"What's the hold up?" Jon asked, squinting through the windscreen from his cramped backseat, where he was squashed between suitcases and boxes of his, Robb's and Theon's belongings.
"Oh, I wonder," Theon drawled. "It couldn't be all these other sorry sods wanting to get into Blackwater Village, could it?"
"Give it a rest," Robb groaned, cutting off Jon's impending retort. "It's been over four hours from Winterfell and I'm sick of you two still being at each others' throats."
"Only because your cousin is still as gormless as Hodor's left b-"
"Button it, Greyjoy!" Robb snapped, giving Theon a quick jab to the arm as an aging attendant in a high visibility jacket approached the window of the little black hatchback.
"Good afternoon," greeted the attendant, and then he proceeded to exchange some pleasantries with Robb and give rather unnecessary directions into the village. "Straight ahead, following these cars in front."
"Thank you." Robb smiled, giving the reedy man a wave. The queue of red taillights trudged forwards a few inches.
"I'll be as old as that guy by the time we reach this bloody village," Theon yawned.
"Don't start." Robb rolled his eyes at his best friend. "You're not the one who's been driving since nine o'clock." Robb shook his head and attempted to stifle the contagious yawn.
"I did offer to drive," Theon reminded him.
"Yeah, and I'm just going to hand over the keys to my car so you can burn its engine out like you did with yours."
"No one was hurt, what's the big deal?"
"Only a grand out of Ned's pocket to cover you being an idiot!" Jon reminded him, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
"Alright, Grumpy Stark. I worked the money back, didn't I? Therefore it's no longer an issue. Ol' Neddy and I are pals again."
"Please don't ever call my dad 'Ol' Neddy' ever again," Robb grimaced, revving the engine as the queue inched forwards once more.
"Sure, but can I still call your mum 'Kitty Cat'?"
Theon cackled with laughter at the horrified look on Robb's face. "You Starks are so serious!"
It took another half an hour before the Northern trio had parked up and arrived at the reception marquee to collect their keys.
"There are so many fit girls here." Theon winked suggestively at one such girl who had made the unfortunate error of glancing in Theon's direction.
"And how many of them are going to be filing restraining orders by the end of the year?" Jon quipped.
"Oh, good one, Jon!" Theon mocked, laughing too loudly in the hopes of attracting some more feminine attention. In an undertone he added, "You know you don't have to be so jealous, if you want any advice all you have to do is ask."
"What could I possibly ask you for advice about?"
"Where to put it." Theon waggled his eyebrows.
"I know where to put it!" Jon retorted loudly. A mousy girl in front of him turned to look at him with wide eyes. Jon went beet red. "Sorry."
Theon snorted.
"Got us our keys and welcome packs," Robb announced, finally rejoining the pair. "Let's go move in!"