Dudley's Diary

A/N: As much as I would hate to admit it, most of these characters have been created by JK Rowling with the exception of a few which are MINE-ALL MINE-joke so don't call me a genius because of my totally creative characters but call me a genius because of my writing.

Read on to see the best story about the Junior Dursley ever:

30th July 2004

Mum says I ought to start to write a diary, to keep some precious memories. I have plenty of them. Like the time I nearly flushed Potter down the toilet, hilarious! I shouldn't start rushing into things. Let me tell you a little bit more about myself. Well, I got this diary as a present for Potter's birthday. He didn't get a present, of course! Wait a second, mum just told me he did. Oh no! Ever since those weird friends of his told a threat to dad, my folks have been trying to be nicer to Harry.

Dudley stopped writing and looked up. His mum was staring and his diary and reading it.

"Mum!" said Dudley. "Don't read my diary!" he said angrily.

"Of course, snookums," said his mother and she patted his head fondly. Dudley groaned and turned back to his writing.

Mum can be so annoying sometimes. I don't now how I can tolerate her!

Dudley looked over his shoulder. His mother was watching him, trying desperately to peek at his diary while ironing some clothes. Dudley shook his head and carried on writing.

Anyway, what was I writing? Oh yes, about Potter. Silly, girlish Potter! I hate him. I am still astonished it's a new word I learnt that he got a present. And a good one too! Potter got a gameboy! My parents, who always hated Potter, gave him game boy! I've got ten but Potter receiving one! I must be dreaming. He really brings tension another new word and trouble to this house. At least then maybe his cronies will kill Vernon and Petunia, then I'll become rich! Let me tell you about myself. Well, I'm an absolute dreamboat! All the girls love me it's either that or they're scared of me but I chose love. My name is Dudley Dursley and my parents adore me. Infact, they'd die for me. Good thinking Duds. The things I most look forward to in life are the school hols. Me and my gang pretend to go to each other's houses but we really stalk the roads and bully people. Ah, bliss! I'm the leader. We call ourselves 'Dudley's Dementors'. To tell you the truth, it's Potter who gave us the idea of dementors. He told us about them a year ago. They came after me and it was like all the happiness in my life went! I'll never forgive Potter! That was a terrifying experience another new word. Mum new what they were! I was shocked. They guard a wizard prison called Azkaboon or something. We called ourselves dementors cause we're scary like them.

Its five now, so I have to go. I'm going out for 'tea' to my friend, Billy's house.

31st July 2004

I'm back! Dudley the champ! Yesterday, me and my mates had a really good time. We beat up 5 small boys I'm in charge of stomachs and Pier's in charge of noses-the rest just add final touches, one big boy hit him till he crumpled-new word- to the ground and we teased lots of other people. We also broke 3 car windows and smoked in the park, then threw the cigars on the ground, including the ashes. That's what life is about, you know? Just having fun! Potter was taken from us today by his weirdos. I have another pig's tail! It's so embarrassing! I hate Potter and his friends! Today, Potter's friends came to get him. This is what happened:

I heard a sudden noise. I crept into the living room, trying not to make any noises. A sudden heat wave made me jump. I looked at the fire and three men and a lady were standing in the fire. I recognized them as Harry's crowd. The lady came towards me and shook my hand vigorously. "

Hi, I'm Nymphadora Tonks, please call me just Tonks. Is Harry here?" asked the lady.

Her hair was pink and she was wearing muggle clothes. I nodded and pointed to the ceiling. "

I didn't know that Harry could fly," said Tonks.

"With his broomstick he can," reminded a tired looking man. I shook my head.

"Potter's not flying, he's sleeping in his bedroom so you can go," I lied.

The truth was that Harry was playing on his new game-boy upstairs. One of the men stepped forward. I gasped. One of the man's eyes was turning around in different directions. He looked at the ceiling.

"The boy's lying. Harry's playing on this thing. He's not sleeping," said the man fiercely to the other people.

"He deserves to be punished," said a man. I recognized him. He was Potter's weird friend's father. I crept back slowly.

"You know Hagrid told me that he gave this boy a pig tail once," said the man with the weird eye.

I was scared, I didn't want another tail! I wanted to call my parents but I couldn't. They had gone out. Tonks took out her wand and pointed it at me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them I could feel something slithery on my bottom. I tried to see my tail.

"Trying to chase your tail? Dog are you?" teased Tonks.

"No actually, I would say pig," replied the tired looking man.

They went up the stairs. Harry was told to pack his belongings. When he saw my tail he howled with laughter.

"This is like that other time when it was my 11th birthday! Now it's my 16th and you have another tail!" laughed Harry. I sneered at him but he only smiled back. He left with the others in the fire.

You know diary, those people must burn themselves? I wish they did! Mum and dad came home and were shocked. They cursed Potter's lot.

"We treated Harry nicely and still they…they gave him this nightmare! I hate those people," stormed mum.

They muttered some rude words and then, mother turned to me.

"Dudley, dear, you didn't say anything did you?" asked mum slowly.

I shrank back and tried to lie but I couldn't. The guilt inside me made me confess.

"Yes, I did," I muttered slowly. Mum looked as if she was going to cry.

"What did you say, son?" asked my dad.

"I lied to them," I answered meekly.

My dad looked at me with anger. He raised his right arm. Mum saw and stopped him.

"No Vernon, he's our son," said Mum. Dad let his arm fall. "Fine," he muttered.

I don't know how I'm going to cover up my tail! It's as visible as ever now! There's a strike at the hospital so there's no where else to go! My friends will all tease me! Mum says I shouldn't go for 'tea' anymore but I want to! I love beating up people. It's a hobby. But I can't go with a tail. I'll have to think of something.

Hopefully, I'll think of something to cover up my pig tail.

Wish me luck!

32nd July 2004 Wait, Mum says it's the 1st of August-whatever-hey! How does Mum know I'm writing 32nd? Mum! Don't Peek at my diary!

I can never show my face to my dementors again. My life is ruined. Yes, I'm not joking! I went to the park to smoke and think without my mates and they saw me! I was deep in thought and suddenly I heard my mate, Billy, talking.

He was saying, "Where's Duds? I've never seen him skive off our afternoons."

I quickly tried to disguise my self but it was of no use.

I heard an outburst of," Look at Little Piggy!" and I came out of my hiding place and stood, angrily in front of Billy.

"What's with the tail?" asked Billy. I covered my bottom with my hands but realized that, that was too rude. I went home, hearing those mocking laughs. It was agony new word!

I've heard that the name of the gang which I'm now excluded from is Billy's Bullies. I could be one of them if it weren't for Potter! I wish he died and so did his friends! Speaking of Potter, he came home again today. His friends were blabbering that our house was the safest. Something about mum's blood and not obvious place. So he came home and he had to go shopping somewhere to a place called something like 'Diagon Alley', I think. Mum was supposed to go with him, and since dad was out, I had to go too mum and dad didn't trust me alone anymore. We went to a pub, and then Potter tapped on a wall with his wand. I thought Potter was dumb. How would tapping on the wall help him? The wall split apart and left me and mum with our mouths open. Then a fly entered my mouth. I choked and meanwhile, swallowed the fly. Harry laughed and teased me.

We went into the crowded street in front of us. There was a swarm of people wearing cloaks and I felt incredibly stupid to be among them all. First, Harry had to go to a book shop. Books! How boring! We went inside and Harry met his friends. He had a friend with bushy, brown hair and I teased him, "Who's she, your girlfriend?"

The girl glared at me and started to talk to Harry. I was bored and wanted to do something exciting. I saw a book about magical creatures. It looked interesting. I went forward to pick up the book and it suddenly bit me and clung on to my arm.

"Get off!" I screamed. Mum saw me and came forward to help but the help was wasted. I used all my strength to keep the book shut but it fell open again. Harry looked at me and grinned. His friend with red hair was laughing maniacally and uncontrollably. I sneered at them. A girl and a boy came up to me and offered to help me. They stroked the book and it fell flat open on the floor.

The pale-faced boy held his hand out. "Hi, I'm Draco Malfoy. You must be Harry's cousin, the muggle," explained the boy. I shook his hand and nodded. What on earth is a muggle?

The girl was gorgeous! She introduced herself as Pansy Parkinson. As soon as I saw her, I knew I had fallen in love. She was a slim A.N-Dudley doesn't know the difference between thin and fat and pretty girl and I liked her so much. The only thing was that Draco seemed to be her boyfriend. He was standing beside her in a protective way. His weird dad called him and I was left alone with Pansy. I whistled and walked around her. She smiled and left, leaving me a blow kiss. Then, me, mum and Harry went to the other shops they were really weird! and left.

Ooh! I just peeked at the TV! The strike's over! Yay! I can get my tail removed! CURSE POTTER!