Story (in Indonesian) by Oryn.
English translation by Twice Born Balrog Slayer (because English has never been and never will be my forte). She takes full responsibility for grammatical error and please keep in mind that English is not her native language either.
Disclaimer: the usual, I don't own NCIS: LA. I wish I have Deeks for cuddling purpose, though.
Timeline: after 2.10 "Deliverance". Spoiler for that episode and after.
Warning: possible OOC.
Author's note: my first and (most likely) last NCIS: LA fic. I'm new in this fandom and I hope it's not too confusing. Review and constructive criticism are very much welcomed.
xox
Kensi Blye hated Cinderella.
That was her first random thought when she was finally awaken from her slumber. A pair of mismatched eyes were staring at the ceiling for a moment as their owner tried to get her orientation back in the almost completely dark room. And this time, she was relieved when she found out that she was in her own bedroom. Her private sanctuary.
Kensi swept her gaze to the bedside table where she put her alarm clock. A bright line of digital red numbers told her that it was still ten past two in the morning, still a couple of hours before everyone's normal rising hour. It didn't surprise her. She never had a real deep sleep, and she had been used to be awaken several times at night, especially since she joined NCIS OSP division in Los Angeles. Or after Jack's leaving. Or maybe since her father was killed.
Memories about Sam grumbling when Callen spent the night at his house suddenly rose, and Kensi smiled a little. She and Callen shared similar sleeping problem, although Kensi had never made anyone unlucky enough to be her sleeping partner or roommate routinely awaken in an annoyed state, disturbed by her ceaseless efforts to be exhausted. Well, she did actually prefer to sleep alone. But even when she had to share a bed or a room with someone, she was always quiet when she could not sleep.
More because of old habit, Kensi silently scanned her surrounding and found out that nothing was out of ordinary. The windows were her main focus, but Kensi's sharps eyes didn't detect any suspicious movements behind the curtains. She strained her ears to catch every trace of smallest sounds that could indicate any danger, but the only thing she heard was a high-pitched singing of a drunkard and, occasionally, a loud bang when the man was tripped on a garbage can.
What a relief.
Slowly, Kensi let her body sunk deeper into the bed, enjoying the familiar softness of her pillows, a blanket covered her torso. But her eyes were still wide-open. There were times when she could easily slip back to sleep, but this night, it seemed she had to let her mind wandering for a while.
Alright. Where was she?
Ah, yes. She hated Cinderella. And Snow White. And Sleeping Beauty. And all those helpless female characters in fairy tales who always have to be saved by the knights in shining armors. Actually, the "and they lived happily ever after" part was just fine by her, although she had stopped believing in such ending in the real world, and even regarded it cynically. No. The thing that upset her most was why those princesses could only wait passively to be saved, instead of trying to save themselves, although their very lives were hanging on a thread at that time?
Call her a feminist, a fighter for gender-equality or whatsoever, but there was only one thing that Kensi really hated in this world: being saved, and by a man, nonetheless. Her past experiences of being saved were thankfully few, but those were enough to make her lost her sense of control. And her sense of control was the only thing that prevented her from hitting the rocks, fell, and dragged in by the stream of life. Moreover, she didn't like to be in debt to someone. Her pride, above all, didn't allow her to accept such thing. She was tough and she was proud about the fact.
Yes, Kensi Marie Blye was a tough girl, and she always believed that. Her father had taught her to be a survivor, or die trying. Thanks to her father, Kensi was proficient in shooting and hand-to-hand combat, skilled in extreme driving, able to fix most electrical machines and wire a house, good in playing poker, and an expert in tracking. She even had hotwired a plane once. Stealing a car, breaking keys and security system of a building could be done smoothly, almost naturally, by her.
All of her exeptional skills, supported by her intelligence and perceptiveness, made Kensi one of the top agents in NCIS. It was Hetty herself who picked Kensi to be the member of elite operator team. Kensi knew that she was above average in many things without being cocky. But that was why she tended to be a perfectionist and didn't like to acknowledge any weakness, especially her own. Yes, she could accept some help if it was related to task completion, especially in the field which she didn't master. But when it came to self-rescuing, she could be as sensitive as a porcupine. Considering her job, it was she who supposed to rescue someone, not the other way around.
And now, it made her thinking.
Kensi was quite surprised when she realized that being saved by Deeks in the past didn't infuriate her at all. Not at all. From when she was taken by a group of Russian agents, trapped without any weapon in the middle of a war between drug cartels, until the latest unfortunate event that had just happened to her yesterday morning: being held captive by a gang of an international syndicate of human organs seller. It was Deeks who fought to bring her back with all of her limbs intact. Yes, she often berated Deeks afterward for his penchant to do almost anything without thinking it through, like that laser pistol trick. But deep inside her heart, Kensi was grateful for her partner's quick response and determination, and she never hated Deeks for rescuing her. She just couldn't.
Her brow wrinkled slightly as she let her mind wandering in the dark, trying to sort out the cause of her uncommon reaction. Perhaps because it was Kensi herself who decided to pick Deeks as the one who should save her, just in case. In many cases that led to her capture, whether they were as strategic purposes or not, Kensi always said to him, "you're the one who will bring me back safely." Thus, being saved by Deeks was basically her own decision, made by her conscious thought, after calculating all the risks. In other words, Kensi saved herself through Deeks' hands.
Or maybe, that was because Deeks never treated Kensi as a helpless damsel in distress. No. Everytime Kensi was successfully saved from a difficult situation, it was because of solid teamwork between her and Deeks. Like that case with Russian agents. To free Kensi from the invisible cage, Deeks must tricked some laser lines while Kensi was trying hard to get through the rest. The similar thing also happened in other cases. It's like Deeks was the one who opened the door, but Kensi must walk by herself through that door with her partner's ceaseless support. Simply put: Deeks worked, Kensi struggled, and they met in the middle.
Other people might be satisfied with those reasonings, but not Kensi. She analyzed and dug around her mind, trying to find satisfactory reasons, but to no avail. Finally, there was only one answer that seemed impossible but, strangely, befitted her most.
Perhaps, she was glad because it was Deeks who saved her.
Kensi's white cloud of exhaled breath floated in the air and she stared at it until it disappeared.
Marty that name, came all kind of thoughts about him. Deeks had been a temporary partner at the beginning, but now she wanted to make him her permanent partner. They had been through so many things to be this close. He was the man who attracted her instantly at that boxing gym, while they both were undercover long time ago. Must be mutual attraction, Kensi thought to herself. Everybody thought Deeks was a silly clown, but Kensi knew that deep down he was actually sensitive and understanding. A surfer boy who hid that he was, in fact, a competent agent, or to be exact, competent officer. He was resilient in his own way. And he knew one million and one ways to irritate and amuse Kensi at the same time.
Deeks… a smile unknowingly formed on Kensi's lips. He was the only man who…
Her thought was interrupted when a soft 'click' and a bright light of table lamp came from the right side of her bed, followed by a masculine voice.
"Kensi?"
What did she think about disturbing your bed fellow, she thought wryly.
She shifted her body until she could face the man who called her name and saw that Deeks was now finally awaken. Kensi saw that sleep had immediately left Deeks' eyes, replaced by concern, anticipation, and a hint of protectiveness. Those were actually natural responses for an undercover officer, but Kensi felt slightly flattered nonetheless when she realized that they were not only to save Deeks' own life, but also hers.
"What's wrong?" Deeks asked simply.
The honest answer, of course, was anything but simple. And Kensi didn't have any intention to give further explanation. So she just answered in a light tone, "Nothing."
Usually, Deeks was quite satisfied with that kind of answer, since he had already gotten used to this "don't ask, don't tell" unscripted rule. But this time, he asked, "Wanna talk about it?"
Just because we share a bed, doesn't mean I have to share everything with you, Kensi thought. She was about to say that out loud in her usual defensive tone, but she held that back. Instead, she said, "There's nothing to talk about, Deeks. Really."
Deeks wisely decided to change the course of conversation. "Yesterday's case…"
"I told you, we don't bring our work onto bed," Kensi said sharply.
In reality, she was begging him secretly, please don't talk about that now, I'm not ready. The emotional turbulence had not ceased yet.
Deeks raised his hands in surrender, but his eyes were still shining with caring expression that almost made Kensi feel remorse about what she just said. Deeks was only worried about her and he meant it.
However, Deeks' suddenly piped up in his usual cheerful voice, "What about a little massage? You know, to make you feel better before you go back to sleep?"
Kensi snorted, "Do you remember what happened the last time you offered me that?"
The roguish smile that appeared on his face was the kind of smile that often made Kensi want to erase it; she had used a nice slap back then. Now, a kiss was not a bad choice.
"Well, that's why I offer it…" Deeks said impishly.
"No, thanks."
A flash of relief was briefly seen across Deeks' face. Kensi could see that he was tired; what he had done yesterday had made him almost completely spent. He desperately needed a long, good rest, instead of another passionate lovemaking session on the bed with Kensi. But don't call him Deeks if he stopped teasing. Might have something to do with keeping his reputation, almost like a mask.
"Are you sure you wanna skip my special massage? I could make your body relax…" His eyebrows curled into suggestive curves.
"Deeks, I said no."
"What about a brief preview?" Deeks was about to touch Kensi's shoulder, but the latter quickly swatted his hand away. Deeks, however, didn't want to give up so easily. "Come on, only a few minutes and you'll feel the difference. People say I have magic fingers, you know."
Kensi rolled her eyes, thinking that perhaps this man missed his calling and he should become a salesman instead, before retorted, "Uh-huh. Should I use the pepper spray on you?"
"Now that is a new level of cruel and unusual punishment," Deeks grumbled.
Kensi grinned in victory, like a Cheshire cat. Deeks hated pepper spray; in fact, he had been traumatized by that thing since a hysterical woman sprayed his face and eyes, right after Deeks had broken into women's bathroom. Actually, Deeks thought that being shot by a gun was better than got peppered.
Being Kensi's partner appearantly nurtured Deeks' competitive nature, because although Kensi's victory grin was oh-so-enchanting in his eyes, he suddenly had this urge to erase that expression from her face, and with a little bit dirty way. Without warning, he caught Kensi's waist and tickled her with his long fingers, made her surprised and laughed.
"Deeks!" Kensi half-screamed, half-giggled. "Stop it!"
"You forgot to ask nicely, my sweet."
"Stop it!" Kensi arched her back. "Ah!"
Kensi was about to grab her partner's hands, or any other parts that she could reach, but Deeks was always able to anticipate her movements and avoid it, before he resumed his activites and made Kensi wriggle, laugh, and shriek simultaneously. For the next couple of moments, the only thing Deeks did was dodging Kensi's flailing kicks and punches, grinning endlessly, and neglecting Kensi's breathless plea to end this tickle-fest.
Finally, Deeks released Kensi when loud bangs were suddenly heard from the other side of the wall. Their poor neighbor, no doubt, had been rudely awaken by the noise and smashing the wall with something hard to make them stop, most likely a frying pan. Spoilsport, Deeks cursed silently. And damned these too thin walls, too.
That short interruption was used by Kensi to move to a sitting position, placing her back on the bedpost and hugging her knees, trying to rob Deeks from any opportunities to pester her further. Damn that man, who always knew how to find her weak spots. Just like he knew how to explore and exploit every sensitive part of her body before brought her into climax.
Thankfully, Deeks finally decided that it was enough. He then lied sideways, facing Kensi while supporting his head with his hand, his expression was the epitome of calm and serene. Kensi glared at Deeks menacingly, but he only smiled mischievously. Oh, well.
After she had regained her breath, Kensi wondered whether that was a torture or a bliss, since that laughter had actually uplifted her mood and somewhat calmed her raging mind a little. She felt better, happy even, although she would never admit that openly. God knew she needed to laugh after such a stressful day and she was silently grateful that she had Deeks. Kensi could always laugh because of Deeks, but lately, it had been laughing with him instead of laughing at him.
How many things had changed between them.
"Maybe I will be up earlier than you today," Deeks said.
Kensi raised her eyebrow. As far as she knew, it'd be still too early to surf, in this weather, no less.
"I wanna go to the LAPD this morning," he explained.
"Yeah, right. Not practicing yoga at the park, surrounded by pretty young women?" she teased.
Was that jealousy in her voice I heard, Deeks wondered. However, since he still treasured the most vital part of his anatomy, Deeks refrained himself from asking that question and said instead, "Yeah, I gotta go to LAPD. You know, I still have a police chief and a couple of smart-asses waiting to be annoyed."
That naughty grin again.
"Great," replied Kensi nonchalantly. In the end, she chose to believe him.
However Deeks understood perfectly about the real meaning of that single word. He knew that it meant "great, it means we don't have to make sure that we enter NCIS office from two different directions, so as not to raise people's suspicion". Although Deeks had gotten used to this hide-and-seek game, he felt his heart was stung a little, nonetheless.
Either she didn't know, or chose to ignore that, Kensi stated calmly, "Oh, and don't forget to rinse with more water after you shower, Mr. Winner-of-High-School-Hygiene-Award," she uttered the last part rather sarcastically. "Last time, I almost slipped and fell because of your soap lather all over on the bathroom floor."
Deeks simply answered, "Then you will get mad if I use all the hot water, princess."
"Not at all." Kensi smiled. "I'm following Hetty's example. I use a timer. You can have hot water for three full minutes. As for the rest, enjoy the cold water," she paused for a moment for dramatic effect, "uhm… very, very cold water."
"You can't be serious."
Amused by her partner's crestfallen face, Kensi added, "Oh yeah, and don't forget to change your clothes. It stinks." Cutting off Deeks' protest, Kensi said, "There are some of your clothes, the ones you left, in the drawer, already washed. Use them. Oh, and don't you dare bringing my sport towel to the office like that time, I don't want people to start talking. If you need it, I'll buy you one. But mine is forbidden. Got it?"
Only Kensi, Deeks sighed, who could combine demand, denial, and care in only one breath like that. He was silent for a moment, before finally muttered, "Fine."
A moment later, perhaps driven by temporary melancholy or insanity, or something else entirely, Deeks suddenly blurted a question, one that was bordering on dangerous.
"Do you think they know about us?"
His voice was low, but enough to make Kensi turned her head sharply, facing him. They stared at each other intently. Deeks had tried to hide his hopeful tone and his delivery was casual, but Kensi knew it. She also noticed that Deeks' voice was slightly raw, showing his suppressed emotion, telling how deep his true feelings for her.
About us, he just said. About us what? That simple phrase was jumping up and down in her mind, demanding to be explained clearly. Yes, actually what is happening between them? Are they fooling around? Involved? Dating? Sleeping together? Or… something else? Kensi didn't want to give, or find, the exact answer for that. A clear answer would make everything definitive and permanent, with all the consequences that she was not ready to bear. She had no problem with the happiness that would entail, but not the sadness and heartbreak at the other end of spectrum.
There was no easy way to answer that question and Kensi didn't want to think long about it. Not this time, she decided. And this is only a tactical retreat, she quickly added when the other side of her mind told her that she was such a coward.
"I think Hetty knows," she replied, rather hastily, to divert their attention.
"Yeah, nothing escape from her," Deeks remembered the tiny woman that was their superior, who seemed to know everything and always be in the right place at the right time… or not, depending of whom she visited.
"Better her than Gibbs," countered Kensi, referred to the most feared team leader at NCIS office in Washington DC.
"Seriously?" Deeks managed to follow the relaxed pace of conversation. "Actually, I fear Hetty more than him. Have you ever seen her threaten someone with a letter opener?" He pretended shuddering to emphasize his point.
Kensi chuckled at this and added, "Callen knows too, I think." That made sense, since Callen lived from his instinct as well as his ability to read people and situation, extrapolating from the subtlest signs. And if Callen knew, then Sam probably knew, too.
Deeks scratched his head, sending his already messy blond hair to ten different directions. "Really? Well, I have been waiting for them to corner me and threaten me like this, 'if you hurt her, we will hunt you to Timbuktu and kick your sorry ass'."
Kensi smiled at this. Maybe Deeks was right. Her team would likely do something like that to show their blessings.
"They have to get in line, then," she said with a smile that, in Deeks' eyes, was way too sweet, "because if you hurt me, I will finish you off right away, you know."
"Uh-huh," Deeks snorted. "Hell hath no fury like Ms. Kensi-The-Groin-Shooter-Blye."
Kensi blushed slightly. "I thought we're done discussing that."
"I knew I should be wary when I first saw you did that at the shooting ground, but I didn't know that you would really do that to me," Deeks scolded her while putting on the expression of a wronged victim.
Kensi moved her gaze to the ceiling, trying to look bored to cover her embarassment. "For your information, it was not on purpose, and I didn't shoot your groin!"
"Ha. Your know what? I don't think that was an accident. It was pretty close, you know? You must be feel so sorry if that area was shot for real."
"Deeks."
"Yes?"
"Zip it."
"But…"
"Oh, just shut up," Kensi hit Deeks arm, soft enough to show that she was joking, but also hard enough to emphasize her point.
"Ouch," Deeks mockingly rubbed the spot where Kensi's fist just landed. He quickly shut his mouth when Kensi raised her fist again threateningly.
For a brief moment, her hazel-black eyes met Deeks' bright blue eyes and they began laughing softly. It was like they had admitted that bantering, throwing insult and sarcasm to each other were the easiest way to communicate in their relationship.
At the same time, they both silently acknowledged that it was the way of cowards, who chose to shift the actual problems around with jokes and sarcasm instead of really plunging deep to the core and having a deep talk about them. Not a healthy habit in the long run. However, Kensi would do anything that could help her getting through the day. And she always thought that Deeks had been thinking the same way.
A yawn escaped from Kensi's mouth and Deeks just smiled understandingly. His eyes followed Kensi as she snuggled back under the blanket and arranged her pillow. He stayed in his position for a moment, waiting until Kensi seemed comfortable, before joined her under the blanket.
However, even after ten minutes, Kensi was still not be able to sleep. She closed her eyes only for Deeks' sake, but that man couldn't be fooled. Deeks felt tension radiating from his partner's body and he didn't have to be a detective to know that something was troubling Kensi. He sighed, thinking that if only he could trade one ear for an ability to read Kensi's mind…
Deeks could only guess that this had something to do with their previous case. The case which would traumatize any normal agent and left such a deep impact, no matter how hard they tried to take it easy afterward. But Deeks didn't dare to bring that problem up front, not until Kensi decided to talk about it herself.
But letting it go seemed equally wrong.
If Deeks had to describe Kensi Blye in one word, under a gun threat, he would immediately say, "complicated."
Finally, Deeks decided to compromise. He tapped Kensi's shoulder softly and called her, "Kensi."
"Now what, Deeks ?" She opened her eyed lazily.
Deeks took a deep breath.
"No matter whatever else I am to you, Kensi, I'm still your partner. My job is to protect you from anything, even from myself," Deeks' voice was lowered a bit in that part, "and I take that job seriously, never doubt that."
Deeks really meant those words. His eyes, which usually shone bright and cheery, stared at Kensi with rare intensity. Secretly, he hoped that Kensi would understand what he couldn't say aloud. A crazy thought then occurred in his mind; perhaps he should trade his other ear for the ability of telepathy.
Deeks didn't really know that his words had touched Kensi's heart at a deeper, more personal level.
Kensi bit her lips; not sure how she should react. She really wanted to believe all of that, by God and all things holy. But her experiences had proven to her that everything was so much easier to face if she didn't one hundred percent believe, or depended herself too much on someone or something, or gave up her whole life and heart. Wasn't that the reason why she established the no-second-date rule? Well, there hadn't been such rule between she and Deeks so far, because they were never really dating. Traditionally, at least.
Kensi turned her head to the other way slightly; her mind filled with myriads of thoughts, but those didn't provide her a single idea on how to respond. Should that be answered after all?
Well, seems it should be, Kensi thought as she found that Deeks was still waiting.
Kensi sighed heavily. She knew that Deeks would never beg for anything from her. And Kensi would not give anything to him. But, considering how thoughtful, kind and caring that man was toward her, it seemed unfair if Kensi didn't grant him any affirmation at all. Fine, just this one.
"Okay," she whispered audibly; there was a moment of hesitation before she finally added, "Marty." Just because she knew that Deeks loved it when she called him with his first name.
That short reply seemed enough for Deeks, or perhaps he realized that he had to be satisfied with that answer. Anyway, he considered himself very lucky to be able to get this close to Kensi. He had to struggle, had to break layers of walls the woman had built around herself, some of them surrounded her inner paths like the most complicated mazes. But Deeks felt sure that, someday, he would win that woman's heart completely. As a true partner at least, if not as a lover. He just needed time, patience and perseverence. Los Angeles wasn't build in a day, and didn't God need six days to create the universe?
"Okay," Deeks replied.
Kensi forced a slight grin that would be called a smile by an optimistic person, and Deeks was an optimistic person. Silence befell them a moment later; each was busy contemplating their own thoughts, without realizing that their thoughts could be woven into one.
Finally, Deeks broke the silence that was beginning to get rather awkward.
"Come here," he said, patted the spot on the bed next to him gently. His arm was opened, inviting. A simple offer devoid of any pretension.
Kensi immediately closed the distance between them and laid herself beside Deeks, letting the man's arms circling her body protectively, hugged her tightly as if to eliminate the slightest distance completely. Her head was on his arm and his broad chest, acted as a convenient pillow.
Warm, she said inwardly while her fingers lightly stroked Deeks' well muscled torso, and she decided that she liked this feeling when their bodies touched each other, melded into one. It was nice. She could get used to this.
Deeks turned the lamp off, and in the dark, Kensi felt his fingers caressing her hair and cheek, before he finally planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. His way was tender, so completely different from the fierce lover who had ravaged her body only hours ago. Kensi might hate Cinderella, but Deeks always treated her like a princess.
Kensi could hear the beatings of Deeks' heart through his chest, and also his breathing that slowly became regular. His heartbeats were gradually synchronized with Kensi's, hypnotizing. She could faintly smelled his body scent, mingling with sweat and a slight hint of cologne. They were lulling, calming, making her comfortable.
Kensi closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. This time, her sleep was undisturbed.
xox
THE END