LOST LOVE
by Ammon Allen
I'd never felt this way before -- the warmth, the knowledge that
someone cared about me. From the time I was little, I never really
fit in. My friends were forced upon me. I acted around them,
pretended to enjoy myself. That way, my mother never worried. But I
was different. I've always been different. I've never met anyone who
genuinely wanted to understand me.
Maybe that's why I had reservations about seeing her again. I knew it
was to be the last time. I wanted to come to that understanding of
whether or not I had fallen in love... but that thought also scared
me. It chilled me to the very core that even if I did come to that
understanding, that I would never see her again -- never hear her laugh,
or see her smile. I would never see the twin odango bouncing as she
ran past the arcade on her way to school, late as always.
But I digress; you are probably confused. Who am I, you ask? My name
is Andrew Furuhata. I manage a small arcade just a few blocks from the
local high school. Or, at least, that's what I used to do. I've
finally graduated from college with a dual degree in engineering and
communications.
I had been promised a very respectable job with a large corporation
before I had even graduated, due to my honors and high grades. It
makes me happy to know that I am about to do what I have dreamed of
all my life, and yet I feel empty inside. The past can come back to
haunt you to your very end, and even into the Beyond.
I was to leave for the U.S. my first day of work. It wasn't a simple
business trip, however. I was to be gone for several years. More than
anything, I wanted her to be happy. I didn't want anything to come of
our meeting. I just wanted to be friends, and have it as nothing more.
And in the position at which I now find myself, that would be very
difficult. For her to be happy, I would have to let her go...
But I have yet to explain myself. What is it that has occured to make
me feel thus? They say writing down or sharing a thought can lighten
the burden we carry. Have a seat and I'll start from the beginning...
I threw open the front doors of the arcade and propped bricks in front
of them, to keep them from shutting. It was nice to work in an arcade,
but with so many machines running at once, the building became hot
rather quickly. I welcomed the wet morning breeze. It had rained
last night and the smell still lingered in the air. I inhaled deeply
and walked back into the arcade.
The sound of footsteps and the high-pitched whine of "I'm late!" split
the air. I turned just in time to see a girl run past the arcade.
She turned to me...
"Gomen ne, Andrew-kun, but I'm late!"
And with that she was gone. Her hair bounced as she sprinted down the
street towards the school. I looked at my watch. It was two minutes
to eight. I wished her luck under my breath, then picked up a broom
and began to sweep out the arcade.
I know several questions have arisen now. Was this my first time
meeting this girl? And who is she? Well, let me answer the second
question first. Her name is, for a short time longer, Serena Tsukino.
This was not my first meeting with her. She frequented my arcade quite
often, actually. She was always so kind and it made me smile when she
squealed in delight upon getting further on the new Sailor V game. The
girl had a stomach that was bottomless, though. I remember on her 14th
birthday I offered her as much ice cream as she could eat. She went
through four super ice cream sundaes, each smothered in hot chocolate
syrup. I still don't know where all of that went, the girl never
seemed to gain any weight. Her energy seemed to be without end --
always smiling, running, or playing. From that first day I met her, I
knew I wanted to learn all I could about her. And so that's exactly
what I set out to do...
I got nervous when I was around her. It wasn't the type of nervous
that one gets while watching a horror movie, it was the nervous that
comes from wanting to act appropriately -- to be on one's best
behaviour. I started to notice her more often as she came in. I
watched her as I swept, put a couple of extra credits in the Sailor V
game when I saw her come in, gave her discounts and free ice cream. I
wasn't trying to win her affection, per se, I was just trying to return
the kindness to her that she showed towards everyone else. I didn't
expect I'd actually begin to fall in love with her then, but many
things in life aren't planned...
I noticed a change beginning to occur in me. It wasn't a big change, I
was just happy. I smiled more, and people began to notice me. I
hadn't made the connection back then, but I realize now that I owed it
all to her. As I was a lot happier, people found it a lot easier to
approach me. I was suddenly popular among the students in the area.
The arcade began to do more business.
It was several weeks after my "change" occured, that I was talking to
my best friend, Darien Shields. Darien commented on the incredible
change in business and asked me my thoughts as to the cause. That's
what started me thinking. I realized that night that I had either
fallen for the angel that is Serena, or had developed an infatuation
with her. I had to know... After much thought, I finally decided to
ask her out. And I did the very next day.
I had just finished training the new help when Serena walked into the
arcade. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a white top and a
purple sweater with the top button the only one fastened. Perched
precariously on her head was a pair of sunglasses. Her face beamed
brightly as she looked up at me. I was speechless for a moment. She
had actually come!
"Is there something wrong?" she asked. "It looks like you've seen a
ghost."
"Uh... no..." I replied, trying to recover from my astonishment.
"Will you be alright here?" I asked the new employee. I hated to
leave the arcade unattended, but the cute blond before me beckoned.
I offered her my arm, which she took, and walked her out of the arcade.
Normally, I didn't take my lunch breaks, having always been the only
employee of the arcade. But now the arcade was doing well and I had
an hour of freedom any day I cared to take it. And today, I cared to.
The bubbly blond spoke the whole way to the restaurant, controlling
and directing the conversation, to her day at school and how mad her
math teacher got when Serena had fallen asleep in class. I found
myself more and more attracted to her as I learned more about her life,
her family, and most importantly, her personality.
The Teriyaki shop on the corner was small, but happened to be one of
the best in town. I'd eaten there often, and knew the owners on a
first name basis. That's how I got the special treatment. The moment
I stepped into the restaurant, Serena in tow, I was confronted by the
largest smile I had ever seen on a human being.
"Mrs. Miyasaki, this is Serena," I said, gesturing to the giggly girl.
"Oh my -- so pretty too," she replied with a wink. "You're table is
ready, Mr. Furuhata, if you'll follow me."
The elderly woman bussed us to the janitorial closet. Sheets had been
draped in front of the shelves and a small table sat in the center of
the room, meticulously placed with chopsticks and matching plates. A
single candle burned in the center of the table. I walked over to the
table and pulled out a chair for Serena, who accepted it with a quick
curtsy. I then seated myself.
"You're food will be ready shortly," said Mrs. Miyasaki, bowing as she
slid out the door.
"Wow Andrew, I didn't know you had such connections," whispered Serena
across the table.
I shrugged and allowed the blond to pic up her talking right where she
had finished off before we had come into the restaurant. She looked
even more beautiful then, the small features of her face illuminated
in the light. I found myself captivated by her eyes and smile -- in so
much that I hadn't even noticed the resaurant's proprietor enter the
room.
Mrs. Miyasaki waved a hand in front of my face to grab my attention
before setting a teriyaki bowl in front of me. It was a simple meal,
but I worked at an arcade for heaven's sakes. Besides, it was the
atmosphere and company that made such a memorable date.
In my mind, the date was more of a series of slides run through a
projector than a live-action movie. But everything went well. I found
myself captivated by her beauty and uplifted by her good-natured spirit.
I taught her how to use chopsticks -- an idea which seemed entirely
foreign to her. I laughed as she dropped a piece of chicken on the
floor and whined, "Why can't I use American silverware?" And then she
gave me a bloodshot eye.
Uh-oh. I can see I'd better explain... You know those wrappers on
straws. Well, you can tear off one end and blow into the straw. The
wrapper shoots off like a rocket. Well, I have always been known to be
one to shoot my friends when they least expect it. On the other hand,
I was on my best behaviour tonight. But no sooner had I carefully
placed my straw wrapper on the table, then I get one sailing right into
my eye.
"Oh! Gomen ne, Andrew-kun," giggled Serena. "You're not hurt?"
I didn't mind in the least. I began to laugh and soon we were
exchanging stories of friendships and past dates, of loss and of regret,
of gain and of happiness. And for the first time in my life, I forgot
everything. The arcade didn't matter. School was no longer a concern.
I just wanted to be with her. And it was at that moment that I
realized that I had fallen in love.
I haven't seen her since. But today is her day. I will see her again,
for the last time. You see, I'm visiting her in Tokyo today... I've
gotten the time off of work. They treat me well there -- personal
vacation, plane ticket, room and board -- everything paid for. But I
just couldn't shake the feeling that I had lost her. For a brief
moment, she had been mine. I had everything I had ever wished for.
In the past I had been jealous of my friends that had flaunted their
relationships, even when those relationships had ended. But now I
realized how they felt. It's hard not to think of the one you love
when you can't see her. What hurt the most was realizing that she
could have been mine forever. I was too weak to act when I needed and
that was hard to admit.
She was happy though, that much was clear from her letters and the
invitation. Yes, the invitation. It was a picture of her and Darien,
nestled smugly together underneath a tree. She had the most radiant
smile. I pulled the picture from my jacket. Embossed on it, in a
flowing gold script, were the words "Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino are proud to
announce the marriage of their daughter, Serena Usagi, to Darien
Shields, son of..." The rest of the message had long since been
blurred by my tears. Fresh tears fell onto the picture now, sliding
down the glossy surface.
They had asked me to be best man. I was honored at the offer and had
accepted it. I am happy for them. After all, my first and only love
and my best friend. I couldn't think of two other people in the world
that I would want to be happier.
The plane landed. I gathered my luggage and hailed a cab. And that
leads me to now. Here I am, in front of the church. But what am I
doing? Just wasting your time. I thank you for listening to this
sentimental old fool. How much do I owe you for the ride? Alright,
here you are -- keep the change. I'd be paying much more if you were
a psychiatrist.
=======================================================================
As Andrew stepped from the cab, he looked up over the church. It was a
beautiful little church, and the sunlight truly made it look more
heavenly than he remembered it being.
And thus Andrew saw Serena for the last time as his angel from out of
the blue; and for the first time as Serena Shields, wife of his best
friend.
Life can sure play cruel tricks.
by Ammon Allen
I'd never felt this way before -- the warmth, the knowledge that
someone cared about me. From the time I was little, I never really
fit in. My friends were forced upon me. I acted around them,
pretended to enjoy myself. That way, my mother never worried. But I
was different. I've always been different. I've never met anyone who
genuinely wanted to understand me.
Maybe that's why I had reservations about seeing her again. I knew it
was to be the last time. I wanted to come to that understanding of
whether or not I had fallen in love... but that thought also scared
me. It chilled me to the very core that even if I did come to that
understanding, that I would never see her again -- never hear her laugh,
or see her smile. I would never see the twin odango bouncing as she
ran past the arcade on her way to school, late as always.
But I digress; you are probably confused. Who am I, you ask? My name
is Andrew Furuhata. I manage a small arcade just a few blocks from the
local high school. Or, at least, that's what I used to do. I've
finally graduated from college with a dual degree in engineering and
communications.
I had been promised a very respectable job with a large corporation
before I had even graduated, due to my honors and high grades. It
makes me happy to know that I am about to do what I have dreamed of
all my life, and yet I feel empty inside. The past can come back to
haunt you to your very end, and even into the Beyond.
I was to leave for the U.S. my first day of work. It wasn't a simple
business trip, however. I was to be gone for several years. More than
anything, I wanted her to be happy. I didn't want anything to come of
our meeting. I just wanted to be friends, and have it as nothing more.
And in the position at which I now find myself, that would be very
difficult. For her to be happy, I would have to let her go...
But I have yet to explain myself. What is it that has occured to make
me feel thus? They say writing down or sharing a thought can lighten
the burden we carry. Have a seat and I'll start from the beginning...
I threw open the front doors of the arcade and propped bricks in front
of them, to keep them from shutting. It was nice to work in an arcade,
but with so many machines running at once, the building became hot
rather quickly. I welcomed the wet morning breeze. It had rained
last night and the smell still lingered in the air. I inhaled deeply
and walked back into the arcade.
The sound of footsteps and the high-pitched whine of "I'm late!" split
the air. I turned just in time to see a girl run past the arcade.
She turned to me...
"Gomen ne, Andrew-kun, but I'm late!"
And with that she was gone. Her hair bounced as she sprinted down the
street towards the school. I looked at my watch. It was two minutes
to eight. I wished her luck under my breath, then picked up a broom
and began to sweep out the arcade.
I know several questions have arisen now. Was this my first time
meeting this girl? And who is she? Well, let me answer the second
question first. Her name is, for a short time longer, Serena Tsukino.
This was not my first meeting with her. She frequented my arcade quite
often, actually. She was always so kind and it made me smile when she
squealed in delight upon getting further on the new Sailor V game. The
girl had a stomach that was bottomless, though. I remember on her 14th
birthday I offered her as much ice cream as she could eat. She went
through four super ice cream sundaes, each smothered in hot chocolate
syrup. I still don't know where all of that went, the girl never
seemed to gain any weight. Her energy seemed to be without end --
always smiling, running, or playing. From that first day I met her, I
knew I wanted to learn all I could about her. And so that's exactly
what I set out to do...
I got nervous when I was around her. It wasn't the type of nervous
that one gets while watching a horror movie, it was the nervous that
comes from wanting to act appropriately -- to be on one's best
behaviour. I started to notice her more often as she came in. I
watched her as I swept, put a couple of extra credits in the Sailor V
game when I saw her come in, gave her discounts and free ice cream. I
wasn't trying to win her affection, per se, I was just trying to return
the kindness to her that she showed towards everyone else. I didn't
expect I'd actually begin to fall in love with her then, but many
things in life aren't planned...
I noticed a change beginning to occur in me. It wasn't a big change, I
was just happy. I smiled more, and people began to notice me. I
hadn't made the connection back then, but I realize now that I owed it
all to her. As I was a lot happier, people found it a lot easier to
approach me. I was suddenly popular among the students in the area.
The arcade began to do more business.
It was several weeks after my "change" occured, that I was talking to
my best friend, Darien Shields. Darien commented on the incredible
change in business and asked me my thoughts as to the cause. That's
what started me thinking. I realized that night that I had either
fallen for the angel that is Serena, or had developed an infatuation
with her. I had to know... After much thought, I finally decided to
ask her out. And I did the very next day.
I had just finished training the new help when Serena walked into the
arcade. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a white top and a
purple sweater with the top button the only one fastened. Perched
precariously on her head was a pair of sunglasses. Her face beamed
brightly as she looked up at me. I was speechless for a moment. She
had actually come!
"Is there something wrong?" she asked. "It looks like you've seen a
ghost."
"Uh... no..." I replied, trying to recover from my astonishment.
"Will you be alright here?" I asked the new employee. I hated to
leave the arcade unattended, but the cute blond before me beckoned.
I offered her my arm, which she took, and walked her out of the arcade.
Normally, I didn't take my lunch breaks, having always been the only
employee of the arcade. But now the arcade was doing well and I had
an hour of freedom any day I cared to take it. And today, I cared to.
The bubbly blond spoke the whole way to the restaurant, controlling
and directing the conversation, to her day at school and how mad her
math teacher got when Serena had fallen asleep in class. I found
myself more and more attracted to her as I learned more about her life,
her family, and most importantly, her personality.
The Teriyaki shop on the corner was small, but happened to be one of
the best in town. I'd eaten there often, and knew the owners on a
first name basis. That's how I got the special treatment. The moment
I stepped into the restaurant, Serena in tow, I was confronted by the
largest smile I had ever seen on a human being.
"Mrs. Miyasaki, this is Serena," I said, gesturing to the giggly girl.
"Oh my -- so pretty too," she replied with a wink. "You're table is
ready, Mr. Furuhata, if you'll follow me."
The elderly woman bussed us to the janitorial closet. Sheets had been
draped in front of the shelves and a small table sat in the center of
the room, meticulously placed with chopsticks and matching plates. A
single candle burned in the center of the table. I walked over to the
table and pulled out a chair for Serena, who accepted it with a quick
curtsy. I then seated myself.
"You're food will be ready shortly," said Mrs. Miyasaki, bowing as she
slid out the door.
"Wow Andrew, I didn't know you had such connections," whispered Serena
across the table.
I shrugged and allowed the blond to pic up her talking right where she
had finished off before we had come into the restaurant. She looked
even more beautiful then, the small features of her face illuminated
in the light. I found myself captivated by her eyes and smile -- in so
much that I hadn't even noticed the resaurant's proprietor enter the
room.
Mrs. Miyasaki waved a hand in front of my face to grab my attention
before setting a teriyaki bowl in front of me. It was a simple meal,
but I worked at an arcade for heaven's sakes. Besides, it was the
atmosphere and company that made such a memorable date.
In my mind, the date was more of a series of slides run through a
projector than a live-action movie. But everything went well. I found
myself captivated by her beauty and uplifted by her good-natured spirit.
I taught her how to use chopsticks -- an idea which seemed entirely
foreign to her. I laughed as she dropped a piece of chicken on the
floor and whined, "Why can't I use American silverware?" And then she
gave me a bloodshot eye.
Uh-oh. I can see I'd better explain... You know those wrappers on
straws. Well, you can tear off one end and blow into the straw. The
wrapper shoots off like a rocket. Well, I have always been known to be
one to shoot my friends when they least expect it. On the other hand,
I was on my best behaviour tonight. But no sooner had I carefully
placed my straw wrapper on the table, then I get one sailing right into
my eye.
"Oh! Gomen ne, Andrew-kun," giggled Serena. "You're not hurt?"
I didn't mind in the least. I began to laugh and soon we were
exchanging stories of friendships and past dates, of loss and of regret,
of gain and of happiness. And for the first time in my life, I forgot
everything. The arcade didn't matter. School was no longer a concern.
I just wanted to be with her. And it was at that moment that I
realized that I had fallen in love.
I haven't seen her since. But today is her day. I will see her again,
for the last time. You see, I'm visiting her in Tokyo today... I've
gotten the time off of work. They treat me well there -- personal
vacation, plane ticket, room and board -- everything paid for. But I
just couldn't shake the feeling that I had lost her. For a brief
moment, she had been mine. I had everything I had ever wished for.
In the past I had been jealous of my friends that had flaunted their
relationships, even when those relationships had ended. But now I
realized how they felt. It's hard not to think of the one you love
when you can't see her. What hurt the most was realizing that she
could have been mine forever. I was too weak to act when I needed and
that was hard to admit.
She was happy though, that much was clear from her letters and the
invitation. Yes, the invitation. It was a picture of her and Darien,
nestled smugly together underneath a tree. She had the most radiant
smile. I pulled the picture from my jacket. Embossed on it, in a
flowing gold script, were the words "Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino are proud to
announce the marriage of their daughter, Serena Usagi, to Darien
Shields, son of..." The rest of the message had long since been
blurred by my tears. Fresh tears fell onto the picture now, sliding
down the glossy surface.
They had asked me to be best man. I was honored at the offer and had
accepted it. I am happy for them. After all, my first and only love
and my best friend. I couldn't think of two other people in the world
that I would want to be happier.
The plane landed. I gathered my luggage and hailed a cab. And that
leads me to now. Here I am, in front of the church. But what am I
doing? Just wasting your time. I thank you for listening to this
sentimental old fool. How much do I owe you for the ride? Alright,
here you are -- keep the change. I'd be paying much more if you were
a psychiatrist.
=======================================================================
As Andrew stepped from the cab, he looked up over the church. It was a
beautiful little church, and the sunlight truly made it look more
heavenly than he remembered it being.
And thus Andrew saw Serena for the last time as his angel from out of
the blue; and for the first time as Serena Shields, wife of his best
friend.
Life can sure play cruel tricks.