Disclaimer: I don't own south park, which is a good thing cuz it would totally suck Cartman's balls.

I had been watching him all day, and plotting against him for the longest time.. every movement he made, every twitch of his eye, each turn of his head. So many times I had looked into those large, deep, blue eyes and tried to hide what I felt. The pity , the loathing, but also the desire. Why did it have to be this way? I was being consumed by my hate, my anger, but I didn't care. Tonight was the night.
I can remember it so clearly.. It was just a few days ago... The hallway was dark, I could hear the others talking somewhere downstairs, but they weren't in my line of sight. That was a good thing, I didn't need anyone witnessing what I was about to do.. my head was swimming as I approached his door and placed my hand on the door knob to open it. He trusted me, and I felt bad about that. I pitied him and part of me despised myself. His mind was always open to me, but I never returned the same courtesy. I regret that now.

I peered into the dim room, saw his eyes look up at me from something that he had been reading. I could feel my body tremble as the light blue orbs settled on me. My grip tightened on the gun that I held behind my back, I could hear him breathing. He smiled at me, then asked me what was wrong... I didn't answer him. I hate the look that was in his eyes, a look of concern. He shouldn't have cared so much. It will always haunt me.

Then there was fear, so much fear that it was intoxicating. I could feel his fear as I touched his skin and threw him up against the wall. His eyes were wide, his face froze in an expression of shock, the room felt like it was full of electricity as I pressed the gun against his chest. He didn't stand a chance.

"E-Eric , why?" He asked me, he was trying not to tremble, trying to hold his fear inside. Butters was always bad at hiding things...

I shook my head sadly and told him not to ask me why, it was too complicated to explain. Before he could say more, I pulled the trigger. I tried to stop myself, I swear that I did, but I couldn't. I pulled it and his whole body stiffened, then he collapsed against me. My sweet Butters... he was bleeding...

He always told me that weapons were horrible things...

I held him tightly against me as his eyes started to grow dim.. until there was no shine left in them.. he whispered to me before he was gone.

I want you to know that I love you.

That's what he said. There was no hate in him, he didn't care that he was dying. I should have told him why, but even now I have no idea. Maybe I was angry, maybe I was afraid of him. I just don't know.

I held him for a very long time, horrible sorrow eating away at me.. why did I have to do it? I'm still holding him. It's been days. The police have been trying to find a way in... they'll find a way eventually.
I haven't eaten, haven't slept... haven't bothered to try to whipe away the blood that covers us both. I hope that I die in here too, but even if I don't... I'll tell them what happened, and if it means my death as well then that's okay. My hatred consumed me and destroyed you, Butters. If I could go back I would do anything to make sure it didn't happen, but it's too late now... nothing can ever bring you back. I've thought about turning the gun on myself, but I deserve so much worse than that..

I'm sorry... and I love you too.

I hope what happens to me is more painful...

Author's note: ok so I absolutely HATE buttman or cutters (whatever it's called) but this made a lot more sense than it would of if it was a bunny or creek (any other pairing)..

Thinking back I should have made this a CartmanxKyle thing but I also loathe that pairing. But that doesn't mean I won't write about it if I have a good plot or something.
:)

Anyways please feel free to tell me what you think, even if you hate it.

- :D