"Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without."
Those words play over and over again in my head, an endless loop that haunts me even to this day. Gale was right, of course. And I think that's what scared me the most.
I pull my blanket closer to myself. I turn until I am face to face with her sleeping form. Reaching out, I tentatively trace the contours of her face. I drank in every single detail although they were already so ingrained in my mind that, whenever I closed my eyes, it was all I could see.
Katniss: the girl- No, the woman- who was on fire. This was true in more ways than one. With the things that mattered the most to her, she was so passionate and so full of eagerness to do something, to make things better. She was also hotheaded, with a temper so fiery, everyone knew enough to stay away from her when she was in that mood.
Except for me, of course. She could bite, she could yell, she could even stab me for all I care. I would stay by her side, to support her, to protect her (even if she thinks that she doesn't need protecting) and to love her.
Katniss also had a flip side. Underneath all the flames was a heart of ice. Cold and calloused, she allowed her selfishness to take control of her, even if it meant hurting others or destroying things. She was not beyond manipulating or using people to her advantage.
Katniss Everdeen: the Ice Queen.
"Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without."
It wasn't "Katniss will choose the one she loves." or even "Katniss will decide based on who she finds dearer to herself." It was simply, "Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without."
She didn't choose because of love. She didn't choose because the other person was comfortable to be with. She chose because she needed the person. She chose because that boy had certain skills or abilities that would make her life easier, that would allow her less frustration and anger.
She chose me.
She didn't really love me. She never would really love me. However, she needed me. She needed the stability I offered. The quiet strength that I could lend her. She needed someone who wouldn't start ranting at her at the slightest provocation. She needed someone who wouldn't suddenly leave at night, spurred on by a sudden desire to start a new crusade. She needed someone who would just be there. She needed a Peeta Mellark, not a Gale Hawthorne and that's why she chose me.
I loved Katniss ever since we were children. I love Katniss despite her unpredictability and lack of concern towards others' feelings. I will always love Katniss even if she will never love me the way I do.
I love Katniss with every fiber of my being.
She is that first thing I think of when I wake up and the last image in my mind when I sleep. My actions are fueled by my desire to make things better for her. My motive for all I do is her. She is everything to me, my universe, my whole existence. And my love for her overflows from my heart threatening to overwhelm me even to this day.
I love Katniss Everdeen and my love would have to be enough for both of us.