Random Fandom
Rocking back and forth from the heel to the ball to the heel again on her feet,Silva De Underworld,Great Goddess of Impossibility, pinched her mouth unhappily. She only had a vague idea where and when she was,and her pocket-space-shoulder-bag (which hung from her right hip) was biting into her shoulder with it's great weight. In addition,her leg joints were being screwy and moving all over the place again,which is all in all a painful and irritating process. Sitting flat on the forest floor,she splayed her legs wide as her secondary joint migrated from mid-thigh to heel to calf and then began the whole trip over again. To distract herself,she pulled out her laptop(recently stolen back from that irritating computer hog Alucard) and decided to look up her favorite thing- fanifiction. It was thus,her concentration totally taken up,that she did not register the masculine presences that slowly approached her,nor heard thier voices,which were steadily getting louder and louder.
Kakuzu and Hidan were on their way back to the base when they were startled by a loud,angry cry coming from about ten feet in front of them,right behind the large tree in their way. "BYAKUYA KUCHIKI YOU GODDAMNED MIL DE FIESH KAMÁ(1)!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HIT YOUR MATE, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S GODDAMN PREGNANT?!?!" The furious howl- which was distinctly female -was accompanied by the sound of someone jumping to their feet and hopping around,slamming fists or feet into trees and the earth viciously. Put on guard,Kakuzu signaled Hidan and they silently separated,circling around the tree in a pincer movement. The sight they were met with was far from typical. On the ground was a silver laptop computer,slimmer than anything they'd ever seen, and it appeared to have words scrolling across it written in white against a black background. Jumping around the small clearing,literally "hopping mad",was the strangest creature they'd ever laid eyes on. The general body structure was that of a human female,and yet so much more. From her temples,curling back and around,were two massive black horns with wickedly pointed tips,which angled downward slightly. On her hands and what they could see of her toes from beneath her long pants, sharp-looking black claws decorated each finger and toe,and out of a small hole in the back of her pants a five-foot long tail with a sythe blade attatched to the tip whipped back and forth furiously. Her hair,the color of molten silver,was bound in a low ponytail and hung down to rest directly between her shoulder blades,each of which sported one massive wing,folded down so tightly it laid flat against her back. It also appeared,though it was hard to tell with the bottom hem of her pant legs riding up and back down,that the heel of her foot was actually an extra joint,the ball of her foot being the only part that was actually used as a foot.
Abruptly the.....'female'......dropped to her haunches,knees cracking loudly at the sudden movement,in front of the computer. Her hand was on the far right of the keyboard,extrodinarily long fingers splayed,and her eyes flicked left to right rapidly,over and over,as the words started to move down. She must be reading whatever it was,Kakuzu surmized. A few minutes of silences passed,but Hidan,being on her left,noted as her tail whipped by his ear that the longer she read,the more quickly her tail snapped from side to side,appearing to be an expression of her growing agitation. It was when her tail started to coil up tightly,close to her body,that Hidan decided to diffuse her tension. He stepped into her preipherial vision and announced himself with an abnormally quiet,"Oi,who're you?" The female's head twisted around so fast it was a blur,and it was then that the immortal found out her eyes were a silver so bright they glowed. After a moment of looking at him,her eyes lost thier dazed sort of fury and she stood gracefully to offer Hidan a bow. "Silviana De Underworld,at your service." She sniffed lightly,then grinned,showing off incredibly large and sharp canine teeth. "I can smell ya,dark-skin. Get yer ass outta them bushes." Kakuzu emerged,green-black eyes cold,and Silva used her hands to smooth out her still-coiled tail. "I apologize for my bluntness,but I am rather....upset at the moment. I do know what I am reading is fiction, but it causes strong reactions in me anyway." Kakuzu simply glared at her,silent,while Hidan stepped closer to her,interested. "Really? What kind of fiction?" She looked at him,then her computer,and frowned. "Hmmm....you don't know these characters.....I'll show you something closer to home. Give me a minute." She crouched again in front of the laptop,Hidan next to her,and typed something in with quick taps of her fingers.
Music started to play,in a language they didn't understand,and soon Kakuzu noticed that something very strange was happening to Hidan- the longer he looked at the screen,the more darkly he blushed. Curious,Kakuzu came up beind Hidan and watched as well. He immediately got a nosebleed and blushed as well,and without realizing it he began to grip Hidan's shoulders. Observing this reaction out of the corner of her eye,Silva grinned and said softly,"This,my friends,is what is called 'KakuHida Doujinshi'. There are others as well- some more explicit,some less. I can let you borrow my laptop to check it out,if you like." Hidan frowned,but did not move his eyes from the images on the screen; it was like watching Kakuzu tear someone's heart out- so disgusting and somehow private,and yet once you started watching you couldn't look away. "But this is all fucking in some other goddamn language. How would we fuckin' work it?" Silva, seeing the first video had ended,clicked on another one and this one Hidan and Kakuzu could understand both the singing and the written words; they understood all too well. Silva rose from her crouched place so Kakuzu could occupy it and walked off into the forest,snapping her fingers loudly as she did. Her magick set the computer so the settings,keys,and everything else were in Japanese,ensuring Kakuzu and Hidan would have no trouble with it. Walking into the forest and leaving the partners to discover the great wide world of thier own yaoi fanbase(she distantly heard Hidan's cry of "GOOD GODDAMN,IS THAT FUCKING TONGUE?! IT FUCKING IS!!"),Silva hummed the latest tune stuck in her head quietly before singing a few bars,idly swinging her deadly tail with one clawed hand.
"I'm so addicted to
all the things you do
when you're goin' down on me
in between the sheets
All the sounds you make
with every breath you take
it's not like anything
when you're loving me..."
Footnotes: 1- Mil de Fiesh Kamá is Silvanish and an extremely foul oath- roughly translated it means "goddamned,bitch-fucking son of the Devil's whore" and literally "son of bitches and whores birthed by devils".