A/N My first dabble (drabble, incursion?) on the Glee Fandom. Some funny Dave/Santana interaction as they watch Finchel crumble to bits. Not that I hate Finchel, I'm okay with it. But this one shot was based on the plot bunny of some Hudofsky (which I still wonder where the hell it came from!) But as I was writing it, I was just really enjoying the Davetana interaction so this just became a one shot about their friendship and incesant banter. This is just some light and funny moment. Warnings! Coarse language, mentions of genital pain and Grey's Anatomy (Thanks to God, briefly) and a writing style that could be best described as schizophrenic subjective 3rd person POV.
-Finn, this will only hurt us!- Rachel quickly jerked away from him, limpid tears rolling down her chiseled cheekbones as the soft fading fingertips of the receeding sun caresed her tanned skin. –We have to end this now, Before passion melts us together into something shapless and pointless, that we will resent as time passes-
-...But I love you Rachel I want you! Give me, us, this year, you won't regret it- Finn said as he warped his arms around Rach, strong yet delicate, like she was a flower needing for protection and a gentle hand to take care of her, just like she liked to be held.
-You want to convince me not to go... but I can't, I can't risk my future for you!- Rachel said as she removed herself from his embrace, her face steeling with conviction as she faced the man she loved. –Goodbye Finn, I will always love you- her eyes twinkled with the reflections of the dying sun as she ever so slightly paced her delicately scented hand on his rough and desolate features, then she stormed off, as she had never had before, fighting the painful tears that made...
-Told ya Rancy McJockstrap, pay up- Santana grinned deviously as Rachel darted pass them, almost tumbling on a trashcan and a fat girl on her way out. She had relished with delight noticing how puffy and weird her face got when she cried, It was like she was having peanut allergies. –She shouldn't use her beack to crack peanuts-
-What...?- Karofsky felt like he was out of the loop, like he always was with Santana. It was like the latina said things that only someone nesting inside her brain, and eating it slowly, would understand. Shaking the weirdness of, he took out a bill from his wallet, crumbled it up, and threw it on the floor. –Fetch it girl-
-Because I am a bitch? So funneh, so fucking FUNNEH!- Several heads turned her way. She looked at them disgusted, she couldn't even comprehend how those losers dared to look her in the face directly without a proper bow beforehand. Right, the Bullywhips uniform, she looked like a mentally deficient crack whore who traded tricks for clothes that should have been burned for how fucking moronic they looked. Thank Karofsky for the colorful imagery. Of course, the first time he had mentioned this to her face, the douchebag, she had caged his balls with her surprisingly strong and proffesionaly manicured right hand. She almost had an spontaneous orgasm seeing him bend in pain like a little girl bitch. But getting on track, she scowled to one of the scoundrels that had dared to make an unregistered copy of her beuaty in his retina, and snapping her fingers, made the little twerp nothing but run ro her side –Pick it up- The little dumbfucked twerp obeyed like a well trained minion. She felt Karofsky's eyes piercing on her skull, like if the douchebag wanted to give her a psychic aneurism burst. She glanced back, ready to match him in one of their epic stare-offs, but Karofsky just looked at her with his face of "Don't be a bitch Santana". She sighed, she sighed so hard to make him understand that she got it. –Thanks Brett, could you pick me up a bag of chips? You can keep the change-
-Y...Yeah, sure- Oh my god, she remebered his name, this must have been the most glorious day ever for Brett. First he had showered and a cute girl had complimented him on how good he smelled, then Santana Lopez had asked him to buy her some chips. He was in cloud nine, and he would be on cloud ten when he used the change to buy weed.
-Thanks Brett, I'll be right here!- She yelled as the spacey dude run towards the machine at the end of the hallway to get her chips. She tilted her head, a confused and what could pass as empathic look on her face as she saw Finn, still standing on the middle of the choir room, like a zombie that had run out of people to snack on and didn't knew what to do now.
-Frankenteen doesn't looks well at all- Both she and Karofsky nodded, staring at Finn like he was the new attraction at the Pity Zoo. The illusion was complete when they started to snack on the chips that Brett had delivered for them. She was tempted to offer Finn a chip through the bars, cause there really wasn't a sign to not to feed the angsty teenagers, or bars, for that matter.
-So, even if they both like each other... JewGirl doesn't wants to feel tied up to him cause, and I am paraphrasing this "She has a greater destiny to fufill than just fall in love?"- Karofsky said as he munched on a chip, a deliciously cryspy and just all around perfect chip. Chips! –Sucks hard- Love stories just didn't exist, well except for Kurt and fucking Prince Charming classic, now with more self rightheous dapperness in every bite. The thought of Kurt actually biting on a very naked Bland made his stomach churn and twist, so he just willed himself to push the thought in the back of his mind, where he kept all the thoughts that upseted him in one way or another. That is, until they came back with a vengeance and made him do things, like, kiss a very effeminate boy in a locker room, go incredible Hulk on the Glee club, fooling himself that his former Hockey pals would be cool with the prospect of the half time show, running out the half time show, wanting to punch Fancy and butt-boy into a pulp when they dared to show up in his turf being sickengly happy together, wanting to whip them into submission when Santana figured out that he was gay and lately, fucking breaking in front of Kurt like a tiny girl bitch according to Santana. But for that last one he kinda was tankful for.
-So... should we go like, talk to him?- Santana bit the greasy chip knowing that her shapely thighs would regret the treat later. Seeing Lord Custard Manboobicles the First like snot on the bathroom floor made her feel all kinds of sad.
-Why...? we are... us- Dave pointed out confused, they where grade A Assholes, like Death and Die after all, and he fucking swore that he would stop watching Grey's Anatomy reruns with Santana, he kept referencing the dumbtarded show in his head even when it didn't made sense in context, like why the fuck Izzy got down with George. Aw fuck yourself Karofsky.
-We are trying to be better people... and all that crap. We should do good things, we are seeking... redemption- She really was enjoying watching reruns of Angel with Karofsky, there were a lot of hot chicks with superpowers, guns and leather. Karofsky wanted Angel so bad though, it wasn't even funny to see him drool like a fat chick on the pastry store. It was funny how he kept saying that he wasn't sure that he was gay when he got hard ons watching brooding and dark heroes kicking shit down. That did explained the Batman collection though. She had been inclined to believe him when the source of his confusion was Tickle-Me Doeface, bless coach Sylvester. You could smear make up in his face, put a blond wig on him and call him Sandy as you slapped his bubble-butt ass and he could pass for a hot chick. She kinda wanted to do that herself. But as seeing that Karofsky really dug almost anything with a wang to suck on, she was pretty sure that the guy was as gay as a poodle orgy. But she was okay with it.
-But we aren't even friends with Hudson- The saltiness of the last chip faded in his mouth as a strong sense of melancholy invaded him. But he couldn't eat another bag, Santana would ride his ass hard for being such a greedy little pig, the bitch.
-I slept with him- Santana sanctioned as those words made clear that it made them sort of friends, at least. She was sort of friends with everyone she had fooled around with, even Quinn, and heavy shit had gone between them.
-That doesn't make you friends, that makes you fuck buddies. And not even that cause he just crossed your perly gates once and never looked back- The slap on the arm was well worth the chuckle. He spaced off a bit when he realized that Hudson first and only time had been with Santana, making him pity the guy a bit more. The time he had tried to cash on his beard cupon was more than terrifying, the whole time he expected her to turn into a she-mantis and rip his head off, that was really a turn off, which had really sunk the already battered and hole filled ship of his heterosexuality. He didn't expected flowers and candles and rainbow glitter unicorn turds to spontaniously manifest, but he was pretty sure that he wasn't suposed to feel so damn frightened to stick his dick on her. So instead they just got wasted and woke up in the museum after the janitor poked them with his brom, and that should be an euphemism for sex. Til this day, they just didn't knew how that happened.
-Irregardless!- she raised her arms to put an end to his retarted yet somehow compeling argument. Is irregardless the word? She continued as her face morphed into heart-felt understanding and Auntie Tawnie made her appeareance. –We should go talk to him- Flipping her ponytail in a way that looked like a whip, she made her way to the choir room, she heard Karofsky's steps behind her accompanied by a dumbtastic sigh of resign before her moral superiority and all around awesomeness.
Finn just stood there in the middle of the vacant choir room, as his heart was a ball of pain in his chest that kept threatening to just give up. His head just refused to count the pass of time anymore or shape simple thoughts like blink or breath. His brain had just said "fuck this" and took off, leaving his body in a vegetative state. Brain was smart, the poor guy just didn't want to deal with this shit, he should have gone with him to grab a beer or something, instead of standing there like the brainless pile of organs he was.
-Finn, are you okay?... We kinda saw shit going down between you and the Queen of the Shnoz- Auntie Tawnie gently placed her hand on Finn's shoulder, with such compassion that would make lesser mortals awe at her Mother Theresa-like but hotter ways.
-Yeah, like you...- He glanced to the big jock besides her. –And Karofsky give a crap... about anything-
-Finn, we are trying to be nice- Auntie Tawnie felt offended as her face grew in unbelief. She was nothing but a caring and wise human being. And she resented that Sugar Chesticles dared to state otherwise.
-Just fuck off! Okay, I'm not as dumb to believe that the biggest assholes in this school are suddenly the good guys!- Brain had returned pissed and ready to lash out at anything in his way. Finn shouted with anger at how Santana and Karofsky thought that they could kick the dog down, he wasn't in here for the amusement of them and he wouldn't let them get off on his pain. Fuck them, she was a snake and he was a monster, and he would not give them the satisfaction to see him suffer.
-Dude, we were just worried...- Hudson really seem pissed and Dave wanted to let the offense slide, cause he was really trying to change and not being just the asshole that just went through the motions that he used to be. So he backed away slightly trying to seem non threathening. But Hudson, like a prissy cat fighting a dog, started flailing as his face grew redder and redder, making his way over Dave and without further provocation, punching him in the face with his huge fist.
-Finn, what the fuck!- Santana threw herself in front of Dave like a lioness protecting her cub, pushing the hot-headed mess that Finn was away. She could feel Karofsky snapping in anger behind her so she grabbed his arm firmly trying to ground him to reality. –Dave, no!- Seeing Karofsky stop in his tracks besides her, yet his face in full I'll cut the bitch mode, she felt her own anger surging. She was ready to make Finn regret for his sucker punch in ways that would make him cry himself to sleep in fetal position, when the ridiculiosly tall teenager just darted off grabbing his pack in his way out.
-That is what we get for trying to be nice- Dave touched the blossoming bruise in his cheek, that had fucking hurt, Damn Hudson and his gigantic paws, that would ceirtanly leave a mark. He had calmed down thanks to Santana's grounding hand. Hadn't been for her, he would have shown Hudson what a real punch was.
-I know- The two bullywhips left the choir room and walked the halls slowly. Santana was concocting ways to make Finn pay for his audacity, but giving it second thought, she wouldn't do anything if Dave didn't wanted her to. No one punched her Cuddly Bear and walked away without proper punishment.
And yes, she called Dave Cuddly Bear.