A/N, this is my first fanfiction, my native language isn't English so please don't go to hard on the grammer. I really hope you guys like it, so have fun with reading.

(disclaimer) all characters are owned by valve and treyarch, not by me.

''Where the hell are we?.'' Dempsey asked.
''I don't know but since I'm almost out of vodka, we are a long time underway.'', Nikolai replied.
''You should really put down that bottle Nikki, vodka is dishonorable!'' Takeo said.
''Shut up you two!'' Richtofen snarled, ''I think I hear something.''

They froze a moment, listening to the forest they were lost in, their ears searching for the moaning of the undead or a screeching voice yelling ''there they are! Fetch me their souls!'' But they did not hear anything.

''Why doesn't a max ammo give vodka!'' Nikolai started to complain again ''I could use the bottle as a weapon, or maybe make a molotov out of it!''
''You can't make a molotov if you drank all the vodka.'' Said Takeo
''At least I can drink flopper without vomiting all over myself!'' Nikolai shouted''
shut up maggots, it is hard enough trying not to get eaten alive without you two arguing over everything, so shut up before I get REALY pissed off.'' Dempsey said.

And then they heard it, a very low voice from the other side of a hedgerow that sounded like it was eating something.

''Get down'' Richtofen whispered, und try not to make any noises.''

they crawled to the hedgerow and peaked to the other side.

''I need me bottle 'o scrumpy'', the Demoman said, ''I am getting really thirsty.''
''again?'' The Medic said '' you already drunk three bottles! I'm not sure if I can heal a liver that far gone.''
''Okay men, listen up'' Soldier said ''I pronounce us now officially, lost.''
''OK, can I eat sandwich now?'' Heavy asked
''Ja, let's have a break.'' Medic said.

Demoman started to uncork a bottle with a shady liquid in it, Soldier sat down, and started to clean his rocket launcher while the medic lay down in the grass. Heavy put 'Sasha' carefully on a rock and grabbed a sandwich.
''Hmmm moist and delicious.'' he mumbled and started to eat, ''OM NOM NOM, OM NOM'' it sounded trough the forest.

''Zat looks like experiment number 475, but... Bigger...'' Richtofen stated.
''I'm more worried about the one lying down in the grass'' Dempsey said.
''Why?'' Richtofen asked.
''He looks like you.'' Dempsey replied.
''I hope you die Dempsey, I really really do.'' Richtofen said.

Takeo and Nikolai where guarding the other side of the hedge as Dempsey and Richtofen crawled underneath it to investigate the noise.

''Ze one with zat helmet looks as dumb as you.'' Richtofen teased.
''Ha ha real funny, doc, but one thing is for sure, they aren't zombies.'' Dempsey said.

''I have this funny feeling that we're being watched...'' Demoman said. ''Nah you've been just drinking too much.'' Soldier answered.
''Maybe he is right'' the Medic said.
''It is a bit to quiet...''
''Spy ?'' Heavy asked.
''No, we would've seen that backstabbing fancy suit wearing blu scumbag by now.'' said Demoman.

Then the sound of a bottle breaking was heard, they all looked towards the Demoman, but then they heard a voice coming out of the hedge:

''Nikolai, you dishonorable fool!''.
They all rose to their feet.
''come out now!'' Soldier yelled.

Out of the hedge came four men, one was wearing a green marine outfit, he had a thompson, the other was wearing a German officers suit and was carrying a very weird looking device with three light bulbs attached to its side, there was an Asian looking man, who had a katana in one hand and a pistol in the other, the last had a PPSH in one hand, and a vodka bottle in the other, he had wrapped a green scarf around his face. Right in front of them stood a huge bald man with a giant minigun in his hands, a man with a lab coat who raised a saw in the air, next to him stood a black man with an eye patch on his left eye, he was holding a big sword and he had a shield strapped to one if his arms. There was also a man wearing a red overcoat and a helmet that seemed just a little too big for his head, covering half his eyes, a rocket launcher rested on his shoulder.

They all pointed their weapons at each other, for a moment no one spoke a word.

Then the man with the weird looking gun said, ''Und who ze hell are you?''
The big bald man spoke: ''I am heavy weapons guy, and this is my weapon, you?''

They all lowered their weapons a bit, still at the ready but a little less threatening.

''I am doctor Edward Richtofen, und zis is Takeo, und zis is Nikolai.'' he said ''oh yeah und Dempsey...''
''I am the Demoman.'' Demoman said.
''I am ze medic und zis is Soldier.'' The medic said.
'And those are your actual names?'' Dempsey asked
''we'll explain that later, first we want to know which team you are on'' said Soldier.
''Team?'' Nikolai asked.
''yes, blu or red?''
''Eh... Does red army count?''