Along the Way
by: RAYaikawa
Royai / One Shot
Another sunrise, another morning and another day for work. Geez. More inspections, more meetings and more paperwork. Yeah. This day cannot possibly be better.
I stood up my little creaky bed and did my daily morning routines. I took a bath, readied myself, ate. And while eating, it just dawned on me that I have been doing these things every day. We wake up, eat, go to work, eat, go home then sleep and another cycle starts tomorrow. Sometimes, I wonder, why we never notice these things until we're a lot older. Probably it's because it's a habit. But how come even if we're tired, we still keep on going? It's not because of sloth that I'm asking this. No. It's just that we never get to escape our own murky waters of habit to the point that we never see the sun anymore. I'm just curious. Oh well. Just a little realization there.
I hate having to be so robotic.
After eating, I headed straight to my car and drove to work. Look at all those people. Looking bored huh. Perhaps they're also tired of being themselves every day. It's just so boring, having to do this without even knowing the rationale behind it. Before, I questioned Hughes about this. I asked him: Why are we working so hard Hughes? Why are we doing all of this?
"Isn't it obvious already Roy. You entered the academy, became an alchemist and got promoted several times. How can you not know your own fuel?" Maes replied. "Keep your heart and eyes wide open, Roy. You'll need it."
Meaning apparently is what I'm missing here in the picture. I don't know why I'm even doing this. Why am I bothered? Do I need meaning? Why are we looking for it? It's like writing without a pen. You're simply missing the point.
Ahh, I just don't get Hughes at all. After that little conversation, I just got more puzzled.
As I walked towards my office, I met Fury along the way.
"Good Morning Sir." He greeted.
"Good Morning." I said as we entered the office.
Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was already inside. Working and being her stoic self.
"Good Morning Sir. Good Morning Private Fury." She saluted formally.
Fury and I said our salutations and went to our usual desks. I stared at my desk for some time and eventually my eyes travelled to the face of my Lieutenant. Her straight, unwavering seriousness bothers me. For some reason, she never seems to show any signs of being human. Almost perfect. Almost but not entirely. Perfect soldier yeah, sure. She has the proper skills to pin you down, the intelligence for investigations, the demeanour and stature for an officer and a good sense of reasoning all at the same time. She's also a pretty face. She is a smart woman with just the right blend of style and formality. A clever and a diligent person. Yes a perfect robot. The type of person that operates on something unknown. Batteries? Remotes? Why is she so motivated? I don't really know but it always bothers me.
Is this all that Hawkeye is?
Let's see, I've known her way back since I was just an apprentice of her father. She's really quiet but she can also be cheerful. She's a caring girl to her father and friends not to mention she is naturally very hard working. But there's something about her that I can't seem to see right. I have a weird feeling about this. And I better discover it soon too.
"Sir?" A voice called. Oh, it's Hawkeye.
"Mm, yeah?" I answered. I must've daydreamt for a long time.
"Are you all right?" She asked. "Do you want to rest first?"
"Ah, no, I'm perfectly fine. See? I'm going back to work already..." I replied.
"Okay. Please don't doze off or avoid your paperwork." She reprimanded.
See what I mean? She was caring at some point then she's suddenly strict! I don't get it at all. I don't get her. I don't get myself. I don't get everything! In the first place why am I worrying about her? Why do I even mind her so much? I mean look at the discrepancy in her actions and words.
Who are you, Riza Hawkeye?
So after being so bothered, even until now, I was able to finish these papers right before the deadline. Now that is the secret talent of Roy Mustang. Cramming. Finally it's lunch! Now's my time.
"Hey Lieutenant." I called.
"Yes sir?"
"It's lunch time already, let's go eat." I invited. Please accept Hawkeye!
"Thank you for the invite. Just a second sir."
Surprisingly, she accepted and we went to the cafeteria.
"It's been a while since our last lunch together, Lieutenant." I said. "I wonder if it's because of work." I cracked a little laugh hoping to make a very sarcastic joke.
"Indeed but I don't think it's because of work. Probably it's because we just didn't think about going together." She replied without any sense of humour. Oh, Hawkeye, why are you so serious?
After that round of talk I cleared my throat. I tried my best to sound sincere too.
"Hey Lieutenant, I don't mean to turn our little lunch break to such a serious talk but may I ask you something a bit personal?" I started.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Lieutenant, why did you become a soldier?" I asked very carefully.
She stared at me for a good number of seconds. I got really nervous. Scared. Several 'what-ifs' entered my mind as I waited for an answer.
"A-ah, you see, I'm having problems with a- er- um... ah, you see..." I tried reasoning to her but my mind went black because of her silent look.
"Problems?" She finally muttered out.
"Y-you know, just midlife crisis perhaps?" I chuckled. This is not going to be good, I swear.
"Are you getting tired already, sir?" She asked again with a sour face as she looked down on the floor. This is not the reaction I need!
"Well, i-it's not like-" I continued to stutter. Ah, I am such a failure!
"Sir, the reason I became a soldier is because I want to change this country to a place where people can be happy. I want to be one of those people who will bring peace to this country..." She paused and once again looked down. "But most importantly, I want to believe in your dreams for this country, Colonel Mustang." She ended.
I was struck. I had forgotten the promise we had made before.
"We're working for this country, Sir. Have you forgotten?" She asked as she stood up to leave.
It took several moments before had realized what I just did and what I have been doing.
Living like I had no goal.
It must've hurt Hawkeye a lot. The fact that I had forgotten my fuel, my dream is just stupidity on my part. How can I, of all people? Now I understand. Now I see it all clearly what Hughes meant before was that I know my path. I know my goal it's just that it lost its spark. It's like you've been walking down this road practically all your life to the point that you can close your eyes and still know the way. In that respect, in my closing my eyes, things weren't as meaningful anymore. I had become like those who do things without enthusiasm. It's not like I forced myself to this. It's something I love! But since I was blinded, I neglected the things that passed by the road I am taking. I missed all the new things to treasure and learn.
Now, I know.
After the long reflection I had I went back to my office feeling new and refreshed. I said good afternoon to everyone. My, they seem surprised. I wonder if I really looked like a zombie these past few days.
When everyone had left the office besides me and Lieutenant, I began a quick conversation regarding what happened during the lunch break.
"Hey Lieutenant." I said.
"Yes, Colonel?"
"I'm sorry for the things I said a while ago. I guess I just had to be reminded." I apologized with a small smile.
She smiled. Her very rare smile. "It's okay sir. Everyone needs to be reminded every now and then. Even I do." She replied.
"Thank you, Lieutenant." I smiled again with utmost sincerity.
"It's my pleasure sir. I'm just doing my job." She replied.
"Your job? Since when Lieutenant?" I asked jokingly.
"Ever since, Sir. Ever since." She smiled humbly.
I smiled back. These are the little things I guess I sort of missed when I closed my heart. Apparently it's something I'll forever regret but at least, I learned my lesson. And I think I'll always open my heart from now on. After all, I have discovered my meaning at last.
That meaning apparently is a stoic, scary, serious but caring woman. A woman that is not like any other. A lieutenant that is dedicated to her work and peers. A friend you can lean on and will care for you with all her heart. A person with a different pace compared to most women but definitely stops to walk along with you. Behind the seriousness is a caring person, that I am sure of. Even if most say she's just not womanly, I beg to differ. She may not wear miniskirts, flirt around or wear heavy cosmetics she is still a woman in my eyes and she's all I need. She is a woman that does not run on batteries nor remotes and even if she is the unusual type of woman, she is the only one who can satisfy me. More than being a prefect soldier, woman, friend, she is the perfect person to love.
Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.
I guess I'm not so robotic in the end. After all robots can't love right?
Thank you for reading. It's not the best because I have just recently survived my 2 year writer's block but please do tell me if you like it or not. I'll be very glad to read your reviews. Until the next fic. Bye! :)