It's Chrismtas time, and the fic writing becomes a little more magical. (Well maybe only a little). Here is this years Christmasy fic, enjoy.
Lister shook the small box again. It still made no noise. He placed it back on the table and examined it for the 13th time. It was about the size of a shoe box and was wrapped in 3D Christmas Wrapping paper. 3D wrapping paper had been all the craze when he left home. It turned your normal dull 2D paper into 3 dimensional wonderful 3D. Santa didn't just lay there on your present, he came straight out at you. Of course with any new technology there were those who said it was a fad, jumping on the product band wagon. Lister remembered a news story about an old couple who had met a sticky end when they had been given a present wrapped in 3D Halloween paper; unfortunately it had scared them to death. After this there had to be an over 80 warning on all paper sold, and photo ID was required to prove you were less than 80 years old.
Lister winced as a Christmas tree jumped off the box at him. He had found the present an hour ago, and normally he would have torn the paper off and got down to business with the contents, but this one was different. This one had made him want to guess its contents.
Rimmer and him had been on there annual Christmas present hunt. Things these last few years had been getting a little sparse but they still did it. Trawling through the crews quarters digging out gifts that remained unopened.
Rimmer walked in and spotted Lister eyeing the box up. "Found anything?"
Lister nodded. "Yeah this box."
Rimmer came the other side of Lister and examined the box. "A box, how wonderful, what's in it?" asked Rimmer.
"I don't know." Said Lister bluntly.
"Well open it! Come on this isn't like you; you're normally into the paper quicker than a ferret down a Yorkshire mans trouser leg."
Lister turned the box around slowly. "Yeah I know, but this ones different."
"How?" blurted Rimmer getting frustrated at Lister.
"Why this one Lister, why not the last one or the next one, why this one?" asked Rimmer.
Lister bent down lower so his eyes were level with the top of the box. "Because this ones special Rimmer, really special."
Rimmer got up and walked around. "I see, it's special, of course silly me. Lister it's a box, granted a box with tacky 3D paper, but still a box. I fail to see how this present over any other is any different."
Lister lifted the box up and held it close to his chest. "Because Rimmer, this ones from her."
"Who?" said Rimmer getting even more frustrated at the lack of information.
"KK, I found it in the post room, it was addressed to me from her. But you see I never got it." Said Lister still cradling the present like a small baby.
Rimmer new at that moment he had lost any hope of getting anything more from Lister that day. "OK Lister, I'll leave you with your little present, and I'll just go and polish Lord Nelson again."
Lister didn't look up. "Sure Rimmer, sure."
Lister stroked the small box as if petting it. "So my little friend, what secrets have you inside? What did Krissy leave me before." He stopped unable to think about her gone.
Lister looked towards the door as Cat danced in.
"Awwwwooowww this space is mine, and this, hey Monkey face what you doing?"
"Just spending some quality time with what might possibly be the most important gift in the universe." Said Lister his voice gushing with hope.
The Cat side stepped and smooched his way over to Lister. He looked down at the small present. "What's in the box bud?" he asked his hand reaching towards it.
Lister quickly pulled the present towards him holding it protectively. "Hands off Cat, it's mine."
Cat snatched his hand back. "OK, no probs, I got all these shinny things anyway." Said the Cat clutching something in his other hand.
Lister peered at the tightly curled hand. "What you got Cat?"
Cat took a step back. "No way, this kitty is keeping his toys. You play with your little box."
Curious Lister took another approach. "Cat, if I give you what's in my pocket, will you show me what's in your hand?" said Lister patting his pocket.
Cat thought about it, and decided on his answer. "Nope, I got mine and you got yours, this cat is out-of-here!"
With that he did a series of small dance steps towards the door and disappeared. Lister shrugged his shoulders and went back to this gift.
Kryten folded the socks into there allotted locations. "Arhh super all done. Now where is that Mr Lister, he's late for our class."
Lister made an appearance and wondered over to Kryten, showing him the small box he said. "Alright Kryten. Sorry I'm late, see I got this present and I want to open it."
Kryten inspected the small neatly wrapped box. His CPU registered the features of the parcel.
Paper choice…. Quality
Visible sticky tape …. None
Equal and super neat corners …. Check
"From a lady sir?" he concluded.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" asked Lister surprised at Krytens deduction.
"Easy sir, only a female would spend such time and attention to such a small box." Chirped Kryten who was pleased with himself.
"It's from Krissy, I found it in the post room."
"Oh how wonderful, what's inside?" asked Kryten looking at the object in equal wonder.
"I don't know, I haven't opened it yet." Said Lister joining Kryten in the close inspection of the box.
"Why ever not sir, if you like I could open it for you?" Said Kryten reaching out for the small gift.
Lister suddenly stepped back, clutching the gift tightly to his chest. "It's OK man, I'll do it. I'll open it when I'm good and ready."
Kryten quickly dropped his hands to his side. "I'm sorry sir, clearly you have developed quite an attachment to the little fella."
"NO, its just I want to be ready." Said Lister placing the box on the nearby table and taking a seat.
"Waiting for what sir? Do you think something might jump out of you?" inquired Kryten.
Lister shook his head.
"Well in that case I'll leave you and your gift alone sir." Said Kryten heading for the door.
Lister briefly looked at Kryten. "Yeah, cheers man."
Lister returned his attention back to the little box. "So, what's inside you then my little friend. What did she put in you for safe keeping I wonder." Then he had an awful thought. What if it was one of those tacky break up presents. A mug with 'Friends for Life' on the side or worse a pair of his socks that she might have found. He shook both thoughts from his mind. No she wasn't that kind of girl. Maybe she had wanted to get back with him, maybe she had thought it over and decided he was more fun than her old, new guy.
Rimmer briskly walked into the room and spotted Lister and the still unopened gift in the middle of the table.
"Lister, still playing guess the contents I see?"
"Smeg off Rimmer, you know this means a lot to me." Said Lister.
Rimmer walked to the other side of the table and sat down opposite Lister and the box.
"Open it!" he said directly.
"No, I'm not ready."
"Go on open it, what's the worse that could happen. Oh wait don't, it might be a pair of socks, only two sizes too big and you have no receipt." Smirked Rimmer.
"Oh go on Rimmer, make fun, this is important man. This is my last link with Kristine Kochanski."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is, hang on why no?" said Lister looking up at Rimmer who was still grinning like a cat who knew where he had hidden the dead mouse he had just brought in.
"Lister you had a second chance with her but you blew it, and now she's gone off somewhere without you. But she's still out there." Said Rimmer.
"I know man, we have looked everywhere, it's like she's vanished completely. I wish I had another chance." Sighed Lister.
Rimmer brushed some non existent dirt from his sleeves. "Well, that explains it. You're scared. Scared that whatever is in that box will change your memory of her forever. You have built this women up to something that in reality she can never be Lister and your frightened it will come crashing down around you."
"I'm not."
"Are so."
"OK I'll prove it." Said Lister taking the box in hand.
Rimmer grinned to himself knowingly. He would have got and A in baiting Lister if there was such an exam.
Lister carefully peeled back the wrapping paper until he could see the box lid below. "Here goes." Said Lister as he pried the lid open.
The pair of them peered into to box. Rimmer stated what they both saw. "It's a hollow key, funny sort of gift?" he said puzzled.
Lister flipped the box over and let the small rectangular shaped key with brightly shimmering colours drop into his open hand.
"I wonder what's on it?" he said inspecting the key.
"Must be a message of some sort, that's generally what's on this sort of thing. Still I would have preferred the pair of socks myself." Said Rimmer.
"We have to play it, come on." Said Lister heading out of the room.
"Wait." Called Rimmer. "Are you absolutely sure you want to hear what's on it?"
Hollow deck.
Lister slotted the small key into the play back hollow device. He turned around to Rimmer before playing it. "Sorry man, you know the game, only one hologram on at a time."
Rimmer looked nervous. "Lister you know I don't like being switched off, reminds me of my being dead and all."
"I know man, but I gotta know what she says."
Rimmer rolled his eyes. "OK, but straight back on after got it?"
Lister nodded and tapped the console play key.
Rimmer blipped off and his light-bee dropped to the ground. A second latter it shot into the air and Kristine Kochanski stood in front of him.
"Hi Dave," began the hologram projection, causing Lister to raise his hand and give a little wave.
"I bet you're wondering why I left you a gift and why I left?" continued the message. Lister nodded.
"Well things just didn't seem right around here Dave, and frankly it was getting on my tits. " Lister smirked.
"I also got a message." This news caused Lister to listen even more closely. "A message from my Dave." At this news Listers shoulders sagged.
"He worked out a way to get me home, that bloody genius did it. So I've left Dave. To be with my Dave, Dave." The hologram message paused for a second or two.
Lister watched the shimmering figure standing before him. He wanted to ask her why, why go and not stay, he could change, he had changed. But he couldn't the hologram was just an image, a message, it did not contain the programming like those of the more advanced versions like Rimmer.
The message kicked off again. "There is more Dave, something my Dave found. Something that I wanted to give you Dave but not until I was gone. On this key is a location, follow that to my gift. Goodbye Dave." The hologram leaned forward and blew him a kiss. Lister did the same and she was gone.
"Smeg, why do these smegging things always happen to me?"
Rimmers image filled the empty space in front of him. After a few pat down checks that assured Rimmer he was back he turned to Lister. "Well, what did it say?" he asked urgently.
"She's gone man." Said Lister slowly.
Rimmer looked confused. "Who's gone?"
"She has, Krissy." Replied Lister.
"We know that, what else?"
"She's gone back to her dimension; her Dave found a way to bring her back."
Rimmer looked at the glum looking Lister. That at least explained the face. "Anything else?" he ventured.
"She's left me some kind of gift at a location, on this key." Said Lister taking the key out of the machine.
"That's nice." Was all Rimmer could offer.
Kryten walked in. "Sirs I detected the use of the hologram matrix. Everything alright?"
The pair nodded.
"Oh thank goodness, I thought we might have had an overload in here again." Said Kryten looking less concerned.
Rimmer however shot Kryten a worried glance.
"What, when?" he blurted.
"Oh it was nothing sir, just a couple of small fires last week." Kryten said trying to sound calm about it all.
"Hey, look you two, there is something special for me at the end of a trail and I'm going to find out what!" Said Lister moving past the pair to the exit.
Rimmer and Kryten looked at each other and followed him out.
Lister, Cat, Kryren and Rimmer stood in front of the last door before the location of the gift.
"Hey man, why don't I go investigate it for you man, my investigating feet are the best after all." Grinned the Cat.
"No thanks." Said Lister watching the Cat do a small shuffle on the spot.
"I'll trade you my shinny things." Offered the Cat holding out his hand.
Lister glanced down to see two very small silver balls. He grinned. "Err Cat you might want to give them back to Rimmer.
Lister slapped the pad and watched as the door slid open. Inside the space before him a single light shone down to illuminate a small patch of deck.
"Over there!" pointed Rimmer over Listers shoulder.
Lister glanced back at Rimmer and Kryten. "I see it Rimmer. Listen you two stay here while I go check it out."
The pair nodded, however both had fingers crossed behind their backs, just in case.
Lister slowly walked into the gloom and approached the lit spot. As he did so more lights began to flicker and he quickly realised that he was not in any standard dwarf corridor. He gazed at the strange symbols on the walls and wondered what they might mean but all the time he continued on towards the beam of light.
Behind him Rimmer called out. "Lister, I don't like it, come back."
Lister waved a hand behind him to shush his crew-mate.
Finally he stopped just short of the beam. He looked up to see what was making the light but could make nothing out. This time Kryten spoke.
"Sir, please be careful, we have no idea what kind of technology that is." Flustered Kryten.
Lister didn't reply and took a step into the light. Almost at once the door behind him slide quickly closed trapping Rimmer and Kryten outside and him in. Then a deep male voice began to speak.
"Welcome to the dream maker, please begin your request."
Lister didn't know what a dream maker was, so he asked. "What's a dream maker?"
The voice dually replied. "This device turns dream subjects into reality, while the subject remains inside the light the dream can be conscious. "
"Oh." Said Lister still confused.
"How does it work?"
"The subject must think of a dream request and the computer will do the rest. Merely state the dream." Finished the voice.
Lister smiled. 'So this is her little gift' then he thought for a second and then said. "I want to see Kristine Kochanski, my Kristine. The one that fell for me three million years ago."
"Granted." Boomed the voice.
Lister watched as a series of lights danced in front of him and slowly formed into the shape of his dreams.
Kristine Kochanski stood before him smiled at him, her pinball smile in full bloom.
"Hey." She said.
"Hey." Replied Lister.
From nowhere a piece of mistletoe hung between their heads.
Kochanski lent forward and kissed Lister lightly on the lips. "Merry Christmas Dave."
Lister sighed. "Merry Christmas."
The end