Title: Sulu, You Fool
Subtitle: The Worst Way Possible to Find Out Your Partner is Pregnant
Sequel to: So This Isn't an April Fool's Day Joke?
Summary: Sending out a fake baby shower invitation complete with fake pregnant Spock graphic was a brilliant idea for April fool's day 2063. There's no way this could backfire on him. How was Sulu supposed to know that some male Vulcans can have a uterus?
Stupid Vulcans for keeping the cool stuff about their reproductive habits a dirty secret such as plant-based fertility cookies. Nyota is going to tear his balls off if Spock doesn't find him first. Pregnant people can be scary.
Pairings: Established K/S and U/HS
I wanted to try something different and it just worked for this story
Rating: T
Warning: Mpreg but done in a tasteful and logical way. Language
This is inspired by the fact I have family members who tell you very important things by text message or e-mail such as a family member having a stroke and being in the hospital.
I was going to do this as a one shot but short chapters are easier for me to do in a timely fashion.
Part One: It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
April 1 was still Hikaru's favorite day even after a certain unfortunate incident two years ago involving spending 5 hours in a Jefferies Tube. He should have remembered that Jim Kirk is great at accomplishing the impossible. He learned the very valuable lesson of not messing with Nyota or Dr. McCoy. (He really doesn't want to think about his last prostate exam at the hands of an extremely pissed off Dr. McCoy.)
Jim took the whole thing very well after Sulu was rescued. His only official punishment was to clean up after the engagement party (that Jim still allowed to happen) by himself the old fashioned way. Okay so it took him 6 hours to clean up the mess created by Engineering supplying too much alcohol to the festivities. He had no idea how several pairs of silk underwear ended up on the ceiling nor does he want to think about the use condoms he found in the nearby supply closet.
His unofficial punishment was to be Nyota's official date/buffer at all wedding related events including the official engagement party, real bridal shower, joint bachelor party, rehearsal dinner, and the actual wedding because Nyota refused to attend anything related to her ex boyfriend's wedding without an escort. She probably asked her new BFF Jim to add more events just to make him extra miserable. At the time she thought making him be her escort to everything would make him unhappy because she assumed that he was completely gay and dating Chekhov at the time (They were together once but by then they were just friends). He actually enjoyed spending time with her. There was something unbelievably fun about exchanging snide comments about everyone in Japanese during the festivities that no one else could understand.
As much as he loves April fool's day he decided not to do any practical jokes that year. There was too much wedding stuff going on at the time including the bachelor party for him to have time to do anything really good. Although Nyota was convinced the two of them waking up completely naked and in bed together was another one of his great April fool's day jokes. It took her a week to figure out that he had nothing to do with what happened (Mr. Hill was another matter entirely.) Despite the circumstances, the two have been together 'casually' ever since. Although can it really be considered casual if it's completely exclusive?
Despite spending two consecutive April 2 hiding in Jeffries Tubes from past or future lovers due to pranks gone wrong, Sulu decided it was time for another great joke. This was most likely going to be their last year together on Enterprise and he wanted to do something great before leaving his extended family (and possibly girlfriend). He knew due to the command shortage he would most likely be reassigned as a first officer or even a captain if things were really bad once this tour was over. It was even more possible considering that he and Nyota had to take over some of the duties Spock had after the wedding due to 'conflict of interest'. They were also both being personally trained by Jim, which made promotion off Enterprise even more likely (even if a part of him did not want that.)
This month would also be the five year anniversary of the battle of Vulcan and everybody could use some serious cheering up. A victimless (mostly) practical joke would make everyone smile especially with his special graphic. So Spock probably wouldn't be happy with the illustration but he deserved it because he has been extra Vulcan for the last few months and managed to make Ensign Li cry twice yesterday. Considering how much of the crew was annoyed with their commander that would add to the fun of the joke. Also anything involving a party usually makes everyone happy. Who wouldn't enjoy a fake baby shower, especially a fake baby shower for their Captain and Commander. It would be unbelievably funny especially with the fake baby shower games (that he got from his sister).
To cover his bases this time he did ask Nyota permission to throw a party this year since it was now her job to approve that sort of thing. She was probably suspicious he was planning something for April 1 but she still gave in after about an hour of him displaying excellent 'oral skills'. Therefore, there was a chance she would know it was his doing even if he used someone else's account but this would be worth it. Besides he doubted his girlfriend would turn him in, she enjoyed his oral skills too much.
To increase plausible deniability the e-mail would be coming from Katrina Cameron, Jim's new very reluctant yeoman. She deserves to be his direct victim for being a close-minded moron. (Also, anybody who uses their mother's maiden name and their age as a password deserves to have their e-mail account hijacked, on principle alone, in his opinion.) Jim was probably looking for a reason to fire the girl anyway considering the nasty looks she always gives Jim and his husband whenever she thought no one was paying attention. Rumor has it that she was assigned to Enterprise and Jim after doing something really stupid in hopes that she would leave Starfleet.
He was pretty sure he knew what that stupid thing was and why the higher ups assumed that working for Jim would be enough to make her resign from Starfleet all together. Sulu dated her for a couple of weeks during his first year at the academy until he introduced her to his two paternal grandfathers during a parents weekend. He dumped her after she expressed her condolences for him having two gay grandfathers but not before telling her that he was not heterosexual. After that, he mostly stuck with men until Nyota.
He decided to go with the baby shower announcement this time not only because baby showers are fun but it seemed the least likely to ever be true. (Although he did briefly consider sending out an engagement notice, regarding Scotty becoming engaged to the ship. Unfortunately that seemed almost probable and repetitive.) He wanted to avoid accidentally guessing the truth like two years ago. There's no way in hell Spock could be pregnant even if he was displaying classic pregnancy mood swings right now. Although Hikaru is aware that some species of males in the Federation are able to carry offspring, he never heard anything about male Vulcans being able to. Considering their extreme need to reproduce after the destruction of Vulcan, such an avenue would not only be well utilized but also well publicized.
There was a chance this could still backfire. Jim and Spock could be planning to use a gestational carrier and genetic engineering like his grandfathers did. He doubted that would be happening anytime soon unless they really are going to take that assignment teaching at the academy while Enterprise undergoes some major renovations, (Due to staffing shortages and to improve retention, families were being allowed to live on ships under certain circumstances thus the need for major renovations.) Just in case the couple were working on a future child via gestational carrier Sulu spent several hours manipulating an image of Commander Spock to look at least six months pregnant for the invitation to emphasize that this was a joke.
From: CameronKA
To: Enterprise_Users
Subject: Surprise baby shower for Commander Spock-Kirk and Captain Kirk-Spock.
Time Sent: 4/1/2263 19:01:22
You are cordially invited to the baby shower of Commander Spock-Kirk and Captain Kirk-Spock who are expecting their first child together.
When: April 5 at 1900 hours
Where: REC room two
Alcohol: Yes, alcohol will be served (except to the expecting father to be) courtesy of Engineering, but do not tell Starfleet that. If you are technically on duty, do not even think about it. If you are on duty the next morning, do not overdo it. As you may remember from last year's bachelor party incident, Dr. McCoy will refuse to give out hangover cures to 'overindulged idiots who can't hold their liquor' just because he can.
Contact Lieutenant Chekhov if you want to help with decorations. Please send him your suggestions for baby shower games as well.
Contact Lieutenant Commander Sulu if you want to help with food. All suggestions regarding what a pregnant male Vulcan would eat are entirely welcome.
In accordance with Starfleet regulation 3.5.67d regarding giving gifts to a superior Officer(s), if you would like to make a contribution of 10 credits or fewer to the baby Vulcan fund, please see Lieutenant Commander Uhura
[Alternative text for graphic: manipulated image of Commander Spock-Kirk looking six months pregnant eating peanut butter covered pickles.]
He probably wouldn't be doing anything fun with his girlfriend for a least a week by having her as the gift person for this fake party but unlike Dr. McCoy he actually enjoys it when she puts her fingers in a certain place.
His plan was perfect. There was no way this would backfire.
To be continued.
A/N: I would be grateful if anybody wanted to do a graphic for this