AN: ...this is quite possibly the most random thing I have ever written in my life. I don't even know why I wrote this... Er... Enjoy, I guess

Disclaimer: I don't own either. And after this piece of insanity, you'll be glad of that.

The End of the World As We Know It or

What would happen if the Sorting Hat Met Maximum Ride

Max sat on the stool, shifting slightly, uncomfortable with all the eyes of the great hall on her. Then, the lumpy old hat Professor McSomethingOrAnother had shown them was put on her head.

"Hmm… You're definitely courageous." A voice suddenly filled her mind while she tensed, suddenly realizing that whatever this hat was, it was not a good idea.

"You've been through much… And-" Suddenly the hat was interrupted.

"Max! What are you doing here? You have to save the world!" Her Voice spoke suddenly, berating her as it had done so many times before.

Max winced, causing the flock to shift uncomfortably in front of her.

"What's this? You have a voice inside your head?" The Sorting Hat seemed stunned.

"Well, yeah, that's kinda what I was trying to warn you about…" Max answered the Sorting Hat, annoyed at the fact that it seemed to think she was insane. After all, she was fairly sure that you could purchase a Voice in your head at your local Target. They couldn't be that rare…right?

"Max! We don't have time for this!"

"The girl must be sorted! Now… your cunning and the fact that you would do anything to save the ones you love would make you perfect in Slytherin…"

"Now wait just a minute! I know what Slytherin is! You are not saying that she belongs with a bunch of bigoted racists!"

"I was saying that she could belong with-"

"Now LISTEN HERE, you can't just come in here and start telling her what to do. You are speaking to the Maximum Ride, and she will go where she wants to. Especially when she wants to go save the world."

"It's my job to tell her where to go!"

"Yeah? Well I was here first!"

"Well, I was here second! So what? I have more authority!"

"No! I do!"

"No!"

"Yeah!"

Max smacked her forehead with her hand in humiliation. Her voice was arguing with a talking hat. These types of things just couldn't happen to anyone else…

"Max will go where I put her!"

Oh no he didn't…

"Eh, NO. Max will go where Max wants."

"But you don't even know your options!"

"Then give me my options."

"Yeah! Give her her options!"

"Well, you could go to Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw."

"…do you honestly expect me to know what those names mean?"

"Perhaps if you had been listening while I sang."

"WHOAH! WHAT? YOU SANG? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"

"I believe it was when young Gazzy unleashed his…er…'talent'"

"Oh… That would explain that… By any chance, you wouldn't care to repeat that, would you?"

"NO I WOULD NOT!"

"Jeez, little touchy there, aren't you?"

"Yeah… Calm yourself down, Mr. Stuffy."

"…you did not just call him Mr. Stuffy. Ugh… whatever… can't I just pick where I go?"

"But that's not in the spirit of the sorting!"

"…the SPIRIT of the SORTING?"

"…Just pick."

"Ummm… eenie, meenie, minie mo…"

"You are NOT picking using that horrid technique! This is a delicate and sacred process and you-"

"Are making it fun. Yes. May I continue now?"

"…"

Suddenly, a new voice came to the gathering of minds. "Max, why is it taking so long?"

"My voice and the Sorting Hat are arguing… Just wait a bit longer sweetie, ok?"

"Ok, Max…"

There was a pause, before:

"Hey Voice, a griffin has wings, right?"

"Yes, Maximum. It's a cross between a Lion and an Eagle."

"Hmm… So it's either an Eagle or a Raven…"

"Why Ravenclaw and Gryffindor?"

"Because both of them have wings. Duh."

"YOU'RE PICKING BASED ON WHAT ANIMAL YOU… Just hurry up and pick already!"

"Umm… I'm pretty sure my DNA is of an Eagle, so I'll go with Gryffindor."

"You can go ahead and shout that out now."

If the Sorting Hat were able to glare, this would be the time it would do it.

"I can't believe I am allowing this type of-"

"Yeah, well, you are. Will you hurry up now?"

The Flock and the whole Great Hall had grown bored by now, and were overjoyed when the Sorting Hat finally shouted out "GRYFFINDOR!", and Max grinned proudly, walking confidently to the red and gold table which had erupted into cheers.

Once she had sat down, she sent a thought to Angel. "If you give the Sorting Hat a hard enough time, he'll let you pick what house you go into… Spread the word to the rest of the Flock, ok?"

She was Maximum Ride, and she'd be damned if she let a stupid hat tell her, and her Flock what to do…

AN: Er... Yeah. I could use some feedback on that, so if you don't mind, the arrow of awesomeness will guide you to your destination...

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