Clarke knew that hindsight was inevitably twenty-twenty, but she still wondered how she could ever have been so astonishingly blind.
She'd had a good excuse, of course. Bundles of them, in fact. Other things on her mind. People to save. Her friends. Humanity. The planet.
Not that she'd really saved the planet. It had saved itself and they'd all been the fortunate beneficiaries. But they'd needed to be in the right place and that was the part she'd had a hand in. Even giving herself that much credit felt pretty damned pretentious, but somehow she couldn't seem to get away from the accolades that everyone else always wanted to heap on her.
Like the Wanheda business. That had been thrust upon her, too. And really, she hadn't much minded the heda part. Clarke was far too self-aware to ever fool herself into thinking that she didn't enjoy being in charge. It was just the wan thing that she'd have gladly given up.
But it was not to be.
Death had followed her around, dragging at her coattails, ever since she'd hit this fucking planet. It seems to have been her destiny.
His, too.
But still, now that all these months have passed and they're relatively safe, she thinks...she knows...that all the crises, one after another, were the reason she hadn't paid enough attention to whatever it was that was happening between them. That, and the distraction of her sorrowful heart, which never seemed to catch a break. She'd spent months drowning in sadness over Wells and guilt over Finn. Grief over Lexa.
Then just like that, the danger was past. For the first time since they'd come to planet Earth as refugees, in a desperate effort to escape a home in space that could no longer sustain life, it felt like they were going to make it. And they weren't just going to survive, they had a real chance to thrive.
So as focused as she'd been on that struggle, she supposed she could be forgiven for not noticing that the wall of pain that had surrounded her heart for so many months had started to crumble. Leaving her open. Leaving her vulnerable.
Leaving her wanting.
It didn't matter when the seed of feelings had been planted - although Clarke knew it had to have been some time between the day they both got high on the jobi nuts and the moment she'd grabbed his hand in terror as she entered the City of Light. The only thing that mattered now was today, the day she'd finally noticed how she really felt about Bellamy Blake.
It had happened, most inopportunely, right in the middle of the treaty ceremony with the Glowing Forest clan.
She'd been standing by her mother as Marcus signed the document, while Bellamy watched the proceedings from across the room. When he'd looked up suddenly and caught her eye.
And smiled at her.
Not one of those tepid half-smiles he used for encouragement. Nor again one of the feeble joking smiles he tried on to comfort her. Nope, this was a full-on Bellamy Blake grin, the likes of which she hadn't seen since their first days on Earth, when he'd been trying to convince them all that he was self-serving, and hedonistic, and as shallow as a creek in a dry spell. But those smiles didn't count because she'd hardly known him then. This smile, this grin, was all for her.
We did it, it seemed to say.
And then, quite unexpectedly, her heart had stuttered, her breath had hitched, and her body had flushed with warmth.
Clarke had been suddenly, irrationally, terrified. Without conscious thought, she'd moved into flight mode, turning swiftly to leave the room.
"Hey, where the hell are you going?" Raven had grabbed Clarke's hand as she tried to sneak past.
"Nowhere. Just outside. I...need some air."
Raven's brow had wrinkled in confusion. "Don't you wanna see this? You played such a big part..."
Clarke had pulled her hand away almost frantically. "No more than you," she'd said quickly. "No more than everyone else."
She'd twisted away from Raven, sliding between two other Arkadians who were blocking her exit. She'd been almost out the door then, almost home free, when she couldn't seem to resist a look back across that large room.
The expression on Bellamy's face as he watched her leave had been...uncertain. He'd frowned quizzically, the slightest twist to his lips. As though maybe he'd been just a little afraid that she might disappear on him again. But mostly...mostly there was just the warmth that radiated from his eyes whenever he looked at her.
Clarke had felt herself flushing again as she practically ran out the door.
She was gasping by the time she made it outside, leaning against the building to catch her breath. For a moment, she was afraid that someone might have followed her out. Raven. Bellamy.
But they hadn't, and now here she was, alone, trying to make sense of it all.
For more than a year, Bellamy had been her partner, her co-leader, and after all that they'd been through together he'd become the best friend she'd ever had. But in all the time she'd known him, she'd never felt that pull, that overwhelming attraction. The yearning that she'd experienced only moments ago.
The sudden unexpected burst of emotion had left her confused and shaken, and her first impulse had been to run from it. She'd never had that kind of reaction with either Finn or Lexa, that need to run. Clarke smiled ruefully, shaking her head. Maybe she should have, considering how things had turned out.
She'd still been a girl with Finn, in the throes of First Love. And for that, Finn had been just about perfect. Her teeth scraped across her bottom lip as she recalled her brief affair with the ill-fated Finn Collins.
He'd been sweet to her, the stuff of every young girl's fantasy. But Finn had somehow neglected to mention the existence of another girlfriend, one who had a prior claim on him. And while he'd been smooth and charming, all silver-tongued words of love, peace, and joy, his convictions had eventually proved to be more a matter of convenience than of principle.
And Lexa? Clarke sighed. They'd burned brightly, she and Lexa, the attraction between them deep and real. But life in the heda's tower had been like living in a fantasy world, and she'd always known that an actual relationship with Lexa would have been impossible. No, Lexa had been for the moment, however brief and shining that moment might have been.
That knowledge hadn't made the Commander's death any easier to deal with, of course, or her grief any less intense. A grief complicated by her crushing guilt over the fact that the bullet that had killed Lexa had been meant for her.
But what had finally assuaged her grief, what had made it bearable, was being back amongst her own people again. Being part of the mission they'd undertaken to save them all. She'd thrown herself into it, working side by side with Bellamy. As always. Drawing on his strength. Trusting in his ability to see things through, no matter how difficult. Secure in the knowledge that he would always, always, have her back.
She had sunk happily into the safety and comfort of her bond with Bellamy Blake, blissfully unaware of how deep he'd burrowed inside her heart.
She paused abruptly in her musings, shifting those two thoughts until they were side by side in her head.
Was that what love really was? Had it been there all along, buried beneath the trust, the dependability, the caring?
Her lip curled in a sardonic little smile, as she recognized her attempt to rationalize her emotional reaction into something she could explain away, even though she knew it was a waste of time. When Bellamy had grinned at her just now, she hadn't been reacting to the depth of his character, or the security of their friendship. What had made her skin warm and her breath hitch had been the utter beauty of his smile. Just remembering the joy on his face as he gazed across the room at her had her heart racing all over again.
So, yeah. That part was new.
And whatever it was that had brought on this sudden...revelation, it scared the shit out of her. More than the year of constant war. More than the two tumultuous and tragic love affairs. But at least she'd learned from them, learned from how badly they'd turned out. She couldn't...she wouldn't...do anything that might jeopardize her friendship with Bellamy. It was more important to her than anything.
Clarke took a deep steadying breath, and, as always, she understood what she had to do.
She summoned up the tender feelings she'd just acknowledged, the breathless shiver that had swept her body, and the desperate wanting that had swamped her wayward heart, and she shifted them into a tiny compartment in her head. The place where she'd learned to consign every aspect of her life that she simply couldn't deal with. Then she carefully locked that compartment and tossed away the key.
There, she thought, feeling better, more in control. Done and dusted.
It was good to know she still had mastery over herself.
XXXXXXXXXX
Easier said than done.
Contrary to her confident expectations, once the idea got into Clarke's head that there was more going on between Bellamy and her than just a close friendship, it proved nearly impossible to root it out. The more she tried tamp down - or ignore - her physical and emotional responses to Bellamy's nearness, the harder it became to keep it all locked away in that tiny, little compartment inside her brain.
She and Bellamy had always spent a lot of time together, so it was natural for him to gravitate towards her during meals, or meetings, or whenever they were hanging out with their friends. Now that they actually had time to socialize.
To escape those disconcerting reactions and maintain her self-control, Clarke had, in desperation, begun to avoid Bellamy. His initial response, when she sat on the opposite side of the room at three meetings in a row, had been a quizzical frown. But when she shifted herself to a different table at meals, the expression on his face changed from confusion to hurt.
Clarke hated it, hated hurting Bellamy, and by the time his hurt expression had morphed into one of bland disinterest, she hated it even more. In a few short weeks, she'd managed to both upset and alienate her best friend in the world. The very outcome she'd been trying to avoid.
And all to no purpose.
The awareness had not left her, nor the physical reactions whenever she saw Bellamy, which she could hardly avoid completely. Only now, in addition, she felt guilty about causing him all that pain.
And worst of all, she missed him desperately.
Clarke Griffin was a ball of misery, and it was more than obvious to everyone who knew her.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Raven wanted to know, one night when only the two of them were left at the dinner table. "We finally have time to relax and you're walking around with a long face, like you hate that there's no life-or-death crisis to resolve. Are you missing being the big, bad Wanheda?"
"Shut up!" Clarke snapped, before she could stop herself.
Raven's eyes narrowed. "You know what you need?" she said, as Clarke glared at her. "You need to loosen up a little."
With surprising grace, considering the infirmity in her hip and leg, Raven rose from the table, dragging Clarke with her.
"Come on," she said. "We're going to throw back a few."
"Throw back...?" Clarke was genuinely puzzled.
Raven shook her head, smirking. "I keep forgetting that in some ways you're still the sheltered Alpha Station girl. We're going to get some drinks, Clarke. See if we can get that sour expression off your face."
Clarke nodded. A drink - or three - didn't sound like a half-bad idea.
She wasn't sure why - maybe there was a training session that she'd forgotten about - but they found the bar relatively empty. This one wasn't as fancy as even the slapdash bar they'd thrown together on the Ark-turned-Arkadia, but it was still - usually - a very popular spot. But not tonight.
She found them a table near the front of the room and Raven sank into her chair gratefully. It had been long walk from the mess hall, and Clarke knew it had probably sapped a lot of Raven's strength.
"I'll get us some drinks," she said. No need to ask for Raven's preference. If there was any alcohol available at all, it would be whatever Monty had managed to concoct.
It was when the pretty bartender turned to get their drinks that Clarke thought suddenly of Gina Martin. Gina, who'd been the bartender back in Arkadia. Gina, whom she'd never known. Gina, who had meant a lot to Bellamy.
As she returned to the table with their drinks, Clarke couldn't get thoughts of Gina off her brain, and even more, didn't understand why she'd never ever wondered about her before now. This person who had been close to Bellamy. Important to him. Someone special.
Raven launched into a long amusing story, no doubt trying to cheer her up. And Clarke knew she really ought to listen. Knew it was rude not to. But all she could manage was a nod now and then as Raven's voice ran on in the background of her headspace. While she wrapped her mind around her sudden obsession with the reality that had been Gina Martin.
She finished her drink in no time and hopped up for a second, while a surprised Raven, only a few sips in, shook her head at the offer of a refill. Clarke returned with her drink, and all the while her thoughts were going in circles as she wrestled with the idea that Bellamy might well have loved a woman that she herself had never even met.
And what if they had met, she thought with a sudden jolt. What if Gina had still been alive, had still been with Bellamy, when Clarke had returned to her people?
How would she have dealt with that?
How would she have dealt with that?
When considered what a difficult time she was having coming up with an answer to that question, she quickly gulped down the rest of her second drink, jumping up again and returning to the table with a third. Raven paused in her story while Clarke got her refill, frowning just a bit at the speed with which Clarke was "throwing them back." Then her shoulders moved in an elaborate shrug, and she picked up her tale where she'd left off.
Clarke again consigned Raven's voice to background noise as her mind wandered right back to Gina. As she finally acknowledged to herself with a shock how painful it probably would have been for her to have seen Bellamy so attached to someone else. Someone other than Octavia.
Someone who had a greater claim on him than Clarke Griffin.
It was then that she remembered that snippet of conversation from the day that ALIE had had control of Raven. 'You were more devoted to Clarke than to Gina,' Raven had taunted Bellamy. Clarke had heard the words from the other room, learning about Gina for the first time. The girl had already been dead for weeks, and Clarke hadn't even known of her existence.
But Raven had said that she, Clarke, was more important to Bellamy. More important than the woman who'd been his girlfriend. Was that true? Did Raven really think that, or had it just been the AI fucking with her head?
Clarke's own head began to spin, maybe from all that alcohol. Or maybe, she thought, she was just disgustingly pathetic. Despite all the energy she'd put in lately avoiding Bellamy Blake, she was still looking for reassurance that she'd been more important to him than his dead girlfriend. A woman who, from everything she'd heard, had been a good person. Good to Bellamy. Good for Bellamy.
Not that she'd ever heard much, she realized. Clarke felt a sudden need to know more. More about the woman she hadn't had the chance to meet and now never would.
"Tell me about Gina," she demanded impulsively, breaking into Raven's near-monologue.
"Wha-what?" Raven stopped in mid-sentence, almost choking on her moonshine.
"She was your friend, right?" The three drinks she'd gulped down had apparently rendered Clarke oblivious to the fact that her question was not only odd but at least somewhat out of line.
Raven stared at her for a moment. "Why do you want to know?"
Clarke tried her best to make her shrug nonchalant. "I don't know. Just...no one ever seems to talk about her."
"You could always ask Bellamy," Raven suggested, her expression neutral.
Clarke felt her face heat up. "No. I couldn't." Her voice was tight.
Raven was silent for a moment before acknowledging with a nod, "No, I don't suppose you could."
For a little minute, Clarke thought that was all Raven was going to say. That she would refuse to tell her anything at all about Gina Martin. But then the other girl nodded, as though making up her mind, although whether that was about how to respond, or whether or not to respond at all, Clarke wasn't really sure.
"Okay," Raven said, "I'll tell you this much. Gina was a great person, and totally gone on Bellamy. And she was also a person who didn't hold back. When she wanted something, she went after it."
She paused, as though considering her next words.
"She wasn't a coward, Clarke..."
"I already know that, Raven. One of the few things I do know about her is how she saved your life at Mt. Weather." She shook her head. "That's...that's not what I meant."
"And that's not what I meant, either," Raven said quickly, impatiently, glancing away for a moment to carefully blink away the moisture that gathered in the corner of her eyes.
"Yes, she did save me - even though she couldn't save herself. That was the last brave thing she did. But mostly..."
Raven stopped, tried again.
"Gina wasn't like you, Clarke. She wasn't into heroic shit. She just wanted to live her life."
Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but Raven silenced her with a look.
"The thing about Gina was that she knew what - and who - she wanted, and she wasn't shy about it. And when she finally pulled Bellamy out of the funk he was in after you left, she threw herself into trying to make him happy."
With one swallow, Raven finished off the last of her drink, carefully placing the cup back on the table.
"And for a while, he was happy. Or at least, he seemed to be."
She paused, her lips twisting into a wry smile. "Even so, I knew that he never felt as deeply for her as he did for you."
The smallest gasp escaped from Clarke.
Raven shot her a pointed look. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it? To know if what I said when that fucking robot was in my head was true."
"No, no-" Clarke began to protest.
"Save it, Clarke. I'd never have said it out loud if I hadn't had ALIE in my brain, but I always knew that Bellamy was way too attached to you to ever really be all in with Gina."
"But we never, Bellamy and I, we'd never..." Clarke fumbled for a response.
"Yeah, I know. But that didn't mean the feelings weren't there." She looked Clarke straight in the eye. "That they aren't there still."
Clarke was silent and Raven shook her head.
"Gina had feelings for Bellamy, wanted to be with Bellamy, and so she was. That's what I meant when I said she wasn't a coward. Wish I could say the same about you."
"Raven..."
"Never mind." Raven hauled herself out of her chair with some difficulty. "Maybe this little drinking party wasn't such a good idea after all."
She made her way to the bar with surprising speed, and was back in a moment with a cup of water which she slammed down in front of Clarke.
"Here," she said. "Drink this. Then have a couple more cups before you hit the sack. Maybe tomorrow you'll wake up and decide to stop torturing yourself because you're too afraid to let yourself be happy."
She paused. "Either that, or explain to Bellamy very carefully that you don't love him."
Clarke twisted in her chair to gape at Raven.
"No?" Raven cocked a brow at her and smiled knowingly. "I didn't think so. You're not that good a liar. But please, Clarke, try to figure it out. Put Bellamy out of his misery. Not to mention the rest of us."
She headed out then, leaving Clarke to her glass of water. And her muddled thoughts.
XXXXXXXXXX
Clarke groaned, the pounding in her head doing battle with the pounding on the door of the small airless cubicle she'd been allotted as quarters.
"Clarke? Are you in there, honey?" Abby's voice.
"Yeah, just a minute, Mom." She croaked it out, her throat as dry as dust.
Shit! She felt like crap.
Despite the multiple cups of water she'd consumed before bedtime, Clarke's system just wasn't used processing that volume of alcohol. She sighed, wondering what her mother would make of her appearance as she dragged herself out of bed and across her tiny room to throw open the door.
"Clarke! At last." Abby's brow wrinkled ever so slightly as she scrutinized her daughter from head to toe. But apparently there was no time for parental inquiries.
"I've been waiting all morning for you to show your face," she said instead. "Marcus needs to see you."
"All morning?" Clarke was puzzled. "What...what time is it?"
"Nearly noon."
Noon? She hadn't been sleeping well...and all that alcohol...but still, Clarke was shocked to hear she'd slept the clock around. Not that all that sleep had made her feel any more rested.
"Sorry," she said. "I maybe had a little too much to drink last night, and...uh..."
When Abby's expression of morphed into a knowing smile, Clarke asked hurriedly, "Why does Marcus want to see me?"
Abby shrugged. "He needs your help with the Glowing Forest clan. He'll explain it himself if you think you can manage to emerge from your cocoon."
Clarke sighed. "Give me a few minutes."
True to her word, she was rapping on the doorjamb of the chancellor's office not twenty minutes later.
"Mom said you wanted to see me."
"Clarke." Marcus Kane looked up with a smile. Clarke was pretty sure that Abby had a lot to do with the smiles on Kane's face of late, but it wasn't a subject she wanted to delve into too deeply.
"Have a seat," he said, and she slumped into the one other decent chair in the room.
Kane's smile drifted into a look of concern as he studied her more closely.
"Are you all right, Clarke? We've all been under a lot of stress for more time than I like to think about, so if you're feeling a bit run down..."
He let it hang out there, waiting for her to bite, but Clarke shook her head.
"I'm fine, Marcus. Just catching up on some much-needed sleep. How can I help?"
"Good, good. Maybe you'll want to get another good night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow, I need you to make a trip to the Glowing Forest clan."
This was a piece of news that had Clarke sitting up straight.
"But I thought...I mean...isn't everything settled with the clan? You signed the treaty last month and I guess I thought that was it."
She hoped nothing had gone wrong. Clarke didn't want to think about having to plunge back into another war.
Kane nodded. "You're right. This isn't a political issue. It's Mara. Her time with us is up and she needs to be escorted back to her village."
"Oh." Clarke was surprised. "You're sending me to do that?"
Mara was the daughter of the chieftain of the Glowing Forest clan. She was also their healer and had spent the last month in the med bay learning about Skaikru medical techniques from Abby and Jackson. And from Clarke herself.
"She asked for you specifically, Clarke. You do still have some cachet among the clans," he added with a wry smile. "And since her father is the clan chief, I'd really like to give her what she wants."
"Of course," Clarke nodded. "I'd be happy to escort her. If I use the Rover for part of the journey, I should be able to get there and back in one day."
Kane inclined his head. "Yes, that's what Bellamy thought, too."
Clarke's head snapped up with a jerk. "Bellamy?"
"Yes. He'll be accompanying you."
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.
"Do you...do you really think that's necessary? I mean, it's only a one-day trip, and anyway Mara will be with me."
"Not on the return trip," Kane reminded her. "Did you think I'd send you off alone? If nothing else, Abby would probably kill me."
Clarke searched her mind desperately for a way out of what could only be a horribly awkward and uncomfortable journey.
"Um...is Bellamy really the best person to send? I mean, he's always so busy. Maybe someone less in demand..."
Her voice trailed off because Kane was already shaking his head.
"I've already spoken to Bellamy about this and he said nothing about being too busy. In fact, knowing him, I'd be surprised if he'd be willing to entrust your well-being to anyone but himself."
Clarke felt panic tighten her chest. Something of what she was thinking must have shown on her face because Kane's eyes narrowed suddenly and he frowned across at her.
"Since when have you ever objected to spending time with Bellamy Blake?"
She felt the heat in her cheeks and knew her pale skin was probably flushed. She straightened her back, determined not to let Kane discover the nature of her discomfort.
"Objection? Of course I have no objection. None at all."
"Good," he said, nodding. "You leave at first light tomorrow."
XXXXXXXXXX
All things considered, Clarke found the first part of the trip not as awkward as she might have anticipated. To her profound relief, when they met early the next morning in the Rover bay, Bellamy gave her a nod and a slight smile, instead of the cold shoulder she'd been expecting. And probably deserved.
Mara was almost sick with excitement at the prospect of riding in the mysterious Skaikru vehicle. Clarke offered to let her sit in the front passenger seat next to Bellamy, who was driving, but she she declined with a blush.
"Oh, no, Clarke. That's where you must sit. I'll be fine here in the second seat," she added. "I-I can see more of the passing scenery that way."
But when Clarke glanced over at the girl, Mara was looking at their escort out of the corner of her eye, and Clarke had a sudden insight into the nature of that blush. She couldn't help smirking at Bellamy and taking note of his slight eye-roll as he glanced back at her.
So he was aware of Mara's crush.
She supposed it really wasn't so unusual. Plenty of young Skaikru had had crushes on the handsome Bellamy Blake. He put up with the giggling teens who sometimes followed him about, but was forever trying to avoid them. Their mutual friends teased him about it unmercifully.
It certainly was a far cry from Playboy Bellamy of their first few days on the ground.
He shrugged now as he returned Clarke's glance with a smirk, and she couldn't help the sudden grin that spread across her face. They always understood each other perfectly. She'd missed that, just like she'd missed everything else about Bellamy.
"Okay," she turned and told Mara as they all settled into the vehicle. "Just let me know if you change your mind and we can switch."
Clarke was further amused at the resigned look that swept across Bellamy's face.
Perhaps today wouldn't be so bad after all.
They drove the Rover as far as they could across the open fields and into the sparsely-wooded areas, but the Glowing Forest itself was far too densely treed to allow for vehicular traffic. They left their transport on one edge of the forest, grabbed the travel packs they never left camp without, and began the long trudge through the woods.
Clarke was a little disappointed that there wasn't more "glow" in the Glowing Forest, but Mara reminded her that the phosphorescence was far more visible after dark. Not that the girl used that word, of course. In fact, the clan which had grown up around the forest that exhibited the phenomenon considered that it was some kind of magic.
Clarke could imagine the earliest clan members, those from nearly a century ago, looking for somewhere they could feel safe. And perceiving in the glow of the trees, plants, and small winged creatures a sign that this was a place they could settle in peace.
As far as she knew, the clan members had suffered no ill effects from living so near the glow. If anything, the members of the Glowing Forest clan seemed to have bodies that were even more radiation-resistant than the other grounders they'd met.
After a lengthy trek through the forest, with Mara chattering happily and Bellamy making a mental note of their every twist and turn, they finally reached the village just in time for the mid-day meal. Clarke expected that after making all the necessary diplomatic noises, and hopefully being fed, she and Bellamy could be on their way in plenty of time to make it home before nightfall. If they followed that schedule, she began to believe she would survive this day after all.
But she soon found to her dismay that it was not to be.
Clarke had long ago closed her mind off from the idea that she'd ever been Wanheda. But that didn't mean others felt the same. Especially in the grounder clans, where the despised title was a sign of respect, not one of disdain, or dishonor.
The village chieftain - a cheerful man called Haran - had the illustrious Wanheda in his village, and at his table, and he was bound and determined to make the most of the occasion. So the simple mid-day meal that Clarke had envisioned turned out to be a well-attended banquet of several courses, each accompanied by the glowberry wine that this clan seemed to drink by the gallon. It wasn't a strong liquor, but after several cups, Clarke began to feel the effects.
Bellamy, though, while he'd sat right next to her eating and drinking the same things that she had, clearly felt no ill effects, and seemed merely amused. It was completely and utterly infuriating.
Clarke wanted Bellamy to object to the large banquet and the unnecessary delay for reasons of security. With many a nudge and a wink, as well as a few whispered words, she tried to get him to force the issue by telling their host that they simply had to leave. Frustratingly, though, he'd deferred to her at every turn. He'd raised his brows and shrugged his shoulders, folded his arms across his chest, and reminded her without saying a word that this was a diplomatic visit, and if anyone was going to screw with the diplomacy, it wasn't going to be him.
Consequently, it was late afternoon before the meal was finished, and Clarke was most definitely the worse for wear. When Haran suggested they stay in the village for the night and return home the following day, Bellamy treated Clarke to an amused look before he nodded to the chieftain, indicating that he was in agreement.
The chieftain smiled in delight. "I can offer Wanheda and Bellamy kom Skaikru my very best chamber," Haran said, and Clarke, who'd been considering acceding to this suggestion, gasped at the implication that not only would they stay, but she and Bellamy would be sleeping in the same room.
"Of course, Nontu," Mara was saying excitedly. "Clarke and Bellamy must have our finest room."
Not bloody likely.
"I appreciate the honor you do me, but Clarke and Bellamy will not be needing your very best room," she said as firmly as she could manage. "Or at least Clarke won't. Bellamy may do as he pleases."
Bellamy frowned when she rose somewhat unsteadily to her feet.
"Clarke, you can hardly stand. How the hell are you going to walk all that way through the forest? Be sensible."
She whirled on him, irate. "I am being sensible. They're expecting us tonight and I-I don't want to worry them. And I can stand just fine!"
Clarke knew she wasn't really drunk. She'd had a recent flirtation with drunk and this definitely wasn't it. A little water, a little exercise, and she'd be just fine.
Bellamy grabbed her arm, gently pulling her aside so that they could have this conversation in private. It was the first time he'd touched her in weeks, and as much as she didn't want to react to the contact, she couldn't seem to help herself.
His voice was tight as he made his case. "Clarke," he said quietly, "have you thought about the fact that it will be dark before we even get out of the forest? Not to mention it's an unfamiliar route. We can stay the night, get an early start..."
With his hand still branding her skin, Clarke found she could hardly breathe. How could she bear to be enclosed in the same room with him all night? She pulled her arm away roughly and shook her head.
"It's the Glowing Forest, Bellamy, remember? I'm sure we'll be able to see just fine. And-and I know you were paying attention to the route. I have great faith that you'll remember the way."
Bellamy stared at her for a moment, his face strangely blank. "You have great faith in me."
It didn't sound like a question to Clarke, but somehow it felt like he expected a response.
"Yes, of course," she said, her head snapping up to show her confidence in him.
There was a beat of silence. She tried not to squirm as he studied her.
"All right," Bellamy nodded brusquely. "Get your stuff together. If we're leaving, we're doing it now."
Clarke made her farewells to the disappointed Haran (who wouldn't, after all, be able to say that the celebrated Wanheda had slept in his bed) and the envious Mara.
"You're so lucky to have Bellamy Blake watching out for you," she whispered as Clarke pulled her into a goodbye hug.
Clarke could think of no response that Mara would understand. Lucky, indeed.
XXXXXXXXXX
Clarke wasn't sure whether it was the rapid pace that Bellamy set or if she really had had too much glowberry wine. All she knew was that she couldn't seem to keep up with him. After more than an hour spent more or less chasing after the trim lines of his wide back and broad shoulders, Clarke needed a break.
Her next action was pure impulse. "Bellamy!" she said, digging in her heels. "I need to stop right now!"
He halted mid-stride and wheeled around to face her. "What's the matter now?" he asked, his tone halfway between concern and impatience.
Pride wouldn't allow her to tell the truth, to say I can't keep up and Why the hell are you making me run all the way home?, so her answer was, "Comfort stop." She quickly dropped her pack and darted behind a large bush.
And it wasn't a lie. The glowberry wine was having an effect on her bladder as well as her stamina. When she returned, she found Bellamy resting against a large oak, his pack at his feet. His eyes were closed.
Clarke began to suspect that the rapid pace at the end of such a long day was draining him as well.
"Can we slow down just a bit?" she asked quietly, before she could change her mind.
His eyes opened, and he studied her with an expression she could not fathom.
"We need to get as far as possible before full dark," he said, pulling himself away from the tree and indicating the twilit sky. "I'm just trying to give you what you want."
"Yes, I know," she interrupted, "but we'll eventually have to travel in the dark, and I don't see how our returning a few hours later will matter all that much."
But Bellamy was shaking his head. "That's not what I meant," he said, his voice tight.
"Then what?" she asked, moving towards him until they were face to face. Clarke tried to read him in the rapidly approaching darkness.
His eyes closed again briefly, but when he opened them his expression was calm.
"I'm trying to relieve you of my company."
Clarke's jaw dropped in surprise. "I don't understand..."
"Come on, Clarke. Yes, you do. Just the idea of having to spend the night in the same room with me had you in a panic."
"But..."
He held up his hand, dismissing her response before she even uttered it.
"Look, it's fine. I get it. It's been...it's been a crazy year. We needed...you and I needed...to partner up in order to get it all done. And we did it, Clarke. We might actually make it on this fucking planet, and that's in large part thanks to you. And if I was able to help you, then I'm glad. But I understand that with everything that happened, I may have, uh, assumed a friendship that wasn't there, and that now you need to pull away a bit, and..."
"Stop!" Clarke could stand listening to this bullshit no longer. "Stop right there, Bellamy Blake. Are you saying that we aren't friends? Because that's...that's crazy. You're the best friend I've ever had."
"I'm the best friend you've ever had? Well, that sure doesn't speak well for your friendships." Bellamy's voice rose and his breathing became rapid as the facade of calm acceptance began to fall away. "You've been avoiding me for weeks and now you can barely stand to have me touch you."
"No," Clarke said, "no, no, no. That's not it at all."
Without a thought, she reached out and grabbed onto his arm, needing to make physical contact. Needing to dispel his crazy notions that she didn't, that she wasn't...
Bellamy looked down at her hand grasping onto him tightly, and when he looked up she could see the bewilderment in his eyes.
"Then what is it, Clarke?" he asked quietly, "What the hell is going on?"
Clarke knew it was make or break time. She would either have to explain everything to Bellamy or risk having their relationship - whatever it was, whatever it could be - broken forever. She sighed and ran her thumb across the back of his hand, seeking comfort as always.
And then she took a deep breath and jumped off the metaphorical cliff.
"It's not at all that I can't stand to have you touch me, Bellamy," she said, her voice small and uncertain, her eyes still trained on the spot where her thumb was brushing across the back of his hand. "It's that I want you to touch me all the time. I never want you to stop touching me. And...and I know we've never been like that..."
"Wait! Stop!" Bellamy reached up with his other hand - the one she wasn't holding onto for dear life - and used two fingers to tilt up her chin so he could see her face. "Are you saying...are you saying that you want me?"
Clarke nodded, feeling as scared and vulnerable as she'd ever been in her life. But it was too late to back down now, and besides, she was tired of lying. Tired of being a coward.
Bellamy was still staring at her intently.
"And this wanting...this physical thing...is it just a-a passing fancy?" His voice was tentative, and softer than she'd ever heard it.
Clarke sighed, her lips twisting into a small smile. "I'm pretty sure it's not."
"Oh, god," he said, bringing two large hands up to cup her cheeks. "And this is why you've been avoiding me? Avoiding...touching me?"
"Yes," she admitted in a small voice. She could hear the rapid beating of her heart, feel the thrumming of her pulse.
"But why didn't you just say something?" Bellamy asked, stroking his thumb across her cheek.
"I was scared. I know it's stupid. Not such a big deal if you didn't want me..."
That brought the first real smile to Bellamy's lips that she'd seen in weeks.
"How could you not know how I feel about you? I'm pretty damn sure everyone else knows." He chuckled softly. "For about half a second, I even thought Kane might have set this trip up for my benefit."
Clarke reached up and covered one of the hands that was cupping her cheek.
"It wasn't just that. Not just that I thought you might not...feel the same. It's..."
Clarke paused, choosing her words carefully.
"You know that everyone I've ever...ever wanted to be close to has died, Bellamy." Clarke felt herself tearing up, and she blinked rapidly, willing the tears away. She gave Bellamy a watery little smile. "Not such a great track record."
"My god, Clarke," he said reassuringly, "nothing is going to happen to me just because you want to be with me." His warm eyes smiled down at her and he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "In fact, that pretty much guarantees that I'll be sticking around. You won't be able to get rid of me."
"Good. Because I can't lose you, Bellamy." Clarke knew he was teasing her, but she just couldn't make light of the idea of something terrible happening to him.
"Through all the horror of the past year, no matter what I was going through, I always knew you were there for me. And sometimes - a lot of the time - that's what got me through. So when I realized how I felt...what I wanted...I just got so scared. Scared that if things didn't go right - or even if they did - I could end up losing the one person I needed the most."
She gave him a rueful little smile. "And then I was so stupid about the whole thing that I ended up pushing you away anyway."
Getting that out had been hard for Clarke. She knew it wasn't rational, that Bellamy's chances of survival would not change regardless of how she felt about him. But still, having confessed her fears aloud somehow made her that much less afraid.
Bellamy leaned down just enough to rest his forehead against hers. His smile was so warm and bright that she could scarcely breathe.
"If you want me that much, Clarke, if you need me that much, then I'm gonna make it my mission in life to always be here for you."
"I do," she said, gazing at his lips. "I want you so, so much."
There were only a few inches left between them and Bellamy closed the gap quickly, brushing lips lips across hers in the softest kiss Clarke ever remembered receiving.
"Oh," she breathed. And if watching him smile at her from across the room had left her gasping, the feel of his mouth on hers had her drowning in sensation.
Clarke was awash in emotion and desire. She threw her arms around his neck, hauling herself as close to him as possible, and what had started out as a soft sweet kiss within seconds became something heavy and wanton. Bellamy responded immediately, opening his mouth, thrusting his tongue past her lips, and pulling her impossibly close.
Clarke felt like she couldn't breathe. Or maybe it was simply that she didn't need her own oxygen. All she needed was to be close enough to Bellamy to share the air that he breathed.
But far too soon, lips and tongues and shared breaths were not enough. It seemed to Clarke that her fingers needed to touch Bellamy's skin more than she'd ever needed anything in her life.
Her chest ached with longing.
She tried to run her hands under his shirt, becoming frustrated by the belt he wore, heavy with weapons and gadgets. Bellamy chuckled and pulled away slightly, rapidly unbuckling his belt and throwing it to the ground. Giving her the access she craved to the warm skin beneath his shirt. He shivered as she caressed his back and chest, kissing her even more fiercely.
"Wait, wait," she said, frustrated still.
"What now?" he smiled fondly.
"Take it off," she demanded.
"Okay," he grinned, pulling his shirt over his head. "How about you, too?"
Clarke laughed, suddenly drunk with happiness. She stripped off her shirt, thrilled with his reaction, with the desire that she could see in his face. Heady with the knowledge that she could affect him like this. She stared at him intently as she reached behind her and unhooked the clasp on her bra, pulling it down until it fell from her arms to join the swiftly growing pile of clothes on the ground.
As he stared at her, Bellamy's nostrils flared, his jaw clenched, and his throat worked rapidly.
"Don't you want to touch me," she asked softly, lifting her heavy breasts as though they were an offering.
"Yes," he breathed, reaching out with both hands to cup her breasts and flick at her hardened nipples.
Clarke moaned, reaching out in turn to run her hands across the strong muscles of Bellamy's chest.
He pulled her to him again, wrapping his arms around her just a bit more roughly this time, and she reveled in the knowledge that he'd lost even that little bit of control. Bellamy kissed her hungrily as she wound her arms around his neck, and the feel of his hard chest against the softness of her sensitive breasts was exquisite torture.
"Clarke," he murmured, as though in pain, "I want to be inside you."
"Yes," she said. Nothing more. Just yes.
She gave a little gasp as her feet suddenly left the ground, Bellamy swinging her up in his arms.
"What are you doing?"
"We need to get horizontal before one of us falls over."
He quickly found a flat mossy patch and lowered her to the ground, following her down. Clarke reached for him as he lay on his side, hovering over her. "C'mere," she said, gazing up at him with half-lidded eyes,
But Bellamy had something else in mind. He stretched out his arm and flicked her left nipple, and then her right.
"I want to suck your tits for a while," he said, his deep voice even more gravelly than usual.
Just the idea made Clarke moan, and when he actually lowered his mouth to her and began to suck, first on one breast and then the other, she could feel the wetness trickling between her thighs.
But after a while, even that was not enough.
"Bellamy, I need you to take off the rest of your clothes," she said, her breath coming in short pants.
She could see that Bellamy's eyes were black with desire. But still he asked, "Are you sure?"
Instead of answering, she grabbed the hand that had been playing with her tits and shoved it down inside her pants. He closed his eyes and groaned.
"Can you feel how wet I am?" Her voice was faint.
"Yes," he whispered into her shoulder, at the same time rubbing two fingers against her clit.
"Bellamy, please," Clarke moaned. "I need you now."
But he was already removing his boots, and his pants quickly followed.
"I think we need to get these off, too," he said, unfastening her pants and pulling them down her legs. But instead of then covering her body with his own, instead of immediately joining them together, as they both wanted, Bellamy took a moment to admire the girl who lay naked in his arms.
"You're beautiful, Clarke. And so fucking sexy I can hardly stand it. Are you really sure it's me you want?" His voice was filled with wonder, and every syllable heightened Clarke's arousal.
"Absolutely positive. And the sooner the better." She stretched her hand to touch the hard heaviness of his cock as it lay along his body. "I want this. I want you."
Bellamy's eyes closed as she stroked him slowly, until he finally reached down to move her hand away.
"It's been a long time for me. If you keep doing that, I'm pretty sure it'll be all over before you get what you say you want."
She grinned coyly. "Yeah? Well then I'd just have to get you hard all over again."
Bellamy moaned, his eyes half-closed. "You could probably do that any time you wanted. Just by looking at me. Just by smiling at me."
He had moved his hand between her legs, and all the time they were talking, he'd been rubbing lazy circles around her clit. Running his fingers back and forth along the soft, wet lips that surrounded her cunt.
Clarke knew she was going to come very soon, but she didn't want it to happen until he was inside her. She pulled his head down, sliding her tongue along his earlobe, whispering huskily into his ear. "I really need you to fuck me now."
With a groan, Bellamy shifted his body over her and rose to his knees. He pulled her legs apart, grabbed himself, and thrust into her in one smooth stroke. The feeling was exquisite. If she'd tried, she couldn't have controlled the loud moan that was torn from her throat.
"Oh, god, you feel so good inside me." Her voice was soft and breathy, and she hardly knew what she was saying.
"If you say stuff like that to me," Bellamy murmured, "I'm only gonna last about ten more seconds. I need to shut you up."
So he kissed her, his tongue moving lazily in and out of her mouth at the same pace that his cock moved in and out of her cunt. But soon it wasn't nearly fast enough for Clarke, and she writhed beneath him, craving more friction.
He quickly got the message, shifting back so that he could fuck her harder. Clarke pulled herself up onto her elbows, peering down at where their bodies were joined, as she moved her lower body to meet his thrusts.
And as she watched his cock snap in and out of her, she knew she was close.
"I've wanted to fuck you forever," she said throatily as her cunt clenched and she started to come.
At this unexpected confession, Bellamy's eyes locked onto hers, his breathing became erratic, and he came inside her.
When they could breathe again in more than short little gasps, he moved off her, landing heavily at her side, and wrapped her up in his arms. Clarke turned her head and Bellamy kissed her sweetly.
"Look," she said, waving her hand in every direction. She'd finally taken note of their surroundings and could hardly believe her eyes.
The Glowing Forest. There it was. Full darkness had arrived while they'd been otherwise occupied, and the trees and plants had become beacons of light, chasing away the gloom of night. It was breathtaking.
"I'm glad of the light," she said, smiling fondly. "Otherwise I wouldn't be able to see you and I love to look at you."
"Same," he said, kissing her again. His smile was filled with joy. "The forest looks like I feel at this moment. So lit up I can hardly stand it."
They never bothered dressing. Bellamy pulled out a couple of blankets from their travel packs, and despite the light from the Glowing Forest, despite the emotional upheaval, exhaustion overtook them and they slept.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Clarke awoke, the first thing she noticed was the sunlight streaming through the trees, the Glowing Forest having hidden itself away for yet another day. The second thing she noticed was Bellamy's strong body wrapped around her. The events of the night before began to replay inside her head and she waited for panic to set in.
But it never made an appearance.
All she felt was happiness and contentment. Apparently, she was now just as unafraid to live her life in the light of day as she had been under the magic light of the Glowing Forest. She couldn't help feeling a certain amount of relief. A certain amount of self-satisfaction that she'd learned to conquer at least some of her fears.
The third thing she noticed, as she ran her eyes over Bellamy's barely-covered body, was that she was just the tiniest bit turned on.
She shifted away from him, lifting the blanket that was draped across his bottom half. His cock, so long and hard when it had filled her the night before, was only at half-mast. She reached out a tentative finger, then two, then finally her whole hand, and began to stroke it back to life.
"Ohhh." His moan was soft and sleepy, his body just coming awake. She smiled at him, but her hand never left his cock, which was responding to her touch in a very satisfactory manner.
"Clarke," he croaked out, still only half awake. "What are you doing?"
Her smile became a smirk. "I'm trying to see if I can get you hard again."
"And why is that?" Bellamy's cocky grin made an appearance.
"Because every time I've had sex with someone, I've never gotten to have a round two. I want a round two."
Bellamy barked out a laugh. "Round two, huh? I think I can be persuaded. You know," he added craftily, "your hand feels really good, but if you were to maybe replace it with your mouth..."
"Yeah?" Her smirk grew. "I think that can be arranged."
By the time he'd reached maximum proportions, Clarke had decided that she wanted to try being on top, a new experience for her. She swung her leg over him and slid down, taking him into her wet and waiting warmth. Bellamy reached up and covered her breasts with his hands, then pulled himself up from the waist so he could suck on them while she fucked him silly.
Neither one lasted very long after that, coming within seconds of one another. As they lay panting on their makeshift bed, Clarke decided that that position was definitely a keeper.
She only protested a little when he told her they needed to pack up and head out, because she knew they'd been expected the day before and that people would be concerned. But if she could have had just a few more days of privacy with Bellamy without causing her Mom to get that worried frown between her eyes, she would have taken it in a heartbeat.
Where was the fearful girl she'd lived with for the past month, Clarke wondered as she dressed and packed up her travel gear. Maybe the Glowing Forest really was magic. Or maybe she'd just finally figured out that it was hardly worth surviving if you were afraid to live the life you'd fought so hard to secure.
Another hour along the twisting path - Clarke's faith in Bellamy's sense of direction had not been misplaced - brought them out of the forest not far from where they'd left the Rover. It was fully charged, and Clarke calculated that they'd be home in less than two hours.
But Bellamy had other ideas.
As Clarke slid into the passenger seat, she found herself lifted bodily onto Bellamy's lap as he eased back the driver's seat.
"What are you doing?" she asked, trying her best to look shocked, but, she was afraid, failing utterly.
"What am I doing? See if you can figure it out," he said with a smirk, running his hands under the back of her shirt and unfastening her bra. By the time his large hands were covering her breasts, her nipples were already hard and they were kissing madly.
"There might be a little more room in the back seat," Bellamy tried to suggest when they came up for air a few moments later, but they couldn't seem to tear themselves away from one another long enough to make a location change.
They were too eager for each other, too impatient. Already so attuned to the other's needs and desires that it took no time at all for them to get to fever pitch. And then they simply removed or adjusted just enough clothing so that she could slide wetly onto his cock.
"Fuck, Clarke, I can't get enough of you," he panted into her ear. "You feel so damn good."
Clarke found herself incapable of speech as she writhed on top of him. Her only response was to fuck him more frantically and kiss him more hungrily until they both collapsed onto each other, momentarily sated.
"Oh, god," she said, gasping for air, as she threw herself back into the passenger seat, "I think I've created a monster."
"Right," Bellamy said wryly. "I've noted your lack of enthusiasm."
When she raised her eyebrows in feigned innocence, he just threw back his head and laughed. A gorgeous full-throated sound that Clarke was sure she'd never heard coming out of him before.
Her heart clenched in her chest when Bellamy smiled at her. She'd always known, in an objective, detached sort of way, that Bellamy Blake was beautiful. But she'd never seen him look like this, or sound like this. Or act like this.
She loved it. She loved him.
I should tell him. I should tell him right now. But they'd just finished making love and it didn't seem like that would be the right moment to say it. Clarke was sure she'd know when it was the right moment.
Bellamy glanced over at her as he started up the Rover, and she supposed that something of what she'd been thinking must have shown on her face.
"What?" he said, his face screwing up in a quizzical frown as the Rover began to move across the fields toward home.
Clarke shook her head. "Nothing. I'm just...happy."
"Yeah," he nodded, smiling at her affectionately. "Me, too."
XXXXXXXXXX
They finally made it back to their new home by mid-afternoon, to everyone's great relief.
"We were beginning to worry," Kane said when they stopped by his office to give him their (slightly edited) mission report.
Bellamy swallowed. "Uh, yeah. We got a little held up..."
Kane shook his head. "No need to explain. You got back safely and that's all that matters."
Clarke smiled in relief, since they hadn't bothered to come up with a good excuse for their tardiness, and anything close to the truth was clearly out of the question. Nor had they discussed what to tell people about their new closeness. Not that anyone would really care, she thought. Or probably even notice.
But she hadn't reckoned with Raven Reyes, who was waiting for them outside the chancellor's office. Raven, with her sharp eyes and her in-your-face frankness.
"Uh...gotta check in with Miller. I'll catch you later, Clarke," Bellamy said breezily, nodding toward Raven before hurrying off down the hall.
Coward, she thought, trying to compose her features to withstand the scrutiny of their resident genius. But it was to no avail. Raven's eyes had narrowed suspiciously as soon as she spotted them. Now she grabbed Clarke's hand, pulling her along until they found a spot quiet enough, and private enough, for conversation. Then she wasted no time.
"Clarke Griffin, did you get laid?" Raven demanded without preamble.
Clarke was at a loss, not having expected that even Raven would be quite so direct.
"Uh, um..." One of my most inspirational moments, she thought, utterly mortified.
But Raven just grinned and elbowed her in the ribs. "Glad you finally pulled your head out of your ass."
Clarke shrugged, smiling in return. At least Raven would spread the word, she figured, saving Bellamy and her from the horror of multiple similar conversations.
"I think it's great," Raven added earnestly, and Clarke was more than happy to agree.
She never got the chance to speak with her mother, who was busy all day in the med bay, but Clarke knew that Kane would report their safe return. And that sooner or later she'd run into Abby, either by chance or design.
It turned out to be sooner, and by chance. Abby and Kane showed up just as she and Bellamy were leaving the mess hall after dinner that evening.
"I see you finally made it back," Abby said, giving her daughter a quick hug.
"Yep. I'd tell you not to worry about me, Mom, but I know it wouldn't do any good."
"Nope. Mother's prerogative." Abby's lips tugged up in a small smile. "Maybe you'll learn that for yourself someday."
Before Clarke could even react to that statement, her mother had turned to Bellamy.
"So I hear you had a successful trip through the Glowing Forest," she said.
Behind Clarke, Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, it seemed to work out okay,"
"Good," Abby said. "I'd say it was about time."
And then there was just the briefest of pauses, while Abby's right eyelid flickered in the general direction of Bellamy Blake, before she and Kane continued on into the mess hall.
Clarke was left with her face flaming and her mouth gaping. Her mom couldn't possibly have meant that the way it sounded.
"Hey," Bellamy muttered, his face reflecting disbelief. "Did your mother just wink at me?"
XXXXXXXXXX
Nothing much changed over the weeks after their trip through the Glowing Forest. The former Arkers still spent every day trying to figure out how to adapt to their new home. And most nights trying to wean them themselves from the anxiety of living in a constant state of war.
Bellamy and Clarke had discussed applying to the housing committee for new larger quarters so that they could move in together, but somehow they hadn't quite gotten around to it. Clarke knew that despite the joy she'd found in her relationship with Bellamy, she, too, was perhaps subconsciously waiting for the world to cave in on them again.
One cloudless night in late fall, probably one of the few remaining balmy nights of the season, Clarke took herself outside to look at the stars The Ark's chronometers had suffered some damage during the Earth re-entry, so she could never be absolutely sure of the date, but she'd calculated that this might actually be her 19th birthday.
Nineteen years, of which she'd spent the better part of the past two either in prison or in combat. Two out of nineteen. More than ten percent of her life.
Maybe it was time for a new way of thinking. A new way of living. Maybe it was past time.
She heard him before she saw him; Clarke would know Bellamy's footsteps anywhere.
"I wondered where you'd got to," he said, coming up from behind and wrapping his arms around her. "What are you doing out here?"
Clarke shrugged. "Just...looking at the stars. Thinking about my life so far."
"And what did you..."
But before he could finish, could ask his question, Clarke was interrupting him excitedly.
"Bellamy, look! Isn't that a shooting star?" The streak of light swooped across the night sky and was gone in a moment.
"I think it might have been," he said, and she could feel him nodding behind her.
"And would you still not know what to wish for, if star-wishing were allowed?" she asked, reminding him of that night more than a year ago now, when she'd hardly known Bellamy Blake. And could never have predicted how much he'd come to mean to her.
His arms closed about her more tightly, and she felt as much as heard his low chuckle in her ear.
"It isn't so much that I wouldn't know what to wish for as that all of my wishes seem to have already come true. Even without the star's blessing."
Clarke pushed herself back against him.
"I never thought I would ever feel this happy," she said, rubbing her cheek against his broad shoulder. "Not after everything we've been through,"
"And I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you," Bellamy said softly, his warm breath caressing her neck.
Clarke stilled. He'd never said it to her before, not in so many words. But she knew, of course. Had known for a long time.
She turned in his arms, searching his face. "You know I love you, too, right?"
"I figured," he said, smiling, kissing her quickly, "but I'm more than happy to hear you say it."
Clarke smiled in return, felt herself come to a decision. "Let's do it. Let's apply for larger quarters so we can be together."
Bellamy looked surprised. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she nodded. "We've been through hell, but we've survived. Now I think we should start to think about living."
"Okay," he said, enfolding her in his arms once again. "Together sounds just right to me."