Chapter I: It's Not Safe For You Here
The air in my bed chambers was cool and refreshing. Ben had left the curtains parted and outside there was nothing but stars and darkness. In the bed next to me he slept so peacefully and quietly. I rubbed his back softly in circles and he fell into an even deeper slumber. He deserves this kind of peace. I lifted myself up off the bed gently and brought my my legs to dangle over the side. The nibbles of hairs stood up when they reached the cold. I padded across the room towards the closet. There wasn't much to choose from, I had many pairs of the same knit black robes. I pulled the coarse fabric over my head and tied the belt loosely over my waist. Under the fabric my womb was starting to swell. My hands grasped my belly and I smiled looking at my dim figure in the mirror.
Back on my home planet of Naboo the sunrises were beautiful and the sunsets were captivating. Here on the Command Ship there was no sun to rise, only endless miles of space and darkness. Across the room I heard the faint sounds of sheets crinkling. Ben was waking up slowly. I pulled his tunic and long black pants out of the drawer and placed them on the dressing table. In all of the craziness of the world it was amazing to still be husband and wife. Despite the darkness and the pain that the First Order was capable of, we were still young people in love... expecting a child... trying to get by everyday.
"Are you awake?" My whispers cut through the silence and stillness of the grey room. I heard more restlessness before his head peaked through the sheets and blankets. His head turned from side to side, looking dazed and confused. His eyes met mine and his full, pink lips curved into a subtle smile.
"Didn't we just go to sleep?" I giggled shyly and nodded. Crumpling up the knit black fabric of his clothing in my hands I threw it across the room towards him. With lightening fast reflexes he caught it mid air. I turned back towards the mirror and started braiding my long white hair. Growing up as a child my mother had the ladies in waiting do my hair, they braided it and pinned it to my head in the most intricate of fashions. Now I just wore it crowned around my head. There were some parts of Naboo I never gave up. The Scar of Remembrance was still painted upon my lips and the two cheek adornments, representing "Balance" and "Symmetry". These were the guiding principles of my life. In another life, another time I was meant to be the Queen of Naboo, like my mother was before me. I sat in front of the mirror a long time thinking of how quickly and drastically one's life can change. As I closed my eyes I felt my husband's arms tighten around my waist, "When you think too much you begin to worry... this worry is not becoming of you".
"I know... I'm sorry... I am just concerned that maybe our baby won't ever know where I come from. They may never lie on the shores of the lake or dance through the waterfalls. This galaxy may become too dark and too painful and they will live a whole life without a single smile."
"There is no way that our child will have you as a mother and not smile or laugh or feel the beauty of life surrounding them. You are the only thing that brings complete lightness to a dark world that envelops me."
"Sometimes I feel just like the vessel that is carrying another future Sith Lord into this world... I don't want all this for our baby... I'm sorry."
"You know what this was like before you married me and before you got with child. Asteria, this world... these choices... yes they are difficult at times, but you knew completely what you were getting yourself into. This is not in anyway a surprise. There is no leaving. We will find happiness here and will create a life for ourselves."
"I don't know if I can stay anymore. I'm sorry Ben." His grip loosened from my swollen belly. In a quick second I was flying through the air, my airways tightening with every passing moment. I tried to scream but the room was silent. When he finally dropped me my body collapsed from the air onto the bed and I began to sob quietly. I knew I was angering him, and in so many ways he was right, we had gotten into the mess together. I had no right to leave the side of my husband. I closed my eyes and listened as he left the chamber, the sounds of his boots were rough against the marble flooring.
My mother would have said that I married a monster. Most people I knew would say that I was getting exactly what was coming for me, that there was too much blood on my hands and this was karma. The man I had married and fell in love with had a timid soul... his name was Ben Solo... he came from a long line of power and Jedis. The man that had laid in my bed this morning, the man that had sent me flying across the room on a whim was Kylo Ren. Though they inhabited the same body, they were very different men.
I gathered my thoughts together and walked back over to the mirror at my vanity. Channeling the force I brought the lights to a dim glow. Balance and serenity. That was the way of Naboo, it was ingrained in who I was. He didn't mean to hurt me. He'll never do it again. Besides for being Ben's most trusted companion and confidant onboard the First Order command ship, I was part of a deliberating council and a key decision maker in regards to the training and recruitment of the Storm Troopers we used. As much as I wanted to hide away all day and pretend I was somewhere else entirely, I didn't have the option. The Supreme Leader that they called Snoke expected much out of me. I wasn't just a pretty girl they picked up in some raid- I was a born Jedi with strong sense of the Force. If the first order were to ever have a Queen, I would be it.
So I made my way out of hiding, leaving behind the cool refreshing air of my quarters and ventured to the bridge of the ship. Ben was nowhere to be found and I felt at peace with that. We were not ready or prepared to face each other quite yet. "It's nice to see you looking so... well rested... Asteria." The wormy voice that spoke came from the General called Hux. I didn't care for his smug face or his terrible knack of throwing everyone else to the curb when it suited him most. "You must have slept very, very well." His eyes were transfixed on my neck which showed signs of the morning's incident.
"A good leader never sleeps well Hux. Which is why I suppose you're always so well rested and chipper in the mornings." I smiled my most diplomatic and lovely smile and turned towards the massive screens. "How are things looking today?"
"You just missed Ren. He's gone to have a meeting with some of the engineers in Bay 5. Snoke has ordered the building of two supercraft. One for me to head... and one for you and Ren. It's getting... crowded... and we wouldn't want to step on each other's toes now. We are bridging on important times."
"I think that's a surprisingly good idea. How fast can we get two ships completed?"
"Within the next couple of months as long as we keep moving on without any trouble from the Resistance", his eyes once again traveled to my neck and then down the remainder of my body, "Of course if there is trouble in paradise... I'm sure there is always room for another body in my ship".
"I would rather fall into a pit of molten lava than spend one second confined to a ship with you. Besides you would feel so inadequate when everyone aboard would know I'm a much better General... and leader... than you."
His throat tightened, he wasn't angry at my words so much as he was furious that I was right. "You may go now. There is no work for you up here."
I pursed my lips, smiled, and sauntered out of the bridge with grace and delicacy. Ren would have been impressed. There was nobody who hated Hux more than him. Too many times Hux had used him as a scapegoat in front of Supreme Leader.
I walked towards my chambers, feeling content to hide away for the rest of the afternoon. As the cool metal doors slid open I turned to one of the Storm Troopers following behind me, "Send one of the girls with some food. I am famished. Send enough for two people." He nodded curtly and walked away. As I made my way into the sitting room I caught a glimpse of Ben sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands. He was gently sobbing. "I'm not angry..." My voice trailed off as he looked up at me.
"I made a huge mistake." He stood up and moved towards me with open arms. Scooping me up into his arms I nuzzled my head into his chest. Though he would always have the face of a young man, his body was chiseled from years of wielding a heavy lightsaber.
"We will figure everything out in due time... I'm not angry."
"You need to get off the command ship Asteria. This is no home for you or the baby. We will make arrangements, I will figure something out. It's not safe for you here", the tears were all again back... streaming down his gorgeous face... "Snoke knows you're with child... he wants our baby... and once the child arrives he wants you dead".
And suddenly we were sobbing together showing the most raw and unfiltered emotions. For the first time in years I was scared, I feared that my life was not safe, even with my most trusted companion by my side.