I opened my eyes weakly, my head was spinning.

"Where am I?"

I looked around me and the first thing that I noticed was that I was not at home.

How did I get here?

I started to panic.

I tried to pace back and forth as I tried to rethink what I did since yesterday.

Tap... Tap-Tap... Tap!

I revisited the game against Lycaons, our coach forfeit. We lost.

Tap-Tap!... Tap...

I remembered that I left the stage angrily. After an hour of driving I finally calmed myself and I realized that he made the best decision.

I remembered that I went straight home and slept...

Oh!

I suddenly remebered that I have forgotten to take my medication and I unconsciously punched the wall beside me, three times. I hope no one saw me. I made a lot of effort to hide the truth to my teammates.

I'm a schizophrenic. I am suffering since my birth.

I got up and ran through the halls. I recognised our stage, but... Why am I here?

I ran and I ran around. No one's here.

Wait? No one's here?

Am I dreaming? Maybe.

TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!

Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale...

I headed to the players' restroom and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I have to support myself by the bathroom sink to avoid falling. My face, as well as my clothes, are covered in blood.

I inspected myself for a moment, but found no injury.

Seriously? What did I do?

I skidded back the halls and saw a trail of blood. I followed the long red marks. It stopped at the players' lockers. I looked at the door, and the door handle was stained with blood. I extended a trembling hand before opening it, only for me to tremble back with mortification.

A scene of horror appeared before me.

I saw the bodies of three of my teammates and the coach, lying face down, in a pool of blood. I was even tripped by on a leg on my bleary way towards the only entryway and exit and back the halls.

What did I do?!

Am I the only one who did this?!

I fell to my knees, tears flowing on my face, as I finally let out my well-kept emotion filling up my gut.

A minute later, I took my courage in both hands, I got up and walked towards them. I cheked their pulse to see if there were none. I hope they're not dead.

Suddenly I heard a groan, our coach was still breathing. Thank goodness! I go to leave the room to call for help. When I turn back to the door, I saw Nozoe, who just enter in the locker room . He stared at me a second, then his eyes widen in fear. I hesitantly spoke as I motioned for retreat.

"It's not me ... I do nothing... "

My voice trembled. I have difficulty to support his gaze.

"H - Hey!... Nozoe?... It - It's... me!... Your teammate?... "

That was when realization finally struck me. I was still drenched in blood, and I haven't changed yet.

"No... I just woke up... and found myself like this... See?... "

A terrified, shaky hand was outstrectched, as Nozoe pointed his finger at me. He then exclaimed, "It's you! It's you who did this!"

No! I didn't do it!

"... Nozoe... calm d - d - d - down... It wasn't me, I didn't do it... I swear - "

He did not seem to believe me, and I ran.

I didn't do it!

Few minutes later the police arrived. The coach were being brought at the hospital it was too late for my teammates, while I was arrested for murder. For two hours I was in the interrogation room.

From what I understood, and from what they told me, Nozoe seemed like he had seen me with a weapon. They made me do some powder residue tests, but we have to wait for minutes until the results arrived. An hour later I was released, the results were negative, and they had no evidence against me.

I went straight home and took a long, long shower as I threw my clothes when I went to the bathroom. After that, I went to see my voice mail was full. I received dozens of messages on my cell phone and email account, accusing me of being a murderer. Nozoe had spread the news among the team.

Well, I couldn't blame him. He enter in the locker room and the first thing he saw was me covered in blood surronded by the dead body of our teammates.

I went in the bathroom looking for my pills and was about to take when I heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it ?"

"Itsuki, it's Thomas and Brooklyn. Open it, please."

I slowly opened the door reluctantly, but Brooklyn was quick to enter. He held me in his arms and kissed me softly.

"I know you're innocent."

Honey, if only you knew how much I hope you're right.

"So have you really k - "

"This is wrong, he is innocent."

Firmly, Thomas he began his question, but Brooklyn interrupted him. I was somewhat happy to see he still belived me, nevertheless of the situation I was in. From the corner of my eye, I saw Thomas advanced to the washroom. I felt my heart stopped beating, my pills were still on the counter. What if he sees them? What if?… Fear invaded my heart, I was afraid that he would hate me, that he would left me. I felt the tears well up in my eyes...

A second later, he returned with a bottle in his hand.

"What's this, Itsuki?"

"... Medication."

I tried to avoid the question, but the look in his eyes said that it's not worth trying. I felt Brooklyn loosen his grip on me a bit, he must be surprised.

"What kind of medication is this?"

Thomas seemed angry, it's not a good sign. I brought myself to say.

"I ... I'm ... I'm Schizophrenic."

"Wha - "

There, I said it.

Now, to see their reaction...

Thomas dropped the bottle in shock. Fortunately, it was closed. I felt tears running down my face as I looked up at Brooklyn, trembling with fear. He took my face in his hands and looked at me straight in the eye.

"... I love you."

I knew it, he hates me... Wait what?

"... I love you, Itsuki."

He ... he still loves me.

It was the final straw, I finally burst into tears. He took me in his arms after some minutes, i felt Thomas ran a hand through my hair. I turned my face toward him. I can almost read his questions in his eyes.

Why?

When?

How?

I answered him as if I read his mind. "I was born like that, that's all."

"Born like that - How's that possible? ''

"Actually, it's almost impossible, there are only four in the world to have ... this."

I looked at him carefully, trying to gauge Thomas' reaction. Unlike the expression of hatred or anger like what I was expecting, he showed me a sweet smile on his lips, almost as sweet as his expression. I'm glad they did not reject me.

I released myself from Brooklyn's grip and headed to the washroom, they followed me. Thomas handed me the bottle he had taken. I put it with the others, went out before I took the medication I have to take. I put them back in the little glass cabinet and opened a bottle of water.

From the corner of my eye, I saw their eyes twinkled in amazement and shock. Finally, Brook broke the etarnal silence.

"You have to take as many as that?" He was pertaining to the amount of pills I swallowed.

"Yes, twice a day, morning and evening."

Thomas walked forward and took the container. He took a look at the bottle as he read the number of compressing it has inside, before ask.

"Why so much?"

"This type of schizophrenia is almost thirty times stronger than normal, I don't really have a choice."

"What is schizophrenia ?"

Thomas and I turn towards Brooklyn, a confused expression on his face, he did not know. I walk up to him and kissed his cheek.

"I'll explain... "

I took a deep breath to calm me down and started talking. I felt some tears beading in the corner of my eyes, I'm not very comfortable talking about my illness.

"Schizophrenia is a mental illness ... a form of madness ... including my crisis, I'm always hallucinating ... monsters... Most of the time, I see them, hear them ... The worst is that it causes synesthesia."

"A what ?"

"This is another disease that makes two senses combined, like see the words, taste the music... or in my case, feel what I see."

Thomas came towards me, he seemed worried, I think he began to understand what I said.

"You mean ... "

"Yes, if one of my hallucination grabs my arm I'll feel it, even if it is not real, to me the pain would be ... I have no way to differentiate what is real or what is not ... Well, there is the taste. My hallucination has no taste."

Brooklyn took me in his arms. I saw tears beading in the corner of his eyes, and as well as those of Thomas, he gently caressed my cheek.

"Poor Itsuki... It must be horrible."

I am happy; not only do they not rejected me, but they are so compassionate.

Thomas stood before me as he looked at me in the eye as he asked, "Yesterday... Did you took your medication?"

I just shook my head as I said, " …No… "

"Would you have done this?"

He must've talking about the incident inside the locker room. I stood up, avoiding his gaze with a heavy heart. I am afraid to tell him the truth, but do I really have a choice?

"... Maybe?... "

I took Brooklyn hand, as I squeezed it nervously.

"I know I did something... but I could not remember anything!"

I saw their eyes widen in shock.

"You've forgotten? How could that happen?!"

Just the sound of his voice, I can feel that Thomas is angry.

"It's always like that, after my delusions, I tend to forget... It would take some days before I can remember myself."

From the corner of my eye I saw Brooklyn push Thomas away from me before he took me in his arms again.

"I am sure that you are innocent."

Thomas and Brooklyn spend the rest of the night with me, to speak and to reassure me. After some hours, they fell asleep. I laid my head against Brooklyn's chest and fell asleep.

I hope I am as innocent as he believed.

A story written for and with the help of DJ Broken Wang

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