The path, at least, had not changed. It had remained in his memory for so long only traveled by his mind's eye, on those cold nights where the rain- her rain- fell insistently upon the empty house. And somehow, every detail, every wilted daisy and puddle of mud had remained, as if held in a time capsule for the past eighteen years.
Everything else had changed. The entire world had shifted and weathered and eventually collapsed, shattering like the clumsily repaired ornament that it was. His world had fallen years before, fallen with her, the girl with the dazzling eyes who was now nothing, a memory for the few who had lived to remember her.
The path, though, the neglected road of tree stumps and weeds, of memories and childhood games, had been preserved. It might have still been that night, so many years ago, when it had been traveled last, by two angry young men who would have had absolutely nothing in common if it weren't for the fact that they were both hopelessly in love with the same girl.
-x-x-x-
Severus Snape, seventeen and recently friendless, traveled the dirt road quickly, stopping only for those significant landmarks that could not be missed.
There was that tree, for instance, with it's two wide branches that spanned out opposite each other and nearly flat, where he would sit with her and they would talk for hours and hours; about the world and about themselves, about the absolutely nothing that was absolutely everything.
There was the patch of grass that remained brilliant, nearly the color of her eyes (of course nothing could match that shade) all year, even in December when the forest's other grass was brown and dead looking.
The little playground where they had first met; the rusty swing set on which they had exchanged that one, awkward first kiss. It was July 19th and it was twilight and they were both fourteen. They ran in opposite directions as the enchanted sky settled into darkness, both pretending it meant nothing and swearing to forget about it, though neither ever did.
Most significant of all, though, were the hills. He stood on the edge of flat ground and looked out to the familiar slopes, the last glimpse of scarlet sun surrendering to twilight, her favorite moments in the day.
Smiling bitterly, he remembered the times when she stood next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, watching the sunset. The minute it disappeared, she was nine years old again, young as the day they first met, and rolling down the hills and giggling hysterically.
"Severus!" she'd cry through her laughter, "Come on, Sev, it's fun! Don't you remember how we used to be…"
These days, that was all he seemed to remember. All he wanted to remember. And tonight, standing and watching and waiting, her voice was all he wanted to hear. When sound finally did break through to him, his name over the silence of the hills, it was a very different voice, and one he had grown to despise as much as the one it belonged to.
"Snape?" Severus looked up, startled, and pulled out his wand aggressively.
Really, Potter, he thought, glaring at the approaching figure, as friendly as my surname? That's certainly odd for you.
"What're you doing here, Snape?" James Potter panted as he reached Severus Snape, only half-heartedly returning the death glare he was being sent.
"I live here, Potter." Severus spat, eying him with contempt. "You, on the other hand, live in some ridiculous mansion, complete with an army of house-elves and your Mummy to tend to your every need. So I must ask, Potter, what are you doing here? Doesn't Mummy need you at home? Still broken up about Daddy, I hear, cries herself to sleep every evening-"
"You shut up about my dad, Snape." Potter growled. "Everyone knows it was your lot that did him in."
Severus scoffed.
"I was visiting Lily." Potter said coolly after a moment of silence, a smirk on his arrogant face.
I was visiting Lily.
"What would Lily want with you at her house?" Snape asked disdainfully.
"Ah, so is that what you're referring to her as these days? Not 'Evans', or 'the mudblood'? If you want to speak about a woman crying herself to sleep, Snivillus, take a look at her after OWLs." Potter's face was filled with as much contempt and anger as Severus's was, if not more.
Crying herself to sleep?
"Evans, then." Snape said quickly. "What does she want with you?"
"What does anybody want with me, mate?" Potter responded naturally, seeming to forget that he was speaking to Snape, and not one of his friends.
Your head on a platter.
"If we're still speaking of Lily, then I can only guess some sort of highly painful death." He commented wryly, keeping his cool. "The last time I spoke to her, that is."
The last time you spoke to her, really, truly spoke to her; she was still your best friend.
What else has changed?
Potter shrugged, that horrendously good-natured grin lighting up his face. "I'm hoping things are different now."
How different?
"Ah." Severus murmured, pretend-calm entering his voice. "So, Evans has finally succumbed to the undeniable-" his tone dripped with sarcasm, "Potter charm? I'm curious- was it the constant bullying or the hair flipping that did it, in the end? Or-"
his voice dropped to a mocking whisper, "or, was it only pity? After all, Lily's always been… charitable… what with the constant begging, the dead father- who was she to cause you any more pain?"
Potter's face filled with anger. Severus smirked. He seemed to have touched the appropriate nerve. He was satisfied.
Until Potter regained composure. He grinned again.
Severus felt a sudden urge to tear his head off.
"You haven't been paying attention, have you, Snape?" Potter's voice wasn't as good-natured as before, it was more edgy- there was anger. "I must say, I'm surprised you hadn't noticed- you're always staring at her, do you think we can't see it? I guess you've been too blinded by her to recognize her surroundings, hmm? I've changed, Snape. Lily and I are friends, and-" James Potter laughed, "These days, you're the pathetic one."
Severus blinked.
Lily and Potter were friends.
Lily and James were friends.
Lily and Severus-
Weren't.
He turned away from Potter, walked quickly, towards her house. He wouldn't go in- he never went in anymore- he would simply stand, watching and waiting and wishing.
He didn't stop at the voice, but it did reach his ears. He snarled.
Potter was following him.
He started to run, fighting off the angry tears that came to his eyes.
Lily his Lily his Lily.
She wasn't his anymore. Lily belonged to James Potter.
Did they sit and talk for hours about nothing? Did she reach for his hand when she was scared, fall asleep with her sweet-smelling head on his shoulder? Did she smile and look up at him from under her eyelashes, hug him and whisper in his ear? Did she ever kiss him, or cry on his shoulder, or take out her anger at that hideous sister on him? Did she yell at him for no reason and laugh when he tripped over a stair. Did she hold out her warm hand to his, help him up, smile and remind him…
"I'll always love you the best. You're my favorite person in the world."
James Potter. Her favorite person in the world.
He stopped. There she was, her red hair a halo around her shining face. She smiled out at the twilight sky, and he imagined that she was smiling at him. She looked out to the hills, and a wistful look crossed her face.
Does he know that she loves the twilight? Did he roll down those hills when she asked him too?
She turned away.
Don't. Look back. I miss your face.
"She's so beautiful, isn't she?" the voice was by his side again, and he turned around to glare at Potter. How dare he say that Lily was beautiful? How dare he look at Lily at all?
Severus was silent.
"I've always been jealous of you, you know that?"
This, if nothing else, caught his attention. He turned around.
James chuckled. "S'pose that was a bit unexpected." He remarked cockily.
"And why?" Severus spat, "Why on Earth would you ever be jealous of me?"
"You had her." James replied simply. "You had her practically your whole life. And she loved you."
Severus stared at him. She loved you.
"She still thinks about you all the time." He continued, staring ahead, staring at Lily. "She pretends not to, of course, but she does. And she didn't spend six years hating your mere existence. You had her. You could have done anything you wanted- I bet you anything she would have fallen in love with you, if you had let her. You had her." Potter turned to face him, his eyes glowering.
"And you let her go." He finished. "That's the difference between you and me."
Severus blinked, letting the words sink in. Letting himself sink in the words.
"Bye, Snape," Potter finished awkwardly, waving and turning away. "Lily's expecting me."
James Potter walked into Lily Evans' door and Severus Snape ran away from it at full speed and neither of them ever came back.
-x-x-x-
Severus Snape stood in front of the house where he had given up on the girl he loved for good.
The house was gone. Someone had torn it down, probably years ago. Probably soon after she had left it. It was nothing but empty space, now. A child skipped down the street, stopping in fear and then running away as she saw him.
She had long red hair that was too dull and too straight to be anything near hers.
It reminded him of her nonetheless.
He stood there for what seemed like hours and also like seconds before he looked around and realized, suddenly,
It was twilight.
No one ever walked that path again.
a/n: Please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts. ;)