A/N: Can anyone say "massive boredom"? ... I knew you could. Gold star for all!
Seven days. It took me seven days to fix this up. It's the product of a "tee hee" comment that went too far. Please keep in mind, this is not supposed to be a carbon copy. This is a parody. And a funny one at that. Obviously, because you clicked on it, possibly thinking to yourself "What the fuck?". You're just as intrigued by the idea as I am/was. Don't lie.
And, if I have killed off your favorite robot, please refrain from tracking me down and killing me. I'd appreciate that.
Do I own Transformers? No.
Do I own Saw? No.
Satisfied? Content? Read on.
Sawformers
Starscream woke with a start, his spark and processor aching. He groaned, held his head and looked around. He caught a glint of something in the reservoir water, but shrugged it off. There was a soft, flickering light coming from the middle. He couldn't make out what it was, but was grateful for the light.
"Help.. Someone help me! Is someone here? Hey!" Starscream took in a breath, "Oh, slag. I'm probably offline."
"Unfortunately, you're not." Starscream yelped, as something shifted on the other reservoir's side.
"Megatron?" Starscream noticed a cable going under his chest plate, connected to the reservoir's floor. Looking down, he noticed he also had one.
"What the slag are these?" Megatron said nothing, but gazed at the light. Starscream tugged at his cable, and felt his very spark being squeezed. He hollared out, in agony.
"Don't pull on them." Megatron spoke, offhandedly. Starscream narrowed his optics.
"Thanks for telling me, oh, mighty Megatron." Megatron simply smirked.
Starscream felt around the area around him, and came across a primitive earth device: a tape recorder. Megatron glanced over at him, as Starscream pressed the Play button. A distorted voice crackled out of the speakers.
"Rise and shine, Starscream. You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you go offline in. Don't bother transforming, or your spark will be crushed. Up until now, you've simply sat in the shadows watching others live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror? Now, I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself go offline here today, Starscream, or do you do something about it?" The tape shuttered, and clicked to a stop. Starscream blinked, and raised his head to Megatron.
"I don't get it."
Megatron shook his head.
"How did I end up stuck with you, of all bots?" Starscream shrugged.
"How should I know? All I know is I go into recharge mode in my slaghole quarters and now I wake up in an actual slaghole." Megatron groaned and looked down.
The water in the reservoir wasn't very high, sitting down, it only came to their ankles, so when Megatron looked down, he noticed a tape recorder as well. Picking it up, he hit Play. The same voice spoke.
"Megatron, this is your wake-up call. Everyday of your life you have given people the news that they'll be taken offline by your hands. Now you will be the cause of life. Your aim in this game is to not take Starscream offline. You have until six on the clock to be civil." Megatron grimaced. Civil? With Starscream? "In case you haven't noticed, that is Optimus Prime in between you and Starscream. Watching you and Starscream bumble around, I took the liberty of taking him offline, myself. There are many ways to lose, so be careful of your actions. If you do offline Starscream by six, then all chances of you surviving to rule Cybertron will be terminated, Megatron... and I'll leave you in this room to rust. Let the game begin." Megatron's jaw dropped in disbelief.
This person.. offlined Optimus Prime? Surely this was some cosmic joke. Starscream felt irked that he wasn't able to take out Prime, himself, but was grateful Megatron hadn't done it, either.
"So..." Starscream spoke, breaking Megatron's thoughts. "We've got to be civil for the next seven mega-cycles and twenty-five cycles?" Megatron gently bashed his own head against he wall behind him.
It would be a long seven mega-cycles.
"It appears we're at the mercy of a Cog Killer clone."
"A who-what, now?" Megatron groaned. A very long seven mega-cycles.
"Where to start with you..."
Prowl and Bumblebee stepped into the crime scene. Sari glanced up and and smiled, but it soon dropped, as she turned back to the gruesome scene. Blackout was trapped in the middle of the room surrounded by laser-wiring.
Blackout woke and shot up, grazing himself on a laser. He cried out in pain and shock,and glanced about. Everywhere was lasers, and no gaps large enough for him to fit through.
"Hello, Blackout." the large bot looked around. "You are a perfectly healthy, sane and middle-class bot yet in the last thirty megacycles you ran a laser across your fluid cables." Blackout winced, and glanced at the ground, ashamed of the memory. "Did you cut yourself because you truly wanted to be offline or did you just want some attention? Tonight, you'll show me. The irony is that is you want to be offline you just have to stay where you are, but if you want to live, you'll have to cut yourself again." Blackout raised his head to the many lasers. "Find the path through the laser-wire to the exit but hurry. At 3:00 that exit will be sealed and this room will become your tomb. How much fluid will you shed to stay alive?" Blackout began to panic. He had no idea what time it was, but began to walk through the lasers, howling in pain. After many cycles, he stopped moving, unable to force himself further.
Prowl and Bumblebee shook their heads. Sari glanced up.
"That's not all." the two bots looked stunned.
"What?"
Walking into another room, lay the charred remains of another bot. It was difficult to figure out who it once was.
Blitzwing woke in the room, rubbing his head.
"Ugh, my aching processor." his face quickly whipped around.
"Who dared attack me? I will crush them into a ball!"another quick spin,
"And then I shall play basketball with them!" he laughed, manically, but quickly stopped as a new voice spoke.
"Hello, Blitzwing. If you are so sick then why do I have so many photos of you up and about? Let's put your so called "illness" to the test. Right now, there's a slow-acting string of Cosmic Rust in your cables. The antidote is inside the safe- the combination to the safe is written on the wall. Hurry up and program it in but watch your step." Blitzwing took his Icy face, and began to walk towards the wall, and stepped on slippery floor. He gasped, nearly falling over, and glowered.
"By the way, that's a flammable substance on your body, so I would be careful with that temper if I were you... or all the people you've burned with your act just might have their revenge." Blitzwing frowned, and continued on towards the wall, stepping carefully. He made it to the wall, braced himself against it, and went the length of the wall, looking for any sign of a combination. The longer he took, the more angry he got. Blitzwing did his best to keep his temper.
"Where is that combination?" he mumbled. He lost his footing, slammed to the ground, and lost his cool.
"I've had it! I'll just torch the safe!" Turning around, Blitzwing aligned his cannons with the safe, and lit his torch - along with himself.
Sari glanced over at Prowl and Bumblebee.
"We also found a small peep hole over on that wall," she pointed to the wall farthest from the charred remains. Prowl frowned.
"So,he watched his victims?"
"Looks like it." Bumblebee walked towards the hole, but kicked a small object. Kneeling down to examine it,it was a small shard of it up, he brought it back to Prowl and Sari.
"Look what I found."
"What, in the name of the Allspark, is all this about?" Megatron frowned, as Prowl pulled his arms behind his back, and secured his wrists in stasis cuffs.
"Just come quietly with us, Megatron." Infuriated, Megatron turned to Swindle.
"Take care of things while I'm out, and don't mess up!" Swindle frowned as Megatron left.
Starscream kept quiet, leaning against the wall. Suddenly, a thought hit him.
"Soundwave!" Megatron looked over.
"What are you prattering on about?" Starscream looked pleased as he spoke.
"I bet Soundwave is behind all this!" Megatron shook his head.
"Impossible." Starscream frowned.
"Why's that?"
"Because, Soundwave's being held in a cell."
"He got caught?"
"Not quite..."
Soundwave woke, his optics shifting around the room behind his was something on his face, but what concerned him was the item in his mouth. He tensed as static was heard to his left. Turning his head, the small television's snow cleared,and a small robot lifted his head. He was small, with a red and black color red visor flashed momentarily, and the automaton spoke.
"Hello, Soundwave. You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose. The device you are wearing is hooked into your upper and lower mouthplates, and has a blaster pointing down into your very core. When the timer in the back goes off, so will the blaster and your core will be shattered beyond repair." Soundwave felt his spark flutter. "There is only one key to open the device. It's in the cosmotron of your dead cellmate. Look around Soundwave. Know that I'm not lying. Better hurry up. Live or die, make your choice."
The television clicked off. Sounwave looked around the room. Nothing but a large purple and gold femme. Sundwave felt his spark flutter once more. Could he dismantle another machine? Hearing a click and a ticking told him. Yes. Yes, he could. Soundwave lunched forward, picking up a small saber and began to stab at them femme. Her eyes popped open and cried out. Soundwave didn't stop. Soon, the femme quieted, and a key was located. Soundwave tossed aside the saber, and reached back around his head, found the lock, and quickly pulled the device off, and tossed it to the side. The timer stopped, and a single shot fired out of the barrel. Soundwave fell onto his posterior, shaking.
The door slowly creeped open, and a bell chimed. Looking over, Soundwave saw the red and black robot ride in on a small red tricycle.
"Congratulations, you're still online. Most bots are so ungrateful to be online. But not you. Not anymore." The robot shifted around on the tyke, and left the room. Soundwave sat there, staring at the door, his processor broken.
Starscream stared, his jaw slacked.
"Ouch." Megatron nodded. "Prowl and Bumblebee found him, but he was so broken, he couldn't tell them anything beyond that. Besides, he always wanted to hurt organics, not machines."Starscream nodded with this logic.
The two Decepticons sat in silence. Of course, the silence was short lived.
"I want to get out of here! I can't take it anymore!" Starscream stood, but the crushing of his spark kept him still, screaming. Megatron shook his head.
"Starscream, do shut up." The seeker glared at the higher raking bot.
"How can you just sit there? We're trapped! We might not make it out here, online!" Megatron closed his optics, as Starscream continued to ramble on. Glancing over at Optimus Prime's shell, he noticed a blaster clutched in his hand.
I could shoot him, and be rid of him. Megatron grinned. No one would know if I grabbed the blaster and shot him. I'll say I was aiming at he spark cord and missed.
"Megatron! Are you listening?"
"Unfortunately." Megatron sat there, staring at the blaster, and remembering the last time he saw his loyal Decepticons.
Lugnut stood at attention, Blackarachnia sighed, and watched as Megatron made his way from the large "throne" room, as Lugnut called it. Megatron stopped, and looked at them.
"Where is Swindle?"
"He said he was out doing his rounds, Lord Megatron." Megatron groaned. The little profit junkie couldn't wait one astrosecond without making a deal. Megatron shook his head.
"Guard the compound."
"Yes, Lord Megatron!"
"Whatever."
After Megatron left, there was a loud clang. Lugnut spun around, as Blackarachnia fell forward. Lugnut narrowed his optic and gasped.
"You!" He was hit with a large pipe, and fell over.
Prowl and Bumblebee continue to check for clues. Prowl sat down, hit Rewind, then Play.
It was the same video Soundwave saw. Prowl figured he might find something on it. He did. Grafitti, and a distant alarm. Prowl smiled as the tape ended.
"I know where this was taped."
"And that helps us, how? The killer might be gone!" Bumblebee frowned, folding his arms, and tapped his foot. Prowl shook his head.
"We could find clues." Bumblebee blinked.
"I knew that."
The building looked abandoned. Prowl and Bumblebee stepped inside and began looking around.
"Prowl!" Prowl turned and hurried off where he heard Bumblebee. Running into the room, Prowl gawked at he sight. The red and black robot from the video lay on the table, the red visored face staring blankly at the ceiling. Next to it was a small replica of a reservoir with three robots, two on opposite walls, one laying between them. A low groan made them turn around. Sentinel Prime sat in a chair, stasis cuffed and restrained. A pair of large drills pointed to his head. He was online, but seemed to have been placed into stasis. Prowl reached over to try and pull Sentinel out of it, but heard a noise behind him.
"Bumblebee, hide." The two quickly found a place to hide, just as a large figure stepped into the room, cloak draped over his body, and a hood covering his face. As he passed them, Prowl and Bumblebee launched themselves at him. The bot fell over, pulled out a small remote, and pressed a button.
The drills roared to life, and began to burrow into Sentinel, causing him to scream. being jerked back to consciousness.
"There's a box behind your friend. one of the keys will help him out."
"Why don't we just blast the drills?" Bumblebee smirked, feeling smart.
"Are you willing to risk hitting your friend?" The smirk faded, as Prowl raced over and knocked over the box. Several card keys fell out.
"Oh, come on!" Bumblebee glanced over at Prowl, while putting stasis cuffs around one of the cloaked bot's wrist. The bot took this dropped guard and kicked Bumblebee off him. Prowl grabbed a handful of cardkeys and tried each one. Bumblebee groaned.
"That's taking too long!" He pulled out his stingers, took careful aim, and shot both drills. The drills sputtered and stopped. Prowl sighed with relief, but soon felt a saber slice against his neck. Bumblebee gasped as Prowl grabbed his neck, feeling fluids seeping through his fingers.
"Slag..." Looking over at the door, they saw the cloaked bot turn the corner and leave.
"Double slag." Bumblebee quickly took off after the cloaked mech.
"Bumblebee! Get back here!" Prowl staggered after the small,quick bot. Would it kill him to listen just once? Prowl mused.
Bumblebee continued following the cloaked mech, losing sight of him only when the latter turned a corner. "Stop running, and fight me like a mech!" Bumblebee turned a corner, and saw the cloaked bot at the other end of the hall. Bumblebee raised his stingers.
"Don't move!" The bot turned, stared at the yellow mech, and began to run. Bumblebee fired, and the cloaked bot fell. Bumblebee lowered his stingers and cautiously approached the seemingly offlined shell. Bumblebee kept his optics and audio sensors alert, expecting some form of movement from the end of the hall. As he drew closer, Bumblebee felt something tug at his leg. He glanced down, and saw a wire. He followed the wire up to a set of four blaster pointing down. Directly at him.
It was the last thing he saw, apart from four separate shots piercing his frame and internal systems.
Prowl rounded the corner, still holding his neck, in time to watch the younger, yellow bot fall to the ground. His optics widened behind his visor, as the cloaked mech stood from the ground and took off.
Megatron groaned. Starscream had yet to shut up. Megatron's last nerve was failing, and he was amazed he had lasted as long as he had.
"When I get out of here, I'm going to find the bot who did this and take him offline personally! How dare he make a mockery of Starscream?!" Megatron held his head. His processor was aching, and he vaguely wondered how much longer until he could beat Starscream to a mechanical pulp.
A radio crackle pulled him from his thoughts of killing the seeker.
"Are you quite certain Megatron will hear me?" Lugnut's voice broke through, sounding skeptical. The sound of something heavy hitting metal was heard, and a hushed voice spoke too low for Megatron to hear. He placed a finger to his head.
"Lugnut?" Starscream stopped his rant and looked around.
"Where? I don't see him." Megatron glared.
"Quiet, you!"
"Lord Megatron, don't trust Starscream!"
"I already know that, Lugnut. Tell me something I don't know."
"I'm being held by - " the communication broke off, and static filled the airway. Megatron frowned. Starscream stared at him.
"What did he say?" Starscream asked. Megatron shook his head.
"Nothing I don't already know." There was a silence, before Megatron spoke.
"Swindle."
"Pardon?" Starscream looked over at Megatron. Megatron shook his head.
"Swindle probably thinks he's going to make a profit. He probably set his up, and when he comes to 'save the day', he'll get a reward." Glancing over at Optimus Prime's shell, he kicked out with his leg. "When I get my hands on him..."
"Are you sure it's Swindle? This doesn't seem like something he'd do." Starscream frowned. Megatron slammed his fist into the water.
"Starscream, I have had enough of your endless chatter, now shut up!" His fist connected with a rock, which he picked up and threw at the Seeker's head. The rock connected, and Starscream howled in pain. "No more civility!" A soft beep was heard. A chime rang out six times, and all was quiet.
Swindle heard it all, and shook his head.
"Megatron, you just lost your last few loyalists." Megatron blinked.
"Swindle, you let me out of this Pit, now! I'm tired of playing your games!" A soft radio chatter was heard, and Lugnut spoke, almost regretting what he was about to say to his glorious leader.
"Lord Megatron. You ... failed." Swindle cut off the communication link and turned to Lugnut. Blackarachnia was leaning against the wall.
"Did you really think he'd last seven mega-cycles with Starscream?" she spat at the large, purple mech. Lugnut said nothing. Swindle grinned.
"Well, I guess there's nothing left to do now, but take you two offline." Blackarachnia's optics widened.
"You can't do that! You promised!" Swindle laughed.
"You think I keep my promises? I sell to the highest bidder, and you my dear lady are not the highest bidder." The half organic femme glared.
"Why you - " Swindle raised his cannon, but was thrown to the side. Prowl stood where Swindle once was, and frowned.
"I finally caught you." Swindle blinked, and held his head.
"What in the name of the Allspark are you talking about?" Prowl took a step forward. He took out a blaster and aimed it at Swindle. The latter bot yelped and dodged the blast. Not to be outclassed, Swindle returned fire. Prowl dove out of the way, and the shoot-out commenced.
During the mayhem, Lugnut grabbed Blackarachnia's wrist and tugged her out of the room.
"We must find Lord Megatron!" Swindle snapped his head towards the fleeing figures and narrowed his optics.
"No!" He stood and chased after them, followed closely by Prowl.
Megatron roared, and grabbed onto the spark cord. Starscream's optics widened.
"What do you think you're doing?" Megatron ignored the Seeker, and with one great pull, and a massive amount of pain and fluid spilling, Megatron tore the cord away.
"I think I'm going to what I should have done from the very beginning!" He stomped over to Optimus Prime's shell, tore the blaster out of his dead adversary's hand and shot Starscream. The Seeker slumped forward.
Above the reservoir, Prowl and Swindle began to grapple with each other. Swindle gained the upper hand, and threw Prowl to the ground and shot him. Prowl's body jerked, before going offline. Swindle panted, his spark flickering with excitement. He turned around, and carefully descended into the reservoir.
Megatron turned, seeing Swindle jump into the water next to Starscream's shell. He grinned at Megatron, who glared.
"Well, Megatron. Looks like I no longer require your services." Swindle aimed his blaster at Megatron, who raised Optimus Prime's blaster. Before either could shoot, Starscream grabbed the intergalactic salesman's leg and pulled him to the ground. Swindle called out in shock, as Starscream glared down at him.
"I'm the one who will kill Megatron!" Starscream tore Swindle's blaster out of his hand and fired.
Megatron shot off his own blaster, breaking the one Starscream held. The Seeker called out in shock and irritance, holding his hand. Megatron brought his hand to his chest plate, more fluids falling rapidly to the reservoir's floor, mixing with the water, and rushing away.
"Great, now get me out of this Pit, Megatron." Starscream spat, looking up at the Decepticon leader. Megatron mearly grinned.
"I think I'll go for help. Don't want to damage your circuits trying to escape, do you?" Starscream's optics widened once more.
"You can't be serious! Get back here, Megatron! Megatron!" The leader transformed, and flew up and out of the resevoire, more fluids sputtering to the ground, and slowly made his way out. Megatron would not give Starscream the pleasure of knowing his spark was sputtering like a flame in the wind.
The Seeker glared and pounded the water, splashing the shell that was once Swindle. Looking at his new dead cellmate, Starscream noticed a tape recorder attached to his hip. Starscream pulled it off, and pressed Play.
"Hello Swindle. I want you to make a choice. There is a string of slow-acting Cosmic Rust coursing through your wires, which only I have the antidote for. Will you take two innocent bots offline to save yourself? Listen carefully, if you will. There are rules."
Water shifting caused Starscream to turn his head. "Clumsy Seeker." Optimus Prime's body twitched, and began to stand. Starscream's jaw dropped as Prime's body then began to shift into a form he recognized, not as an enemy, but an old ally. The tall, purple mech with a singular red optic.
A glint of something in the reservoir water. A small, shining item glinting in the light. A key. His key. A key to escape. Gone.
"S-shockwave?!" the covert agent fixed Starscream with a stare, before speaking.
"Most bots are so ungrateful to be online. But not you. Not anymore..."
Shockwave fixed his optic on the small femme before him. Fluids pooled beneath her offlined shell. Turning his head, he spoke to Megatron, the leader's blaster still smoking.
"Lord Megatron, was that truly necessary? She did not know anything."
"She was of no use to us."
"Violence - "
"Violence is always the answer, Shockwave! Do not forget that, or you may wind up in the femme's place!" Shockwave outwardly winced, as the Decepticon leader turned and left.
"And never disobey a direct order. When I say terminate, I mean terminate."
He turned and walked out of the reservoir. As he did so, the tall stone door began to close. Starscream panicked and began to lunge towards it. His spark was squeezed, and he howled in agony. Shockwave turned from the other side of the door.
"Game over!"
"Don't! Don't!" The door closed with a thud. No where to go, the water now would fill the reservoir, leaving Starscream under water, rusting. The Seeker freaked.
"No!"