Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Notes: Thanks to Jedisapphire for the beta and helpful advice.
Summary: When Dean gets sick, Sam gets to know his brother better.
What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Day One
"What time is it Sammy?" A groggy, feverish Dean, tilted his head to ask from the hospital bed. Where he had been slipping in and out of sleep for the past few hours.
"It's almost two in the morning," Sam answered, checking his watch. "How are you feeling?"
"I'd feel better if you went back to the motel and got some sleep."
"You're sick Dean. I'm not going anywhere!" Sam stated, from the chair he had pulled up close to his brother's bed.
"You heard the doctor Sam. Its some kind of infection I probably picked up in the sewer. He said they can take care of it with the right antibiotic.
"Wish we never took this case," Sam huffed, uncharacteristically.
"Hey," Dean looked at Sam surprised. "It's what we do, that shifter killed someone. This isn't like you Sammy."
"You're right," Sam told his brother. But after witnessing Dean's death by Metatron's blade, his return as a demon, and the mark itself taking away who Dean was little by little, Sam couldn't help but over react. There also was that period of time he believed Dean to be dead, having stopped Amara, wondering how he would survive a life without his big brother.
"You're exhausted that's what this is," Dean concluded,wanting to believe it. "So go get some sleep. I'll be fine."
"You look horrible Dean. I'm not going anywhere."
"All I'm going to do is sleep. Besides how are you going to take care of me if you get sick too."
"Nice try Dean. But no."
"Knowing you are getting some sleep will help me rest easier."
"Okay," Sam conceded, standing up. "If it puts your mind at ease I will." But Sam made no effort to leave, he just stood there rubbing Dean's arm lightly, staring out the hospital room window.
"Hey, look at me," Dean said softly, waiting until Sam's eyes met his. "I'm going to be fine," he assured his little brother in a soothing tone.
"You better be," Sam told him, before leaving the room.
Having no intention of leaving the hospital Sam found the waiting area nearest to Dean's room. Where he curled up on the couch and tried to get some sleep.
Dean couldn't deny what he'd always felt in his gut. That the Mark of Cain having taken his life in different ways, had left its own mark on Sam, more like a scar. That had begun to heal. But with everything that went down with Amara and the fear Dean just heard in his brother's voice, that was not happening anytime soon. The one positive in this nightmare with Amara and Chuck making peace, was the mark Sam volunteered to carry to lock her up, had now been rendered useless.
Day Two
With the sun just peeking over the horizon, Sam, coffee in hand was on his way to see his brother.
"What is it?" He asked, spotting the doctor's concerned look coming out of Dean's room.
Sam listened to what he had to say, while watching the nurses tend to his brother from the doorway. Dean was worse, his fever had spiked, and finding an antibiotic to tackle this infection was proving harder than anticipated. Yet the doctor told Sam not to worry they had plenty of options and would find the right one.
"Hey Dean," Sam spoke softly, taking hold of his brother's hand.
"Hey, what's this with the hand holding?" Dean mumbled, opening his eyes, but not pulling away.
"Any sleep?" Dean asked, trying to keep his eyes open.
"Stop worrying about me and tell me what I can do for you."
"Water would be nice."
Sam grabbed the nearby pitcher of water and poured some into the cup, beside it. "Here you go Dean," Sam sat on the edge of the bed, helping Dean lift his head when he saw him struggling. Dean took a sip, then needing to lay his head down, he fell back asleep. His hand still in Sam's.
Sam couldn't help but be afraid as he sat there watching his brother sleep.
"Hi," A young nurse, Sam didn't notice enter the room, stood beside him.
"Hi," he answered, seeing she had a bowl of ice water, with wash cloths slung over her arm.
"This will help your brother with the fever," She said, putting them down near him. "Would you like to do this?" She offered, with an understanding look and a smile.
"Yes, I would," Sam answered appreciatively, having wanted some way to feel useful in helping Dean.
o0o
By Dean's bedside was where Sam stayed the rest of the day, trying to make him as comfortable as possible while at the same time staying on the doctor's case on what he was going to do to get his brother well again.
By the end of the day Dean was no better.
Sam wished it was him instead.
Day Three
By the following morning Dean's fever had climbed to the point he'd become delirious. Sam did his best trying to cool him down with ice and at other times to calm him down when he'd get worked up during an hallucination. Often speaking to family members not present. A lot of it babble and pieces of sentences that made no sense, but other times enough to make out part of a conversation between a young Dean and John.
But it was someone named Sunshine that Dean rambled on about most. Which surprised Sam, not having heard his brother mention anyone by that name, and feeling she must have meant something to him to speak about her at all. But he couldn't put together enough of the bits and pieces Dean said, to get a clue to who she was.
o0o
Heading back to Dean's room after grabbing more ice Sam could hear his brother talking loudly. Entering he found Dean sitting up on the bed, back to him, with his legs dangling over the side and having a conversation with someone only he could see.
Curious, Sam put down the bowl of ice and water and hung back in the doorway a minute to listen.
"Come on Sunshine, you can't expect a guy to go to a movie like that?" Dean explained, in a very animated way to the empty space in front of him.
"Okay, okay, you win, " Dean laughed. It's your birthday after all."
"Hey," Sam came over to his brother's side. "Let's get you back in bed, okay buddy."
"Sammy," Dean took hold of his brother's shoulder. "We're going to find Dad, I promise!"
"I know we will," Sam assured him, while guiding his big brother back under the covers.
Sam, wrung out the wash cloth he'd placed in the ice water and began applying it to Dean's flushed, and heavily perspiring face.
"There you go buddy, bet that feels good," Sam talked to Dean in a soothing voice, calming him down until he fell into a restful sleep.
The doctor never let up on his search for a way to treat Dean. It was late afternoon when he found the right antibiotic, and Dean's fever slowly started to come down, as the medication battled the infection.
With Dean reacting positively to the treatment, Sam who had been without sleep the past 24 hours conked out in the chair, his head resting on Dean's bed.
o0o
Sam, felt a hand brush the hair back off his face. Lifting his head he met Dean's tired eyes and smile. "Told you I'd be fine."
"Yeah you did," Sam said, teary-eyed, relieved to see his big brother was okay. Moving onto the bed Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him.
"So you're okay?" Sam asked, wiping his eyes, needing to hear it again, as he settled back into a seated position, facing his brother.
"I am Sammy," Dean patted Sam's cheek gently. "Tomorrow we can go home."
"Good," Sam said, seeming more relaxed. "Can I get you anything Dean?"
"Any chance of me getting something to eat?" I'm starving!"
"Sure," Sam chuckled softly. "I should have known that. Whatever you want Dean."
o0o
"So who is Sunshine?" Sam asked, with a hint of a smile, watching his brother polish off his fries.
"Sunshine?" Dean gave him a blank look.
"She must have meant something to you Dean. You brought her name up quite a bit when your fever was at its highest."
"I did?" Dean said, still not having an idea of what Sam was talking about.
"Yeah, you even referred to her as your forever Sunshine."
"Oh, wow," Dean said, his expression telling. "Its been so long since, I know who you are talking about."
"Who?" Sam asked curiously.
"You."
"Me?" Sam answered, surprised
"Yes, you Sammy."
"Wait. I don't remember that."
"You probably wouldn't, being you were six, maybe seven years old."
"Funny, I thought you were talking about a woman, Dean. "
"And?" Dean teased.
"Shut up," Sam eyed him playfully. "So it was my Birthday that you were talking about?"
"Seriously Sam, I don't remember any of what I said."
"You weren't thrilled with the movie I wanted to see. You said guys don't go to movies like that."
"The Little Mermaid," Dean chuckled.
"No way," Sam answered, in disbelief.
"Yes! That's what you wanted to see."
"I don't remember it."
"I do. It's not often we got to see a movie. I'll never forget it, one of the best decisions I ever made."
"Why?" Sam asked,curiously. "Did you end up enjoying the movie?"
"Nope. I'll never forgot it because of how much you looked like any of the other kids in that theater, laughing, smiling, and eating popcorn."
"Hey, don't do that," Dean pleaded, seeing Sam's eyes well up.
"So," Sam took in a deep breath and released it "Why did you start calling me Sunshine?"
"Well Dad at that time would leave you with Bobby when we'd go hunting."
"Hunting was new to me then. When I'd come home after a whole weekend with Dad, well that man, he could be difficult to please."
"You do know you're preaching to the choir here?" Sam pointed out lightly.
"I know," Dean smiled quickly, before his expression changed.
"What is it?" Sam asked, noting the heaviness of what Dean was preparing to tell him. Knowing he was about to trust him with something deeply personal.
"I might not have acted like it Sammy or ever told you this but learning to kill monsters it wasn't easy. I mean they were evil and deserved it but killing something that was living and breathing, the whole mess of it, especially the blood."
"I can't imagine anyone not having a difficult time at first and at some level, always," Sam said, wanting to say more, suppressing the anger towards their father he felt, but this was about Dean, not him or John.
"Whether it was dealing with Dad or killing monsters. When I got home you always made things better Sammy. You just did. You'd give me a hug and tell me you missed me and want me to watch cartoons with you. I wasn't always nice, sometimes I'd push you away when I wasn't in the mood to talk. When I'd come to find you later to say I was sorry you'd always say, its okay, Dean."
I missed Mom, so much, and well Dad, he was just trying to cope, often with a bottle when he wasn't hunting or teaching me about hunting. I know he was doing the best he could in the situation, but it was just so dark sometimes, our lives. You however were this little ray of sunshine. So I started calling you sunshine and you would laugh and tell me that's a silly name. But you liked it because I did. I sometimes called you my forever sunshine because you were this constant source of light, and that you, accepted and loved me for who I am."
"I still do Dean."
"Okay, come here," Dean signaled, with his hands for Sam to move in for a hug. "Now we're going to have this chick-flick moment and then get back to being men okay? We're going to chow down on all that candy you got me and watch some cartoons. Sound good to you?"
"Sounds good to me," Sam said, with his head buried in Dean's shoulder.