The Real Daywalkers

By Shadowagate

…...

Stan Marsh woke up and showered. After he had breakfast he looked over his IPOD and saw numerous songs by Metallica and Megadeth. He hated the tween wave crap that swept through South Park. He then laughed and lifted his bed. He pulled up a CD that was a second hand copy of a Cannibal Corpse album he got from Kenny's brother Kevin. He knew if his mom found out he had it she'd hit the motherfucking ceiling in a raging fit.

He then laughed and said to himself "oh mom you hate tween wave well that's okay I'll listen to Cannibal Corpse."

Before he could put the CD into his computer his cell phone rang. It was Kyle.

"Hey Kyle what's going on?"

Kyle said "Stan just stay in your house because we're going to be under martial law very soon."

Stan asked "what the fuck do you mean we'll be under martial law soon? Is it because of what happened in Boston?"

Kyle answered "we have real life daywalkers. They're fucking zombies it's like that song by Six Feet Under called "The Day the Dead Walked" and they killed three people outside Wal-Mart."

Stan remarked "you must be fucking kidding."

Kyle shot back "this is South Park where all the worst things that can happen will happen."

Suddenly Stan Marsh heard pounding on his door.

Stan yelled "HOLD ON DAD" and then he got back on his cell phone and said to Kyle "I have to go my dad is pounding on my door."

Stan opened his door and Randy said "pull up your internet you can get a live report about our situation. We are in trouble because at 5 AM real life daywalkers were in the Wal-Mart parking lot."

Randy pulls up a news link on Stan's computer.

The news reporter says "we go now live to South Park outside a Wal-Mart where three people were slaughtered by what are said to be real life zombies. Filling us in on details from a helicopter is a man with a pirate patch over his eye who fantasizes of being spanked by Barney the Purple Dinosaur."

The camera zooms in on the inside of a helicopter. The reporters said immediately "I do not have fantasies of being spanked by Barney the Purple Dinosaur. Now getting on to the news at hand I'm flying over the Wal-Mart where witnesses saw three large male figures chanting "daywalkers" over and over again. Then they devoured three Wal-Mart customers to nothing but bones and blood. It happened at 5AM. A local law enforcement officer by the name of Officer Barbrady was on the scene. He got on top of the roof of the Wal-Mart and everyone else got inside the Wal-Mart where they locked the doors. These daywalkers did not try to break through the doors of Wal-Mart. Officer Barbrady pulled his gun and he was going to shoot them however he realized this morning he forgot to load his gun before going on patrol today."

The reporter in the studio laughed and said "what a stupid hick town the police officer is so dumb he forgot to load his gun. Anyhow it's true that this town is under attack and it's also true that you sir love to dream of being spanked by Barney the Purple Dinosaur."

The reporter in the helicopter replied back "fuck you."

After that Stan's dad cut out of the news website and said "if we keep our doors shut we'll be okay."

Stan asked "what are these creatures? Wouldn't they bust through doors if they can eat people?"

Randy answered "we don't know but our neighbors got cell phone calls and then they called other neighbors and it's good we know about this danger. Let's just stay inside."

Stan asked "where's Uncle Jimbo he's got guns."

Randy answered "your Uncle Jimbo and Ned are out of town right now."

Stan's cell phone rang. It was Cartman.

"Cartman"

Cartman asked "hey Stan do you think Kyle will turn into a zombie and eat my balls?"

Stan answered "this is serious you fat fuck."

Cartman said "I am being serious will Kyle suck my fucking balls?"

Stan yelled "PEOPLE ARE DYING YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!"

Stan and Randy went down stairs and looked out their window.

Stan said "there are ten of them out there."

Shelly came into the living room and said "well at least they don't come through doors and windows. They just walk through the streets."

Sharon yelled "WELL THAT'S FUCKING GREAT! I MEAN THEY ONLY FUCKING EAT PEOPLE AND WHO KNOWS IF THEY JUST MIGHT COME THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR?"

Randy said "well maybe these zombies are brain dead."

Sharon commented "just like you."

Shelly and Stan laughed.

Stan's cell phone rang and it was Kyle. Kyle complained that Cartman called him up and talked about him turning into a zombie and sucking his balls. Soon police cars came roaring through and police yelled through their bullhorns "STAY INSIDE YOU ARE ALL UNDER MARTIAL LAW!"

Stan said "shit well I guess I'll go up to my room."

Shelly said "don't plan on listening to that copy of the Cannibal Corpse CD because I went into your room right after you and dad went down stairs and grabbed it. Mom has it now."

Sharon said "Stanley Marsh what on earth makes you think you can just listen to groups like this I'm your mother and I say no."

Stan turns to Shelly and says "thanks a lot you bitch!"

Shelly grabs a chair and throws it at Stan but Stan ducks and the chair goes through a window.

Randy says "Shelly you've done it now you've exposed us to the daywalking zombies."

TO BE CONTINUED