He hates himself. At least right this very instant, he hates the fact that he is breathing alive.
As the doctors, orderlies and nurses who take Emma (his Swan) away to the ITU push him and her father (and that lovely, frosty new Arrivee Elsa) away from the Emergencies Only door, Killian winces, his gaze fixed on the trolley carrying the still unconscious body of the woman he gave everything up for.
With her at his side, he is whole.
But without her, he has nothing at all: No home, no desire to live… he is nobody.
He runs a hand through his hair and suddenly slams the hook through the wall, the angry, desperate gnarl stuck under his Adam's apple finally coming loose as he growls like the true-blooded pirate he is.
"You want them to call security on us?" David pulls him by the lapel.
Hook says nothing. He just heaves. As he pulls away from David's grasp, he paces back and forth until he settles down on a solitary-looking chair destined for those who have to sit and wait for news, any news.
This, in all his 300 plus years of living, has to be his most desperate hour.
David sighs, looking at the broken man before him. He was always a man of wits, this David Nolan; always the one to keep wraps and think with a cool head. Captain Hook, on the other hand, is emotional and passionate, and three hundred years seeking revenge for the death of a loved one is clear evidence of it. Nevertheless, he is also a man who spends a lot of time perfecting an appearance of nonchalance that could fool anyone.
David knew of Killian's infatuation. Actually, just abut everyone knew. But he had never thought he'd see the Pirate Captain, who was famous for always keeping a derisive facade, lose his cool.
He completely lost it this time.
Tonight, David witnessed the image of a desperate, ached man trying to carve through five feet of solid ice with a little hook, damn near crying, and that finally gave David the notion that perhaps his intentions with Emma were indeed, noble.
The prince swallows, nods to himself in acknowledgement of his own thoughts and paces to Killian, placing one arm on his shoulder.
"You did good today out there, Hook."
Hook huffs. "Not good enough."
"Listen…" David puts his hands on his hips. "We can't always control everything. If we learned anything from Elsa today, is that sometimes, even our best intentions can fail."
Hook rolls his eyes up to David and then to Elsa, who stands by a vending machine, afraid to approach the pirate, who looks like a wounded wolf… and has a sharp hook instead of a hand. He raises the corner of his lip, his gaze softens… and Elsa finally approaches, teary eyed.
"You have to believe me… I have no control over this!" She breaks down. "I… didn't want Emma to get hurt, I never want anyone to get hurt, I just… it just…"
"We're well aware of that, love." Hook huffs with a nod. "Tis not you I blame for this… tis me."
David frowns. The Hook of yore would have probably slashed her throat by now… but this man simply acknowledged her weakness as a flaw, something she was not entirely accountable for.
A changed man.
He sits beside the downtrodden pirate. "And how exactly is this your fault? Or anybody's, for that matter?"
Hook turns his head to David and his expression changes. All dourness is gone; all that remains are the eyes, the blue eyes of a guilty, shattered soul. "I should have made her stop."
David smiles and a gush of a giggle escapes through his nostrils. "And since when has anyone ever been able to stop Emma Swan?"
Killian holds David's stare and nods, looking to the floor. "Fair enough…"
The prince stares at Hook's profile, his eyes holding unshed tears; he is unsure why there are tears there at all: It could be out of fear of losing his daughter again, this time for good, or it could also be the fact that he is deeply touched that someone loves his Emma so deeply so as to feel the way Killian Jones feels right now.
He's a good man… Even if he is a pirate.
"So… you really still pay in doubloons?" He smirks.
Killian frowns and once again rolls his face to David. "Wha…. Come again?"
"You said earlier tonight that you still pay for stuff with doubloons." He shrugged. "I guess it's not the regular currency of Storybrooke, so… how do you…. Live?"
Killian studies David's face and a sudden, soft cackle cracks through the sadness. "You seriously are thinking about this… right now?"
David shrugs. "I'm curious."
Hook grunts and sits up with an amused side-sneer. "Well, it would appear our regular Storybrooke residents are well aware of the origins of everyone in this blasted vicinity; They never seem to debate me whenever I place a couple of large gold coins in exchange for thier goods."
David nods again. "Ever… thought of buying new clothes with those doubloons?"
Killian chuckles. "Aye. But none of this realms garbs seem to live up to my expectations of what a devilishly handsome pirate should look like, to be perfectly honest."
That brings an honest laugh out of David. Killian only raises a weary eyebrow, as if trying to figure out what could possibly make these Charmings so sickeningly positive in such dire situations.
"Tell you what…" David simmers down. "As soon as Emma recovers and she's stable and we can all take a deep breath, I can… you know… help you out with that."
Killian smiles a mocking grin. "So I can wind up looking like you, mate? Thanks but no thanks."
"No, I mean… " he shrugs. "You can grab some of those obsolete coins of yours, take them to the shop and you can pick your own duds." David looks into his eyes. "You're obviously the Rebel Without a Cause type, so I know where to look."
Killian squints. "I may be a rebel, but I've plenty a cause."
David laughs again. "It's an expression, it's … erhm…" He shakes his head and pats Killian's shoulder. "You'll catch on."
The Captain stares at David. "Why are you doing this?" He shrugs. "This whole… being kind to me, thing?"
David looks at his hands as they sit clamped before him, his elbows on his knees. "We had a conversation earlier today…"
"Aye... A rather awkward one, from what I recollect…"
"Let's just say…" David grinns. "I didn't see it at that moment; not till later." Killian stares at David expectantly, as the Prince gathers his thoughts before continuing. "I know your type, Hook. You're the kind who will go to any length to not show fear or worry. You feel vulnerable if you do. But today… all that went to hell in a hand basket." He shifts his eyes to Hook's and presses his lips together. "You were willing to spend whatever time necessary to carve through the ice to get to her, buddy. You looked… well, desperate. As desperate as I felt. Now… you and I, we may not have too many things in common, but we share one common interest, and it's a pretty big one: We both love Emma, me as a father, and you… well, let's just say it's fairly obvious by now that you will do anything for her." He smiles, actually smiles, at the pirate. "And for that, I couldn't be more grateful. You've gone to hell and back for her and it's clear to me that you will continue to do so, no matter what anyone says. So…" He holds his hand out, offering to shake Killian's. "I'm offering you not only the freedom to court her according to what the two of you want… but also my friendship… If you're interested."
Killian's eyes go from the prince's hand to his eyes and back. He fears that any second, all this will evaporate, especially if Emma doesn't make it (he immediately shakes that horrid notion from his mind). Nonetheless, he feels something inside of him, something oddly but distantly familiar, warm up within the confines of his heart: he remembers Liam. His brother.
He hasn't had one of those ina very, very long time.
And maybe it's a damn sight better to think of David as a friend instead of… possible father-in-law?
With this in mind, Killian grins softly and shakes the hand of the prince. "Aye, mate. I'm interested."
"Good." David smiles.
Elsa grins from her standing spot. She has no idea what to say or think before Killian stands up and offers her a seat. That's what a gentleman always does; it's basic good form. Besides, she's a queen.
Even pirates know what a Queen should be treated like.
When Whale informs them that Emma will be fine, it's a whole hour later.
Both men and a worried Elsa rush to her side, and find her still attached to many a lifeline… but she's smiling. She grins when her father places a hand on her shoulder. She gives a compassionate hand to the guilt-ridden young woman who has now become a likely new friend… and she looks with sad eyes at the man who stands at the foot of her bed, desperate to hold her and kiss her senseless.
David picks up on their gaze, their yearning, lovesick gaze, and he signals Elsa to leave the room with him, and give these new lovebirds a chance. As soon as they're gone, he paces to her side, and caresses her hair with an open hand before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead.
He's contained.
She knows him too well.
She simply reaches out weakly and grabs his hand, entwining her fingers with his.
She is still so cold…
Killian looks down at their clasped hands with a soft gasp, and when his eyes meet hers again, both of them have tears. Hers are sliding down her silken cheeks… his… have only just begun their course. He grins through them. "You'll be the death of me, my love…" He sniffs as he pulls her hand to his lips, kissing it fervently, repeatedly…
And crying had never felt as good as it did now, with her hand in his.
She says nothing. She's still weak.
But she's not letting go.
Neither is he.