"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

--Steven Wright.

Focus on the Brownies

I.

Ron dug his hand deeper into the bowel of buttery popcorn resting on his lap as he watched the events unfold in front of him.

"Oh John if only you hadn't forgotten to study for that test yesterday." The main heroine on the screen was at the point of tears as she stared up at the large hunk, or at least Ron figured he was being unable to properly judge of course, standing in front of her.

"Didn't I tell you Jasmine I'm a bad person. I told you our love was doomed from the start." Ron nodded his head watching with fixed attention as the two stared into each other's eyes for at least a minute. A groan emerged from Ron when the scene suddenly changed to a commercial for Dr. D's brainwashing oatmeal. Yet another plot they didn't need to concern themselves about.

Turning towards the girl who also currently occupied the room he noted her green eyes staring at him. Clearing his throat he decided to move on with his original objective. "So Kim, do you think John and Jasmine are going to get together?"

Kim just arched her eyebrow at that. "Ron it's been clear since season two and three that those two are meant for each other. Let's face it anyone who doesn't realize it by now hasn't been watching the same show." Pointing her finger at Ron she smiled slightly which made Ron uncomfortable. "So I'm going to guess you are watching television when you should be working on Barkin's assignment."

Ron felt his heart suddenly leap to his throat at the mention of Barkin let along assignment. Whenever it concerned Barkin it could never be good. "What assignment?"

Kim sighed at that as she rolled over on her back kicking her feet up. "The one he assigned a month ago Ron. Don't tell me you haven't done anything yet?"

Ron gulped as flashbacks of previous occurrences of his lapse of memory concerning homework flashed through his mind. Somewhere along the line Ron's mental projector caught on fire and stopped the massive deluge of memory from continuing. "Um...let's just say for argument sake that I didn't start on it what is exactly involved in this?"

Ron could hear Kim's sigh as he saw Rufus finally crawl out of a seat cushion and make his way towards the popcorn. "You have to interview one of your grandparents and write a story based on what they wrote. Remember how I told you I wrote about the time Nana saved Jimmy Carter from the rampages of Mecha-Stalin."

Ron swallowed again as he ran through his memories. He vaguely recalled the talk but for some reason Kim resembled a Naco at the time. "Yeah I recall that. Now when exactly will Mr. B be expecting this stuff?"

"Monday, Ron. Oh and by the way I already called Nana Stoppable and told her we're coming over." Ron looked over in surprise only to have a pen and paper shoved into his face. "Let's get going Ron."

II.

Ron's gentle knock on the door in front of him echoed back to him as he hopped from foot to foot. To say he was excited was one thing but a quick glance to the side showed a bouncing Kim eagerly awaiting their host arrival at the door. "Honestly Kim I don't know why you don't show up here more often."

Kim just glared at him ready to probably make some remark at that when the door swung open. Standing in the entrance was a woman who appeared to be in her eighties though still spry enough to move around with relative ease. At the moment she had a cane in one hand as her other gripped the door though she didn't lean on either one as she grinned at her two guests. "Ron! Kim! Good to see you two now come on in dears before you catch your death."

Ron smiled as he entered ready to give his grandmother a big hug. He was caught off guard when the cane came out and struck him on his ankle. "OW!"

"You know better then to walk in here with those dirty shoes. I raised your father better than that and I'm sure he passed some manners onto you. Now off with those shoes or you can sit out in the cold by yourself." Ron muttered as she quickly untied the shoes and as soon as they were off he finally went for that hug which was returned in full. "Ah it's good to see my favorite grandson and his little girlfriend too. How are you Kim?"

Ron looked back as Kim smiled at his grandmother. "I'm good Mrs. Stoppable. How are you?"

"Fine dear. How's Harry?"

"He's good still trying to turn Mike into some warrior hero last I checked. He did show me a few new moves though but he's getting a little older now and tends to tire out a lot." Ron noted Kim couldn't help but look past his grandmother's shoulders.

Ron turned back as he heard his grandmother kindly chuckle as she looked at Kim. "Now dear there no need to be polite like that. Their in the oven right now if you want to fetch them." Kim tried to protest at that but Ron's grandmother quickly cut her off. "Now dear if I didn't want you two to eat them I wouldn't make them. Now how about you go fetch them and I'll check up with my grandson here." This finally won Kim over as she darted towards the kitchen.

"I hope you don't mind me interviewing you for school grandma." Ron turned towards the living room prepared to make his way into it when he felt his grandmother cane touch him on the leg stopping his progress forward.

"So you two finally dating yet?" Ron blushed as he looked at his grandmother's smiling face.

"Grandma we're just friends!"

"Ha! I'll believe that one when pigs fly. She's a nice girl you should nab her while she's still available. After all I want to see my great-grandchildren before I die you know."

Ron's blush deepened at the mentioning of him producing kids as he hastily shook his head. "Come on grandma you know Kim doesn't think of me like that."

His grandmother though just shook her head the more for that comment. "Nonsense that girl would be lucky to grab a fine example of the Stoppable genes like you. Besides you'd have to be blind not to see the looks she sends your way and frankly the looks you give her too make it clear that it cuts both ways. Now just pop the questions and get to producing me those great-grandkids." Ron never got to reply as his grandmother grabbed him by the arm and started to lead him into the living room. "Now you want to interview me for some school project right? Honestly this is what happens when you let liberals take over the schools. Are you even learning math and science or are you just interviewing people left and right? I tell you in my day we studied because by God we never knew if we'd have to take apart a nuclear bomb. Not like now where you all have to feel good."

"Um..." Ron felt the conversation had quickly left him behind as his grandmother deposited him into a chair on the opposite side of the room. It was at this point that Kim came into the room chocolate around her face showing the sad ending of one of his grandmother's homemade brownies.

"Kim I see you found them and by the way when are you going to give me some great-grandkids?" Ron blushed as he looked over to Kim who for her part was just smiling.

"As soon as you give Ron this recipe we can talk about the rest." Sitting down next to Ron Kim offered Ron the plate to grab one. Taking one off the top Ron bite into it enjoying the explosion of chocolate in his mouth. Kim was right he needed this recipe.

His grandmother just chuckled before sitting herself into a chair nearby. "Let's a good story to tell...how about how I meet Ronald's grandfather. Let's see it was right after Harry broke his leg and poor Jim was killed. I think Eisenhower was still President during the time and the Cold War was still raging. I was being 'debriefed' by the General..."

III.

"I see so I have an operative with a broken leg and a soldier who is being sent home in a casket and for what? Last I checked that man machine is still on the rampage. Any comments you two?" Katherine, or Kat as she liked to be called, made sure to study her image in the mirror behind the General's desk. She noted the fact that her blond hair needed a good washing and her uniform probably needed some ironing at the moment. It was hard after all to keep one's appearance up after just getting off one of those 'airplanes' that the military was so found of now. She knew her fellow members of the organization viewed her as crazy old fashion for still being cautious around the things but the concept of flying in a large hunk of metal just didn't appeal to her.

"Sir even the mighty trees in the forest will eventual succumb to the harshness of life but from their death will spring new life and another tree stronger then the first will take its place." Kat looked over at the young Japanese man at her side, who just happened to be her ranking officer, whose cryptic remarks were not that unusual. He was an oddity in their organization wearing not only American flag on his uniform but the Japanese one as well indicating the fact that he was a civilian first of that country. Needless to say this did not earn him much love from the veteran members who had fought his country in the war. His garden related logic though just plain left everyone confused.

"Perhaps you right but I see no need to lose a soldier in the first place. Regardless we must replace the loss so I've assigned a new member to your time. He's an army ranger who's got the most recommendations I've ever seen in my life so he's got to be good. Take good care of him and remember he's for support only don't make the mistake of letting him into the main action like last time. Just let him drive the trucks or whatever you all decide to use." Apparently Kat decided no everyone was confused by her commander's garden wisdom.

"What of our original target sir?" Kat perked up at her commander question wondering if she'd get another try at that machine madman. She'd gotten in a few good kicks the last time around and she was looking forward to getting a revenge for Jimmy.

The General shot down that idea though when he shook his head. "No higher ups want a...'Mrs. Possum' to take care of this. Odd name if you ask me but I guess she's qualified for this though frankly having an Italian intelligence officer in her unit really doesn't speak well for her. We all saw how good they can fight in the war after all." The General laughed at his own joke not even noticing he was the only one laughing considering one person in the room was too young to have fought in that war and the other was from one of the defeated countries. "Well that's all your both dismissed and I expect better in the future by the way. That's all for now." A quick salute and they were out of there as quickly as they could.

Kat sighed as she followed behind her commanding officer irritation clear in her every step. "Sir we can take him down if they only give us another chance. We don't need some rookie taking care of this."

"The sun flower faces the sun when it rises and the willow bends with the wind." Kat frowned and was about to make a comment when a loud racket occurred towards the side. Spinning around she saw a young blond soldier stumbling around while being entangled by various pieces of equipment. Frowning she stared as the soldier finally made his way out and headed over to the both of them.

"Lt. Stoppable reporting for duty sir!" Kat looked at the odd young man in front of her with his messy blond hair and overly large ears. His brown eyes nervously shifted from the silent officer in front of him to Kat who stood slightly to the side even as he shifted from foot to foot in a clear nervous state. His uniform was messy stained with oil and his left boot was missing. Over all she had to say she was less then impressed.

"You're Jimmy's replacement?" Kat couldn't help but voice her shock at the person sent to replace their previous team member. This was supposed to be a highly trained unit not one where the members tripped over things and looked in general like a mess.

"Yes ma'am!" Kat prepared to move forward her irritation at her previous orders about to be taken out on this unfortunate young man.

"The tree's bark hides many things we shall see what his hides." Stopping she looked towards her commander an irritated sigh coming from her lips. "What skills do you posses young Stoppable-san?"

"Well sir I can drive pretty much anything you give me and I was the top sharpshooter in my company. If you want I can show."

"I look forward then to you providing us with a good demonstration of your skills."

"Will do." With that the young Lt. Stoppable was off leading them to the firing range. Part way there he realized he didn't know the way and instead allowed Kat herself to lead them to it. Once there he selected a M1 Garand loaded it and promptly fired at the targets on display. Turning around with a smile on his face Lt. Stoppable finished checking his gun over as he walked over to them. "Well I have to say that was some fine shooting wasn't it." With that he swung his rifle back, hit his head, and feel into a pile of unloaded weapons sending the whole mess flying into the air. Kat could only groan.

For the rest of the day it went pretty similar to that. At moments he would show surprising competence starting up and repairing vehicles they thought ruined, bringing forth obscure tactical information, and showing a surprising good handle on navigation and such. It was all marred by the fact that he frequently screwed up, tripped over himself, and once torn down an entire barracks. In the end though he was accepted as a member despite what Kat felt should happen. It was later that day though she found herself eating a decent burger in the mess hall trying to forget about the screw ups of the day.

"Mind if I sit here?" Kat looked up from her burger noting Lt. Stoppable standing by her. She didn't need to nod for she noted that he had already taken a sit and extended his hand. "Names Ronald by the way."

"Katherine." With that they sat and ate in silence except for the occasional question from Lt. Stoppable.

IV.

Kim stopped eating her brownie as she looked at Ron's grandmother. "And you feel in love with him when?" Kim turned to look at Ron who had expressed the same question she was thinking at the time. To their surprise though his question was answered with a laugh.

"Fall in love with that goof? Believe me if took a few more years with us both becoming good friends. It's not like the movies after all." Raising her cane she pointed towards Ron. "You know that's quality material you got there though so I expect you to get a good grade on this assignment. You got that young man?"

Ron quickly saluted as Kim reached for another brownie. She couldn't resist though asking one more question. "So when did you know you were in love with him?"

Ron's grandmother frowned at that as she looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. "If I was to guess it was probably after he retired from the unit, we were still dating at the time, and I got back from a mission. In my mailbox I found a letter from him complete with all the usual postal office markings and so I opened it up. Inside I found a ring and a note asking me to marry him. He even included his phone number in case I forgot it as if I'd make the mistake he made that one time."

"And?" Both Kim and Ron voiced their combined question at the same time.

"And what? I had a good laugh and then sent him a letter saying yes." Kim frowned at that as she leaned back shaking her head. An odd story indeed.

V.

Barkin rubbed his forehead feeling a headache coming on. Three stories about Mecha-Stalin had been submitted so far with another one about mutant fish. As if it wasn't enough he was getting the odd stories from the trio he had the one from Mankey about how his grandfather was a part of the Apollo missions and how Tara's paper telling about how her grandfather prevented a nuclear melt down. Sighing Barkin leaned back in his chair. "Isn't a single one of these kids from a normal background?" Shaking his head he picked up Monique's paper and noted right away the word 'death beam' on it. Groaning Barkin felt his head slam into the table not even caring anymore. Was it so much to ask for at least one normal assignment submission?

The End

A/N: Well another contest entry and with this out of the way I can finally get started on writing the other stuff. Anyway as always read and review.

Disclaimer: KP owns it.