Lori's memory had been haunting Rick since the night she died while bringing their daughter into the world. Everywhere he went he saw her ghost. For a month he barely interacted with the group; instead choosing to spend his time in the tombs, the boiler room to be exact, with his memories. Three weeks into his self-exile Hershel came to him down in the tombs.
"Son, I know you're grieving. I know you aren't at your best mentally. Beth needs you. She won't say a word but we all know the toll it's taking on her to care for your daughter on her own. We all try to help but we can only do so much. I need you to step up." Hershel's voice was kind and firm. It was the prod Rick needed to see the light to bring him back from the brink of madness. That night his dreams began to change.
Rick walked into the make shift kitchen area and stopped in his tracks. Standing at the sink is Lori, wearing blue jeans and an army green tank top, washing dishes. She looked up when he entered the room and gave him a soft smile. He heard someone call his name and he turned around to see who. He didn't see anyone so he turned back to his wife, except, it's no longer Lori standing there, but Beth holding his infant daughter in her arms.
He had the same dream every night for a week. The following week the dream changed again. This time it's only Beth and his daughter he sees and Beth always smiles at him. By the third week the dream includes Carl, standing there with Beth and the baby.
Day by day Rick began to spend more time with his daughter and Beth, reinserting himself in to the group.
Every day he began to notice things about Beth that he chided himself for seeing, like the way her ass looked in her sleeping shorts and how beautiful she looked holding his daughter, or how blue her eyes are and the way they light up when she's happy about something. He told himself that it's wrong and she's to young for him to think about, to want. He felt guilty, too.
Months went by and he spent more and more time with Beth. He found himself spending more time with her than just when she had his daughter, which granted, was most of the time. She had become the primary caregiver of her- a job she insisted wasn't a hardship but a joy.
On the nights he kept Judith with him he would often wake up to find Beth sitting near her make shift crib, half asleep. He didn't question it until the third night he woke up to find her there, half asleep on the floor. "Why ya down there?" He asked, running his hand over his face to erase the sleep from his eyes.
"Can't sleep when she isn't with me," She admitted sheepishly.
"C'mon, no need to sleep on the floor. Ya should have told me." He admonished, as he scooted so his back was against the wall and lifted the edge of the blanket up to invite her in. He didn't allow himself to think about what he was doing, he just did it. She studied him for a second before getting up and padding over. She laid down, back to him. They didn't talk again. Beth fell asleep moments after lying down. Rick fell back to sleep moments later, in the most restful sleep he's had in months.
He woke up with his arms wrapped around the blonde snuggled against him. He carefully disentangled himself, careful to not wake her, before going down to the common area. He tamped down the guilt he felt over having her wrapped in his arms moments before. He had to fight not to turn tail and run when Hershel came hobbling into the room. He forced himself to push the guilt aside and behave normally. He ate breakfast and discussed the daily problems they faced and getting to know the folks from Woodbury. He found his eyes drawn to Beth as she walked in, carrying his cranky daughter. He excused himself away from the discussion and walked over to them. Beth turned a light shade of pink when she realized he was coming over to her. He found it oddly endearing.
"She's cranky this morning." Beth explained, offering her to her father. He took her, bouncing her in his arms, cooing and talking to her. She calmed down almost immediately. "She just wanted her daddy," She smiled softly.
"I've got her for awhile. Go'n eat. I'll bring her to ya."
Rick had Judith again that night, and he hadn't seen Beth since lunch. He wanted to speak with her, make sure she was okay after last night, see if she wanted to keep Judith instead, so she would be able to sleep.
He couldn't find her, and it would be strange for him to ask too much about her, even under the guise of his daughter. He finally gave up and took Judith to his cell, tucking her into her make shift crib. Carl popped in long enough to say good night and Rick discreetly asked after Beth. "She's in her cell. I think she went to bed early."
Rick thanked his son and wished him a good night.
He lay in his bed, staring at the bunk above him for hours, listening to the sounds of Judith's breaths in the make shift crib and the creaks and groans of the prison. "Rick?" He almost didn't hear her whispering his name her voice was so quiet and hesitant. He turned his head to look at her. He felt like the breath got knocked out of him. Her hair caught the limited light making it look as if it's glowing. She was also wearing the sleeping shorts that hug her ass just right.
"Hmm?"
"I tried, but I couldn't sleep again. I'm sorry if I woke you." He lifted the covers and she didn't hesitate to close the distance and get under the blankets with him. It didn't escape Rick's notice that she laid just a little bit closer to him. He fought the urge to close the distance between them and wrap her in his arms. It's bad enough he invited her into his bed, even purely platonic so the young woman would be able to sleep. He promised himself he would keep his hands to himself and his dirty thoughts in check.
She came into his cell every night he had Judith. Beth waited until block was quiet to sneak from her cell into his. After the third time of doing so she didn't wait for him to offer to let her sleep in his bed, she gave him just enough time to acknowledge her presence before slipping between the sheets.
Rick knew. Knew he should offer to let her keep his daughter with her every night instead of allowing her into his bed. He didn't, though. He didn't want to give up his nights with his daughter and if he was being completely honest, he didn't want this to end. He enjoyed waking up with her snuggled close and his arms around her, even if it wasn't intentional that they ended up that way. So, he never brought it up.
The cop in him hated himself. The broken man he'd become wanted nothing but more.
One evening Carol offered to keep Judith, giving Rick a free night. On nights he didn't have Judith he always took guard, but that night Daryl and Merle had watch.
Tonight she wouldn't be in his bed. He figured she would go and sit by the playpen in Carol's cell, like she had before he lifted his covers to her. It's still a fight to look her father in the eyes.
"Rick?" He had been drifting in that in between world of awake and asleep. Her voice startled him into a half sitting position. He never expected for her to come to his cell that night- his daughter wasn't there, after all.
"Judith's not here," He grunted.
"I know." He studied her, confused as to why she'd be there, standing in the doorway of his cell if his daughter wasn't there? She saw the confusion etched into his features. "She's with Carol. I was hopin' I could sleep with you anyways?"
He willed his mouth to form the words 'no,' to shake his head and send her back to her own bed. His body betrayed him and he pulled the covers back while nodding. Beth beamed at him and he felt his heart fluttering wildly. She climbed in next to him, shifting until there was no space between their bodies. He wrapped his arms around her, allowing the closeness. Her body molded into the curve of his. It's as if her body was made just for his.
He waited until he was sure she was asleep before climbing out of the bunk. He didn't bother grabbing shoes or his shirt. He grabbed his knife and made his way to the boiler room. Two images battled for dominance in his head. One, the beautiful blonde with the blue eyes that see everything; the other image was the brunette-tall and captivating. His heart kept reaching for the image of the blonde while his head and a tiny piece of his heart reached towards the image of his dead wife.
The image of the blonde, Beth finally prevailed sometime in the early hours of the morning before the sun had begun its upward ascent. The image of his wife appeared once more and he thought 'You had to die for me to see how to live.' He knew that he and his wife's relationship had been deteriorating long before the end of the world and her infidelity. He couldn't blame her for her infidelity, though. He knew she had thought he was long dead. He finally realized that he had stopped truly living long before and her death had woken something in him at the same time something snapped and the moment he saw her image disappear and Beth's appear dominant that she was teaching him how to live again.
He stayed there in the boiler room until he knew the first residents would be awakening and made his way to the common area. Rick waited until the old man came hobbling in, the second person to have gotten up yet. He stood in front of Hershel and stated, "Got thangs to talk about," Hershel nodded once and followed Rick down to the boiler room. Hershel leaned his crutches against the wall and sat on the same stool Rick had sat in so many months ago talking on the phone to those of their rag tag family who perished along their journey.
Rick fell to his knees in front of the old farmer. He told Hershel of the things he felt, the guilt and his hatred for himself. Apologies spilled out of his mouth, unbidden, for the thoughts he had about the elder man's daughter and allowing her into his bed, even if nothing had happened.
He stayed there, on his knees, fighting waves of warring emotions. Kneeling on the floor in front of Hershel, the picture of a tortured man.
A/N: Let me know what you think. This is my first attempt at Rick/Beth.
I based this song partially on the song Picture Perfect (also the title of this piece) by Escape The Fate. I don't own the song, nor do I own the Walking Dead or anything related to it, but man do I wish I did.