This was a prompt given to me by the lovely miss Africa. Sorry for the long wait! Lotsa things happened with me and I had writer's block too. It ended up longer than I expected. Haha. This will be a two-shot. I hope you enjoy this.
The blonde kunoichi was perched on the park bench. Her eyes stared unseeingly in front of her. Like there was a white haze that overcame her sight. Hands gripped the underside of the bench with clenched knuckles. Shoulders inexcusably slumped. Her hitai-ite unusually drooping. Her tessen placed at an awkward angle as if it was flung carelessly.
Why did it have to come to this? Why did this have to happen to her? How could she be so stupid to allow this to happen to her? She never wanted or desired such a responsibility. Ever since she could remember, her only clear pledge was to become a strong, fearsome kunoichi who would serve Suna with all her might. It was her ultimate goal. It was her only goal.
She would have been perfectly content with such a life. To be one of the greatest warriors and to fulfil her duties for the greater good and for her brother, the Kazekage, it was the highest honor.
But then damn Nara just had to saunter into her life and sweep her off her feet and charm her pants off. A snort from her stated exactly what she thought of that image. Damn lazy ass would not have the energy or the will to even think of sweeping her off her feet physically. Not that she wanted him to. She, wind shinobi extraordinaire, had never been of a romantic, cheesy mind. As to charming her pants off, well, Shikamaru and charming are not exactly words that go together but then again, the product was already gestating in her belly. And she cannot even blame him completely.
No, the rational part of her mind did not allow her to shift the blame onto him. And she hated having to be rational about it. Made it all the more difficult to factor in all variables of the situation because it would have been a whole lot simpler to run away and become a missing nin.
The sounds of children screaming playfully managed to penetrate her ears. Why the hell did she choose to ruminate in a children's park? Was she subconsciously trying to convince herself of this future? Trying to convince herself it would be okay so that she would have the guts to tell him?
Fuck. How the hell was she going to tell him? How would he even react? Does he even want a kid? Hell, she did not even know if she wanted it. They had never talked about such matters.
He had his own life to live. His own village to serve and lead someday. What if he never saw her as part of his future? What if this baby ruined all of his plans? How could he possibly want it?
What if he decided it was all too troublesome? She already knew she was a handful herself but add a toddler into the situation? It would be all too easy to brush his hands off the matter completely, especially as she hailed from another village.
And that's another huge matter to consider. She shut her eyes tightly as if to ward off an oncoming migraine. Being prone to overanalyzing really had its downsides.
"Hey ugly! Do you mind? We always use that bench as one of our bases!"
Her eyes popped open in surprise. She saw a young boy, a heated glare emanating from him, arms crossed against his chest. Behind him were several other kids who looked a bit frightened at the sight of her, cowering behind the little boy. Narrowing her eyes, she slowly rose from her seat and drawled out, "Hey kid, didn't your parents ever teach you any manners?"
A defensive look overcame his face as he retorted, "I don't need to be polite to you, you're a stranger! And what kind of an adult hangs around a children's park if you aren't even with a kid? For all I know, you could be a kidnapper that sells kids for money!"
Growling at his impertinence, she silently counted to ten. She could not and would not lose her temper in front of this kid. This whole situation just reinforced her beliefs against wanting a kid of her own. What if she messed up her kid? What if her kid grew up to be this bratty? How was she in any way qualified to be a mother?
Just then a girl spoke to the boy, "Hey Yusuke, you don't know who she is? She's Temari of the Sand! She's strong and scary!" Then her eyes widened as if she just realized what she just said. She hid fully behind the boy this time.
The boy whirled around and took note of his terrified friends. "You guys know her?" They all nodded fearfully.
Turning back around, he announced loudly, "I don't care if you're as strong as Tsunade-sama! I'm not afraid of you!" But she could not help but notice his trembling lip. Yet his chin was still proudly held high.
She actually chuckled to herself. The nerve of this kid to go and charm her after all his insolence.
"Hmm, I see." Then slinging her tessen in a smooth motion onto her shoulder, she started walking off away from them.
"W-wait, you're leaving just like that? You aren't going to hurt us?" he blurted out, eyes wide. His friends also held the same bewildered expressions.
"You're right. I'm too old to hang out at the park," she said, shrugging.
She barely missed seeing his grateful face and the relief on the other children's faces before leaving the area.
As the park went out of sight and she traipsed by side of the forest, her eyes darted to the side at a slight movement among the shroud of leaves.
"Nara, how long have you been following me?" Temari asked in calm tone. Her insides became a twisting and turning bundle of nerves. Did he see her silently moaning about her situation at the park? She really hoped not because that was really beneath an elite shinobi. One of the reasons she selected that park was because she knew not many ninjas frequented it as none of the ninjas she knew had any children yet. And she did not want him to have any idea that anything was the matter with her. She was not ready for the questions yet.
Jumping off the branch, he landed next to her in a surprisingly graceful motion. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he answered with a hint of mirth, "Since that kid starting screaming at you. Which was pretty funny by the way. Though I would've thought that you would have at least tortured him a bit."
Her shoulders relaxed and she was free to answer him without worry. "For wanting to claim the bench for their games? Even I'm not that cruel. Plus, he's just a kid."
"No, not for that. For calling you ugly." Then he started chuckling, his eyes sparkling. The way they usually did when he was with her.
A frown formed on her face at her wayward thought but his laughter was infectious and she could not help the peals of laughter from escaping her mouth. His pleased mouth grew wider and his dark eyes grew warmer at the sight of her amusement. She cut herself off abruptly as guilt began to seep into her innards, giving her somatic symptoms of a stomach ache.
Shikamaru, who had been grinning at her, suddenly gave her a questioning look, sensing the change of mood in her. She quelled the growing guilt that clawed within.
"I'm just tired. I'll head back to my apartment," she said, her eyes blatantly avoiding his.
Panic suddenly held him in its grip. He grasped her arm desperately, knowing he had to do something before she went way, stopping her in her tracks. "Why didn't you wait for me at the gates?"
Growing irritated at being held back and at her own damn guilt, she snapped, "I didn't want to wait! You should know by now I always come earlier than the usual mandated time."
"But you always waited before..." he muttered, his dark eyes searching hers, silently pleading her to tell him what was wrong. "Is there something bothering you, Tem?" A concerned look crossed his face and he reached out to touch her cheek as if his touch would be enough to break the transparent barrier erected between them.
She stepped back, dislodging her arm from his hand. She knew his touch was dangerous. It would have easily sapped her of power, easily swayed her into spilling every truth of the situation.
His face fell, crestfallen. "Did I do something?" he whispered. His chest felt heavy at that small act of rejection. He knew deep down there was something extremely wrong and he only hoped it was something that can be fixed.
She shook her head, turning away, unable to face him. "No, really. This journey was just more tiring than it used to be. Just a night's rest should do me fine." She ignored the pang of her chest at the worry coloring his eyes.
"Okay. I'll take you there. Don't deny me my job at least." He attempted a smile, trying to coax one out of her. But all she did was nod and walk on.
0000000000
The next day, the Hokage had asked them to organize certain Suna-Konoha confidential files. Duties and responsibilities forced them to return to a normal atmosphere.
"Shikamaru, not that one! The other one! Hand me that one!"
"Okay, okay. Keep your pants on."
"Get off your lazy ass and then perhaps we'd have been done sooner!"
"I have been helping you out, woman."
"Clearly, not nearly enough. Move faster! Or do I need to drag you by the ear? Damn whiny lazy ass."
"I have not been whining."
"You might not have been vocally. But your body language screams it all over."
"Dammit, woman. Why do you have to be so nasty? What crawled up your ass? Do you have your period or something? Coz you've been like this for two days now."
She flashed furious eyes at him as she said in a low voice, "Just get out. I'll finish this on my own. You can watch clouds to your heart's content. I'm giving you my august permission."
"And I'll be crazy not to take it. Tch." And just like that he left.
She slammed her fist on the table while the other hand clutched onto her stomach, wondering how long she was going to torture herself. Weighing and provoking his possible range and limit of reactions.
A gust of wind whirled about her, raging.
If this was how he reacted now with her temperamental self, how would he react with the mood swings of a pregnant woman? Can he even stomach the thought of comforting such an overly emotional being? Would he be able to handle such a situation? If he did agree to father it, how long would he stay? He did say he loved her. But was love enough for him to stay for her and a baby?
The wind grew fiercer as if ascending to a crescendo.
And what will happen to her? Would she not have to quit the shinobi life? The only thing she had going for her? The only thing she prided herself on? The only thing she counted on that made her whole?
The revolving air abruptly descended and the atmosphere seemed stifling.
She slowly sank to the floor, arms wrapping around her abdomen. Willing the tears to stay at bay. Emotions started to overwhelm her. It felt like slowly falling into abyss. She shoved her trembling fist into her mouth. Keeping the keening from slipping out of her mouth.
She could barely recognize the pitiful creature that she was right now. It was unforgivable. Resentment started to mix in with regret and fury. This baby. It was going to ruin her life. It was going to change everything. Her whole way of life would turn upside down.
She clutched her free hand tightly, fingernails digging deep, leaving indents on her palm. Her teeth clenched mightily. For a moment, she could not help but feel an intense feeling of hatred towards this entity inside her belly. If it was not to be born, perhaps, life would go back to the way it was. If it was to be born, she could pretty much guess that she might neglect or mistreat it for the rest of its life. Was that the kind of life she and it would be looking forward to? Because at this moment, it was the only feeling she could muster for it.
Was he going to leave as easily as he just did if he knew?
0000000000
She found herself woolgathering at the same bench again. Staring into space.
A ball rolled over to her feet. She picked it up and stared at it with blank eyes.
"Hey ugly! That's mine! Give it back!" She looked up to see the same brat from the other day.
"And if I don't?"
"Then you'd be a thief!"
"But it doesn't have your name on it, kid."
"B-but it's not yours! You can't have it! Give it back!"
"Fine." She gave it back. And sat back down, her dull expression unchanging.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Without knowing it, the boy sat next to her. Was that actually concern on the little boy's face? Did she really look that out of it that a little kid can tell that she was not acting like herself?
"None of your business, kid." The kid frowned.
"If you don't want to tell me, fine. But you should know that girls shouldn't frown, it makes them look ugly." Then he flounced away, returning to his friends and their ball game.
She did not know how but she actually felt the sides of her lips quirk up. She fondly recalled her younger brothers, Kankuro and Gaara who, despite being themselves, also had such endearing moments despite their bloody, petrifying childhood.
The three of them have been through a lot. Lots of tragedy, blood, sweat and tears. Though they would deny the last one. But they pulled through, did they not? They even reconciled and strengthened their bonds as siblings.
They would tell her to stop acting like a ninny and face her problems. Which she would have done earlier herself if not for the extraordinary circumstance and the pregnancy hormones.
A gentle uplifting breeze caressed her skin and tousled her locks.
Her hand rubbed her stomach in a much gentler action.
Maybe, just maybe, she would learn to have the same sort of doting thoughts towards her own flesh and blood kid.
0000000000
He's been missing since yesterday, a deeply worried Ino informed her an hour ago.
Shikamaru, don't do this to me, Temari thought frantically. She had been all over all his favorite places to watch clouds and the barbecue restaurant and his house and Chouji's place. Nothing.
This was all her fault. Why could she not have just said it yesterday? Where was her so called courage?
What if he decided that he could not stand the sight of her anymore?
She shook her head harshly. No, she cannot think that way. She refused to lower her mind to such a needy type of woman, desperate for the protection of a man. She is Temari of the Sand, sister of the Kazekage, fearsome wind shinobi. The day she begged for a man's protection was the day she no longer considered herself a kunoichi.
If he decided he did not want her and the baby, then she would have to make do. She would stand tall and proud before anyone who dared to criticize the way she would raise the child singlehandedly. And she would protect the child from the poisonous disapproving remarks of narrow-minded individuals.
It's not like she had no one. The baby would have her uncles who would doubtless spoil the child. She knew they will neither abandon nor scorn her or the child. Maybe she did not have any maternal figure from whom she could get guidance but there were always medical nins from the clinics she could get information from. There were also hundreds of references for her perusal. There was no need for self-pity. It's not like her mother could help dying when she gave birth to Gaara.
She gave a visible pause. With determined eyes, she walked resolutely towards the battlefield where the last war occurred.
She found him sitting pitifully in the middle of the field with dead eyes.
"Come to lecture me some more?" he said bitterly.
"Shikamaru..."
"I've thought of every single thing that I've done for the past few days and I still haven't figured out what could have caused you to be so moody. Or was it something I did before you arrived this time around? Did I miss something last time you were here and you're punishing me for it? What dastardly deed could I have possibly done to cause this much of your fury? Because I can tell this time it holds something different. Tell me honestly. Don't beat around the bush like other women, dammit. There's something you're not telling me."
Every sentence felt like a kunai stabbing into her chest. A baleful stare from him had her flinching.
"You're right. There is something I have to tell you."
Not a response forthcoming. Same dead look on his face.
Taking a deep breath and keeping her eyes locked on his, she took his hand and pulled gently and placed it on her stomach. And waited.
He became still as a stone. His pupils widened as the truth hit him. "Are you sure?"
She nodded curtly and lowered her eyes, somehow not wanting to see his reaction, ashamed of her behaviour for the past few days.
It took him a few minutes to absorb it before he said, "You've been avoiding me because you didn't know how to tell me? Or you didn't want to tell me?" His eyes bore into her slightly bowed head.
That had her snapping her head up and with troubled eyes, she retorted, "Hell, Shika. What do you want me to say? Yes, at first I didn't want to tell you because I didn't know how you would react. I didn't know if you wanted it. I didn't want to burden you with it."
"That's not your choice to make."
She sighed. "I know. It was unfair of me. For that, I am sorry."
He stayed silent, knowing it was not every day that Temari conceded defeat or admitted she was at fault.
"It's just... Everything started crashing onto me. It seems so surreal. I mean is there really a baby growing inside of me? I can't... I can't get my head around it. It's so easy to pretend ignorance the way my body is now."
Gulping, she trudged on despite knowing his reaction to what she was going to say next but she could not help herself. It was like a dam had been broken. "I... There's also the option of aborting it," she whispered but forced herself to meet his eyes which suddenly hardened.
Even knowing it was coming, she could not stop her chest from constricting, squeezing mercilessly. "Understand that it's not your body that's going to change. It's mine. For kami's sake, I could die bearing this babe at any point. My mother died giving birth to Gaara! Furthermore, it's my life that will change drastically. No more missions? Quitting shinobi life? You do not have the right to judge me with such eyes as if I was a savage when you have not even pondered about the possible consequences."
The leaf shinobi's eyes softened a bit and murmured, "Temari, I didn't mean..."
"You have your own life as well. I can understand if you did not include a babe in your future plans..."
"Tem—"
"I will not force you to take responsibility as we are not even married..."
"Tem—"
"Plus we live in different villages. It won't work."
"Temari—"
"No, don't say anything now. It's not fair to make you decide on the spot. I'll give you a few days to decide what to do. And if you decide you don't want it, I won't bother you ever again. You have my word." Her heart pounded loudly in her ears.
Shikamaru could only look at her with an understandably frustrated expression. He longed to shake her out of her presumptions. But no, taking a careful look at her troubled brows, he had a feeling she needed to get all of that off her chest. She needed to make it clear that he did not have to own up to such a responsibility and that she was capable of taking on the world on her own. Because that was just the way she was. He both admired and resented her for it.
Granted his lazy self would have whooped out loud to be given such a chance to get out of such a gargantuan task.
However in reality...
Never had he been more irked in his life.
A/N: Is it okay so far? _