The Big News
By LMR
Disclaimer: I am bearing Dick Wolf's illegitimate child in hopes of blackmailing him into giving me CI. He's not buying it, seeing as I am a lesbian.
Summary: "Bobby, I'm pregnant." This is NOT a Bobby baby story! The baby in question is Nathan.
xXx
Eames dropped the bomb over paperwork. Just loudly enough to make half the bullpen turn her way, and given the tone of her voice, to make some believe they had won money from a certain betting pool at one PP.
"Bobby, I'm pregnant."
Eames wished she'd had her camera phone to capture the look on Bobby's face: Something like a deer caught in the headlights who suddenly morphed into a kicked puppy who had just been informed that his Santa mug had died a tragic death involving an avalance of skittles.
"Um," he responded with all the eloquence he could muster.
Eames smirked, turning nonchalantly back to her paper work. "Now you're wondering if you should congratulate me or console me," she surmised.
"Um."
"I'm very happy about it, Bobby."
"Um, congratulations."
"Thank you, Bobby," she said wistfully. "Now you're wondering who the hell the father is, but there's no way in hades you're going to ask. Am I right?"
"Um, yeah."
"Well, Bobby, I'm not letting you off the hook. You want to know," she glanced up from her paperwork. "You gotta ask me."
"Um. Eames?"
"Yes, Bobby?" she asked innocently.
"Who's the father?"
She grinned, having looked forward to this moment for months. "My brother-in-law," she answered casually, trying hard not to give herself away with a smile.
"Um. Joe's brother?" he tried, hoping the situation wasn't as it sounded, that is, as if he expected to hear a chorus of "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
"Nope. Sister's husband," she answered unabashedly, going back to her paperwork as if she'd been asked nothing more than to pass the mashed potatoes.
"Um. Does your sister know?" he wondered hoping he wasn't prying too much.
She looked up from her paperwork, an expression of surprise on her face, as if she expected him to know the answer. "Oh, yeah, she's over the moon about it."
"Um."
She feigned annoyance, again trying to hide a smile. "Bobby, is that all you have to say?"
"Um. How? I mean, why? I mean… what-" he stopped there, not wanting to with the rest of the question: What the hell is going on here?
She finally couldn't contain her smile any more. "Honestly, Bobby, the look on your face alone is worth the labor pains."
"How, exactly do you expect me to look when you drop something like that on me?" He was getting annoyed with her little game, and beginning to wonder if the whole thing was a hoax with its origin in Eames's sick, twisted little mind that he could only sometimes understand. "Are you, um, making this up off the top of your head?"
"Nope. I'm pregnant. It's my brother-in-law's baby, and my sister couldn't be happier about it. All true."
"Eames, you don't really strike me as the type to…" To what, exactly? Sleep with your sister's husband? To do it unprotected? To have a messed up family?
Eames burst out laughing. "Bobby, resume breathing. I'm a surrogate for my sister, who can't carry a child. It's her baby."
After taking a moment to process what she had said, Bobby breathed a sigh of relief. "You are evil, Eames."
She grinned. "And you are extremely amusing when you are confused, Bobby."
As if to solidify his point, he balled up a piece of paper and hurled it at her.
"You can't hit a pregnant lady, Bobby!"
"Show me a lady and I won't hit her."
Ironically, it would be the same spot he would throw another wad of paper at just a few months later.
Just moments before he had the biggest epiphany of his life. The moment that would change his life forever.
xXx
Um, do you get that last line or has the Queen of Obtusity done it again?