Tim (from Braid) Meets Godzilla
Tim (the guy from Braid) was getting up his own ass about how intelligent and artistic his game is, and how no one understands it. Also, no one understands him and his suit and his fruity shoes.
"I bet Michael Stype, Morrissey, Moby, Beck, Kanye West, Billy Mitchell, Shigeru Miyamoto, David Lynch, Phil Fish, Jonathan Blow, and everyone who doesn't use the Oxford Comma would understand Braid and get all its intrinsic artistic merits," said Tim to no one.
Just then, suddenly, and completely without warning, Michael Stype, Morrissey, Moby, Beck, Kanye West, Billy Mitchell, Shigeru Miyamoto, David Lynch, Phil Fish, Jonathan Blow, and everyone who doesn't use the Oxford Comma appeared abruptly before the hideously ugly boy Tim (you know, that ugly kid from Braid?)!
Tim and his pretentious new friends bitched, and whined, and argued, and cried for hours about myriad topics, but mostly about how smart and different they are and how no one understands them.
Little did they know that someone was listening quietly and intently; counting the number of times the group uttered the words/phrases, "ironic," "vintage," "small venue," "genres," "as an artist," "soy," "amazeballs," "chai latte," "better on vinyl," "indie," "too mainstream," "totes," "trippin' balls," "my go-to drug," "adorbs," "critique," "unicorns and glitter," and "nose," "head," and "bouquet" in reference to wine.
The someone who was counting was Godzilla, and Godzilla wasn't a very good counter, as we all know from the scene in the film King Kong Vs. Godzilla where they show Godzilla's inferior brain size in comparison to King Kong's.
When Godzilla lost count, he became furious and appeared out of the extra-dimensional space he had been hiding and counting in.
"Oh no, it's Godzilla!" cried all the pretentious friends at once, but their mouths didn't sync with the audio of what they said.
GodLizza (sic) roared the most ferocious battle cry he could muster, piercing the skies of Braid planet. The pressure of this furious sound was enough to crush the skulls of one or two of the pretentious friends. [author's note: it is irrelevant which two...just pick two you dislike.]
Those who survived scrambled to escape from what they knew was about to happen.
But it was too late.
The lightning was already flashing down the stegosauras flakes on Godzilla's back, and he inhaled a mighty inhale, like a massive hurricane that sucks instead of blows.
Just then, abruptly, and unexpectedly, electric radiation filled the world of Braid, Tim's home, literally melting the skin from the faces of Michael Stype, Morrissey, Moby, Beck, Kanye West, Billy Mitchell, Shigeru Miyamoto, David Lynch, Phil Fish, Jonathan Blow, and everyone who doesn't use the Oxford Comma.
Though they were all prepared, nothing could have prepared them for it. Needless to say, they didn't find it too amazeballs, though a few did detect the irony, as they were fans of Godzilla (ironically).
The only survivor was Tim (Braid). He looked up at Godzilla with tears in his eyes and through trembling lips managed to utter the word, "Why?"
Godzilla looked down at Tim through eyes of hatred that could freeze the souls of a sailor faster than Medusa's. He bent over and picked up Tim (of Braid fame) and brought him up to his face as he stood erect again. The radioactive lightning heat emanating from Godzilla's nostrils was already causing Tim's suit to burn up.
Godzilla opened his ferocious jaws, and with a soft, crystalline voice of a learned English gentleman, simply replied, "'cause yolo." Then Godzilla swallowed Tim O'Braid whole and then went to the Dune Sea on Tatooine and swallowed the Sarclaac whole to ensure that Braid (Tim) would be slowly digested over a period of 1,000 years (Hutt time).
Fin (and Jake)