A/N: Wait! Before you read this story you must know I wrote this before the second half season, long before Marian turned out to be Zelena. So just imagine how pure life back then seemed. (Yeah, I know it's hard.)
A special thanks to Jen (Janice) (starscythe). She gave me the permission to use her wonderful picture. You will find it on her tumblr. Just search for starscythe!
And I would also like to thank Inquisitive dreamer who read this a while ago and made my anxciousness about this story leave. Hope I'm going to hear from you again, Inquisitive dreamer.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters as well as their stories belong to the producers and creators of Once Upon A Time and very probably Disney. Because everything belongs to Disney...
Now of you go and enjoy!
Photograph
A click. The click, the moment everything in life falls into place, cannot be planed. It just happens. You cannot grasp it, you cannot reproduce it and you certainly cannot chase it. But when it happens it is the most amazing experience which you have waited for your whole life but neither knew you wanted nor needed it.
After decades of being alone, settled with feeling nothing Regina Mills was overwhelmed the first time she had held a little bundle in her arms. The little boy she named after her father had melted the first layer of ice around her heart with his first laugh that resembled more or less a gurgle. Until that moment years had gone by before her face had broken into a wholehearted smile. From that moment forward Henry had become her whole world and all she needed in life.
Regina appreciated times like today. It was a lazy Sunday with no threat of curses, nemeses and other villains that just had to interrupt her time – not that they were always to blame because sometimes she was dragged into the Uncharmings' battles just because they had to share their problems with anyone else. So she really, really appreciated days like today. Not only because she was sparred of having to save the day again but mostly because of the time to remember and cherish the memories of her little prince that was growing up too fast for her liking.
Her mansion had always been full of light, literally. Now, while a soft tune of classical music rang out of the gramophone and Regina was sitting on her couch a tea in one hand and the other hand resting on the photo album to turn a page whenever needed, the room seemed brighter, figuratively.
She could not help but grin back at the two old Henry who smiled at her with half of his milk tooths gone. This was one of her most favorite pictures and even if the image of her child that no one could take away from her has branded itself into her heart she loved to stir the memory mill with photos. Sometimes she missed those times when it had been only Henry and her before he started to question why he was the only one in Storybrook that grew older and exposing her as the Evil Queen she once had been. That memory still had the power to feel like a stab in her heart. From that day forward the pages of the photo album were left blank. That was four years ago.
Regina swallowed the slow ache of regret and pain. She knew Henry needed her and after all he forgave her for everything she had done. She was his mother and had been from the moment fourteen years ago when she gave him his name. From that moment onward she had bathed him, kissed each scratch, soothed every of his fears and looked after her him every evening before she went to bed. She taught him manners and laughed with him about funny children books like "The Cat in the Hat".
She was more than glad that he had finally accepted her past. Although she had to share the position of being his mother with Emma Swann (he was now at her place) she could not be happier because he loved her for who she was.
Caught up in a treadmill of memories, torn between cheerful and dreadful ones, Regina didn't hear the front door opening. In a distant place of her mind she registered a noise. When two arms wrapped themselves around her and a body scooted into the space behind her she sighed contently when the warmth enveloped her. She closed the album laid it aside on the table welcoming the shake of reality.
"Everything alright, milady?" His voice was edged with some concern. In spite of the concerned tone this voice always managed to calm her. Giving her a grip on reality, silencing the whispers of doubt in her ears and keeping her on the ground.
Her eyes skipped to the book before they scooted over to her hands. "I'm just dwelling in some old memories."
"Hm." He pressed a kiss into her neck. His stubble tickled her skin. In the last few months she learned that this was his gesture to show that he cared. "What is this?" He pointed at the photo album.
"Oh, it's one of the product of a technical features of this realm. They are called photographs." She grabbed the album and opened it.
He leaned in closer and scoffed in amazement when he saw a picture of her and a much younger Henry grinning towards the viewer. "This is amazing. How does it come into being?" He grabbed the album to shift it to get a better look at the picture.
"This is produced by a technical gadget of this world called photo camera. Honestly, I don't know how it works. It has something to do with chemical reactions." She shook her head and chuckled lightly at the irony that she has mastered magical reactions over the years but did not give a second thought about how things in this realm work. "When you use it you can capture a picture of any moment."
"Incredible! I have to say that this realm really has it perks. Everyday I learn something new." He turned the page. Humming at another picture of herself which Henry made after she taught him which button he had to press and where to check the perspective. The wind blew a strain of hair into her face. Her eyes were closed for the sun shone directly into her face. All in all the picture looked peacefully. "Beautiful."
"Someday you will get accustomed to everything." She caressed his hand that was still holding the book to break him out of his stare. Without knowing where her thought came from she asked him, "Would you like to go back some day? – To the Enchanted Forest, I mean."
He closed the album and put it back on the table again. "To tell the truth, I never gave it a thought. There are some things I miss but they are not important to me. What is important is my family and that is right here in this realm." He hugged her from behind again and pressed another kiss onto her neck. "I will be wherever my family is."
She sighed remembering where he just came from. "How is Marian?"
It was barely noticeable still she felt how his body twitched behind her. With a rough voice he answered. "Fine." She did not mean to hurt him. She really didn't mean it. Yet she did. She hurt him.
A long time before the sun crossed the horizon to bath the earth in its warmth the landscape was basked in a creamy fog. It was cold outside in the early morning hours. Inside shadows were reigning over every corner of each room spreading the silence as the morning relieved the night. In these hours the world outside reached its coldest point. Winter ended and the spring waited on the threshold. A reason more for Regina to lean into heat and comfort of Robin's embrace. When she pressed her body more into his, his arms strengthened their hold on her. He was always like this anticipating and fulfilling her needs, even in unconsciousness. It wasn't the first time she wondered if it was a "soulmate" thing. A word that still made her feel anxious because she had once believed in it. After she had let her heart rule her head and gone after him. She had found that she could believe in it feeling that deep connection. But then he left her to go back to his wife. Not that she didn't understand why he did it, or that she still blamed him. But she learned that the label "soulmate" wasn't a guaranty, not even a promise. Neither did destiny uphold its promise when he had to leave Storybrooke to save Marian's life. The words "destiny" and "soulmate" only explained what was going on between them but nothing more. Nothing more than a word, a word with a description in a lexicon. Belonging together did not equal being together. She had learned this the hard way, twice. No wonder she still did not trust faith that easily again.
Her lover stirred in his sleep obviously sensing her sour mood. The label rang again in her head mockingly.
When Robin cleared his throat and drew in a deep breath pushing his nose into her hair she knew he was awake. "You know, it is like I can hear your mind working." His voice was rough from sleep and she would have dwelt in how sexy it sounded if it weren't for her musings. He pulled at her shoulder so that she turned around to face him revealing him her fears that he was able to detect in her eyes. "Regina, I wish I could convince you that everything will work out."
She swallowed the lump of anxiety in her throat. "Remember when you told me that I deserve a second chance and that I just needed to open my eyes to see it? It was shortly after we met -."
"Back in the Enchanted Forest." A loving smile bloomed on his face. "I know. You were dressed in this majestic attire, black leather pants, jewels and silver all over your collar and corset."
"I see you remember it quite well." She smiled softly. The memory was engraved in his heart as it was in hers.
"How could I have forgotten our first meeting? You were hurting from your loss and because you planned to use the Sleeping Curse on yourself you opened up to me and let me see the vulnerable, kindhearted and beautiful woman behind the facade of the Queen, a mystery in itself."
Her love for him rose in her heart nearly bursting her chest as she remembered the start of their acquaintance. He was right, if she had known that she would not go to sleep for a long time, she would never have shown him a more private side. After this incident she had tried to push him away, sending him signals, being rude and insulting him but he stayed and made it more and more difficult for her not to appreciate his courage to face her with his own wit and will. These times seemed so far away as if they occurred in another life. Well, some way they did. Their second first meeting was much more friendly.
Unconsciously Regina brushed his sandy blond strains with her fingers. "So you do remember what you told me?"
"I do." His smile faded slowly away knowing she was getting serious.
She swallowed, pushing away her anxiety because she knew she could tell him everything. "You told me I could have a second chance and that I had to open my eyes to see it. Back then I didn't knew it was right in front of me. Somehow you gave me the courage to believe that I could be happy. When I remembered our past your words reassured me."
He nodded signaling her to go on.
She sighed. "But then this second chance was taken away from me. Just like that."
A tone that resembled a wince came out of his throat and he shook his head. "Regina –"
"Wait. I need you to let me finish." Regina's eyes searched his face that was scrunched in a frown. How often had she looked into his face strained with pain? "I know that I should be happy now and that the fact that we could not stay from each other, that nothing can hold us apart whatever the costs should be enough to show me that I still have this second chance with you. I know this and I know that whatever fate might throw at us we will somehow find a way to be together. I just cannot shake off this fear."
"What fear?" His voice was a whisper on the edge of uncertainty. Oh, how she wished her fears would not affect him.
Taking a deep breath she steadied her voice. "Sometimes I fear that everything will crumble apart."
"Regina," he began and shifted his body leaning on his elbow to look at her, "Every time my eyes find yours I take a picture in my mind. Like those photographs you showed me. When I look at you I cannot help but picture what your life will lead to."
She raised an eyebrow in confusion. "How do you picture my life?"
"I picture our future." When he looked into her eyes and leaned in for a sweet kiss she tried to picture their future. What a wonderful future it could be. Two boys, her belly growing with a child on the way. Kisses at sundown and sleepy hugs in the morning. Unambiguous glances over dinner with the Uncharmings and ambiguous glances on the sofa watching some unimportant show on TV. Arguments on who takes the children to school and making up in the twilight of the moon after the children were brought to bed.
They had hurt each other so many times. They had suffered a long time to finally be together.
The fog of fear lifted. With every of his touches and kisses, with his whispers of love and passion. Every doubt was washed away slowly as wave after wave of pleasure hit her. His undying hope and certainty were enough for both them at the moment. She felt everything and nothing at the peak of her utter bliss when they made love. Only he was able to make her feel so lightheaded, loosing the capability to think making her a bundle of pure emotion.
Yet, even after this affectionate morning the looming fears in the back of her head would still come to life every now and then. She restlessly waited for some kind of confirmation, a reassurance. Although she did not know how it would look like.
To celebrate Henry's fourteenth birthday Regina invited the whole town to a barbecue in her backyard. After a little convincing of Robin and encouraging and nagging words of Emma about how happy Henry would be to celebrate with everyone he loves and respects and that he would be proud if he knew that his mother accepted a life with all those 'idiots' in town.
Late summer brought up a cool breeze and shorter days. Regina stepped outside returning with another plate of hamburgers, steaks and sausages. The afternoon sun dazzled her sight as she let her gaze wander over all those people in her backyard. Tomorrow she would curse those people ruining her freshly trimmed lawn. Today she would slightly smile with them, share stories with witty remarks and raise an eyebrow at their jokes to still hold face. After all she had a reputation to maintain. She saw Grumpy hitting Charming's back as he roared with laughter at one of his stupid and not really funny jokes. The old hag Granny and Doc were vividly discussing the consistency of the hamburgers. Jefferson showed his daughter how to pinpoint the right moment of a steak being medium at the grill. Regina spotted in the shadows of her apple tree the She-Wolf flirting with Whale Frankenstein. And at the benches the Merry Men sat with some dwarfs and Captain Hook who did not listen to them but was eyeing Emma in a way he might believe was secretly. Emma however did not notice the craving looks of her boyfriend but listened attentively one of Little John's story's who spoke while he tore with his teeth a chunk of his burger. Regina really hated the clear absence of his manners while she always tried to stay calm for Robin's sake reducing her sharp comments to a minimum.
Oh, the irony. Who would have thought that the Evil Queen will once cater an amicable barbecue for everyone she once despised. Not that she liked everyone. The dwarfs were still getting on her nerves and she felt anger rise every time she just spotted one of them. Still after all these years she felt like she did not have to be on the other side of the happy crowd.
Her eyes searched for her hopefully soon husband to be (if he finally got her hints) and her son(s). Her heart clenched almost painfully at the sight of Robin standing behind Henry guiding his hands to arch the bow with enough power to unleash the arrow while Roland hopped next to Henry sheering for his role model whom he thought to be his big brother. Regina's gaze drifted to their target spotting the assaulted maple which must have been their aim for a while now. The deep scorches told her that this was not the first arrow her tree had to endure. When Henry released the arrow, it hit the tree in its center making it obvious it was Henry who hit the tree a few times. Pride swelled in her chest. Robin rubbed Henry's hair while Roland jumped up and down. Tomorrow she would give them a lecture about how they aren't supposed to ruin her trees. Tomorrow. For today she was happy that they did.
"Don't just grin. Go over to them."
She snapped out of her thoughts finding Mary Margret to smile in amazement at her. Regina swallowed her complicated feelings for this woman who surprisingly forgave her after all her evil deeds. Nowadays it was easier to remember the times she loved Snow White like a little and slightly annoying sister rather than seeing her as her nemesis and archenemy whom she vowed to destroy no matter the costs. It was hard not to let her appreciation and astonishment show although she knew Mary Margret knew. Regina raised a questioning eyebrow at her grinning stepdaughter.
Mary Margret snapped the plate out of Regina's hands and nudged an elbow into her side. "I take care of this. You should go to your family and celebrate."
Regina swallowed and nodded with a thankful smile gracing her lips. She turned to her sons and Robin and breathed a "Thank you" over her shoulder towards Mary Margret before she joined them.
Henry turned around when he noticed her approaching and flashed her a full and toothy grin. "Mom, did you see that?"
For a moment she thought he was growing to fast when she reached out to hold his chin like she did since he reached her knees. Now he was higher than her. Her love for her son made her wish to capture this moment, to relive it in eternity. "I did and I couldn't be more proud."
She grinned welcoming him in her arms as he reached out for her.
"Just promise me you don't turn into an outlaw." Embracing her son she cast a playful look at Robin who grinned wickedly at her. That look always did things to her. Little flames of desire ignited in her belly.
Roland who also wanted some attention pulled at her black trousers. He chirped, "But Regina I want to be an outlaw. Like papa."
Letting Henry go she chuckled and bent down to Roland's level to face his upset expression. Like she used to do with Henry she held his chin so his eyes would not leave hers. To hell, that he was not her child to raise and teach. They had shared so many intimate moments she had a right to be motherly affected by this cute boy. "Only if you do it for the right course like your father."
She turned to smile at Robin and was left breathless because of his look of irreversible love.
They stared a moment at each other until they were interrupted by a smirking Tinkerbell who dragged Will Scarlett behind her. "Stop flirting."
Robin sheepishly grinned and Regina felt some heat rise in her cheeks. Being embarrassed about being embarrassed she could not help but throw a bitter remark at her friend. A word that still felt awkward. "I am not the one dragging a man behind me."
By now it seemed Tinkerbell was used to the verbal blows of Regina for her friend ignored her bitter remark . "We want to take a picture of the birthday boy and his family."
A snort left the mouth of the dark haired man beside her. "Who is we? And why did I have to come along?"
His thick accent always made Regina wonder if he was easier to understand when he was sober or drunk but then again she never knew in which state he was. Hearing Tinkerbell say, "Because you know how to handle these things," and watching her point to the camera hung around his neck, Regina thought her accent to be interesting, too. If he would not still be searching for his true love Anastasia, they would make a cute couple.
Was that her thought? She was turning into her stepdaughter. Since childhood she feared becoming like her mother but now becoming like Snow White cheering for a couple was terrifying. Maybe it were the hormones.
After Tinkerbell and Will finished bickering, Regina lined up with Robin and their sons in the middle. They were all smiling into the camera and when Tinkerbell smacked Will against the back of his head for attempting to leave after one photograph, the four burst out laughing.
A few shoots later they looked at the Polaroids taken skimming through them. Every photo was great but one she decided at the first glimpse on it, was her favorite.
A family portrait picturing her favorite three men and her grinning into the camera. The picture was a promise of a family that they probably never would be. What the picture did not tell that it depicted a mother with her adoptive son who traveled between his mothers, a woman in love with a man who left her twice - once for his wife an once because of fate. There was a father who had to share his child with his now ex-wife all because of the very woman he had left before. And the picture did not not tell that the small grinning child had to cope with the knowledge it couldn't have his papa around all the time. This was what the picture didn't tell. But it was a picture of a happy and completed family. It did not tell their stories but it showed what they felt themselves to be.
Regina looked at Robin. The tattoo didn't matter neither did that they were destined to be together. What counted was this moment. No matter what life may throw at them. They were happy now and will always find a way to be together.
The click, the moment everything in life falls into place, cannot be planed. It just happens. No one can grasp it, can reproduce it and one certainly cannot chase it. But when it happens to you it is the most amazing experience that you have waited for your whole life but did not know you wanted it nor knew needed it.
A/N: The idea for this story was inspired by a beautiful YouTube Video by ReginaMills23 named "Loving Can Hurt". Check it out.