Smile
It's funny what high school does to a person; from making it the best years of your life, or downright the worst of it. For me, it was a mixture, I would always wake up and put this big fake smile on my face and go about my life acting like nothing bothered me, I've been doing it for eight years so it was pretty much burned into my personality.
I have many friends, most of them are girls, and I think it's because they think I'm gay- and not the kind of gay that Kai and Tala are. No, 'I'm the sweet and caring kind', and I quote, "look girlish, so you're no harm at all." I'm every girl's best friend, and I hate it. For a straight guy like me, it was a real stab at my… well, my everything. That is in till Bryan (local slut- he'll fuck anything with a hole, but his favorite seems to be his best friend, who is taken, Tala) mentioned something about looking into the same sex.
Now, I haven't given up on the female sex just yet, but there has been this one guy that caught my eye for a few years now. Michael Parker, just above medium height, auburn hair covered normally in a baseball cap, Capitan of the baseball team, senior, in both my grade 12 English and gym class, and let me tell you he's straighter than a wooden ruler (because you know, those plastic and metal ones can be bent).
At this very moment I was sitting behind my 'man crush' in our shared English university grade 12 course, and why am I in this course even though I am a year younger you may be asking… well that's simple, I've always been good at English and I plan to pursue it even after High School, as a journalist.
But lately, after Bryan made that faithful comment, I can't seem to pay attention to anything else when he's around. Maybe it's because every once in while I would catch him glancing back at me, with this glint in his eyes, or maybe it's because of the smell of his after shave and cologne. If I was a woman I would swoon, but luckily I'm not- and I wouldn't swoon over someone like Michael Parker anyways!
Of course it wouldn't be in till later when I would find out what he would actually want from me. But in till then let's leave us to our girlish fantasy; the one where it's all 'I love you's and rainbows. So I'll take you to where our true story begins after English and half way during lunch.
It was a sunny day in the middle of September, the weather was warm, and the people were loud. I sat with my usual crew; Tyson, Daichi, Ray, Hillary, Kenny, Mariah, Miriam, a bunch of other girls that I can't remember the names of at this moment. Kai and the Russian's even joined us that day. So most of the time spent was laughing at Brian and his flirting; and then trying to look anywhere but at Kai and Tala as they sucked face for the billionth time that lunch period.
At this moment I was squished between Mariah and Miriam as I listened to them gush about how hot the school's guys where. "Do you see that one there?" Mariah exclaimed pointing to some sport playing idiot in the center of the lunch room. Miriam nodded, her eyes not leaving the boy. "Well I heard from Janet that he's a great kisser!" Mariah gushed hugging the closed thing to her, and that would happen to be me.
Now I'm all for the boobs being molded around my face and head, but I was trying to eat here… and not some cleavage. And the sad part is, this is about the only amount of action I'll be getting from any chicks… ever.
"Mariah, let Max go!" Miriam voiced over the laughing Russians that were staring at me and my sandwich of girls. Damn them and their abilities of knowing all my damned secrets.
The funny thing with my group of friends was that we all came from different walks of life, the Russians where… or course Russian; Ray, and Mariah, came from another group of close friends that they dubbed themselves 'white tigers' (something about living in the same village with the spirit animal of a white tiger or something); there was the rich kid (Kai), the poor kid (Daichi), the American (yours truly), and the computer geek (Kenny, and his trusted computer Dizzy—the damn computer could talk! How odd is that?)… We're a pretty full bunch, hardly any room to sit us all at the same time at this table—and a lot of 'us' still aren't even here!
It's never normally this full, the girls normally gossip near my person in the halls—but with the presence of Tala, and Kai (the pretty boys) the girls seemed to flock, none bothered by the fact that they were taken and homosexual. Brian was certainly having his fun though; I guess that was all that mattered in the end.
The gang laughed, the cafeteria had grown used to the loud noise long ago, I wasn't curtain what they were laughing at. Was it me? Was it just the situation in general? I grin wider, because that's what I did, I smiled. I let out a small laugh as the smile grew larger, just grin and bear it.
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you we're being laughed at… not with? Well you get so used to the feeling that you can no longer tell the difference. This is silly, why am I even complaining about my problems? They aren't even bad to begin with! That's the thing with problems, everyone has them, but a lot of the times they aren't even bad. If I compare my problems to… let's say Tala, I have nothing to complain about.
It's just… sometimes people get sick and tired of just grin and baring it, but not me. No, I won't have people deal with my problems—it just wasn't how I 'rolled'. I'm the type of kid that would gladly help others with their problems, but when it comes to my own… well let's just say that I haven't gotten to those yet.
It wasn't much later in the day, nearing late evening, when I came up with a plan. A bucket list of sorts… no, scratch that, it was a bucket list. It had the name and everything. Mom and Dad where shouting downstairs; Mom had to go back to America for work. She's only been back for three weeks… but, I guess that's what you get for being the son of an important scientist.
In my bedroom I sat, my turtle was off being a turtle somewhere under my bed (it's around this time of night were I just let him out of his tank to stretch his legs), he loves my bed. Well, I love it too for that matter. Anyways, I digress. From my spot bent over the lined paper on my desk my brain is pouring out things.
Stick up for myself.
Lose my first kiss.
Lose my virginity.
Graduate High school.
Tell everyone of my Bisexuality.
Whoever said the first couple of one's had to be hard? A list that could grow as time went on, to add harder and more important challenges. That was a bucket list; a list of all the stuff you wanted to do before you kicked the bucket. If anyone were to find this now they might just think I was contemplating suicide. I'm not. These are just some of the things that have been bothering me for a long… long time.
The tips of the blanket that touched the floor swayed as the little turtle poked his head out from under the bed. "Hey buddy, having fun?" I inquired kneeling to pick the turtle from the floor. His name is Draciel; a little black and grey turtle. Every so often I paint designs on his shell in non-toxic purple paint.
The turtle just stared at me. "That's what I thought, here, I have your supper ready," I smiled at the reptile as I placed him back into the glass tank beside the large pile of green. The little turtle dug in as soon as his stubby little feet met the bottom. I love turtles.
Get a friend for Draciel.