Hey, spop fandom! ;) So let me explain... I opened my school books, I panicked, I found about the catradorazine fandom contest, and I couldn't resist the temptation xD
Here it is! My first catradora modern AU! (I've been wanting to write forever anyway). This will be a short multi-chapter fanfic (around 5-6 chapters)
Thank you fictionalportal for beta-reading and helping me out with your suggestions!
The waves crashed on the shore at a peaceful pace.
On any other day, that sound would soothe Catra.
That sound, with the typical cloudy sky above that beach she knew by heart, used to be one of her shelters whenever she felt sad or anxious. Funnily, she didn't even like the ocean. That had always been Adora's thing.
Catra breathed in deeply in a futile attempt to calm her racing heart. Clutching her stomach was not helping the nausea either.
Catra was back in town.
And by the goddesses' will or a mocking coincidence, so was Adora.
She breathed out. Scanning the landscape, she noted, not very surprised, that nothing had changed since the last time she was around almost two years ago. Nothing ever changed in that goddamn shithole anyway. The beach was still covered in seaweed that the town got rid of every other week to keep it clean and less reeking.
Then again, the atrocious scent of the industrial area behind the town didn't bother the mayor, who'd rather do business with big companies instead of listening to his employees and environmental activists.
The hypocrisy. They would all die at forty of lung disease because Hordak decided industry was more profitable than tourism. A shame really. The rest of the coast had some of the country's finest beaches and natural parks.
Fright Zone, as the local kids called the town informally, was the boil of the area, the last city to keep providing lands for an incredibly low cost to corporations. How Hordak managed such a trick was nowhere close to legal, but nobody had ever gathered enough evidence to stop him. What was certain though, was that Hordak's billionaire brother Skeletor was involved in his schemes.
In exchange, Hordak got to work all he wanted in the science department for whatever revolutionary tech he was probably selling to the army, and as a result Fright Zone was disfigured by a few miles of fuming buildings surrounding the small remnants of the town.
Catra lay down with a sigh under one of the rare trees that framed the beach. She crossed her arms on her leather jacket, resisting the urge to shiver. The average fresh summer night of the coast felt a bit colder than in Salineas, where she now lived, but if she pretended hard enough, it didn't feel very different from any other random night at home.
Yes, it was just a random night.
Except that for the first time in four years, she might actually run into Adora.
Catra looked at every detail of the green leaves above her, focusing as if her life depended on it. If she had taken her tools, she would lose herself in drawing to forget about this. Her turmoil. Her.
Catra didn't need her anymore.
Then why was she trembling in anticipation?
"This is ridiculous…" she pinched the bridge of her nose. Her eyes still closed, she listened to the sound of the waves, practicing the breathing exercises she learned from Scorpia in high school. It worked a little bit, but what really made her smile after a few seconds, was the vibration that resonated in her heart. "Hey C'yra."
She didn't have to see it to picture the purring cat walking graciously around her. She could visualize the grey fur, the green and blue eyes, the cute little paws, and that sweet cat smile on her snout.
"You've come to cheer me up?"
Flicking her tail, the cat squinted her eyes as her purring intensified.
"Or maybe give me some courage…" Catra sighed again. "I guess I could use that…"
The human was frowning. C'yra could feel something was bothering her. She mewled softly, but the human didn't react.
C'yra's ear twitched. She knew what she had to do.
Leaping silently away from her, C'yra hurried on the darkening roads of the human nest. They had already turned the multiple suns on. How useless. She always thought using her eyes was more than enough to live in the night. But the humans here didn't know how to appreciate the beauty of the peaceful darkness.
C'yra slowed down when she reached the Home. She jumped over the fence and trotted towards the porch.
The door was open.
It had been open for such a long time now, but C'yra still felt like she'd left the threshold yesterday.
She stepped inside, perking up her ears. No sound was coming from the dark house. Big-and-Furless was not Home yet.
C'yra climbed up the stairs, her toebeans silencing her steps on the wood. The Home was still warm in spite of the open door like it had been waiting for her to come back. C'yra purred at the welcoming atmosphere.
She finally reached the attic, still as dusty as ever. C'yra jumped onto a torn couch. Her whiskers bristled at the contact of an old blonde doll that Big-and-Furless used to play with. If she snooped around, C'yra knew she would find the matching unicorn and the plastic sword.
A breath of salty air suddenly ruffled her fur. C'yra looked up.
The window was closed. She jumped again, settling on the windowsill. A familiar laughter came from outside.
C'yra purred louder, swaying her tail as she remembered the long days she used to spend at this window, watching the two little humans grow up…
"Oh god… Adora, I'm dying…"
The blond one sure loved those horrible baskets humans put on the water to go catch fish.
"Come on, Catra, you said you wanted to 'drive.' Where did your spirit go?"
The other one looked like her last meal was coming back up.
"Shut up, Adora. You never told me boating was a direct trip to hell!"
Adora laughed fondly as she tugged on the mainsheet with one hand and held the tiller with the other one.
"It's not boating, dummie. We're sailing."
Catra was about to bark something about semantics biting her ass, but a wave came crashing on the hull and splashed her with foam. She squealed as she jerked backwards, landing on her butt. By instinct she reached to the rope tied to her life vest. Adora had insisted on doubling security, and even if Catra had protested at first, now she felt grateful for Adora's precaution.
"You're okay, kitty?"
Catra looked up and gulped. Adora looked so beautiful, sitting casually on the hull, ponytail floating under the wind, handling the boat like she was a professional. She smiled at Catra, showing off her canine tooth gap.
"I'm fine, whatever..."
"Alright," Adora giggled. "Now, come here."
She patted the spot next to her. Catra obliged reluctantly. Sitting so close to the water sounded like a death wish to her, but she reminded herself that she was rope-tied to the hell-boat for better and for worse.
"Okay, now hold the jib sheet."
"The what?"
"...The rope I showed you a million times, the one that controls the little sail's angle."
Catra rolled her eyes as she seized the sheet Adora was handing her. "Sorry, I don't know all your nerdy terms. Why don't you just call it a rope?"
"And then you beg me to drive…" Adora shook her head, a playful glint in her eyes. Catra knew she wasn't mad. Adora was the most patient teacher Catra had ever encountered, and not only regarding sailing.
"Well, I changed my mind. You'd better drive this thing right. I don't wanna die before I'm ten."
"Like a second digit will change anything. You're still the youngest, therefore a baby!"
"Am not!" Catra protested, outraged. Adora laughed so hard at how cute she was she let the boat drift slightly from its trajectory. Catra tugged on her ponytail. "You're gonna kill us! Look, the boat is bending!"
"Don't worry, kitty. I got this," she winked. Catra blushed, grumbled a 'whatever', and pretended to be interested in the sails' mechanism.
"So," Adora got serious again. "We're going to jibe, like I did earlier, but this time you're going to help me."
"Wait, you want me to do what now?! We're going to dive?!"
"No-what?! How exactly are we supposed to dive?! We shouldn't have watched that movie..."
"Oh come on, you liked it! Plus, you totally are Davy Jones."
"Am not!"
"Are so! But you can't dive like him... You're not as good as him."
"Hey! You take that back!"
"Scratch that, you suck at boating."
Adora punched her shoulder lightly, careful not to make Catra lose her balance.
"So, jibing means we're going to put the sails on the other side, facing the wind when we turn. Tacking is the opposite."
"Showing our butt to the wind."
"Basically. You take the sheet, then I'm gonna...turn slowly until we're almost facing the wind, and when the jib sail starts shaking a lot, you snatch the sheet out of its-"
Catra hummed even though she had already zoned out, observing her friend thoughtfully. Adora looked happier than usual. Maybe it was because it'd been a while since she'd had someone sailing with her. Going on the sea in secret because her mom strictly forbade her didn't make it the best social experience. However Adora often said she didn't mind the loneliness. It allowed her to think.
Catra was the only other kid she ever tried to share her passion with. It made her feel warm inside.
"Okay, you're clear, Catra?"
"Huh? Yeah, sure. Tug on the sheet, release the sail, then…"
"Then go starb-I mean, go right. Go sit on the right side and haul in the other sheet. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure nerd. Let's do this."
"I'm not sure you know what a nerd is…"
Catra stuck her tongue out. Adora laughed as she got ready for the maneuver. Catra decided to focus for once, because she didn't want to get splashed again, not even for Adora's pretty blue eyes.
Adora pushed the tiller. The boat slowly turned left, gaining speed as it did. Catra clutched the rope in her hands, ignoring her heart racing in her chest as she felt their side of the boat bend dangerously towards the water... The jib sail was tight, shaking more and more as they got closer to facing the wind.
"Now!"
Catra released the sheet instantly. She watched with fascination as the sail flowed erratically in the wind, making an aggressive unfurling noise.
"Catra... Catra, DUCK!"
She looked on her right too late. She barely had the time to put her arms in front of her face before the boom of the mainsail hit her full force.
What did their teacher say at school? Murphy's Law or something…?
Catra yelped. A big wave of salty water filled her mouth. The cold paralysed all her muscles, but the survival instinct kicked in a second later. Catra's feet pushed beneath her, struggling against her big life vest that took too much time to get her up to the surface.
She coughed her lungs out when she finally emerged. Her nose, her throat, all her insides were on fire.
"Catra!"
Oh no. The boat was so far. How could it go so far from her in barely ten seconds?
"Catra, swim to me! I'm gonna pull you!"
The rope! Catra grasped it, checking it was still safely secured on her life vest. After coughing another time, she started to swim towards Adora. Her movements were not efficient. She had never been a good swimmer, and the situation only made it worse...
She tried not to think of the depth of the ocean underneath her.
Were there any sharks on the coast…?
"Come on, Catra, you're almost there!"
But Catra was so tired already… She had to help herself with the rope, slowing Adora's pulling in the process. Her arm and leg muscles were sore, and she was breathless...
"Almost…" Adora groaned, pulling harder than before. Catra finally reached the hull. Adora grabbed her arms, but failed to hoist her up. Catra seized the ledge of the boat and tried again with Adora's help, but the boat was too high, and her life vest got weighed down by the water. She didn't have enough strength.
Her breath turned shorter and faster. Panic distorted her face. She didn't want to die in the ocean, eaten by the sharks... Or worse, by the kraken like in that stupid pirate movie!
"I can't!"
"It's okay, just grab the-"
"Adora, I can't! I can't come up!"
"Catra, look at me!"
She plunged her eyes into those blue ones. How could Adora stand so calm? How was she not terrified like Catra?
"Catra, it's okay. You just swam thirty feet, that was the hardest part, right? You can do this."
Catra kept breathing hard. She wanted to believe Adora, she truly did…
Her body was trembling because of the cold, her legs swaying fast to chase it. The life vest was so damn heavy… Why couldn't she climb up that stupid boat? Why couldn't she reach Adora? She would die of cold before-
"Catra, tell me where C'yra is."
Catra blinked. She looked beyond Adora's head. Green and blue…looking at her fondly… A soft purring soothing her heart… She was there. She was looking over them.
"...behind you, snooping in your bag for fish."
"Good," Adora smiled. "Now, let's get that gremlin before she finds my secret stash of cookies, yeah?"
Catra swallowed and nodded. She breathed out deeply, focusing on her muscles. Adora gripped her life vest, waiting for Catra's signal. She counted to three, then the girls used all their strength at once.
Catra collapsed on Adora, breathing like she had run at the Olympics. (that was Lonnie's dream, not hers, thank you very much. No sports whatsoever for Catra ever again).
"You did it," Adora said, hugging the shivering Catra in her arms. Her hair was sticking to her skin, her lips were salty and her heart a mess, and not only because of the incident. She looked up to her best friend, feeling like she was in the safest place on earth, despite just coming out of a life-threatening situation.
Too exhausted to talk, she tilted her head up and put a kiss on her cheek, replacing the worry she could read in Adora's eyes with something different… Something like…
"Hey! Are you girls okay?!"
The two kids sat up. A man on a motor boat was approaching them, waving. Not far behind him followed a trail of small catamarans. The teenagers handling them were looking over at the girls with curiosity.
"What the hell are you doing all alone on the sea?! Are you crazy?" The man sounded furious, but his face only showed concern. "Where are you coming from?"
"Fright Zo- I mean XXXX." Adora answered. "And I'm not crazy. I'm used to sailing alone. I do it every weekend when Mr. Scully doesn't use his boat."
She crossed her arms on her chest, raising her chin proudly at him.
"And how did that work out for your friend, young missy?"
"I'm fine…" Catra grumbled, although she was still shaking and felt like her sinuses would explode.
"I'm not that young," Adora huffed. "I'm ten and a half, and my dad told me he used to sail much bigger boats at my age, and I could do it too if I wanted."
A smile cracked on the guy's face. He threw a blanket at Adora, who wrapped it around Catra.
"And do you little pirates have names, by any chance?"
"Adora. Adora Holt."
Catra took a second to realize her own name was expected too. "Catra Bedoya."
"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Terry, the owner of the best sailing club of the coast!" He bowed. What an awkward guy. "Okay, now let's get you home safely, before your parents freak out."
Both girls froze. Oh no, that was not good.
"No, no, there's no need!" Adora shook her head, panic betraying her body language. "I can do it on my own, thank you sir!"
"Now I can't let you just go like that after seeing that...incident," he glanced at Catra, who glared at him.
"Well, the thing is…" Adora fidgeted.
"We're gonna get in trouble if you take us," Catra shouted, unsatisfied with how her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence.
"Listen, I would blame myself if anything happened on your way back. I won't talk to your parents, I promise. I'll just make sure you make it safely to the port and then I'm on my way. We have a deal?"
"Yes, sir!" Adora grinned, taking a military tone. She took her spot at the tiller with an enthusiasm Catra couldn't share. She couldn't help feeling like Shadow Weaver would be waiting for her on the dock…
"Catra, do you want to come in my boat? This way Adora can-"
"No!" Catra shouted again. She caught Adora's hand, sending daggers to the puzzled sailor, who eventually burst out in laughter.
"You guys remind me of my twin daughters. They're just like you, inseparable and-"
"We are not…" If Catra's head could physically explode, she'd already be a demon cursing Terry's soul. Her eyes looked ready to pop out of her skull. "She's my…"
Adora squeezed her hand. Catra looked up in surprise. Her best friend would have already corrected the man on any other circumstance. But today, something was silencing Adora. Was it the incident? Was it something else? She was looking at her with…
"We're NOT sisters!" Catra finished angrily, breaking eye contact with Adora before she could see the blush on her cheeks.
C'yra remembered, how a few years later the blonde human admitted that day had been one of the worst of her life. The day she thought she might lose her. The day she recalled as her putting her best friend in danger.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry!" He turned towards his students, and shouted an order at a certain Amy, who looked very eager to be the one in charge of the group instead of her rival Jake. When he was satisfied, Terry looked back at the girls with a smile, only to be gaze-murdered by a very pissed Catra. "What now, sweetie?" He asked with the most gentle voice Catra had heard.
She blinked, surprised to be challenged so kindly. "...You have a dumb face."
"My, you're a feisty one, aren't you?"
The little human didn't answer.
C'yra watched them sail back to their human nest, accompanied by the big male, who checked on them regularly. He was obviously impressed by the blonde human. As for her, she kept glancing at her companion worriedly, squeezing her hand when she wasn't busy with the basket, and adjusting the blanket on her shoulders.
"Catalina Bedoya!"
Of course, the Bad One was here, waiting for them on land. The owner of the basket had called her and the blonde's mother when he didn't see them coming back.
Shadow Weaver looked furious.
"What on earth have you done this time, you useless child?!"
"Nothing! I-"
"And you ruined your clothes!" she hissed. She grasped Catra's arm and whispered in her ear so that nobody but her would hear. "You just lost your dinner privilege for a week, and you'll have to do everybody's laundry alone for a whole month."
Tears blurred Catra's vision. The injustice made her anger rise up in her chest. "This isn't fair!" she yelled.
"Don't you dare talk back to me, or your punishment will be much worse than that…"
Catra fought the urge to hide behind Adora. Her caretaker would only use it to push her further down. Besides, Adora had her own problems to deal with. Her own, tall, cold-looking problem.
"I am very disappointed in you, Adora. Do you realize the trouble you've caused?"
"...Yes, mom."
"Do you know what you have to do?"
"...I will stay in my room until I understand how childish and selfish I acted. Then I will study hard for the new term, with only two TV breaks a week."
"One break a week. Clearly, you are not focusing enough on your work. And you won't see Catra or any other friend until the end of summer break," Mrs. Holt added with a cool tranquillity.
Two mother figures. Two different kinds of sorrow.
Behind the girls, Terry was looking at the scene in awe. He tried to ask a silent question to the man named Scully, but the old guy only shrugged. This scene wasn't any kind of new to him. Every now and then, Mrs. Holt would catch Adora snitching his boat to sail, and then ground her like this for several weeks. Not that it ever stopped the two girls from sneaking out to enjoy the beach at night.
"Mrs. Holt," Shadow Weaver's tone turned smooth, almost pleading. "I am deeply sorry about all this. Without Catalina's influence, Adora would have never disobeyed you again. Rest assured that there will be consequences."
"It's not Catra's fault!" Adora exclaimed. "I was the one who-"
"Adora," Mrs. Holt interrupted. "Don't speak over adults. Learn your place."
Terry looked like he had crossed dimensions. He cleared his throat, "Ma'am, if you allow me, I saw the whole thing, and it was a genuine accident, which Adora took care of perfectly. Nobody was at fault, and no harm was done in the end! Your daughter looks like a professional sailor!"
Adora's breath hitched. The big guy couldn't know that these words had the opposite effect of what he thought they would.
Lisa Holt's face looked like she was glitching for a moment, but she regained her composure in a second. "And who are you exactly…?"
The human introduced himself. C'yra knew how important he would become for the blonde one. He would be the one to save her. He would come back soon, and ask the mother permission to train her to be a real basket-handler, working at his club. She would accept after a while, because she needed the money.
The blonde one would finally be able to pursue her dream.
The other little human… Catra. She would often wonder in silence if someone would ever see her as worth saving too.
Catra regretted her night excursion to the beach now. She was freezing.
Good thing she decided to use her car and not one of the orphanage's old bikes.
Catra grumbled. Her combat boots had scattered sand on the carpet. Since it was technically Lonnie's car-or more like Lonnie's precious child-she had to make sure to give it back as immaculate as it was when she left Salineas.
She launched onto the bumpy and narrow road that connected the beach to the town's main square. This path was definitely not the most practical one to drive on, but she would reach the city soon, with its normal-sized, although a bit old, concrete roads. And street lights. It wasn't like she particularly needed them, but it would reassure her. She wasn't really enjoying the eerie path in the darkness of the dune.
It had never bothered her when she'd biked there with Adora past curfew. Their bikes hadn't even had safety lamps. They could have had an accident so many times. Not that there were many cars in that part of the town after 9PM, but still…
As if to contradict her-the damn universe or whatever ruled this planet really liked to play with her nerves-two headlights appeared in her vision.
What the hell was this nutbag doing at 11PM driving straight to the beach?!
Maybe it was a lost tourist looking for their motel who got scared when they arrived in Fright Zone. The industrial buildings created such an ominous aura, like the town was slowly swallowed by their imposing presence. That was probably why they didn't get many visitors from the highway.
Catra slowed down to cross the path of the car. She squinted her eyes to take a look at the unfortunate person who would have to turn back in a few minutes unless they wanted to take their car skinny dipping in the ocean, but it was already too dark to gather more than a figure.
Just as she was about to pass the front of the car, the stranger hit the brakes violently. Catra jolted in her seat, imitating them by instinct. She shook her head and made an angry sign, but remembered they couldn't see her in the dark.
Did they have a problem with her or anything? She hadn't even touched their car. She pondered for a second if it was a good idea to have an argument with a stranger in the middle of the night, but she remembered she forgot her self-defense bat at home. Of course, this was just her day. She motioned to launch the car again when the stranger put their inside light on.
Catra choked.
She took her foot off the pedal.
Whatever can happen will happen…?
Bullshit. A conspiracy theory coming to life seemed more like it.
Adora smiled at her.
She couldn't even see her in the dark. She had never even seen her car before. How the fuck could she possibly know it was her?!
...Because Adora knew she was in town, this goddamn town where everyone knew everything about everybody. Adora learned she was back, and she knew her.
Catra cursed.
After a few seconds of hesitation, seeing Adora's smile fall to be replaced by an expression of doubt decided Catra to reveal herself. She switched her own light on, opened the door, and stepped out of the car. Her childhood friend had also left her vehicle.
"Hey, Adora."
What the hell was that smug tone and smirk for?! And of course she had to put her hands in her pants pockets. Lonnie called that her self-protection cockiness.
"Hi… Long time no see." Adora put her hands behind her back. She always did that when she was nervous, convinced nobody saw her fidgeting that way.
Nostalgia hit Catra in the stomach as she took a good look at her.
Same tight ponytail. Same beautiful, blue eyes conveying things Catra never knew how to interpret. She still moved with the same military posture and hunched her back to make herself smaller when she was embarrassed. Some things never changed... She looked a bit older though. Of course, four years grew on you. More serene too… Happier. She also couldn't help but noticing she was fitter than she used to be.
Catra forced herself not to stare for too long. It looked so...surreal. Like this was just a dream. A beautiful and awkward dream where she finally caught up with the girl she'd been trying to forget unsuccessfully for way too long for her own good.
She leaned 'casually' on her car, signaling she wouldn't be the one to get closer. Adora got the hint.
"So… How have you been?"
"Wow, four years apart and that's all you got?"
Adora took a step back, visibly taken aback and looking...a bit hurt? Catra raised a brow. She couldn't have forgotten how to take her banter… "Relax, I'm just teasing. What are you doing here?" She hoped her voice wasn't too aggressive. Or too soft.
"I was looking for you, actually."
Having suspected it didn't soothe the feeling of her heart exploding when she processed Adora's words.
Pull yourself together, Catra.
"And of course the beach was your first guess to find me. You know I sleep in a bed, like most people?"
"And yet, here you are. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were waiting for me."
Catra crossed her arms beneath her chest, holding a smile back. "Get over yourself, Adora."
The blonde's smirk fell. That line felt too real to be teasing this time. The resentment was real. Catra couldn't be sorry about it.
Nobody talked for a minute. They let the silence dive a pit between them. The sound of the waves gave an uncomfortable nostalgic background to their awkward situation.
"I heard about Mrs. Weber."
A dark shadow veiled Catra's face. She averted her gaze, hiding the pain and anger she feared her face might betray.
"How are you holding up?"
"...just fine. Everything's peachy," Catra answered, spite tainting her words no matter how much she tried to conceal her feelings. Adora was the better of the two of them at that game. She'd had a good teacher after all. "How's your mom?"
Why was she catching up with Adora right there, right now? Why couldn't she just say hi and walk away like with any other old friend?!
But Adora would never be just a friend...
So much for letting go…
Catra felt her stomach clench. She looked on the side of the road. Green and blue, shining in the distance. She breathed out.
"Good… Better than when I left." She sounded bitter. Catra could understand. Knowing her, the wise part of Adora must have been telling her to suck it up and be happy for her mother, even if it meant deep down that she might have just needed her kid out of the way to finally bloom. "Her boyfriend treats her well, and she finally stopped being mad at me. I'm really happy for her, and for us."
Catra stared at her, trying to pierce through that peaceful façade. She couldn't decide if Adora was faking it or if she was genuinely glad her mother moved on with her life. It looked so easy to read her at first sight, didn't it?
She wished she could tell her past self to pay more attention. She wouldn't have felt so betrayed, if she had known… If she had read the signs…
If you hadn't taken Adora for granted, whispered a nasty little voice in her head.
"Did she congratulate you for your big race?"
Adora's victory in the Continental Pacific Sailing Race had made some noise in the boring town. Within ten minutes of returning to town, three separate people had asked Catra if she'd heard about Lisa Holt's runt winning a sailing competition.
Of course she'd heard. Even if she wished she'd heard it from Adora herself. But Fright Zone's citizens didn't need to know that.
Morons. They'd never paid attention to Adora's passion in the past. Except old Scully maybe, but he'd only let her borrow his boat so that she would clean it in his place. And boy, was it dirty when he ate inside.
"...she didn't mention it. I take that as a compliment, to be honest."
Catra snorted. That was indeed a big improvement.
"What about you? Living in Salineas, I heard?" Adora took another few steps closer to her. Hesitant baby steps. Catra didn't know what she should do about it. A part of her craved for more proximity, but another one was terrified of that. Damn, she didn't even know what she wanted…
"Yeah… Lonnie found an extra bed for my broke ass in her apartment two years ago, so I crash there for now. Until I get my art degree."
Adora's eyes shone for a moment, with an intensity contrasting with the blandness of her smile. Still concealing. Always concealing. Perfect Adora must never show too much.
"You got in."
"Of course I did," Catra shrugged. She knew it was uncalled for. Adora had always been the first one to encourage her, and almost the only one to believe in her.
"When?"
"Last year."
Adora's reply was cut down when an icy wave of wind ruffled their hair. As if the ocean had had enough of their drama.
"Do you…"
Catra stared at her. The words seemed stuck in Adora's mouth. Catra was sure it was a bad idea to let her finish.
"Do you want to...um…"
A new slap from the wind, mixed with sand this time, saved her. Adora yelped, turning her back to the ocean. Catra took it as her cue to act.
"Well, it's getting late!" She yelled with an anxiety she wasn't accustomed to. She was already halfway inside the car. "It was nice catching up with you. See you around, Adora!"
She didn't wait for an answer. She launched the car a bit too frantically. In the rearview mirror, the disappointed face of Adora turned smaller and smaller as Catra sped away.
She wanted to go back. She wanted to take Adora with her.
...She wanted to tell her how much she'd missed her.
Catra huffed, fumbling through her stuff in the car.
Where did the damn orphanage keys disappear?
It wasn't like she was particularly attached to using the door-she had mastered the art of sneaking in and out through any window over the years-but she'd prefer if she could avoid explaining how she lost the keys Mrs. Potts had given her just a few hours ago, when she arrived from Salineas. She was supposed to hand them back tomorrow evening, so she'd better find them soon.
After fifteen minutes of vain exploration through her mess, she banged the back of her head against the seat and resigned herself to go back to her old antics. Kitchen window it would be.
She noted today was the first time she used the parking lot of the orphanage for her own car. Alright, Lonnie's car. She had only ever used a bike before or the school bus. If she wasn't sure she had finally reached adulthood, that detail was the striking symbol for it. She had left Horde Orphanage for good.
She sighed on her trip to the place she still called her home two years ago, adjusting her scarf around her neck to avoid getting sick in the middle of summer.
Horde Orphanage was the shelter for about twenty-five kids, aged six months to eighteen years old, although Catra had stayed a few years past the legal age for financial reasons. And other reasons.
It had been run for more than thirty years by the dreadful Mrs. Shannon Weber, or Shadow Weaver, as Catra called her in her mind since she was a kid.
The building was quite well located, standing on a cliff outside Fright Zone and partly protected from the pollution of the industrial area. A lovely place contrasting with a gloomy landscape, strategically arranged to attract young parents who couldn't have a child.
"Look at them poor things, having to live next to this awful city…" whined Shadow Weaver at each visit day. "We're lucky the orphanage is up here, but it's still such a disgrace, don't you think?! I've asked so many times to the mayor to let us settle further on the coast… "
Bullshit, she had always been delighted to work there.
"They're only waiting for the time a nice family will come and save them from here…"
Ugh. Catra forgot how many visit days she'd had to endure knowing each time that she wouldn't be picked because she was too old and too 'turbulent'…
Catra went around the Fright Zone preschool, a small building adjacent to the orphanage. Settled there because it made sense at the time to gather all the young kids together far away from the nasty smokes falling on the town, the little school was an institution for the citizens, who didn't have to travel too far from both their house and workplace until their children grew old enough to attend elementary school next town.
Catra smiled at the memories of the old teacher, Mrs. Potts, marvelling at how fast she learned to draw. Too bad that she hadn't been the one in charge of the orphanage, like she was currently doing for Shadow Weaver since the diagnosis. That would have changed a lot of things…
"You gotta be kidding me…" Catra grumbled when she finally faced the window. The light was on. Shadow Weaver was still up, sipping on a mug of tea. Looking at her straight in the eye. Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time she caught her hand in the bag.
Catra pushed the window open, and gracefully slipped inside the vast kitchen. She closed it behind her, then turned around, leaning against the counter with her legs and arms crossed.
"At almost twenty-three years old, one would think that you might lose those sneaky habits of yours, but I guess I put too much faith in you again."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had ever put faith in me in the past. Give me a heads up next time. I don't want to faint from too much recognition."
"Argue as you want, Catalina. I am too tired to deal with your insolence."
Usually this would trigger Catra's shouting, but something in Shadow Weaver's tone silenced the words in her mouth. Her caretaker was more than tired. She was diminished. As if her body was physically disappearing from the earth.
"Why are you here?"
"I lost the keys somewhere in my car…"
"That is not what I mean. What do you want from me, Catalina?"
"I…" Catra blinked, taken aback. "What do you think?! Mrs. Potts called me yesterday saying that you're sick and won't take medication. What did you expect me to do?"
"Oh well, in that case, I guess I should thank you for your consideration, Catalina."
Her voice and eyes were so cold it sent a shiver down her spine. Nothing in her sentence conveyed a genuine emotion. She had calculated every word and intonation to trigger something unpleasant in Catra, even the use of her full name.
"Why won't you listen to the doctors?"
"I have stage four lung cancer and six months to live if I take their heavy drugs. It's not worth it."
"Six is better than two! You can use that to-"
"To what?" She sent daggers at Catra, reminding her for a few seconds the fearful woman she used to be. Catra gulped. She knew it was her choice, as stupid as it seemed to her. She knew in her place she might actually choose the same thing… If she had no family like her, no joy in life. She didn't know if Shadow Weaver had any hobbies other than torturing orphans after all.
"You can at least accept the hospitalization in palliative care."
"I have pain killers. That's good enough for me."
"But-"
"Enough, Catalina!"
Catra swallowed her bitterness. She didn't really understand why she felt like this right now. She just knew that learning the news had made her panic so much she had jumped into Lonnie's car the next day, almost forgetting to warn her boss she wouldn't be able to go to work.
"What the hell, Catra," Lonnie had said over the phone. "You could have waited for the weekend. What do you think it'll change?!"
"...You wouldn't understand," Catra had answered.
"Um...duh! I lived there with you! You should be the last person to come back running to her right now!"
Lonnie was right of course. Of all the kids Shadow Weaver had raised, Catra had always been the least favorite, the one she belittled the most. And yet Catra had almost teleported herself from Salineas after that phone call. Shadow Weaver's question resonated in her ears. What did she want from her? What did she expect, now that she was a dying woman…
A dying woman whose first words to her old ward she hadn't seen in two years were to point out her hair looked even messier than usual, and it was a wonder she could keep a job looking like a homeless woman.
Catra furrowed her brows, feeling her blood boil in her veins.
"So you're just going to disappear as fast as you can and leave the kids alone without a care?!"
"Don't underestimate me. They're being transferred to other foster homes as soon as possible."
"But Hordak is shutting down the orphanage and the preschool! It's your whole life!"
"And my life is ending, as you didn't fail to notice."
Catra groaned. "Don't you care about all this? The kids who will be separated and lose the only home they got? Fuck, it's like you-"
"Do not curse under my roof. And why do you care, Catalina?" She squinted her eyes. "You spent years whining how you couldn't wait to forget about this place and pretend it never existed. Well, congratulations, your wish came true."
Catra hated how desperate she sounded and how Shadow Weaver got to her with every sentence… She hated how miserable she was at the thought of losing the two things she loathed the most… The despicable caretaker and the sad orphanage… But it was also her childhood. Her first home. It was what made her who she was now.
It was like erasing a part of her.
And Shadow Weaver was fine with that.
Catra pinched the bridge of her nose. Shadow Weaver was the one dying, not her. She had to be more tolerant, even if she had so many reproaches and questions on her mind.
"I have one last thing to ask you."
Catra looked up. The ghost of a smile was playing with the wrinkles of the woman's face as she stared at her mug absent-mindedly. Catra nodded, trying to compose her face to hide the hope she couldn't help feeling.
"I heard Adora is back in town." Catra's heart dropped in her chest. "Could you ask her to come visit me whenever she has the time?"
Catra widened her eyes incredulously. She couldn't, she…
"I...came back...for YOU!"
She banged her fists on the table. The mug fell off, smashing against the floor. Shadow Weaver looked at her impassively. She had spent a lifetime scolding her, yelling at her...and now she gave her the silent treatment. Catra hated her so much. Catra wanted to break that face, break the last spirit the sick woman had in her.
"None of the others would even think of calling you because that's how bad of a caretaker you are! And yet here I am, and the one you ask for is…" Catra's voice cracked. She was shaking with anger. "Adora is not your ward! Why are you so obsessed with her?!"
"Adora needs more than the pitiful woman she calls her mother," Shadow Weaver scowled. Catra shook her head. She couldn't believe it. After all these years giving the only affection she possessed to a girl who wasn't even part of her orphanage… Even after Adora had left everyone behind… Shadow Weaver still chose her. She still wanted to see her, even on her deathbed.
"Adora didn't come back for you. Adora never CARED for you," Catra spat.
"A child who has a mother like Lisa Holt always cares."
"And what about us?" Catra couldn't help yelling. She knew the kids must have heard her, but she didn't care. "You think we didn't need a parental figure maybe?! You think we were strong enough to pull ourselves together? Us orphans, that you are legally compelled to raise healthily?! You think we didn't crave for your affection too? Lonnie, Kyle and…"
…me?
"Not everything is about you, Catalina," Shadow Weaver replied coldly. "As far as I know, I am the sick woman here. And I am tired now, so please keep your outbursts for your art, since that's how artists make heartful content, apparently."
Catra stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. She took her face in her hands and leaned her forehead on the wall, breathing erratically, trying to keep the tears from falling.
Lonnie had been right.
Coming back had been a big mistake.
She forced herself to move. She wouldn't let Shadow Weaver hear her cry. She had hurt her enough for tonight, there was no need to show her more weakness.
Catra climbed up the stairs, jumping every other step as silently as she could. Just as she suspected, none of the kids were sleeping. She heard a few doors close hastily just as she arrived on the bedroom floor. She sighed. She hoped she didn't scare the youngest toddlers.
A door creaked open. It was Matt, a seventeen year old, the one oldest around, now that Catra had left. He was the one who had the task to maintain order in the small group of teenagers Shadow Weaver neglected for the very subtle reason that they had close to zero chance of getting adopted.
"Hey Catra, is everything alright?"
"Yes, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep, Matt."
The teenager nodded, leaving Catra alone in the dark hallway. Alone with her pain and her thoughts…That feeling of powerlessness, so familiar, striking her for the first time in two years… She had buried it deep in her mind when she left. Her life in Salineas had really changed everything. She should feel grateful. She should fully turn her back on the past without a regret.
Yet here she was, drawn back to that drama, wanting closure.
Closure she would never get from that woman.
Green and blue shone in the dark on the stairs leading to the rooftop.
Catra could use a bit of cold air. Her head was throbbing painfully. So what if she got sick? Big deal. Her boss owed her a few shifts anyway.
"Catra?"
She stopped mid-stairs, looking over her shoulder. A little girl with big teary eyes was standing below her, looking distressed.
"Luna, hey…" Catra smiled. "Sorry I woke you…"
"I can't sleep anyway."
Catra frowned. Luna didn't sound well. Catra sat on the stairs and tapped a spot next to her. The girl joined her in a hurry, still not cracking a smile. "What's on your mind?"
"Ginny is getting adopted."
Catra raised her brows in surprise. "That's unexpected." It wasn't every day that parents chose a twelve year old.
"Yeah." Luna pursed her lips.
"Where is she going?"
"Brightmoon."
Ouch. The City of Stars. It could have been worse, but it was still too far for a middle schooler to travel there alone.
"How do you feel?"
"I'm fine… It's just…" Luna sighed, slumping her shoulders. "We said… I know we're all moving from Horde soon, and we might not all end up in the same orphanage, but… She's going so far, and…"
Luna sniffed, blinking frantically to hold back her tears. Catra wrapped an arm around her. The girl hugged her in return, shaking against her.
"She promised we would leave Horde together!"
Catra froze.
That sounded oddly familiar.
"We… We were too old to be adopted, so we said we'd stay best friends forever, and leave together, and join you in Salineas someday and…"
Luna couldn't hold back anymore. She wept silently in her leather jacket, letting go all at once. Catra rocked her in her arms, petting her hair as she did. She closed her eyes, brows knitted together, as she tried to prevent the memories from haunting her mind again. What was it with this trip, throwing every emotional wound back at her?
"It's just, it's…"
"It's hard. I know, shrimp…" Catra whispered. Hard and sudden. Like a slap in the face. Leaving you stunned and hurt on the ground, unable to stand up on your own. A friend leaving, breaking her promise for a better future. And you staying behind, wondering how you did not see that coming. Facing yourself in the mirror and realizing you had relied so much on one person you didn't know what to do next.
"Hey, you remember that comic book I'm working on?"
"C'yra the Cat? Yes, I love it!" Luna gave her a little smile as she wiped her eyes.
"Well, there's a few strips that you might like. It's not gonna help really, but…"
"Show me!"
Catra grinned. She searched through her phone's media, hoping she hadn't deleted the drawings. Luna snuggled against Catra when she showed her the screen. A small cat with green and blue eyes was sulking on the first picture.
"See, C'yra is sad in this story, because her best friend Dahlia the Bird was offered a job as a party planner in the Town of Birds, where she comes from, and has to start with the town's tenth anniversary. She doesn't know if she wants to stay there forever, but she has to leave the house for the birthday event, and decide from there what she'll do. C'yra doesn't want her to go. She feels a bit left out and lonely because of course she can't follow Dahlia to a town full of birds."
Luna read in silence, as Catra scrolled the pictures. "So C'yra decides to sabotage the project. She keeps pulling pranks in the house so that Dahlia has to stay."
Luna giggled at C'yra's antics. Then she turned grave when she saw the open hearted conversation between C'yra and Dahlia at the end of the comic.
"Dahlia is miserable without the project," Luna whispered sadly. Catra rubbed a finger on her cheek.
"Yes, she needs it to be happy. But it doesn't mean she doesn't care about C'yra anymore."
Luna stared at her face for a good moment. Catra didn't trust her own eyes not to betray anything, so she averted her gaze. "Even if she decides to stay, it doesn't mean C'yra won't ever see her again. And it doesn't mean she will be miserable forever without Dahlia. She loves her, but she doesn't need her to become happy."
Luna didn't answer.
Catra knew she sucked at this. Comforting people was not her forte. But she didn't know what else to say. What else to do.
"Does she?" Luna's voice was only a whisper. She refused to meet Catra's gaze as she waited for an answer that was not coming. "Does Dahlia stay in the Town of Birds?"
"...I didn't draw the next part yet."
A few minutes later, Catra carried the kid, who had fallen asleep in her arms, back to her room. She put Luna delicately in her bunk bed, smiled as she saw Ginny jump from the top bunk and snuggle with her friend, then left silently. She climbed the stairs as fast as she could, suddenly really needing some air. She didn't feel good.
She opened the hatch, and welcomed the heavy Pacific wind that ruffled her hair with a sigh. She sat on the edge of the rooftop, hugging herself to fight the cold that made her shake. Or so she tried to convince herself. She couldn't get rid of that knot in her throat, nagging her, reminding her she wasn't as strong as she wished.
She observed the ocean come and go with fascination. That force of nature stood unstoppable, invincible against anything coming at her. It was steady against adversity, taking hits, but patiently waiting until it could take its revenge. The ocean didn't fall apart.
Catra wished she could be more like that. Instead, she was that unstable spark, exploding when life threw gun powder at her. She'd kept hoping Shadow Weaver would love her someday, and ended up hurt, and snapped at her, repeatedly. To try to gain her attention. To be loved like-
Shadow Weaver had told her multiple times, that it was what made her weak. Strong people didn't make a scene. Strong people took it all in, bowing under the wind, but never losing focus on the purpose. Strong people like-
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, snapping her out of her trance. She frowned when she saw it came from an unknown number.
Hey it's Adora! I got your number from my mom. ...I know you probably don't want to see me again, but...if you want to, tomorrow I'll be at the Nausicaa at 4. Have a good night Catra. :)
She didn't know what it was. Shadow Weaver dying? Her rejecting Catra once and for all? The prospect of her childhood vanishing in a few months? Luna and her heartbreak that reminded too much Catra of herself? The bittersweet nostalgia of this fucking town getting to her?
Or Adora… The girl she still loved, the girl who left, the girl who was back like nothing had changed.
She didn't know what it was, probably a mix of all of these. She didn't know what it was, but she cried anyway. She cried hard, and loud. It was just too much. Too much at once.
Her tears burnt her skin in the cold. Her screams got lost in the dreadful crashing of the ocean's waves.
She hoped the wind would carry her pain far away from her.
She couldn't deal with it anymore.
Yeah, ok, so, it's angsty x'D Bear with me, it'll turn out fine for Catra, and for the Catradora, I promise. ;)
I did a bit of a personality swap in this fic. I made Adora being the most perceptive of the two of them, because we got our fair share of "naive" Adora in the fanfics I've read. She's still herself, but her functioning is a little bit different. Same for Catra, who didn't anticipate Adora's "betrayal", as you'll discover later. (Mind you, the real Catra didn't anticipate either, but Adora hadn't planned it).
I hope you'll tell me your thoughts!