Shinjitsuno Hanma
"It's funny how people just sit around all day lying to each other's faces, isn't it Hachiman?"
"Yup, it's ironic and hypocritical, just attempting to portray yourself in a way that you can't possibly hope to be. Why do they try?"
"Because they want to be nice with everyone, and so they change themselves like a chameleon to adapt to their surroundings."
"Oh, that's right, I almost forgot. This is why I keep you around Hanma."
"Yup. That and the face that you would be alone if you didn't have me to talk to."
"Shut up, I have my sister, and if anything, that applies more to you than to me. You came here one week ago all by yourself from America."
"That is very true my friend, very true indeed. But you sister still doesn't understand you."
"You're right. By the way, I've been curious, why do you have a Japanese name? You aren't Japanese, and you lived in America."
"My parents were huge weeaboos."
"Damn. How come they aren't here with you?"
"Cuz they're 6 feet under in a casket."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, shit happens."
"Well that's true. Anyways how did you end up here?"
"Long or short story?"
"Whichever."
"My classmates made fun of my name and said I should go to Japan and stay there for the rest of my life. Then it became a rumor that I loved Japan and I got put into a foreign exchange program, which lead to me coming here. I figured I wouldn't have to deal with as much of the personalized insults."
"How naïve"
"I know."
"So then why."
"I just wanted to get away. Especially since I couldn't take physical action without getting some sort of punishment."
"That will continue on for the rest of your life, so why run"
"While I'm here I'll learn how to be myself and establish my own little social kingdom, such that when I go back, I'll conduct a hostile takeover and annihilate anyone who stands in my way. Or I'll just sit alone, and intentionally keep to myself like you."
"Well that's nice."
"Shut up."
"Well we have school tomorrow. Let's get some sleep."
"Whatever. You can go to sleep if you want to, I'm gonna stay up. I'll sleep in class."
"Alright."
"It's kind of nice having someone who is almost exactly like you."
"Yup. Having another hammer of truth is kind of nice. Especially when it can actually take care of business.
"Don't think that I'm your personal thug."
"Okay, just shut up and go to sleep."
"Fine."
Hachiman and Hanma walked into class the next day with their usual dead fish gaze and carefree slouch. The rest of the class began their inspection of the stranger the moment he walked into the room. His jet black hair matched his bronzed skin nicely, while his 170 cm frame nicely filled his uniform. As Hachiman sat down Hanma began to introduce himself.
"Yo. I'm Shinjitsuno Hanma. Pleasure to meet you," he said with his uncaring gaze still plastered on. He went to his seat behind Hachiman, hung up his bag, took off his blazer, and plopped his on his desk and began to sleep.
"Umm, Hanma-kun?" Hiratsuka asked.
"Ugh," Hanma muttered under his breath. "Yo."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah."
"Then why is your head down?"
"Cuz I want to sleep."
"You should have slept last night."
"See, I would have, but I was too busy not caring about what I was gonna learn."
Hiratsuka's eyebrows twitched like she was about to lose it.
"What was that?"
"Sorry, let me say it a little louder. I DON'T CARE."
"Why don't you come up here so you can taste the-"
"Why don't you stop focusing on me and focus on getting married? Surely that's more important than me determining my own future."
Hiratsuka's shocked face matched everyone else's in the room except for Hachiman, who was on the brink of bursting into laughter.
"You little-"
"I mean really sensei, if my future is certain with respect to all aspects of life, and yours isn't, who needs more work?" she just gritted her teeth. "I know! Let's have a bet! If I can get an A on every single one of my next exams, you can leave me alone with respect to school. And once you get a fiancée, wait no that's too far ahead, a boyfriend, I'll leave you alone too? Wait hold on, that's not right, I'm never proactive about anything. Ignore your condition, let's only take the first. Deal?"
Hiratsuka now had a devilish grin and a twinkle in her eyes. There was no way this little brat could accomplish such a feat. "Alright Hanma, you're on." Before she had even finished her response, Hanma's head had already hit the desk with a resounding thud followed by soft breathing. At this point it had become too much for Hachiman. He burst out laughing only to regain composure after a couple seconds and went back to looking at the teacher with his same unemotional gaze.
Later that day, Hiratsuka brought in Hachiman and Hanma to talk about an essay that they had written. 'These two are so depressing.' She thought as the two sat down in front of her.
"So whattup sensei?" Hanma asked.
"I'm a bit concerned about you two."
"How so?" Hachiman inquired.
"You two are the most depressed teenagers I have ever seen. You're essays gave me some concern, as they only talk about how everything is fake and hypocritical."
"Well it's true," Hanma said.
"No it's not! You two should be enjoying your youth. This is a once in a lifetime experience."
"My ass."
"What was that?"
"I said that you're wrong. Life doesn't change. Once you realize that, you realize that the way that you are is likely going to be the same for the rest of your future unless you change. In which case you are making a compromise with life as if it will compromise along with you. It won't. You are changing the way you act, not the way you think, therefore not your nature. You are living a lie as you aren't remaining true to your nature. That is fact. And it is also fact that those who refuse to compromise will remain ostracized by the rest of the world unless they create their own society in which case the cycle will start again and again and again. Life isn't pretty. It is an ugly beast which rears its head to those who dare to live their own, different way."
Hiratsuka remained dumbfounded at the teenager's logic. It was flawless, but it was depressing, reeking of a deeper hurt than expected in one so young. And similarly in Hachiman as he coldly stared at her. But she had already made up her mind.
"Well you two are going to join the Service Club here. Hopefully that will change your outlook on life."
"How many people are in it?" Hachiman asked.
"Just one."
"Okay."
"But Hachiman!" Hanma exclaimed.
"If I haven't heard about it, it doesn't get much attention, and with just one member, we won't be so annoyed with the both of us there. Plus it's not like we have anything else to do."
"Fine." Hanma said with his displeasure on full display.
As the two walked into the Service Club, they were slightly surprised to find a rather attractive girl sitting at the table, reading a novel.
"Well, at least the eye candy is nice," Hanma remarked.
"Whatever, she's just a bitch," Hachiman replied.
The solemn girl looked up from her book, and gave the boys a cold stare followed by, "Instead of attempting to tear me down before you even meet me, how about you too improve yourselves such that your sense of inferiority disappears."
"That's why you're a bitch," Hanma said.
"Because I speak the truth?"
"No because you automatically assume you're better than us."
"But I am."
"What and who is 'better' is a relative matter. To say that one is better as a definitive statement implies that said person considers themselves to be the ultimate authority of life, a god if you will. I believe it to be pompous and arrogant to assert one's self as a god despite the fact that they are still human just like the rest of us. They are the result of two similar animals' sexual intercourse, composed of the same atoms that make up the rest of the world. They are a machine, programmed with adaptive capabilities that have no higher purpose but to propagate their genetic code. They are just as worthless as the rest of us. They don't matter. So therefore they have no right to consider themselves as the ultimate authority of life." Hanma explained.
"So you're offhanded and rude comment of 'bitch' is also pretentious and contradictory to your statement."
"But of course, everyone is so why should I be any different. I just told you that we are all the same, yet we are different. Both your own and my perspectives are different, and as such so our values, but in terms of absoluteness, our own values are worthless."