at remembering the party and just how trashed everyone had gotten at Grissom's house. Cabs were called for everyone. Well, except for Sara. Everyone left before her. It had been a really rough case for everyone. Four children and their pregnant mother were killed for the sheer thrill of it. It hit everyone pretty hard, but especially Sara and Grissom, they were the lead CSI's on the case, and had spent every last second of every day working on the case. Everyone needed a night to just wind down and Grissom knew it, so he offered to have everyone over for a much needed night off for everyone. Then came the booze and more booze, and some more booze. Everyone did some stupid things.
"Yeah, I vaguely remember." She said with a large grin.
"Well, after you all left, Sara insisted on helping me clean up the place. And well, we all know that you don't argue with Sara."
That made them both laugh. It was true, and a drunken Sara, even more stubborn and relentless.
"Well one thing led to another…and well you can connect the dots."
"You slept with her." She said, very matter-of-factly.
"Well…yeah." He said as he suddenly found his pen very intriguing.
"Well, Gil. With all do respect, I'm still not following. You and Sara have been doing this little love dance for, well, ever. That doesn't explain why you both are secluding yourselves and avoiding each other." Her face had turned from the bright smile to a very confused expression.
"That's what I don't get either. When I woke up this morning, she was gone. And then I saw her before shift in the locker room and it was like she went into a panic attack seeing me, kept telling me that she's sorry, and ever since she's been avoiding me. I think it's obvious that she regrets it."
"Do you?"
"What? NO. I mean there's certain things that I wish could have been different."
At that Catherine got a somewhat disgusted look on her face.
"Not like that. Jesus. No I mean, I wish we had been sober. And I wish that she hadn't left. But no I don't regret anything."
"Go talk to her."
"I can't."
"No, you won't. There's a difference."
"She was drunk. I was drunk. She regrets it."
"No, she said she's sorry. Maybe she thinks you regret it, Gil."
"What? But I don't. I…I…I love her."
"So go tell her that. Did you think about what she must be thinking Gil? For years you've been avoiding anything remotely personal with her, and then you get drunk and that's when something actually happens. Think about it. She's probably feeling like you hate her right now. I know I would if I were her." She said, as she stood up and headed towards the door.
When she looked back from the doorway he had his head in his hands and was clearly at a loss for what to do. But the only person who can figure that out was him.
"Just remember Gil, if you wait too long, it could be too late." And with that she left.
Too late?
Yeah, too late, remember, Sara said that too. Hmm. Maybe they're trying to tell you something.
Shut up.
You know I'm right.
Shut up.
Go talk to her.
Shut up.
Catherine's right you know. You need to talk to her.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Never. Go, now. Do you really want to think about what life would be like without her around?
What?
Cause that's what's going to happen. You're going to push her away again and she'll be gone. Now, go talk to her.
That was his motivation. He couldn't lose her, not for something that was so incredible. He loved her. Now let's just hope he doesn't screw up again.
88888888888
Catherine watched as Grissom stormed out of his office and down the hall, poking his head into all the labs, searching for, who she could only hope was Sara. A large grin appeared on her face when she saw his face, so full of love and determination. It was quite a sight.
Practically running down the hall and busting in to the break room, the room went silent as Nick, Warrick and Greg looked up to see Grissom, whom in that state was someone to be feared. They all froze wondering who was about to get yelled at. Catherine could only laugh in the hallway watching them. They were all so cute. Everyone feared Grissom, which she found quite humorous, since she knew exactly what to say and do to get under his skin.
"Have you guys seen Sara?" He asked a little more forcefully than he intended, causing Greg to flinch.
"I...I…umm…She…outside…She was outside…break." He managed to stammer out. For someone who was so confident in his own confines, he turned to mush whenever Grissom was within speaking distance.
Before Grissom could even respond he was out the door running back down the hallway to the front doors, leaving a very confused and intimidated group of CSI's behind, frozen to their seats.
88888888888
The doors slammed open, startling Sara as she sat on the steps smoking a cigarette. Grissom froze in his tracks when he saw her sitting on the steps.
"I didn't know you smoked." He said as he approached her cautiously.
"I don't." She replied in a very even tone as he took another drag.
"Well that's an interesting way of keeping it that way." He said with a small smile, trying to find the confidence he had just moments before. Before he saw her.
"What do you need Grissom? I'm on break." She said staring off into the distance.
"Umm…No…I know…I was just…umm…I was wondering…if…if maybe…if maybe we could...talk?" He stuttered out as he slowly took a seat next to her on the concrete steps.
"Talk? About what?" She said as she blew out the smoke from her lungs and watched the cars driving past.
Oh god. How am I going to do this? She obviously is not going to make this easy.
Did you really expect her to?
Shut up.
Just tell her.
"Sara…I…" he started, but then figured that if he couldn't speak, he could try something else. So, looking around, making sure no one was in sight, he pulled something from his jacket pocket and placed it in hers, and letting his fingers graze hers. "I…believe this is yours."
OH MY GOD
Like I said earlier, wow.
Shut up. Does this mean he remembers?
Well unless he's seen your bras before, that would be my guess.
Shut up.
"I...uh…" She stammered, but stopped. She had no idea what to say. She crushed the cigarette into the concrete and threw it into the ash tray next to the stairs.
"Sara. I…I don't regret what happened." He said as he too stared out at the passing cars of Vegas.
That took her by surprise. He jaw dropped and she slowly and reluctantly turned to face him.
"You remember?" she asked very softly.
"Every detail." He said as he took her hand in his, and looked at her. He could see in her eyes the confusion in her eyes. "You don't, do you?"
She lowered her head and focused her eyes on the hand encircling hers.
"I didn't until I touched you in the locker room. Even then, it's just bits and pieces."
"I'm sorry Sara. I knew you were drunk. I knew I was drunk, but I didn't stop it. I'm sorry for putting you in this position." He said as he too dropped his head and focused on their intertwined hands.
"No, Griss. I don't blame you or anything like that. And I don't regret anything, I'm just…I don't what I am. I just thought in the back of my head, that…This is so stupid…"
He could tell she was struggling with the words and was feeling uncomfortable, and it made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her, to tell her everything will be okay.
"Sara…Nothing you say is stupid, even when you're really drunk. Trust me I know." He joked, trying to lighten the mood as much as possible.
She laughed, lightly, but she laughed.
"Yeah. I guess you would know that."
"Sara, just tell me. I promise you, I won't think it's stupid." He said as he tightened his hold on her hand.
"Well…I guess I just always thought that I would remember our first time together. Not that I've thought about it. I mean, well I have, but no. No, I mean…"
He couldn't help but laugh at her rambling. It was one of the things he loved about her. He chokes on his words when he's nervous, she just says too many. But his laughing wasn't doing to much to help her confidence.
"See. I told you it was stupid." She said as she turned away again.
"No. Sara. I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh. It's just you're so cute when you start rambling. It's one of the things on my list of the reasons I love you."
That stopped them both. He said it before he had time to think. It just kind of slipped. But for some strange reason, he didn't feel the need to apologize or to run away. He was actually…relieved.
OH MY GOD. Did he actually just say that?
I think he did.
Who asked you?
Well you did.
Shut up. What the hell do I do now?
Uh, tell him that you're madly in love with him too.
What? No.
Why? You do.
Shut up.
"Umm. Grissom?" She asked hesitantly.
"Yes I did."
"What?"
"You were going to ask if I just said what you think I said, and the answer would be yes. Yes I did."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Several minutes passed in silence. Both trying to think of what to say.
"Sara?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry."
Sara's head snapped up to look at him.
"What?"
He also raised his head to look at her.
"I said, I'm sorry."
"No. I heard you. I just don't understand. Sorry for what?"
"For everything. For this. For never telling you how I feel. For not acting sooner. For keeping you at arm's length and pushing you away…when all I wanted to do...was…"
They were so close it was almost scary. Their breathing intertwining into one. Eyes locked and lost in the other's. Blue meeting brown.
"Was what?" She asked, just barely a whisper.
"Was…this." He choked out as he leaned in and brushed his lips with hers.
Her hands quickly found their way to his body. Releasing her hand from his, she moved it up his chest and behind his neck up to the stray curls at the back of his neck, while the other found its place on his cheek. His quickly following suit in her hair and around her back.
88888888888
Meanwhile, shifts had ended and Catherine and the boys were heading out the car lot when Catherine caught glimpse of the 'activities' taking place on the steps through the window on the door and stopped very suddenly.
"Cath? What's wrong?" Nick asked when she wouldn't let them pass or look out the door.
"Oh, nothing." She replied, trying desperately to hide the huge smile forming on her face.
"Well if nothing's wrong, why can't we leave?" Warrick added as he tried to pass her, but failed miserably. Catherine was nothing if not adamant.
"You just can't leave yet."
"And why not?" Nick asked, starting to get annoyed.
"Well. Umm. Because Grissom and…Sara…are out there."
"And…?" Greg added, not quite understanding.
"And well. You know how upset Sara was all night. Let's just let them finish their…um… conversation." She said as she snuck another look over her shoulder at the lovebirds.
"So we can't leave, because they're talking?" Nick asked, very confused.
"Yes. That's what I said." She finished as she started knocking on the door from behind her back to get their attention.
It worked. They slowly ended the kiss and pulled apart. As the knocking continued, they both looked over at the door to see Catherine, grinning like an idiot and trying to fight off the boys. They both quickly understood and separated from each other. Giving a quick nod to Catherine, Grissom released his hold of Sara and moved over a little to put some space between them.
"Okay. Fine. Go!" Catherine finally said, and before she could even finish the boy were rushing past her to leave.
"See you guys." Nick said to Grissom and Sara as he walked past with the rest.
As the guys passed and got into their cars, Catherine, being Catherine, came and sat down in the space between Grissom and Sara.
"So? I take it we talked." She said with a huge smile as she wrapped her arms around them both. "Or well, I didn't see any talking, exactly, but I'll assume that at some point there were words on those tongues and not just well…another tongue."
Both of them turned fire engine red, had to look away. Catherine only laughed and stood up to walk away. Just as she got to her car she looked back at them over her shoulder and smiled.
"Oh. And guys?" She shouted across the parking lot.
They both looked up to see her and that 'I'm so proud of myself' smile.
"Don't worry. You're secret is safe with me." She yelled as she shook her head laughing and stepped into her car.
After a few minutes of watching everyone leave, they were still sitting there on the steps to the lab, once again lost in their thoughts.
"Hey Griss?" She asked, still staring at the now emptying parking lot.
"Yeah?" He answered back, also staring out at the vacant lot.
"I was just wondering…since I can't really remember last night, and well, there was so much alcohol involved in the...uh...making of last night…I was just thinking that…well, maybe…if you wanted to of course…" She stammered out nervously, but was interrupted.
"Sara, would you like to come home with me?" he blurted out, effectively ending her nervous rambling.
Her head shot up at his question.
"Yes." Was all she could get out.
He stood up and took her hand in his leading her to his car.
"We…can start over." He said as he opened the door for her.
"I'd like that." She said as she leaned in to kiss him. "Just…ah…lock up your liquor cabinet." She joked against his lips.
-The End-