It wasn't until after Angela's margarita hangover faded that memories of making love with Tony appeared. They were faint at first, and she thought they might be daydreams. But they had details, like of a certain birthmark, and more intimate features, that she didn't think her imagination was coming up with. Over time, the memories increased and sharpened.
Tony had sworn to her that all they did on her birthday night was kiss. He'd claimed that he'd tucked her in and gone to bed. But she now remembered waking up when he came back to check on her, and that time he stayed in the bed when she pulled him down. And then, well.
Had he been lying to her the next morning, or did he genuinely not remember the rest of the night? She remembered him stumbling out of her room afterwards. He'd had a lot to drink, too, after all. And in the weeks following that night, he never acted like they'd had sex. It wasn't really anything she could confront him about, especially after her "mistake" that first morning.
Then her period was late. It could've been stress and worry, but what if she were pregnant? What would she tell Tony? Should she tell Tony?
She waited till the summer to confide in one of her best friends, Dr. Isabel Schaeffer. Isabel wasn't a gynecologist, but she had enough training to give Angela an exam.
"Well," Isabel said when the results came back, "I can't be sure this early, but it looks like you're one month along."
"No, it would be two months." Angela of course hadn't been with anyone since the night she might've been with Tony.
"Oh. Well, it's not 100% accurate."
"Then I might not be pregnant at all."
"It's possible. You should probably check back in a few weeks. And meanwhile, take extra good care of yourself. If you're not pregnant, your period should start up again soon."
"Thank you, Isabel."
"Angela, you don't have to tell me, but who's the father? If you are pregnant."
"Do you promise not to tell Wendy or anyone?"
"Of course. I uphold confidentiality with my patients."
"Well, it would be Tony."
"Really? So you guys got together after your birthday?"
"Well, that night."
"Angela! You shouldn't be having sex when you're drunk!"
"Believe me, Izzy, I've learned my lesson."
"Hey, he was drunk, too, that night! Do you think he remembers?"
"No, I don't think so. He's not acting like it anyway."
"Well, this should refresh his memory."
"No, Izzy, I can't tell him till I'm absolutely sure."
So Angela went back for another exam a month later.
"Now it's like you're in the middle of your second month."
"I don't understand this."
"Neither do I. I've never heard of a case like this. Maybe you got impregnated by an elephant and it'll last 21 months."
"That's not funny, Isabel!"
"I'm sorry, Angela. Are you going to tell Tony now?"
"No, this is all so bizarre and I'm not showing yet, even though I should be starting the second trimester about now. Let's wait and see if there's not some other explanation."
"Well, OK. If my calculations are correct, you've still got about a year and a half to go."
"Ha ha."
Four months into her "pregnancy" (two months according to Isabel), Angela came close to telling Tony. They were staying in a motel near Jonathan's summer camp. She had just confessed to Tony that she was "Ingrid," the girl who first kissed him. And he was her Anthony.
From the way Tony was talking about not wanting to risk losing what they had, she realized that he really thought they'd never had sex. And maybe they hadn't. Maybe there was some medical reason she wasn't getting her period. Isabel had suggested early menopause, although Angela was only thirty-mumble.
In the end, she decided to still say nothing. There had been enough confessions that night. And what if she weren't pregnant? She would feel pretty silly later if she'd said something.
When she was five months along (Izzy said two and a half), Tony "proposed" to her. Sam had lied and said that the two of them were married. Sam was trying to impress her new friends at junior high by making them think her dad owned the house he in reality kept. Angela went along with the charade, trying not to think of whether Tony would propose to her if he knew about her little problem.
She and Tony had gotten closer in the year or so he'd been living there. They weren't just boss and housekeeper but genuinely friends. They'd acknowledged their attraction (and not just on the night of her birthday). And they were starting to help raise each other's children. But none of this was a basis for a marriage, bizarre pregnancy or not. And, really, why would he believe her at this point? Even if he'd since remembered making love to her, he could do the math.
She was six months along (three said Izzy) when the family went to California for her ex-husband's wedding. When Michael wanted custody of Jonathan, Tony didn't want her to give up her son. It was like Jonathan was Tony's son, too. She'd hired Tony primarily for Jonathan's sake, but the two "men" had bonded like Jonathan never had with all the awful female housekeepers he'd grown up around.
Angela realized that Tony would make a wonderful father to this baby she may or may not have been carrying. But she still couldn't bring herself to tell him, even as she crept into the second/third trimester.
More time passed. She and Tony casually dated other people. She knew she couldn't go to bed with any other man, not till this was settled one way or the other. And there was no one she liked as much as Tony anyway. But she still couldn't marry him, and it wasn't like he was going to genuinely propose.
Around the time she should've given birth, she felt the baby kick. Maybe she was delusional, but Isabel confirmed it.
"I really wish you'd let me tell people. Couldn't I write up your case study? I wouldn't use your real name."
"No, Izzy! No one must know."
"Not even Tony?"
"He wouldn't believe it. What man would?"
"I can back you up."
"No, please don't say anything!"
"OK, Angela, if that's what you want. But what are you going to do about this baby?"
"I don't know. I realize I've had time to think about it, but I can't decide. I do know I want to keep it. If I have to, I'll tell Tony it's some other man's. I know Tony. He'll be supportive of me as a single mother. And he never has to know the truth."
"I don't know about this, Angela."
"Please, Izzy, this is a difficult situation."
"I know, Angie, I know." She gave Angela a motherly hug. Then she said, "Will you at least tell Mona about the pregnancy?"
"Not till I have to. And not about the baby's father."
"OK, if you think it's best. But I'm here for you, Angie."
"I know, Izzy."
Other than the length, Angela was having an easy time with her pregnancy. There was no morning sickness or other symptoms. She didn't seem to be gaining much weight yet, and she tended to wear unrevealing clothing anyway, so it was easy to hide this.
When she was ten/five months along, she ended up on a blind date with Tony, secretly fixed up by Jonathan. When the truth came out, and her little boy innocently asked why she and Tony didn't just have sex, she had absolutely no idea what to say. Poor Tony thought they never had had it. Jonathan wanted them to get married, and there were times when Angela thought that that might be a good idea, but the former Cardinal was still playing the field and he obviously wasn't ready to remarry.
Even when Joanne Parker accused her and Tony of having an affair, Angela didn't tell him. Even when Genevieve Pescher thought that Angela and Tony were in love, Angela didn't tell him.
It was at their last meeting before Mademoiselle Pescher flew back to Paris, that the perfume executive told the ad executive, "I am a little puzzled why you and Tony pretend to be just friends, when you're so clearly carrying his child."
Luckily, it was a closed-door one-on-one meeting. Jim Peterson and the other men weren't present. It took Angela about a minute to catch her breath and find words. "How did you know?"
"I'm French. We know about these things."
"Do you know about pregnancies that last at least eleven months?"
"No, those I'm not familiar with."
Angela confided in this wise, sympathetic stranger, who seemed mildly surprised but not shocked.
"That is a dilemma. And how do you plan to solve it?"
Angela shook her head. "If it really is a double-length pregnancy, then I'm due in October."
"And you're not going to tell your lover?"
"He's not my lover, Genevieve. Well, he was that once. But not now. And I can't tell him after so much time has passed."
"He might surprise you."
"Well, I'm not ready to surprise him that much."
"Perhaps you should start sleeping with him again. An honest deception."
"No, he doesn't want to change things between us."
Genevieve raised her artfully plucked eyebrows.
"I know, this will change things between us. But what I want to do is have the baby and claim that the father is someone else."
"What if you have the baby and he doesn't know?"
"He sleeps down the hall from me. I think he'd notice if I went into labor."
"Not if you weren't at the house."
"What?"
"How about you visit me this summer and then stay to see the leaves change? Paris is quite lovely in October."
"That's very kind of you, but I couldn't impose."
"It wouldn't be an imposition. We could work on my European advertising campaign."
"And then what would I do with the baby?"
"I'd be happy to adopt it. I want a child but I don't want a husband."
"Um, that's very generous of you, but I don't think I could give my baby away and never see it again."
"You'd be welcome to visit whenever you like."
"Well, thank you, but—"
"Just think of it as another option, Angela."
So Angela did think about it. Genevieve's unexpected offer would get her away from the watchful eyes of the people Angela knew in New York and Connecticut. She wasn't sure how much longer she could fool not just Tony, her mother, and the kids, but her friends and neighbors, not to mention her colleagues and clients at Wallace and McQuade. And she loved the idea of living in Paris for a few months, even if she'd be too heavy for the Parisian fashions.
But she didn't like the idea of her baby, Tony's baby, growing up in another country, another culture. Visits or not, she'd hardly see their child. And then what would Tony say if he found out someday?
The idea of adoption wasn't a bad one though, if it were more local. Not in Fairfield, but maybe another town, where people didn't know her and Tony. Well, she still had about seven months to decide.
Another birthday came along. Isabel said Angela had now completed her second trimester. Nonetheless, Angela played baseball when Tony and his old friend competed. Angela was still slim enough to fit into a uniform.
If not for the baby kicking her now and then, Angela wouldn't have felt very pregnant. Isabel teased that maybe it was the devil's child. At that point, it seemed as plausible as anything.
Summer arrived but Angela stayed in Connecticut. She kept waiting for Tony or her mother to say something, but they both, Mother in particular, seemed to think of her as celibate, which she was that year.
And then when she was sixteen/eight months along, she celebrated the second anniversary of Tony and Sam moving in. Isabel had told her that she was so far along that at this point drinking a little alcohol couldn't do any harm to the baby. (There definitely was a thriving if small fetus. Isabel had confirmed that.) So Angela sipped champagne at her dinner for two with Tony.
She decided she had to know how Tony felt about her before she could finally tell him what had happened. They agreed to discuss it by the fire. But then his appendix burst!
She rushed him to the hospital, where he confessed his love to her. He was doped up though, so she couldn't ask him what he meant. The next morning, her mother pressured her to admit her feelings for Tony, and to look at what a relationship with him would mean. But Angela still didn't know if she could.
She visited Tony that afternoon, and he didn't seem to remember telling her he loved her. Or if he did, he wasn't willing to repeat it then. So she said nothing.
In the hallway, she ran into Mrs. Rossini. "Angela, is he all right? Your mother called and told me!"
"He's going to be fine, Mrs. Rossini."
"Thank God!" Then Mrs. Rossini thanked a few saints. "And thank you, Angela! He's so lucky to have a good friend like you."
"I hope so," Angela said quietly.
Mrs. Rossini gave her a closer look. "Maybe you two are a little better friends than I thought."
"What do you mean?"
Mrs. Rossini pulled her down the hallway, where they were less likely to be overheard. "Now, don't be offended, Angela, but you look like you're eight months pregnant."
Angela put her hand to her stomach as a reflex action.
"You're still just skin and bones of course. But I can see it in your eyes, in your cheeks!" She pinched Angela's cheeks. "So are you?"
Angela nodded.
"And Tony's the father, right?"
She nodded again.
"So this was, what, November?"
"No, April."
"But that makes you only four months along."
"Of last year."
"Of last year?"
"Yes. I know, it's crazy but—"
"Sweetheart, I'm from Brooklyn, I've seen everything."
"I guess so."
"And why hasn't Tony done the right thing yet?"
"I haven't told him."
"Why not? He's from Brooklyn, too."
"There are a lot of reasons. To begin with—"
Angela was unable to explain because she started going into early labor just then.
…
Looking back later, Angela was very grateful she had Mrs. Rossini with her. Not only was the Italian lady very motherly, but she had a loud mouth and got doctors and nurses immediately. There was quite a fuss in the hospital for awhile, but luckily Tony slept through it.
The labor was quick and, since the baby was small, relatively painless. The tiny boy was healthy, which amazed Isabel, who got to the hospital just in time for the delivery.
Angela loved the precious little being that came out of her and she thought about keeping him. She could claim she got pregnant by Mr. March in November, but this baby had a thin layer of Tony's dark hair, and Gus McGee was blonde. Perhaps the baby would have Angela's natural hair color but she was now afraid it would resemble Tony in other ways. And after keeping her secret so long, she didn't know how to break it.
On the other hand, she didn't want her and Tony's lovechild to go completely out of their lives. Mrs. Rossini knew of a young couple in her neighborhood, the Napolis, who desperately wanted a baby but couldn't have one. Angela reluctantly agreed to the adoption.
Angela pretended that she had to fly to LA on the spur of the moment, to save an account. The hospital kept her secret. So she stayed as long as Tony did and then pretended she flew back to New York.
She wanted to go to Brooklyn, to see that the baby got settled into his new family, but she couldn't risk Tony's old friends and neighbors finding out. Mrs. Rossini and the Napolis promised to keep the secret. Obviously, Mrs. Napoli couldn't pass the baby off as her biological child, but she claimed it was her unwed cousin's.
She named the baby Guglielmo, Italian for William. Angela couldn't pronounce this, but the baby mostly went by Billy.
…
Years passed. Angela saw Billy whenever she visited Brooklyn. He was an adorable, mischievous boy, much like she imagined Tony had been when he was small. He did have Tony's hair, and eyes, and soon his Brooklyn accent. Despite the long pregnancy and low birth weight, Billy grew at a normal rate, maybe even a bit above normal.
As far as Tony was concerned, Billy was Mrs. Rossini's next-door neighbor's grandson. He never saw the resemblance, and apparently nobody but Mrs. Rossini ever did. In fact, Tony couldn't remember Billy's name and kept calling him Bobby.
Angela of course thought of telling Tony, but Billy was happy with the Napolis, and she'd already made the sacrifice. Even when Angela realized she was in love with Tony, even when the Napolis died in a car accident and left him to be raised by his grandmother, Angela said nothing.
On one visit, she saw Billy playing in the street with the other kids in the neighborhood, and that evening she dreamed of being Tony's fertile Brooklyn wife.
Then one day Mrs. Rossini said, "Angela, it's time."
"Time for what, Mrs. Rossini?"
"It's time for Tony to really get to know his son."
"You're not going to tell him, are you?"
"Angela, I swore to keep your secret, and I will. But Mrs. Napoli isn't getting any younger and you never know what might happen."
"True, but—Well, what exactly what do you have in mind?"
"Well, I've been babysitting Billy and I thought maybe I'd have Tony look after him sometime."
"I guess there's no harm in that. And Tony is great with kids."
"He could've been great with your kids, Angela."
"I know," she said quietly.
Tony was now dating Kathleen, his most serious relationship since Marie, if you didn't count whatever it was he had with Angela. Of course Angela had wanted to finally tell him about their child after he confessed about his affair, but she felt as she always had, that she wouldn't want Tony to be with her out of obligation. And if things got more serious with Kathleen and if he—she had to face this—if he married Kathleen, well, Angela would have to accept that. She would still love him but let him go, as she had with their baby.
Then one day Billy strolled through Angela's front door. Mona asked, "Does anybody know who this kid is?", little guessing the truth.
Mrs. Rossini claimed she'd mixed up weekends, and she thought that Tony could babysit that weekend. But he had plans with Kathleen. Angela, who had just started seeing Andy but was free the rest of the day, agreed to fill in.
Tony said, "Thanks, Angela, you're the best."
If only he knew.
Angela savored her time with Billy, even though he didn't seem to sense who she was to him. And when Mrs. Napoli was hospitalized and asked Tony to take care of Billy indefinitely, Angela thought it was a wonderful idea.
Tony had broken up with Kathleen by then, but unfortunately Angela was seeing Andy. Her new boyfriend couldn't understand why she was taking so much responsibility for her housekeeper's neighbor's grandson. He said to call him when her life was less busy. She couldn't see that happening.
She and Tony threw themselves into this second chance at parenthood. They fussed over Billy, overscheduling and spoiling him like they never would've done with Jonathan or Samantha. They really went all out for his "sixth birthday." (It was February, when he was not quite five, but Mrs. Rossini lied about his birthdate to Tony, and Billy was big for his age.)
And Billy brought Tony and Angela closer, united in this common cause, after the pain of his affair with Kathleen. Angela of course regretted never telling Tony the truth, but it just got harder and harder over time. She couldn't help daydreaming that Mrs. Napoli would let them adopt Billy.
But Mrs. Napoli's health improved and she wanted Billy back. Of course they couldn't refuse, but Angela wept all the way back from Brooklyn.
Tony put his arm around her shoulder as they sat on the train to Fairfield. "Ay, Angela, I'm gonna miss him, too. He was like our little boy!"
"Yes," she sobbed.
"Angela, do you ever think—?"
"What, Tony?"
"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but do you ever wonder what it would've been like if we'd had a kid together?"
She swallowed her tears. "Sometimes."
"I think we'd have been great together. We are great together. As parents I mean. And you know, if you had asked me, back when you were in your 30s, to father your child, I would've."
"As a sperm donor?"
"Well, with the old-fashioned method, yeah. If you had wanted that."
"Oh."
"I mean, other than Geoffrey with a G, you haven't really dated anyone for that long after your divorce. And you probably didn't want a kid with him. No offense to Geoff."
"No, I wouldn't have."
"And I'm healthy and not bad-looking, so you could do worse. For a sperm donor."
"True. Of course, it might not have worked the first try."
"I'd have been willing to invest some time in the project."
"Good to know. Too bad you didn't say something then."
"I didn't want to overstep any bounds. I mean, it ain't exactly in my job description."
She laughed. "Not exactly. But when we drew up your contract, I was used to female housekeepers."
"Yeah. I would've been doing it as a friend anyway."
"A friend."
"Yeah. And, well, I could've helped with the baby, as a friend as well as a housekeeper."
"Too bad I'm not in my 30s anymore."
"Yeah, it'd be risky for you now, no offense."
"Yes."
"Oh, our stop is coming up."
"Good old Fairfield."
"Yeah. The house is gonna feel kinda empty without Billy."
"I know."
"Well, at least we've got another couple years before Jonathan goes off to college."
"And then before you know it, Sam will give you grandkids."
"Don't even joke about that!"
"I mean after she gets married."
"That's still not funny, Angela."
"Sorry."
"I'll tell you one thing, if she does give me grandkids, she better not name any of them Guglielmo."
"What would you have named Billy? If he were your son?"
"Matty, after my father. Except that if I ever have another kid, I can't use that name because Sam's ex is named Matt."
"How about Tony, Jr.?"
He grinned. "Yeah, I'd have liked that."
And still, Angela didn't tell him. But she was beginning to realize it might soon be time she told Tony she loved him.