2014.10.18

Oh what's this? Returned from the dead? Yes I have! I missed you internet! *glomps all devices used for reading fanfic* Here~! Have some sexy! *throws confetti with tiny swirly marimos dawn on them* (it's exaggerated sexy but hey.., why the fuck not?)

D&W: I do not own One Piece. If I did, Bonney's DF ability would be to manipulate the "time" of a living being and not just age alone like Ain. Ain's a hoe. Rated M for sexy. And it's beta'd! *fanfare*Thank you EiC Sinn for being such a good sport.

Rough calloused fingers slicked with gel rubbed at the hole, prodding gently as they lubricated the flesh. Beneath those fingers, a small moan was heard. Quipped by the reaction, a thumb pressed slightly harder against it, bringing out a low sigh that was cut short when a teasing nail trailed along the outer ring and caused the breath to hitch. Fingers moved in soothing circles before trailing higher up to a more sensitive spot, a loving caress compared to what was next to come, the form beneath them flinching away from the touch.

"Ticklish?" A low voice chuckled deeply at the slightly red flush across the other's nose.

"Shut up, Marimo. You're enjoying this too much." The man grumbled, kicking his lover in the shoulder with his heel. "Just hurry it up and get it over with."

"Anxious, are we?" He smiled before returning his attention back to preparation.

Once satisfied with his work, Zoro pulled away from the now shiny pink orifice, only to return with an object in hand. He procured more lubricant and smothered it up and down the length, rolling it in his hands, warming the cool shaft between his palms before repositioning himself by Sanji's side once more. Zoro inserted the round tip into the opening, slowly working it in as he did his best to coat the inside.

Sanji shivered slightly when the tool twisted, the tender nerves tingling as the rod slid in and out, working him open. He felt himself loosen up more and carefully settled into the stacked pillows beneath him as not to jostle or disrupt the other man's actions.

Zoro eased the small yet long tool in deeper - already halfway in, the flesh now a bright red around it - and added a few more drops of lube onto the shaft. He pushed in deeper, reveling in the way the blonde's cheeks darkened as a low moan escaped his lips and clenched his fists. He let out a curse when Sanji's bare legs twitched beside him, they rose and bent, his knees rubbing together.

Zoro pressed their mouths together, lips parting instantly to give way for tongue. He lapped away as Sanji bit and suckled at his muscle hot and needy, their tongue rings clacking in their own little oral sword fight. Using only his thumb to press in the rod deeper, his other fingers continuously massaged the entrance gently, keeping the flesh from tearing. One of Sanji's hands grabbed onto his thigh, squeezing as it trailed up and down the limb, nails lightly scratching at the fabric of his pants.

"Zoro…" Sanji's breath hitched, his body trembling as he sunk deeper into the sheets.

Humming, Zoro pulled back and inspected his handy work closely before turning his face up to meet Sanji's. Their lips brushing together as he whispered against them.

"It's ready."

Sanji laughed as he claimed those lips, wrapping his arms around the larger man's neck and pulled him down on top of him and between his legs.

"Do it." he demanded, fingers carding through thick green hair, indulging in the feeling of how the locks slipped through his grasp, silently thanking the big oaf for "forgetting" to get a trim.

"I would if you'd quit licking at my cavities." His grumping attitude coming out just as clearly as his words, even with the cook's tongue thrusting itself deeper before he abruptly withdrew.

"You have cavities?" The blonde looked at him accusingly.'If that idiot were going out and binging on gas station garbage with Luffy again without my knowledge, I'll-'

"No! Wha- Idiot, it was jus- I don't have cavities!" Zoro sternly stated, cursing the other's over protectiveness for stupid shit, and cutting off the stupid cook's mental plot of torture. Reaching over to grab the grease, and a small square package from the desk, he grouched back at the blonde. "Shit, shit cook. What are you? My mother?"

"Oi, watch it asshole." Sanji reprimanded. "I'd be ashamed to call an uncouth neanderthal like you my son... Do I even look like a lady to you?" He added moodily, daring the bastard to answer with a dark glare.

"Hairiest broad I've ever seen." Zoro snickered as he pointed out Sanji's chin, his shirt having ridden up during their antics and exposed legs, one of which he had to duck under as it flew over his head.

"Besides," The greenette leaned down until he was fully flushed against Sanji's body, keeping those dangerous legs pinned as fingers prodding gently at the tool that twitched with Sanji's heartbeat. "I'd rather have you as my wife."

Teeth clacked with teeth, suddenly tongues fighting while hands scrambled at flesh and bottles as Zoro hastily ripped open the sachet and unclothed the reason they were even here sprawled out on the bed preparing the foul mouth chef. It was thick and gleamed in the lamplight, but not as long as the tapered instrument. Sanji threw the jelly at him, just missing the slowpoke's face, and hooked his legs around his waist pulling him closer.

"I swear" The cook growled, sucking and biting at anything and everything he could get his lips on, gritting out his words between kisses. "If that… was your version... of a shitty ass-ah!"

Zoro cut him off with a harsh bite to the lip, blindly flicking open the cap of the bottle. "Shut up, Cook."

One firm squeeze and rub down - making sure the underside and ridge around the tip were nicely coated - later, Zoro shifted closer and lined up. With one final twist of the utensil that made the other gasp, he pulled it out before swiftly switching hands and pushed in.

Sanji's jaw dropped.

'This fuck. This ass. This lying idiot!'

Sanji was nowhere near stretched enough for that. The fat tip was slowly forced in, tearing the ring of muscle open. He could practically hear the flesh breaking. Panting heavily, he latched onto Zoro's ribs. Zoro watched in awe as Sanji's slack jaw open wider as he pushed in deeper. He bent down, tongue darting out and licked at the back of Sanji's upper teeth, reassuring the blonde all was right and he was doing fine. Which was bullshit, in Sanji's honest opinion. It fucking hurt as hell, but somewhere from his mildly masochistic side, he pulled his lover down, forcing it in more as he deepened the kiss.

Zoro, who had been tenderly circling his thumb around the hole all the while, gave one last push.

POP.

He looked up and grinned.

"And… it's in!"

Zoro sat back on his heels and picked up the baggy he had previously discarded and pulled out a little black rubber stopper before slipping it onto the back of the plug, smoothing it snugly into the groove.

Sanji eagerly shot up to grab a mirror from the nightstand and inspected his new accessory. The aquamarine birthstone shined brightly, reflecting light into his eyes. It was set into a brilliant gold button, glowing equally bright as the gem inlaid into it. His ear may have also been just as glistening - and maybe a bit swollen - but he overlooked that minor detail, appreciating the beautiful jewel embedded into his flesh.

"See~? Told you it'd look hot. Definitely worth the wait."

"I don't see~ how when you're just going to go bigger next week."

"I don't do it that often." Sanji wrinkled his nose then hummed to himself, silently inspecting the zero gauge plug. "Iuno. I think I'm happy with this gauge."

"Good. Then you'll stop using my earrings as tapers." The broader man huffed, picking up the oily gold bar he had just used on his boyfriend. He grimaced at how much of the jelly got clogged inside the bead tip where it would hang from his gold hoop. That was going to be a pain to clean out later.

"What?!" The chef barked out defensively. "You really want me to buy something I'm only going to use once? And I don't care if they're cheap. I don't need it."

"Says the guy who spent three months and half a fortune on the 2 carat diamond earrings?"

"Shut up!" It wasn't his fault he wanted the plugs. They were beautiful and the light blue of the stones made his own blue eyes darken and pop. Who was he to refuse? Sanji wasn't intending to turn violent, he was just going to ignore the idiot, but a comment about someone acting all dainty and lavish like someone else's mother pushed him over the edge and he lashed out at the muscle-brained asshole.

"Okay okay okay OKAY! STOP!" Zoro blocked and dodged a flurry of kicks and heel drops, tightly grabbing onto the blonde's ankle and turning him away making him limp and hobble until he was sitting back on the bed brooding in his own red-faced rage. "Okay. Now the other."

~sSs~

The process repeated itself - maybe less handsy, and a little more mouthy - and within a short minute Sanji had himself a set of new, shiny, golden jewels in his ears ready to just sit there and heal so the blonde can be the flashy bastard he was. Happy as can be, the curly cook twirled around to find the marimo finish cleaning his earring, slipping it back on the gold hoop and back into his own ear, and wiping off his hands before he straightened up.

'Oh, no he's not.' Sanji thought. He pounced on Zoro's back before he could turn towards the door, knocking them onto the bed and straddled him, leaning down to purr into his ear, lips brushing against the three gold earrings hanging there. "And where do you think you're going~?"

Zoro let out an doltish 'uhhh' and turned awkwardly onto his side.

"We're not done here yet, Marimo."

"We're not?"

"Nope." Sanji kneed off of him and dug through their bedside drawer. "There's one more hole around here that needs a good stretching." He rolled the word on his tongue sensuously, his lips curling into a wicked smile, and bent down to lick at Zoro's chin.

Zoro raised a scarred eyebrow, and grinned as the cook pulled out the interestingly designed blue and green swirled dildo they had bought from a dreadhead hippie (Birthie? Cracky? Hatchie or summin or other) at that one musicfest their friends had forced them to go to. It had a bulbous tip with tiny little tickles decorating the underside of the head, ribs and ridges swirling which way and what around the shaft.

Sanji held it in his hand and leaned back into the pillows, rolling his shoulders and arching his back in a way he knew that caused his shirt to ride up and would spark Zoro's interest to new heights.

"Is that so?" Zoro crawled his way towards the other, thumbs hooking through the belt loops of Sanji's shorts as his fingers pushed up his shirt and licked up the trail of hair from waistband to navel, his tongue diving into the orifice in worship. "Yeah? And whose might that be?"

Sanji shivered at the attention, his hands moving to his zipper as Zoro helped him ease them down, boxers and all. Zoro's shirt was thrown across the room next. Sanji got to work on his jeans, slipping a hand in to teasingly palm Zoro's heavy arousal. Zoro shifted onto his knees as he suckled lovingly at Sanji's collarbone, intent on leaving a nice dark bruise in its place, to give him more room to work in as his jeans inched down lower on his hips.

Pants, shirts and even socks flew all around the room, and when Sanji finally had him naked, he flipped Zoro onto his back and stared down at his body. Golden skin glowed contrastingly against Sanji's own, pale and freckle stained. He traced his fingers along all the little nicks and scars that littered the nearly flawless flesh. Zoro, being the flashy idiot he was, always thought he was a great enough athlete to never fail yet somehow gained a new trophy for every time he tripped off his skateboard or something stupid. Sanji bit back a snicker as he reached the long scar on Zoro's left pec from when he tried parkour for the first time. Idiot fell right onto a brick ledge after the first leap.

He trailed his eyes up to the other's face, examining the little details there, passing over Zoro's chocolate brown eyes and stopping at the scar across his left brow. Three times the moss face had pierced it. Three times it had rejected. Three times too many that Zoro had just given up on it entirely, claiming he wasn't too upset with the ugly jagged scar that cut through the line of hair. He probably thought it made him look like a badass when really it just looked idiotic. Sanji placed a kiss over the charming detail of his lover's face, hands roaming down as he peppered more kisses across his cheeks. He claimed those slightly chapped yet soft lips once more, nuzzling his nose against Zoro's as his mouth brushed against the larger man's nostril as he spoke.

"Yours."

The following contains a long ass Author's Note which is just basically me trolling and venting on the interwebs. Do not proceed. But if yer into that shit then by all means. Read on.

Hi, guys! I was offline for weeks, like, over two months and got over 400 FF.N updates (it's now down to and steadily staying around the 111 mark \(*o*)/ woohoo) in my email and have no idea what's going on on Tumblr. I did read a few chapters here and there during my absence. Mister Beta-Boyfriend bought me One Piece Ultimate World Red and I just did my damnedest to finish it within the day, which I did. All that's left is beating all the quests, getting all the strong words and winning all the trophies. I'm around 80% now ^_^. I have taken lotsa screenshots of my favorite parts and will do a photoset compilation on Tumblr. Maybe later this month or early November so watch out for that. Then I went flying and played awesome Auntie Mama. I swear my nieces are the fucking best. They, along with TFR's many mpreg fics, make me want to get my life in order and start a family of my own.

Fuck that. Fanfic.

I had a bunch of anime and manga stored on my tab to tide me over for the long 10 hour flights but I just ended up watching Asian movies. Have you ever heard of the Japanese film Snow White Murder Case? Watch that shit. How about Barbie? It's Korean and kinda sad. Cinderella Moon was another good one, it's Chinese. I like non-English films. Subtitles. Love that shit. (funny how all those movies sound like shit from our childhood XD)

So the inspiration behind this baby: I bought a new plug late Aug. I'd been waiting for the guy I get all my bod-mod jewelry from to get silver diamond plugs but apparently their supplier doesn't have any so after a year I just got the black one. They didn't have my size either so I went 1-Up and had to stretch to a size 2. Then this happened. Was going to post this the morning after but with all the prep for my trip I hadn't the time to write. When I did, I forgot to post before I left. WOW.

I home stretch (I think most who stretch do?) but I do mine the shitty, lazy way that started with 4 hoop earrings in one hole before I started using a "taper", which was really just a linear spike earring. Them neon plastic dangly things you can get at Claire's. I do pretty much exactly in the fic, just without the grease. I know that to put something big into a small hole you gotta prep it first (of course I know, do you realize how much gay porn I read?) but I always forget and just "do it raw". Sounds kinky, but it's not. So yeah, I improvised. ~Rednecking everything from cosplay to body modification~ *tap dances*. I actually just made pillowcases out of old t-shirts because I didn't want to buy new covers. You say up-cycle, I say redneck. Wanna know the true way of rednecking? Using a Barbie as a broom (true story, don't ask).

I also don't know where the parkour came from.., that was literally a last minute edit added right before posting.., prolly shouldn't have bothered but iuno..,

Well! Until next time! Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated. Take care everyone!

(This was meant to be posted 29 August)