Alright first Red vs Blue fic. If you must criticize make sure it is constructive.
On a ship heading towards Blood Gulch
"Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker" Caboose kept excitedly repeating.
"Caboose for the love of fucking god shut up" Tucker said annoyed still in the Meta armor.
"But I can see where we live from here." Caboose said like the little kid that he pretty much is.
"Actually you can't see where you live. We still haven't entered the atmosphere. Therefor it is impossible to make out any" Delta was saying.
"Oh my god asshole shut up. It is bad enough Church is gone now I have to deal with you fuckers." Tucker said while reaching his hand inside the helmet to try to soothe his headache.
"Affirmative I will log out now." Delta said as he vanished.
"Caboose just go talk to wash I need to be alone." Tucker said tiredly as he walked away.
"Wash, Wash, Wash, Wash" Caboose started saying as he went off to find Washington.
Another Section of the Ship
"I can't wait to see the place that our Captains trained and lived in." Smith said to the other lieutenants.
"From what Grif has told me it is pretty much hell." Bitters said trying to be the realist.
"I bet captain Grif's room is going to be the best one." Matthews said extra loudly still trying to kiss Grif's ass.
"Remind me who thought it was a good idea to bring him along?" Palomo asked as he looked between the other lieutenants before taking a barely noticeable step back and looking at Jensen.
"Alright people we'll be entering the planet's atmosphere soon so buckle up." Kimball said as she entered the room.
"Yes ma'am." All the lieutenants said at the same time.
Red Quarters
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Grif shouted as they were descending closer to Blood Gulch.
"Grif you get outta there this instance. Things will finally go back to how there supposed to be. Just us against the blues." Sarge said as he was banging his shotgun against Grif's door.
"Lopez get outta the charging area you've had more than enough time." Simmons was saying to Lopez through a door with Grif screaming in the background.
"Preferiria ser desmontado de pasar mas tiempo con idiotas (I would rather be disassembled and stuck on this ship than spend more time with you idiots)" Lopez said through the door with Grif continuing to scream in the background.
"Lopez initiate direction compliance code Delta Echo." Sarge said to make Lopez come out with Grif still screaming in the background.
"Grif come on out it will be just like the good old times." Donut said trying to coax Grif out of the room he was in.
"No. I am not going back into that hellhole." Grif stated.
"Grif come on some of your best times where in that canyon. Along with some of your most painful Mwuhahahaha." Doc/O'Malley stated.
"Grif either you get out here or we drag you back to Blood Gulch and make sure you eat nothing but MRE's for the rest of your life." Sarge said as he was about to shoot the door down.
"Fine. Also Simmons, Shotgun." Grif said as he opened the door.
"Shotgun, fuck." Simmons said calling it too late.
Hallways near the reactor room
"Wash why are you acting like every single wire is a death trap?" Carolina asked Wash a little irritated due to how long it was taking them to reach the cargo bay.
"Probably because the last time I tripped on a wire it shut down the ship." Wash said more to himself than to Carolina.
"Wait what did you say?" Carolina asked interested.
"Nothing let's just move on." Wash said trying to keep the conversation away from their last attempted ride to Blood Gulch.
"In all honesty I am glad the fighting is going to stop for a while. I think everyone needs a break." Carolina said fully changing the topic.
"Believe me with how the Reds and Blues are they are going to be at each other's throats within an hour after we land." Wash said to remind Carolina just how long that break would last.
"We'll just have to deal with that when it happens." Carolina said a little cheerful.
"Wash, Wash, Wash." Caboose could be heard faintly repeating.
"Ok excuse me while I go and hide." Wash said as he sprinted down the hallway looking for a good place to hide.
2 hours later
"Here we are ladies and robots. Home sweet home." Sarge said as they stepped off the ship into Blood Gulch.
"Great. Back in this shithole of a canyon." Grif said holding the Grif Shot. Then behind him a few giant metal crates rolled down the ramp and landed on top of his.
"Grif if your dead don't knock. If your alive wait until you suffocate." Sarge said gleefully as he stared at the crates. As a knocking sound could be heard.
"I think Grif is still alive sir." Simmons said while trying to move the crates.
"Drats. In that case when you move the crates off him I'll blast him with my shotgun." Sarge said as he aimed his shotgun.
"What is in these crates cars?" Wash asked as he was also trying to move the crates.
"Hurray buttons. Beep bop boop beep boop bop beep beep bop boop." Caboose said as he ended up typing the release code into the lock and out of the crate rolled a tank. After it finished rolling out everyone was finally able to push one crate off Grif while Sarge blasted Grif's legs with his shotgun.
"Ow." Grif said a bit weakly.
"More buttons." Caboose said as he ended up trying in the release codes on the other crate and out of it rolled a warthog and a ghost.
"Dibs on this crate." Donut said as he ran and jumped into the ghost and drove circles around the crate while everyone else pushed the crate off Grif and Sarge shot Grif in the back.
"Ow! Sarge what is your problem with me besides the fact that I am lazy?" Grif said as he stood back up.
"Because your also insubordinate and I don't stand for that." Sarge said as he was preparing another shell.
"Hey Sarge don't you think it's time we picked sides?" Simmons said to distract Sarge from Grif.
"What?" Everyone but Simmons said at once.
"Ya pick who will be on Red team and Blue team for the battle we are going to have in half an hour." Simmons said explaining things.
"What is all this noise going on?! I was raiding the medical cabinet for any fucking drugs left and out of nowhere a freaking ship comes down. Oh hey big brother how are you doing?" Sister shouted then asked as she walked up to the group.
"Como diablos es usted no ha muerto? (How the fuck are you not dead)?!" Lopez asked shocked that he didn't kill her.
"Well Mr. Grey guy I am very resilient." Sister said as she glared evilly at Lopez from under her helmet.
"Simmons I believe you owe me $50." Grif said quite pleased.
"Fuck." Simmons said as he handed the money to Grif.
"Alright everybody get into a line. I think it would be fitting to say that the people in charge of the two teams should be me in charge of Red Team and Tucker in charge of Blue Team." Sarge said as everybody started getting into a line.
"Wait why the fuck did you pick me?" Tucker said as he stood next to Sarge away from the line.
"Because I gotta make it interesting somehow." Sarge said as everybody but him and Tucker finished getting into a line.
"Alright I am going to take Wash as the first person on my team." Tucker said as he pointed at Wash.
"Alright then." Wash said as he stood by Tucker.
"Lopez you're on Red team." Sarge said as he pointed to Lopez.
"Vete a la mierda. (Fuck you)." Lopez said as he reluctantly walked over to Sarge knowing that Sarge had a code for every contingency.
"Doc you're going to be on Blue Team." Tucker said as he looked at where Doc had been but then noticed Doc near the middle of the canyon.
"Screw you. I am going to build a house and be neutral in this." Doc said as he went to work building a house.
"Ya I'm going to be neutral too." Carolina said as she walked over to join Doc.
"Ok then Palomo I guess you get to be on Blue Team." Tucker said.
"Thank you Captain." Palomo said as he stood by Tucker.
"Donut you're going to be on Red Team so we can understand Lopez." Sarge said as he started eyeing Doc with suspicion.
Over by the cliffs a figure was looking through a sniper rifle scope and then walked into a cave as the selecting of the teams was finished.
Alright so feel free to review. Also I am going to have a poll over a few things.
Should Lopez get his voice chip fixed?
Should Lopez become a disembodied head again?
Should Carolina and Doc join one of the two teams and which team if yes?
Should Junior appear at some point?