Chapter 1

Ana POV

Friday, September 26th, 2014

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I look up from the magazine I'm reading at my best friend Jose, who was so kind to accompany me to my appointment.

"For the millionth time, yes I'm sure." I say with a smile. "This is what I want, Jose. I don't want to go through what Carla has been through, and this is the only way for me to get what I always wanted."

"Sweetheart, you're 25. Don't you think you're still young for this?"

"No, I'm not. This is what I've always wanted, and you know this more than anyone." I say and roll my eyes at him.

Jose and I have been best friends since we were in KG. His father and mine served in the military together, and our families were neighbors at the military base where we lived. Both our families thought that we would end up together, but I knew that would never be the case.

When he came out at 16, they too knew it wouldn't be the case.

Jose has been my rock through my life, and through all my experiences. My life hasn't been exciting by any standard, but my mother's was, and it has left its print on me and the way I've lived my life.

When I was 5, my mother filed for divorce from my stepfather, who was her second husband anyway. My biological father was her first husband, and my stepfather's friend. He was killed in a car accident when I was a year old, and I don't really remember anything about him. Ray, my stepfather, stepped up when my mother was going to be asked to leave the military base, because her husband has passed on, and not wanting my mother to leave all her friends and the life she knew most of her life, they agreed to get married.

At first, their marriage was that of convenience, but they fell in love as time went on, and their marriage became real.

Well, at least until my mother decided to cheat on Ray with someone else.

Luckily, Ray had officially adopted me by then, and he got custody of me when they divorced. I later found out that my mother didn't really fight him for custody in the first place.

"Anastasia Steele?" I hear my name being called, and I'm pulled away from my musings. I look at the nurse who's holding my chart in her hands, and she gives me a warm smile when I stand up.

"We're ready for you now." She says, and I feel my heart skip a beat with excitement.

"This is it!" I say and look at Jose, who only smiles at me.

"For one last time, dear. Are you sure?" He asks, and I can't help but giggle.

"Yes!" I say before I walk towards the nurse. She smiles at me again as she escorts me back to the examination room in the back. She asks me to undress from the waist down, and to put on the blue gown before getting on the bed.

"Ms. Steele." Dr. Greene says as she walks into the examination room 5 minutes later. "You seem excited."

"I am!" I say with a giggle.

"Now, let's not keep our hopes up. This might not work on the first time." Dr. Greene says as she goes over my chart.

"I know, but I can't help but feel giddy about this." I say and lay back on the bed.

"A positive outlook will always work in your favor; I just don't want you to be overly disappointed if it doesn't work out this time around. We can always try again if that happens, but I just want you to keep your mind open to all possibilities."

"I will, doctor." I say and take a deep breath to calm myself down a bit.

"Ok then." Dr. Greene says as she put on a pair of latex gloves. "Let's do this."

I'm laying on my back in the exam room, and I can't seem to get my heart to calm down.

I did it!

I just hope that it works out from the first time.

Dr. Greene said that I should stay on my back for 30 minutes. So, here I am, thinking about how my life could possibly change after today!

I wonder how Ray would feel about this.

My mind wander back to the day I decided that I would do this, and I can't help but smile at how at ease I felt with my decision.

It was the day I received a call from my mother, informing that she had gotten married for the 6th time. I had just turned 22, and had also broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years after finding out that he had been cheating on me for a full year of our 2 years relationship.

That was the day I decided that I will not relay on a man to help me make my dream of having a baby come true. I decided that once I turn 25, I will have an IUI to get pregnant, and start on my family dream of having my own.

Who needs a man to make their dreams come true?!

On my 25th birthday, I went to a sperm bank with Jose, and reluctantly, he helped me select the donor. According to the profile I chose, he's 6" tall, Caucasian, has a build body frame, weighs 160, has dark hair, and enjoys reading and exploring nature. The donor also supposedly has brown eyes, and was 21 when he made his donation. He's a student, who majors in English literature, and has a GPA of 3.8.

I remember the donor's profile had so many other details, but those are the ones that caught my eyes, and once I saw that he enjoyed reading and is studying English lit, I was sold.

Jose is still skeptical about my decision. He's been in a committed relationship for the past 5 years, and his boyfriend, Ethan, is simply amazing.

He keeps telling me that if he could find his true love, then so will I.

I'm really happy for him, but I don't want to risk having my heart broken over and over. It's very rare to find people who remain in love after years of being together, the only couple that I know who have been married for years are Jose's parents. My mother, on the other hand, is a prime example of how love never lasts. The fact that's she's been married 6 times proves that it's impossible to remain faithful or in love after years.

The asshole I called a boyfriend for 2 years is another example.

Ray is another example of never recovering from a broken heart. After my mom, he was never able to commit to a relationship. He's dated, but it never went beyond a few dates. When I asked him about that, he said that my mother hurt him too much to allow anyone else into his heart.

I never want to feel that. I admit that I felt strongly about the asshole, but I don't think I ever loved him. Maybe something in me knew that it would never last, and I was never able to give my heart to him willingly.

The one type of love I know would never break my heart is the love I will have for my child. When I look at Ray, and at Jose's parents, I can see pure love in their eyes and actions towards us, and that is the only type of love I'm willing to invest in.

My son or daughter will never break my heart the way my mother broke Ray's heart. They would never intentionally hurt me.

They will love me just as I will love them.

Unconditionally.

The binge of the alarm on my phone pulls me away from my thoughts, indicating that 30 minutes have lapsed, and I sit up on the bed, stretching my muscles as I move.

"You can get dressed now, Ms. Steele." I hear Dr. Greene say as she walks back into the examination room. "If things go according to plan, I'll see you in a few weeks for your first checkup. If not, please get back on the hormonal treatment at the beginning of your cycle, and make another appointment for next month to do things over, if you want of course."

"Of course. I hope I don't need to, but I will keep trying until I get pregnant." I say as I run my hands through my hair.

"We can only try for three months in a row, Ms. Steele. Your body needs to rest if our attempts keep failing, but we can pick up after two months of rest."

"I hope things don't come to that, but I understand." I say with a small nod and watch as Dr. Greene scribbles something on a piece of paper then she hands it to me.

"These are prenatal vitamins. I want you to start on them the minute you find out you are pregnant, and once I see you after that, I'll prescribe anything else you may need."

"Great!" I say as I hold tightly on the prescription, feeling like it's my first indication of my new life.

"I'll leave you to get dressed now, and I hope to see you for a prenatal check next time." She says with a warm smile before she leaves the room, leaving me with my own smile.

I get off the bed and start getting dressed, the smile never leaving my face.

I did it!