I know. You're all probably mad at me. Why am I doing all these one-shots and not updating my stories? Well school has really kicked my ass, and whenever I try working on the chapters, I'm always distracted. I prefer writing tragedy over other things, and I apologize sincerely for that. I am trying my best to keep writing those chapters, and these one-shots are helping me get my writing magic back.

Really, I'm so sorry for not updating all my other stories. I thank you all who still support me, even though I'm being very lazy.

Anyway, here is the summary:

Future fic. Song fic. Riker had gotten married to Laura and they had a beautiful daughter named Crystal. But when an accident destroyed the family, suddenly Riker lost everything he's ever loved. He reflects on his choices and decisions over the last years, alone and miserable.

I do not own anything you recognize. The song Circles belongs to Hollywood Undead. Look it up if you haven't. It's very interesting. I suggest you listen to it while you read this, and just hit replay if it ends before you finish.

Take my hand, let's go.

Somewhere we can rest our souls.

We'll sit where it's warm. You'll say

"Look we're here alone."

"Come on, baby." Her voice was soft and luxurious, like velvet against his skin. He followed the unfamiliar blonde woman he's been hanging around for the last few months, the two of them walking along the beach shoreline at late evening. His bare feet stepped lightly on the cool sand that was soft beneath him. The blonde woman, who she introduced herself as Clarity when they first met, took his hand and linked their fingers together.

She was obviously trying to seduce him into her arms. As much as Riker was lonely, he was not going to fall into it. But he toyed around with her, some might speculate they were together. Clarity was just like him in a way; lonely and wanting someone to accompany with. But her version of accompany was more intimate than Riker's definition.

He took a deep breath, trying to find calmness in the ocean lapping at the waves and the soothing breeze. He just wanted to lay down and fall asleep for centuries, just give his soul an easy rest. The beach invited him onto the ground, whispering to lay down and take a moment to water down his thoughts. He almost collapsed as he and Clarity walked to a flat stretch of sand, both of them slowly lowering down and leaning back to rest.

The breeze stopped blowing his hair, and the air reluctantly became warmer. He listened to the waves wash up on the shore, the sky slowly darkening with every minute and the stars making their show one by one. Clarity hummed softly next to him, walking her fingers along the sand, her blonde hair spread out around her head on the ground.

He let out a heavy sigh into the air, practically feeling the stress that he carried out into that sigh float into the air and into nothing. Clarity glanced at him; he could see out of the corner of his eye as he stared up at the sky.

"You sound tired," she observed thoughtfully, the seductiveness still purring in her voice. "Look, we're here alone, Riker." He's known Clarity had wanted him ever since they ran into each other before, but he's never felt so low to get down with her. He still remembers his divorced wife, whom he hasn't spoken to for years, but his heart ached as he thought about her.

"Not now, Clarity," Riker said quietly. "I'm not in the mood." He said this everytime Clarity tried to persuade him. Clarity sighed in defeat again, knowing all well as he did that they'd never sleep together, but she still stuck with him.

They met when Riker had stormed out of his old life, slamming the door shut behind him tightly, leaving the pieces left of what he owned with it. Clarity had found an instant attraction to him, hoping they could form a relationship. Although Riker never gave her what she wanted, they become acquaintances, her letting him rely on her for shelter, food, and warmth. But even though they lived together, he hardly knew a thing about Clarity. He didn't even know her real name.

"I think I'm just too lonely," Riker said finally, breaking the silence around them. He sat up straighter, his elbows resting on his bent knees. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a razor blade, turning it on the pads of fingers. Clarity stared at it, marveling.

"Why did you bring that?" Her voice tinged with curiosity and slight concern, but Riker only stared at the dull metal, unable to reply as he replayed his life in his head.

I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

"I hate this life," Riker whispered in a raspy voice. His throat tightened, and he closed his eyes. I will not cry, he told himself, but a single tear managed to leak out the corner of his eye. He gripped the razor and dragged it across his wrist, a new cut forming and ruby red blood dripping from it.

"Riker…" Clarity didn't understand fully why he was so miserable, but Riker was sure that Clarity had a sense of what he was thinking. No doubt had she gone snooping in his notebooks and journals to read his scattered thoughts and ideas. She was too curious.

Riker dropped the razor, reaching for his journal which was behind him. He grabbed the pen next to it and flipped to the next fresh page, and started scribbling a mangle of rhymed words. Song lyrics. Music has always been a passion to him, but lately, he hasn't written down a song at all. His wrist stung as he bent it, but he clenched his teeth and tried gathering his thoughts.

It all started eighteen years ago. He met Laura Marano, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He was a musician in a band, and she was an attendant at the auditorium he was performing at. When he ran into her after the show, they traded numbers. Phone calls turned into face-to-face conversations. Face-to-face conversations turned into long meetings, and soon romantic dates.

He was in love.

She was beautiful, really. She was kind hearted, and she always did what was best for others and never thought about herself. She was there for him constantly, never a waver in her love. She loved him very much, just as he loved her. They were flawless. Everything was alright between them. It was perfect.

Too perfect. Riker became blind, finding her constant love and caring obsessive and annoying. He was foolish, telling her to leave him alone at times, those times becoming more and more frequent. She never argued with him though. She respected his space, but he was too stupid to realize that.

It wasn't until she was suddenly pregnant that Riker started spending time with her again. Laura was happy that Riker was paying attention to her again, helping her throughout her pregnancy, and being there for her at the hospital. He fell back in love with her, but with also a new girl.

Their baby daughter. Crystal. She was a doll, with dark hazel eyes like her mother and soft blonde hair like Riker. She was smart and carefree, growing from a child to a young teenager throughout the years. They were a happy family, and if Riker didn't love Laura the most, it was Crystal. His two favorite women in the world.

Crystal was amazing. Riker found himself having long conversations with her at night, while they cuddled in her room and watched their old movies. He helped her through elementary school, when kids would isolate her from their groups. Through middle school, when people bullied her for having a daddy that was a former famous musician. Her freshmen year of high school, when she was so nervous. But they were each other's best friend. Riker devoted any time needed to Crystal, and she made sure he kept his job in check.

She was an angel.

I'm scattered through this life.
If this is life I'll say good-bye.
She's gone like an angel,
With wings let me burn tonight.

But when Crystal turned sixteen, tragedy struck the Lynch family.

Crystal was crowned Homecoming Queen, and Riker couldn't have been prouder. His baby angel girl, twirling in a darling blue dress that Riker had gone shopping with her for. He took a billion pictures before he allowed her to get into the car. He was surprised that no boys had toughened up to ask Crystal out, or maybe she had rejected them all. Riker hoped whoever was crowned King would entertain his daughter. Either way, she had told Riker she was going "without a date," and asked him if he could drive her to the school.

"Ready for Homecoming, princess? Or should I say Queen?" Riker asked as he pulled to a stop in the parking lot. He beamed at Crystal, but she did not give him the usual dazzling smile that she would always reply back with.

"Hey." Riker reached over and lightly bumped his fist against her shoulder. "Something wrong?"

"What? Oh… Nothing… Just nervous. Being crowned Queen and all." Her voice was edgy, and Riker turned in his seat to face her fully.

"Alright, Crystal. What's the matter? You should be happy! You're the Homecoming Queen! Not a lot of girls get to do that, you know. This is something you'll be able to look back at your high school and laugh and smile about!"

"I'm not feeling so good," Crystal said, which was slightly veering away from what he was saying. "Maybe I shouldn't do this."

"Oh, it's just on-stage jitters. They'll fade."

"No, Dad. I feel really sick. I don't think I can go out there." She worriedly peered out the window, gazing at the flashing lights from the school, trying to invite her in the party.

"Crystal, you're just nervous," Riker said soothingly. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're beautiful, Crystal. You're the Queen. Now go out there and show how beautiful you really are."

"Dad… Can we please go home?"

"What?" Riker asked in disbelief. "Come on! I'm not letting my little girl run away from the chance at being crowned Queen! I'll be right in there in the crowd if you need me! You get out and go see your friends, and I'll see you when it starts!"

"Dad…"

"Crystal, come on," Riker said more firmly. "Go out there and be the Queen. I'm not going to drive you home and have you miss this chance."

Crystal gave him a look that was almost a scowl, and Riker wondered what exactly was wrong with Crystal as she slowly climbed out of the car. She moved slowly, trying to waste time. Riker sighed and reached over to push her out the car fully. Not too forceful, but enough to make her move.

"Go on!" Riker said. "I'm not letting you leave this Homecoming ceremony, Crystal."

"Dad…" Crystal said yet again, but he shook his head. She let out a long, frustrated sigh, and started making her way to the sidewalk to cross the street to the school, her blue dress gleaming in the dim, yellow streetlights.

Neither of them were aware that while the festive party at the school was just beyond them, a truck was just driving up the street nearby. Sitting inside his car, Riker watched as his daughter looked left and right before crossing the street, unaware of the Toyota that had just rounded the corner and was barreling at her.

The heavy, metal bumper slammed into her left hip, and Crystal skidded out onto the road.

"CRYSTAL!"

The collision had jarred her hip and sent a shock that paralyzed her body, making her unable to get out of the way before more damage was done. And even though it hit her hip, as soon as she fell to the ground the rest of the truck smashed her body, the driver blissfully unaware of Crystal until they felt the large bump beneath them.

Riker had run out of his car, madly dashing to the middle of the street to see the broken pieces of his beloved daughter. Her blood was splattered across the asphalt, her beautiful dress torn to shreds around her bent body. He let out a scream, fumbling to open his phone and call 911. He cussed at the man who had run Crystal over, realizing that the driver had been drunk. He shoved the man to the ground and wept next to his daughter until the emergency vehicles arrived and took her away, him sitting along beside her cold body.

Crystal died later that night. She never got to be crowned Queen. She never got to dance with someone she favored. Riker never got to apologize for forcing her out of the car and making her walk into the street.

It was his fault his daughter was dead.

I was running in circles
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

Grief wrapped around him like an inviting hug, and he had no energy to push it away. The house in which he and Laura now lived in alone became gravely silent. Laura tried to talk to him, but he would pull away, telling her to leave him alone, to let him die. He stayed like this for months, refusing to come out. Severe fights followed, making what little family they had left fall apart.

Their worst fight was a snowy day in December. December 23rd to be exact. Just before the Christmas holidays, when Riker was supposed to be making cookies and snowmen with Crystal. Not trying to find his peace of mind in the too empty house.

"Riker, please, just talk to me."

"Laura, I said leave me alone!" Riker yelled, stomping into another room. She followed behind him, and he whirled around.

"Laura, stop trying to tell me it wasn't my fault!" Riker roared. "Stop saying all these false happy shit! She's gone! Our daughter is fucking dead!"

"Riker, please. I know you're sad but you need to stop living like a recluse," Laura pleaded. He shoved her, and a part of him screamed at him, asking why he was acting so out of control, but he only shook and collapsed onto a chair.

"Don't you get it, Laura? The girl I love the most is gone. She's dead. She's dead because of me! I should've listened, I shouldn't stayed. I shouldn't have pressured her. Because I was too busy thinking that my daughter was the Queen, I lost her. It's my fault."

"No, Riker, it's not! Even if you hadn't pushed her out of the car, there was a good chance that the truck would still hit her." Hearing Laura talk about it like that made Riker shake his fists in anger and misery.

"Stop it, Laura! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone! I don't want to see anyone anymore! I don't want to hear how you think I'm a good person, that I'm alright, because I'm NOT! I can't live with this, Laura."

"Riker, stop blaming yourself!" Laura said, her voice rising to a sudden high shrill. "Why can't you get your head out of your ass and realize others are also grieving over Crystal and support each other! Why are you so selfish?"

"Selfish? Selfish? Do you even care, Laura? You weren't there! You weren't there to see her die!" Riker screamed.

"Because all you ever did was keep Crystal to yourself!" Laura suddenly screamed, smashing her hand onto the desk next to her. It rattled, making the house shake, and Riker jumped back in surprise. "I was never a part of the family goings that went on! It was always you and Crystal! Never me!"

"And you're calling me selfish?" Riker yelled. "She's dead, and all you can say is that YOU never got time with her? You're being so irrational!"

"You are, just as much as I am, Riker!" Laura said, tears pouring down her pale face. "We're both in a wreck and it's YOUR choice on how we're going to fix it! You can't stay like this forever, pushing everyone away and never talking!"

"Will you just leave me the fuck alone?" Riker boomed, his voice louder than ever. "Will you just please leave me alone! Stay away from me, I don't want to see ANYONE! Especially you!"

"Then leave!" Laura screamed at his face. "I hate you, Riker Lynch! I love you, but I hate you because you can't see anything! If you think I'm so stupid though, then leave! If that's what you want!"

"Maybe it is what I want!" He got up, suddenly furious. A rush of white-hot emotions flowed through his veins as he shoved past Laura and out the door, plunging into the icy, cold snow that awaited him. Snow dampened his jeans and shoes as he forged out into the cold, wind stinging his face that was covered in tears.

He didn't dare to look back.

He wandered the icy streets until his throat was dry and screaming and his limbs were cold and numb. He stumbled across a blonde women around his age who was waiting at a bus stop, and sat down next to her. She asked him what he was doing. He said he didn't know.

"Well, I know I'm heading to Miami," the blonde lady said, staring straight ahead, but glancing at him every few seconds. "You look a bit lost."

"I am," Riker admitted. "Why are you going to Miami?"

The blonde sighed heavily, holding out her hand to catch a snowflake and watch it melt on the fingertip of her glove. "It's where I was born. My whole family is dead though, and I have no friends here. Might as well head back home."

"My name's Riker."

"Well, you can call me Clarity, Riker."

"Nice to meet you, Clarity."

"Care to join me on my trip to Miami? If you don't know what you're doing, and you have no plans, I would love to have a friend with me."

Riker sighed, looking down the street to see the headlights of the bus coming towards them. He looked at Clarity, and at her single rolling bag that she had propped next to her feet. He glanced back in the general direction of where his house he owned with Laura was, wondering if she was crying, moving his stuff out onto the sidewalk, screaming and hitting the walls. As the bus screeched to a stop in front of them, he nodded.

"Let's go."

He built a new life in Miami. With Clarity as his roommate. They moved into a small apartment along the beach, and he got a meager job at a music store, where at least he was surrounded by instruments again, a bittersweet reminder of his old life from when he was famous. He never tried to contact Laura, but he thought about her everyday. He still loved her very much, and he knew that would never change.

He wondered where Laura was now, two years after he had walked away.

I see me writing on this paper.
Praying for some savior.
Wishing to intake her and save her.
In a world so, so godless. so thoughtless,
I don't know how we wrought this,
All the love that you brought us.

"Riker, what are you writing?"

Clarity's question made him glance at her slowly, breaking free of the trance he was in. On his notebook were just scribbled pencil lines, weaving and curving around the page. He tried picking out pictures from his own scribbled mess. A cross. A heart. A lightning bolt.

"I should've saved her," Riker murmured. "Clarity, I should've saved her."

"Riker…"

"God help me," Riker begged into the air. "God, help me. I should've saved her. Let me go back in time to save her. It's not fair. It's not her time. Give her back!"

At the end, his voice went raspy. He threw his notebook across the sand, where is flopped onto the ground in an innocent tumble. He covered his face and screamed, hot tears pouring down his face.

"It was not her turn!" he screamed. "It was not her turn! Give her back! She is mine! Give me my daughter back! Give me my family back! Give me everything I loved back! I want it all back!"

It feels like I'm killing myself.
Just willing myself.
Just to pray for some help.

"Riker…" Silence from Clarity as she couldn't find a way to finish her sentence. Riker had no energy to beg anymore, to beg God to give back his daughter. He had no energy to do anything. He knew that he was just killing himself, making himself do nothing for days as he wasted away here, but it was too much. He couldn't go on without her.

He needed Laura and Crystal in his life if he wanted to operate.

I'd give it all just to have, have your eternity.
Cause it's all that assures me.
It's worth all that hurts me.

I'd give you my heart,
And I'd let you just hold it.
I'd give you my soul,
But I already sold it.

His throat tightened as he sobbed, hot tears snaking down from his eyes to his neck, the blood from his wrist dripping onto the dry sand. He sobbed hard, Clarity sitting beside him with no remorse or concern as he fell apart.

Why couldn't he have her back. Why did God need another soul with him in heaven. Why did it have to be Crystal? Why couldn't he join Crystal, why couldn't he have Laura back. So many questions, and none of them seemed to have an answer.

He'd give anything just to see Laura and Crystal again, to grab them and hug them both forever and never let go. He'd give Laura his heart any day, let her hold it forever. He'd take any pain just as long as he had his family with him. He'd give his soul away to have them back, but he already lost it to the devil.

On that day
That day I walked away in December.
I will always remember.
I'll regret it forever.

He wanted to reverse time. Make it go back before he walked out on Laura. He could only imagine how grueling she felt, being alone, with nothing to console her as she missed him and her daughter. The day was embedded permanently in his mind, something he'll always regret and remember.

Why couldn't he have listened? Why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he realize that Laura had loved him all along, and he was just too wound up with himself to notice. Why was he such a fool?

I remember brown eyes,
So sad and blue skies.
Turned to darkness and night.
I'm so sick of the fight.

I won't breathe unless you breathe,
Won't bleed unless you bleed.
Won't be unless you be,
'Till I'm gone and I can sleep.

He laid back down, staring at the deep indigo sky. The melting brown eyes of Laura as she yelled at him, driven by love. How much sadness was showing inside of her eyes. The dark, ominous blue of the skies as he walked out, disgusted by the grim harshness in their fights.

He wanted to die. Who knows where Laura was now? She could be dead, for all he knew, and he'd be alone without either of his girls. If Laura was dead, he'd surely kill himself just to finally join Crystal and Laura. If she was hurt, he'd hurt too. If she was happy, he'd be happy for her sake. He'd do anything for Laura until he was driven dead to the ground and his eyes closed.

I was running in circles
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

He felt a small, warm hand on his shoulder, rubbing soothingly. Clarity hummed, trying to calm his nerves, but he felt like an ocean of emotion was roaring and churning inside his mind. He let everything fade into blurriness for a moment as he cried, tasting the salt of his tears as they fell into his mouth. He sat up slowly, still covering his face.

"I hate myself," he whispered. "Clarity, I want to kill myself."

He knew Clarity well enough that she didn't bullshit around. When he lifted his head from his hands, she was staring at him, but not with the typical lustful longing she always seemed to have. It was bitter understanding on what he was feeling, and she gave him a sad look with her navy blue eyes.

"I know, Riker. God, I know. If you think that this is too much to handle, then do it. I won't hold you back from relief."

I was running in circles
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

"I can't find any reason to live," Riker mumbled, tears making the edges of his vision blurry. He blinked them out, more misery running down his cheeks. "I hurt myself, but there's no real reason in that."

"Riker, I know-"

"And everything was just a wreck," Riker talked right over her. "In a way I knew that our family was too good to last. Oh my God, I knew it wasn't going to be like that forever. I'm not someone who deserves a happy ending like that. But it was perfect, Clarity, you hear me? It was perfect. I loved the family, I loved my wife, I loved my daughter… they were perfect."

I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself).

"But they're not here anymore," Clarity reminded him quietly. Riker nodded, looking at her sadly.

"I want to kill myself right now, Clarity. I want to go away. I want to see Crystal again."

Clarity's gaze went glassy as she first heard the name of Riker's daughter, and Riker wondered what she was thinking. Instead of asking questions about his family, she slowly raised her arm and pointed to the ocean.

"Then go see her."

There was no sense that Clarity wanted to hold him back. The ocean waves called to him, persuading him to join the water. Clarity understood that Riker couldn't live like this. He needed to see Crystal again. He needed to stop trying.

He needed to stop living.

"Thank you for carrying me," Riker said numbly. "Carrying me to here, so I could see Crystal again."

"It was the least I could do for a fellow lost wanderer." Her voice was hollow as she said the next sentence. "Don't worry, Riker. I'll be joining you and Crystal very soon."

Riker managed a weary smile. "See you in heaven." He leaned over and gave her a platonic kiss on the lips in thanks, before he stood up. He dusted the sand off his clothes before he walked.

He walked across the sand, the dry sand clinging to his feet, begging him to stay, feeding him reasons on why he should keep trying. Telling him why it'll be alright. But he ignored it all. He only stared at the waves, the waves that called to him. The smell of salt water stung his nose and the sound of water hitting the shore was tinkling clear, and he kept walking.

He stepped into the water, the waves quickly gathering around his ankles. He grinned, looking up at the dark sky. He saw stars, he saw angels, he saw Crystal. He glanced back and saw Clarity sitting at their spot in the sand, watching him.

Riker forged out into the waves, before falling forward. Water poured into his lungs, salt stung his eyes. He couldn't breathe. He wanted to flail and try to stay afloat but he forced himself to stay still as the ocean grabbed him and pulled him out into the midst of water. Endless water that would soon surround him and drown him.

As he fell beneath the surface, he widened his eyes and stared at the starry night through the water. His body fell, slowly through the layers of deep, as his lungs stopped working and his heart stopped beating. He kept his gaze on the bright stars, pain wracking at his body but also giving him relief. He smiled.

Finally, he had stopped trying.

I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself).

END