A/N: Please no flames. I'm trying to be realistic; we're not all Harry. We can look beneath the surface and see things for how they are. Still it's all a matter of interpretation, and to each their own. This is what I think happened Pre-Harry.

Warnings: mention of eating disorders, Freud, implied depression, death of a pet, sibling bullying.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

When Ron was young - about six or so - he used to think that he'd been put on the Weasleys' doorstep as a baby. Maybe even swapped at birth with their real son; there were evil fairies that did that - someone told him that once.

But then he told himself that doesn't make sense, that he was being as stupid as people thought he was. He had the same red hair as his dad, the same eyes as his mum - like the Others did, in different ways. (All the while ignoring that maybe the reason it hurt too much to think about - even for a second - was because it could be true. They did have magic, after all; the number of things that could be done with magic were endless.)

So then he played pretend. He used to think - his family weren't all His Family. He used to pretend that his brothers, except the twins, were his cousins. His mum was actually his aunt.

(He could never decide if she was his dad's sister or not; Ron thought there was more love between the family owl, Errol, and Percy's pet rat, Scabbers than between the two grownups. So he just left it alone.)

It was a strange game but that's how he chose to see things. See, he barely knew his brothers Bill and Charlie - they had been off at Hogwarts for years just as he was starting to learn the Alphabet.

It was the same with Percy, who kept to himself even more when Bill and Charlie were gone. So it seemed to Ron that as he wasn't close to any of his brothers (like they were with each other) they weren't his brothers at all but just happened to live under the same roof as him, and have red hair like him.

And he then didn't have to wonder why mum paid more attention to the Others than she did him - except for Ginny, who was all but attached to her hip. But that's because Ginny was special. She was the first Weasley girl to be born for years and years.

The twins said so, they told Ron that she was, 'way more special' than the likes of him.

He didn't like the twins.

When he still played the Game, more times than not, he imagined Percy was his (much older) brother and the twins were red headed orphans found on the doorstep.

Dad even said so - well, he didn't admit that the two weren't related to the rest of them, but he did say that they were more trouble than they were worth. That was as good as a declaration to Ron.

Especially since Ron found that he didn't like the thought of sharing flesh, blood, and a house with those two, at all.

They killed his puffskein - the first and last pet bought just for him, as a birthday present after he got his ABCs right. They might not have said it, they might not have looked even a little sorry his pet was dead, but he knew it was them.

They had been the only two outside when his puffskein went out there to do its business. And then the next thing a frantic Ron knew it was dead on the grass, its neck at a weird angle and its chest caved in. Its fur slick with drying blood that stained his fingers forevermore. He cried when its chest didn't rise and fall, when he couldn't feel the warmth of its body, or the fast flutter of its heartbeat beneath his fingers.

It took a long, long time for the taste of vomit to leave his mouth. It took even longer for him to stop seeing slick red, dripping and much too bright, whenever he looked at his fingers - whenever he looked at them. He hadn't even gotten the chance to name the puffskein. He'd been so excited at having a pet that it slipped his mind. By the time he remembered Ron didn't even know what to call his pet, it didn't help that he'd gotten used to calling the Puffskein 'it'.

Of course that's when the puffskein 'bite the dust,' as Aunt Muriel said. He still didn't know who'd invited her to the small funeral he'd asked his mum and dad for.

And there was the time when Ron was small and the twins almost did something to him - bad magic, so bad that dad shouted at them. Dad never shouted...

There's the spider thing, too. Whenever Ron saw one he grew cold and stiff all over, feeling hairy legs crawling over his chest, brushing his cheek, once, twice. He's sure those two fiends (as Percy loved to call them) had something to do with it, had done something to him when he was small. Again. He thought he could remember cuddling up to something soft - feeling light and calm, peaceful even - before it turned into a living thing. A thing with legs, too many legs. And animal-teeth, flashing white in the moonlight.

It was the twins' fault. He knew that much at least.

There's also the time the Fred twin gave him an Acid Pop. While the burning feeling, that went right through his tongue, sizzled still, mum was walloping the twin with a broomstick. The next day when he saw Fred and George in the living room he had to smile. Fred couldn't even sit down a whole day after. If there really were gods they'd make sure he couldn't until he and his twin went off to Hogwarts (how Ron couldn't wait for that day!).

For the rest of that week, and especially when he saw Fred, he felt light, like he was walking on a cloud. The nice feeling - something like happiness - bubbled up inside him, smothering the horrible hole that lived in his chest. He smiled more, but he made sure he wiped the smile off his face before the twins saw him and they did it for him.

When Ron turned eight it clicked, all the pieces of his life that he could remember pointed to one thing; the louder ones got all the attention, all of mum's attention. And they didn't even have to be hurt or anything, just loud.

Ron wasn't naturally loud, but he did alright for a little while (and without having to hurt anyone - which was Good). There were a lot of 'Ronald Billus Weasley's floating around (he'd never known his middle name before, never even thought he had one, unlike the twins of course).

But the twins still out-did him - like always. Though there was one thing he had that they didn't; they couldn't eat lots and lots and lots without getting sick. Ron could! It was also nice to know that he could get enough food, at least. Even if it was because he was usually the first to snatch food up and fill his plate.

Mum always said, "Elbows off the table!", "Chew with your mouth closed," "Don't talk with your mouth full!" He broke all those rules whenever he could, and it worked because mum focused on him. Even if it was just for one moment, all of her attention was fixed on him. It wasn't split three ways or five (and Ron's sure the first time he did it it wasn't split at all!), so for one second out of sixty Ron could be sure he was being seen. Even if it was as a troublemaker. A rule breaker.

Ron never used to eat lots and lots though; the food on his plate just built up and up until he thought that it must be enough to fill the gaping, jagged hole inside him. It never was. Not exactly. But he felt happy when he was full, warm and drowsy like he was wrapped up in a quilt - that feeling comforted him like a mum's cuddle.

It got Charlie and Percy's attention. When they came back from Hogwarts and were actually at home, at the dinner table (and not at a friend's) Ron thought that they watched him from across the table. But whenever Ron looked up from his food, looked at them, they were picking at their food.

It was strange.

And it was all wrong; he didn't want their attention. Mum's was fine, even dad's, but not theirs!

Ron started to feel uncomfortable, wondering when they had first started to look at him across the table since coming back. Was it after the first dinner the family had with everyone back together? They had started to sit next to each other after that day...

He hoped they weren't planning anything, hoped that they weren't going to be like the twins now just because they'd been to Hogwarts, the best school there ever was.

Ron had to make sure of that. So one afternoon he hovered outside Bill and Charlie's room while Charlie and Percy were talking inside. The door was closed but when he got so close his ear was almost touching the wood he could hear them, though their voices were a bit warped.

"Did you find anything?" Charlie was saying.

Percy said something about a Freud person or thing. Ron sort of tuned out their conversation, their words holding little meaning to him.

For one thing he had no idea what Percy meant by Bully Mia Nerv... something. It sounded gross.

"... could be that - if he started to purge after." Percy uttered.

"He hasn't been. We'd know."

Then, as a pang swept through him that he thought was hunger, Percy mentioned something else.

"... could also be that he's comfort eating..."

Again Ron didn't know what that was. He wasn't sure Charlie did either. The older boy was saying, "It can't be that." Charlie repeated those words as if he could make them true, though it sounded like he didn't think they were himself.

Ron might have heard wrong but he thought he heard Charlie say, "Maybe he's just a greedy pig." He almost sounded tired, his voice muffled like he'd buried his head in a pillow.

"Well, maybe." Percy said in his 'no nonsense' tone. "But I want to think he could be about as much as you do. Evidently." Ron started to back away. He almost backed into a stack of books he was so confused. His face was warm, his breathing shallow.

He wasn't a pig. He wasn't!

He just got hungry, is all.

Ron nearly tripped down the stairs in his haste to get away... He had no destination in mind. He walked just so he was doing something, anything. Because he was feeling a bit panicked and a bit... well, a lot lost. He wasn't a pig...

Was he?

As he entered the kitchen thinking he hadn't meant to go in there, his stomach rumbled. He poked it. Could it be making fun of him?

But it was only a -

"Alright, Piggy?" The sneering voice made him jump. Ron looked up and honest-to-Merlin felt his stomach drop. It was the twins coming in from outside.

"Oink, oink," said the other.

His body trembling, Ron's face twitched as he fought to open his quivering mouth and tell them that he was not a pig!

The one he thought was Fred prodded him in the stomach before he could. "How are you not the size of a house?" His stomach throbbed right where the other boy's finger had dug in.

George laughed, brushing past him coolly. "Merlin knows."

When they left with a few parting jabs, Ron breathed a sigh of relief. Then he lifted the hem of his shirt and pinched his dappled stomach. He wasn't fat. He didn't know why but he'd kept his lanky frame.

When his mum's voice reached his ears he jumped once more. "For the love of Circe, Ron, get out of the kitchen! Haven't you eaten enough already?" Funnily enough he wasn't hungry anymore.

Weeks flew by and as much as he wanted to show his brothers that he wasn't a pig, Ron just couldn't stop eating. He liked it too much to do that.

He couldn't stop eating messily either. Though he honestly didn't know if he wanted to stop. He didn't even know if he could. He'd set the train tracks, now he had to watch the train follow them without pause.

So while Ron continued his rule breaking in a now unconscious bid to get more of her attention his mother just... stopped. Stopped trying to teach him manners. Stopped shouting at him. Stopped doing anything, really. And the more she did nothing the more messily he ate - making sure to stuff his mouth until his cheeks could have burst, still sort of hoping that she'd notice and do more than flush and huff.

Even when he went to Hogwarts he couldn't break the habit. Ron didn't have to get anyone's attention there - he didn't want to, either. He wasn't well off like the Malfoys or Harry. He'd entered Hogwarts as tall as the twins, wearing Bill's fraying hand-me-down robes, with Charlie's old wand and Percy's first year books - and his rat.

Everything he had had been someone else's first; passed down from brother to brother. So if anything he wanted to be invisible. He'd give his right arm to have that chance - even if it was just for one day. He was already sick of being called 'insert name here's' youngest brother, or Arthur Weasley's youngest son, and it wasn't just by the students either!

He was defined by his family - the thing with Malfoy on the train proved that before he'd even set foot in Hogwarts. The words more children than they can afford won't stop running through his head. (He knew it was true; he was the living example).

If ever there was a time for playing pretend...

In spite of all that Ron still couldn't stop.

Forget train tracks - he'd dug himself into a hole.

At least he had Harry and Hermione. Harry who shared his sweets with him - him; the runt of the dirt-poor Weasleys - casting the gross, dry corn beef sandwiches aside. (Not to mention the Malfoy thing.) Hermione who... was just Hermione.

His friends.

His.

No one else's - not Fred's, not Percy's, not Charlie's, and as much as she adored Harry, not Ginny's either!

He wasn't able to put into words how highly he thought of their friendship, but Ron hoped they knew. He hoped they would be friends all through the years at Hogwarts. And maybe even beyond (but that could be pushing it - it felt too much like a dream already).

Harry and Hermione and Ron.

He ran those words through his head so much they nearly lost all meaning - and if his name was tacked on the end like something nasty, like a wart (which could be removed so easily) then... at least no one would know.

When he was in bed, trying to sleep, he thought those three names. When he was eating he did it again. Even in lessons... He just felt so happy - almost giddy.

He couldn't help it.

They were all he had.

A/N: I think that the fact the Horcrux picked two fears of Ron's to exploit in DH were because they were the ones he couldn't bear to think about. That's why he pushed them aside, buried them deep. Ron did say that the Horcrux took fears that were already there and made them worse, or something like that.

One fear was of him being the unwanted child and that's quite telling. As, in a time of war it wasn't that his family might die (so while he did admit to worrying about them, that fear just wasn't buried, or even poignant, enough for the Horcrux to exploit) it was more to do with how he thought they saw him. Ron thought that they, or at least his mum preferred Harry. "Your mother confessed," sneered Riddle-Harry, while Riddle-Hermione jeered, "that she would have preferred me as a son, would be glad to exchange..."

And there was the Harry/Hermione thing, which I think was linked to his other hidden fear, because in Ron's eyes, if they got together he'd have no one. That's what the Horcrux picked up on and tormented Ron with, I think, and there had to be a reason for that - a basis.

So I wrote this fic because there had to be a reason why he felt that, not only was Harry preferred to him, but that Ron also felt he was 'least loved by a mother who craved a daughter'. That's proof that even before he met Harry he felt like surplus, to put it mildly. Then, After Harry things just sort of went downhill from there for Ron.

There are a lot of things to take into account with Ron's character, namely what he saw in the mirror of Erised, the incident with his Yule Ball robes, the "that's everyone in the family" quote courtesy of Molly in OotP, and the new things Ron got after being made Prefect (it was the same thing that happened to Percy in PS/SS).

All of it's linked and it made me think there must be a reason Ron is the way he is; he's a complex character though, I'll say that much. And he was hardly my favourite character post-PoA, simply because his good qualities were far overshadowed by his bad ones.

If you disagree with what I think then I'll respect that, but flames won't be responded to. I am open to hearing what other people's opinions are, though.

The 'more children than they can afford' quote was taken directly from the book Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

The bold emphasised quotes in the a/n were taken from the Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows book.

Written for the: Fantastic Beasts Challenge

Comedies and tragedies competition

Tearjerker Challenge

Issues/Sensitive Topic challenge

Family BootCamp challenge

Camp Potter, A Challenge

Please don't fav without reviewing. Thanks for reading.