"Shin?…Shin, you awake?"
It wasn't the sound of his own name that woke him, but rather the fact that he knew he was no longer alone in the room. Aquamarine eyes blinked open, adjusting to the darkness, and still seeing nothing but the wall. What time was it? It was the middle of the night; this much was obvious, since the room was pitch black.
With a yawn, Shin rolled over. "I'm awake now…What's wrong, Shuu?" Trying to focus on his friend through the darkness was proving to be difficult; he much rather would have gone back to sleep.
"I couldn't sleep." Shuu's voice was a loud whisper, punctuated with a clap of thunder. Shin blinked, still trying to focus, and realized for the first time that it was pouring rain outside.
Couldn't sleep? Shin was politely annoyed. Shuu had woken him up at -he glanced at the flashing display of the digital alarm clock- four in the morning for this? There was always a chance that something was wrong, wherein he would be concerned, of course, but his half-asleep mind was fixed on the notion that it was the middle of the night and he'd rather be sleeping. "Is something wrong?" The question was followed by another yawn, and Shin rubbed his eyes, trying again to focus on Shuu's face.
"I…No, nothing is wrong, really…" Shuu mumbled, "This is gonna sound stupid but…Can I stay here tonight?"
Though Shuu probably couldn't see it through the dark, Shin's expression softened. It wasn't uncommon for any of them to feel lonely, even though they were so close. Shin supposed that was what war did to people, and, in any case, he could understand why his friend might not have wanted to be alone at the moment.
"Of course you can stay." He said softly, sliding his body over closer to the wall. He was feeling a little more alert now; the fog was beginning to lift from his mind. "Do you want to talk about anything?"
The bed shifted slightly under Shuu's weight as he climbed in next to Shin, who blushed a little as he slid closer to his friend. He was suddenly glad it was dark in the room, because he was certain his face must have been bright pink. Granted, Shuu probably wouldn't have noticed, and if he did, he probably wouldn't have questioned it, but Shin was relieved his friend couldn't see the blush.
"You ever get scared for no reason?" At the question, Shin shifted to study his friend's profile through the dark. It was an unusual question; Shuu didn't get scared. He was the fearless one, after all, but Shin supposed he was as human as the rest of them, and it made sense that he would be afraid once in a while.
"I was just laying there, and I couldn't sleep, and I got to thinking…And all of a sudden, I was afraid." The outline of Shuu's round face was visible through the night. His brows were knit, as if he was thinking hard, and a small frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. "You know, that kind of afraid where you think somethin' is wrong, but nothing is. Every one else is asleep…I checked on them before I came in here."
Shin studied him a moment longer, taking in the troubled expression on his face. His eyes, usually so brightly blue in the daytime, were dark in the night. Shuu seemed jumpy and nervous, and Shin wished he could help him. "I know what you mean." He murmured, wanting to put his friend at ease, "I feel afraid like that sometimes too."
"So what do you do about it, then?" Shuu queried, still making half an attempt to be quiet. He was watching Shin, watching as he tucked one arm under his chin, pillowing his head. His chestnut hair fell lightly across his forehead and into his eyes slightly and he brushed it back with his free hand, making a soft sound of annoyance.
"I guess…I just remind myself I'm not alone. No matter what bad things happen, I'll still have you guys." Shin smiled softly, "You're all there for me, so I don't have to be afraid." Outside, there was another rumble of thunder, followed by a brilliant flash of lightning which illuminated the room. Shuu's face looked unusually pale in the split second of light and Shin wondered if he was ill.
"Yeah." There was a pause, "Yeah, we're always here for you. So you don't have to worry about that." His expression was a crooked smile, the usual confident reassurance absent. Shin looked at him curiously, noting that those azure eyes seemed somewhere far away.
"Are you okay, Shuu?" He couldn't help asking; his concern far outweighed the possibility that he was just tired and making something out of nothing. The Shuu that he knew and cared for so much operated in two modes -eat and fight- and this was neither of them. This was scared-Shuu, and Shin wasn't quite sure he liked it.
"Yeah." Shuu tugged the blankets up around him, rolling on his side so he was facing Shin and no longer staring at the ceiling. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought." A sheepish grin crossed his face when he yawned widely. "Sorry about waking you up over nothing."
"It's okay." Shin stretched a gentle hand to brush back his bedmate's bangs, a fond smile on his face, "I know it's hard to think straight when you're tired…And you have a hard enough time thinking when you're awake." He teased, aqua eyes crinkling in a smile.
Shuu sulked. "No fair teasing when I'm too tired to fight back." He pouted at Shin, yawning and looking a bit like a sleepy puppy. Shin simply patted his arm comfortingly.
"Go to sleep." His tone was affectionate, voice still quiet. He watched fondly as Shuu made himself more comfortable, settling into the covers with a sigh, clumsy fingers curled around the fabric of a pillowcase. There were times when Shuu could be positively adorable, like now, when he was sleepy, and those were the best times, because no one really saw those things in the bumbling teenager. They were things which only made Shin like his friend more, and he smiled to himself as Shuu's eyes slid shut.
Though it was very late at night -or early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it- Shin suddenly found himself very much wide awake. As Shuu's breathing evened out, he caught himself staring at his friend, taking in dark hair, that little nose and sooty lashes fluttering lightly against round cheeks. Shuu was remarkably like a big child, from the simplicity with which he thought, to his easy emotions, to the way in which he viewed the world. Shin liked this about him; Shuu's innocent, though sometimes thoughtless or brutal, honesty was refreshing and his laid-back attitude and good nature made relaxing so much easier.
Besides that, he truly appreciated Shin's efforts in the kitchen, and said so often enough, giving exuberant thanks for every meal.
Smiling, Shin rolled over to face the wall again -his most comfortable position- and burrowed down deeper into the covers.
An hour and a half or so later, Shin woke for a second time, stiffening at the feel of a warm presence resting against him. He nearly panicked for a moment, then remembered Shuu waking him up earlier and relaxed, sagging back against the soft body of his friend. Shuu had an arm draped around his middle, his chest pressed against Shin's back. That wasn't all he could feel pressed against him, however, and he blushed furiously at the realization that Shuu must have been in the middle of a very nice dream.
He made to move away, but Shuu's arm tightened around him and a sleepy mumble that may have been "stay" escaped the younger boy's lips. Shin realized he really had no choice; he would have to stay where he was, no matter how awkward he felt. That decision had been made for him. Shuu shifted slightly, making his arousal more obvious, and Shin blushed deeper. The panicky feeling was returning, but for different reasons.
His mind was racing as Shuu snuggled closer, burying his face in Shin's neck and sighing softly. Shin had the wildest urge to laugh; this sort of thing only happened in his dreams. He had resigned himself long ago to the fact that he was attracted to his friend and that nothing would ever come of it, not with the way Shuu was always eying and awkwardly trying to talk to girls. It seemed ludicrously funny that, now, not only was Shuu in his bed, all cuddled up to him and aroused, but that he wouldn't remember any of it in the morning and it would have meant nothing to him anyway.
The desire to laugh gave way to an unbearable urge to cry, and before he realized it, Shin had tears trickling down his cheeks. He lifted a hand to wipe his eyes, brushing tears from his lashes and snuffling softly. The tears wouldn't stop; they just kept coming and coming and he wasn't even sure quite why he was crying. He buried his face in a pillow, miserable, and stiffened when Shuu pulled him closer again.
"S'okay." Shuu's voice was muzzy and muffled and Shin didn't think he was quite awake, but rather that he instinctively knew something was wrong. "Don' worry…'M here." His arm tightened again around Shin's slender body, protective, and Shin could feel as his expression changed, brows furrowing, because Shuu still had his face hidden in his neck.
Shin twisted around so he was facing Shuu, burrowing against him and burying his face in his companion's broad chest as he continued to cry. He clung desperately to Shuu's pajama top, the tears showing no signs of stopping, and only sobbed harder when Shuu's other arm came around him. The dark-haired boy didn't say anything further, just held him until Shin stopped crying and the only sounds emanating from his body were pathetic little whimpers as he mourned for something he couldn't even identify.
Shin wanted to pull away from the embrace, to curl up in the corner and sob his eyes out. He couldn't handle the closeness, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away either, there may never be another chance for the two of them to be so near one another. If this was his only chance to be in Shuu's arms, he didn't want to waste it. The thought that this might be it only made him want to cry more; it wasn't fair; it just wasn't fair!
"Don't cry, Shin." Shuu was a little more awake now, and slightly puzzled to realize his best friend was sobbing in his arms and he wasn't sure why. The gears were turning slowly in his head and, as he put two and two together, he wondered if the hysterics had anything to do with their earlier conversation. "And don't be lonely." He found himself stroking wispy brown hair in a clumsy attempt to comfort Shin, "You always have me."
For a moment, time seemed to stop as Shin pulled his face away from Shuu's chest and looked up at him through the dim early morning light. Shuu looked back at him, taking in his red, tear-strained face and wondering what in hell that had all been about. Shin just sighed, hiccupping once. "Always?"
A grin crossed the other boy's face. "You better believe always. With the way you cook, you're stuck with me forever." Shuu's grin became triumphant at Shin's soft laugh. He was relieved to see his friend happier, though this was far from the usual happy of Shin, and still a bit confused over what had set the brown-haired boy off crying in the first place, but this was better than nothing.
"I think I can live with that." Shin snuggled closer, happier, and smiled when Shuu hugged him again. It wasn't quite what he wanted of his friend, but it would have to do, for now.